What do you do when your family doesn't accept your SO?

[Anonymous]

My crush and I want to start dating but we haven't yet. I told him to wait a little while because of my family and also some personal stuff with him.

My mom wants us to marry people of different ethnic backgrounds so we can mix it up a little. I'm black and so is my crush and mom doesn't know we like each other and stuff but she's seen us hang out and already told me I better not date him or bring him around her. My family also doesn't think he's attractive, but i like his personality so I automatically find his physiques attractive. My parents won't be happy about us dating because they think he's ugly and is the same race as me. I never thought this would be an issue but i can't be with somebody my parents don't accept☹️ but i really like him☹️ a lot☹️

[Anonymous]

Well ultimately you will be the one living w him, not them. So that is up to you, but there will be consequences. Whether that’s them not liking him for a while till they find out he’s a good man, or maybe never. Look at it from the outside. Think why don’t they like him. Do they really dislike him cause he’s black. Or is he the type who’s hanging around w not so good people. Maybe he had an attitude. Ghetto type. I don’t know. You have to take a look at that unbiasedly. Does he work. Going to school! Does he seem like he’s trying to make something of himself? Does he act like a gangster? Dress like a hoodlum? Have you asked your parents why? There has to be more to it than just him being black.

[Asker]

He's still in school😂 he does Sciences like me. Education is his one of his priorities so that's not the case. My mom makes general statements like that a lot. My parents never spoke with him and he looks quiet that's it not the gangster type at all.

[Asker]

I trust their judgements better than my own when it comes to these things. The problem is their only argument is that he's black and unattractive. My mom is very straightforward so she'd tell me if there was something otherwise

[Opinion Owner]

So then I’d that’s the only reason you either listen to her or stay w him regardless of how they feel so long as you continue to do what you need to do to succeed.

[SnowedIn]

You're between a rock and a hard place. First and foremost, respect your parents and their opinion. NOT because I think they're right (I don't, actually the opposite) but starting a war in the family solves nothing.

So, figure out what you both need. Is it exclusivity? You can tell each other you're exclusive and you don't have to make an announcement at the dinner table. Maybe you meet X number of times a week at a coffee shop and hold hands over a latte and discuss particle physics. Just figure out what works short of a marriage proposal and go with that while not explicitly disobeying your parents.

In the meantime focus on school, sports, and showing your parents you're a responsible person.

Then, when you're 18, make the decisions that are best for you.

[brezzybaby]

Say fuck em , and let them drink that haterade , if you are happy don't let no one take that from you

[Agape93]

Keep it secret until you're 28, and then they can no longer stop you.

[Agape93]

18 not 28 lol that would fucking suck

[Summeroflove]

If you’re under 18. I don’t know if your mother is being reasonable really…. But if she says no it means no dear

[Guy13]

Good luck. Family knows this kind of thing and there is a reason that you can not see. YOur relationship with one or the other will not work out. Best with both though !!!

[JamesDiaz11]

First, know that women don't choose their own lovers well. Every other culture that has arranged marriage has more successful outcomes. You can see women in their 30's, 40's who will talk about how bad their taste was in men growing up, not to mention the high divorce rate.

So, again, you're likely not choosing well.

As far as your family goes, I would side with them. Black guys are probably the worst partners, statistically, and you'd benefit from dating someone outside this demographic. The reason people bring their significant other around their family is not just to show them off, but it's to have them give an honest assessment of the person. Listen to their judgement.

[Coden7]

It would be a bigger deal if you were an adult. It’s possible your parents don’t want you seriously dating at all.


Once you are an adult, and if you meet the right guy that makes you happy. If your parents don’t like it, just don’t visit them. They’ll like him if it costs seeing you.


This isn’t to discredit all opinions of the relationship though. You should pay attention to your close circle’s opinions of your relationship. (Assuming you have great friends)

[ilikesnow]

Explain to your parents why you like him, and show them that he's a good person. I think it's okay to like someone that's the same race as you, why not?

[BJP21]

If you want to fight for love. Tell them tough shit. Especially if you're past age 18. I was in similar situation when I dated a Latina Mexican girl. Out came the stereotypes and judgements. One person I never it expected it to come from was my uncle, a deacon of a church. Needless to say they won't be attending any wedding if we ever married.

[KathrynTaylor]

I respect their feelings, find out why and then if their reason isn’t something I agree with, I disregard it and do what I want.

[Twalli]

Your parents are shallow. I could understand if they don't want you to date someone because they don't like his personality, and generally, you should listen to why your family may not like who you are dating, but in this case, it's an issue with them and not the guy you like.

[HaveNoName]

I wouldn't care about a large ass group of family members but respect my parents' views.

[kramchancel]

Im tired of this shit. Who gives a shit if your family likes your So. You are an adult your priority is your wellbeing not other people

[Asker]

I'm 16😭😭 but I get what you mean

[Rockstarrrrr]

They're usually right tbh

[jimmy2]

That can cause big problems

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆