My wife's family never did, and still doesn't approve of me, 100% it started because I'm white, and momentum just made the hate and discontent increase. They expected her to become a doctor and get together with a nice Asian man at some indefinite point in the future.
It hasn't gotten any better with having kids, though they treat our kids great. The only real solution is to never see them. I tried in the beginning to get them to like me, then I almost got into a fight with her dad, her mom had to get in the middle, since he's like a foot shorter than me, and I was carrying a gun.
Anyway, we're happy together, as long as it's just her and the kids going to see her folks, it's A-OK, they stopped talking nonsense about me after she got really upset and didn't want to see them for over a year. I did not push that decision.
It was really bumpy in the beginning of our relationship, when she told them we were dating, they kicked her out of the house and I let her move in with me. That messed her up pretty bad, needing a new phone, car, etc. I covered that, cheap shit, but it worked. After a while she broke up with me to go back and try to "make things right" only she still kept coming over, so that wasn't such an effective strategy lol
It's tough, probably the toughest I faced was dating a muslim girl, that just shut down after a while because of being so afraid to be seen in public and not just cut off from her family, but everyone she knew. I felt sorry for her, she'll probably only have a chance to date 2nd cousins or other people tight knit to the family her parents introduce if she doesn't decide to cut ties. That's a rough spot to be in.
Gosh, I’m really sorry about that. Glad you guys worked things out and are happy now!
Asians (both East and south Asians) tend to be largely endogenous. That is probably why… then again, it doesn’t justify them being racist towards you. I’m glad they’re treating your kids well though.
Don't be sorry, we're very happy together, and there's no picture perfect disney ending. Honestly if the "big problem" in our relationship is that I never see my in-laws, it isn't such a big problem, you know? Anyway, last time there was any grief over that was over 6 years ago, so it's a non-issue. My wife gets to see her family, they accept her, they accept the kids, I get along fine with her brothers.
Funny enough I think I'm just a focus of hate as both of her sisters and one of her brothers hooked up with whitey after and they just insult them in Vietnamese lol
They insisted it be a doctor? Do they realize the world needs carpenters, graphic designers, and welders too? These Asian families have such tunnel vision! You'd think they'd learn by now. This is as cliche as a little girl wearing a pink dress dreaming of owning a pony! Even as a child, I would have preferred the girl who said she wanted to learn how to fix jet skis. Or who could claim to have actually done so once. That girl, I'd find more amusing. If for no reason other than she has useful knowledge I might need one day. Of course, I wouldn't shy away from saying so. Thus, the pony worshipers hated my guts.
Never had a partner but I wouldn't care. I have a difficult relationship with my family as they have given me lots confidence issues and helped woth making my anxiety issues worse
I'm trying but also dealing with self worth issues and stuff and just trying to stop some stupid stuff I started doing. And well yeah it sucks when your parents decide since I was like 14-15 I haven't had a girlfriend so I'm gay and then it went to it's fine to be alone not everyone meets someone. But in such the way that they just think I'll be alone or in gay and not told them.
So combine all that and it ain't easy to meet anyone. I would love to get married one day but as things are with my family I wouldn't want them there.
I think you should concentrate on being more self confident. Insecurities can cause dents in relationships. Work on yourself mentally. I know that it takes time, but once you feel ready, *try* socializing with people. Baby steps. I know that it’s hard, but try.
Crack some jokes, don’t try too hard. Just be yourself
I am trying to but it's so hard. I struggle with people and now I'm really self conscious as well cause I get embarrassed easily when I try to talk to people and I don't know how to meet people but also I now have to wear long sleeves cause I did some stupid things and so that's a constant worry.
I have been there, I still am. I overthink every single interaction I’ve had with everyone. It all comes reeling in at 3am when I’m desperately trying to get a good night’s rest.
You have to try to handle your emotions better. Dont overthink too much. When you feel like your mind is overflowing with thoughts or emotions, occupy yourself and don’t think about anything. Try meditation. I was hesitant at first, but it has certainly helped me in getting my emotions under control.
If you don’t mind me asking, why do you wear long sleeves? Is it a tattoo?
I can easily limit the amount if coffee I have but I'm just unable to work. Thank you for the song recommendations. I'm quite fond of instrumental music and audio books. They help me stay distracted. And calm. And yeah it does help along with the meds I'm on when they do help.
I do want to get a tattoo I've always wanted one but now I really need one.
Does your therapist know about this? Consuming too much caffeine can be detrimental to your health. Ask him/her what you can do to overcome this and increase your efficiency (without consuming too much coffee). I think you’re not able to sleep properly at night because you drink a lot of coffee.
I hope you find an awesome design for your tattoo!
They do know and well it's just cause I can't sleep like even with days not drinking coffee I can't sleep. And yeah I have a few cool ideas I'm kinda torn between a bear, phoenix or like a Norse sleeve. But I have to wait till I've been not doing the harm for a year.
Yeah it's a work in process that's why I'm on meds mostly for the sleep and it does help a bit. But also takes a bit of the edge off the anxiety and low mood.
Thank you, I kinda like the idea but I still have a year to find ideas and that before I'm allowed
Take your time! It’s totally okay. I wish you could not the very best!! You will get better at ha doing your emotions soon. This will get better, trust me. You’re putting in the effort, which is good.
Well cause I kinda have had an issue with cutting my arm, it's still healing and well I want to get the tattoi as my reward and also to cover the scars.
Yeah it sucks that I was stupid enough to do it in the first place. I really don't feel strong. Like hell I wanted to do it after some online dating experies went bad cause I was just in such a shitty mindset.
Thank you for MHO, and thank you so much for talking and listening it's very kind of you. And yeah I agree. Talking everyday for 2 months to someone only for them to just stop responding out if no where. Not great. Or the ony time someone agreed to a date as never got to that point it was an attempted scam.
Yeah the one I was talking to for 2 months just didn't want to I guess progress anything. They just seemed to want to talk. And well it meant it was time wasted really. As while talking to someone I don't try to talk to others online as to me it's not fair or right.
Thank you, I know that like in my head but it just seems so wrong to me. Like your talking to them with the idea of dating it shouldn't be multiple at a time. I'm sure it's odd and not common just me I guess. And thank you that's very kind. I hope you find someone of you've not already.
I certainly cannot speak for other women, but it is not a dealbreaker for me.
I would be very much concerned for them and do my best to make them feel loved. However, they will have to go to therapy to heal. Physical scars will heal, but mental/emotional scars? It takes a lot of time and support from loved ones.
If you don’t mind me asking, are you the 22 year old who gave me a follow request? I do not accept follow requests from people I have not interacted with before, and I clicked “ignore” by mistake, so I was wondering if it was you or someone else.
Yeah I understand that. I am doing the work to get better it's just they will always be there. And so now if I meet someone I know at some point they will find out about them and that.
Yes that was me. I understand completely your policy as well it makes sense.
It is wonderful that you are making efforts to get better. They are not a dealbreaker for most women, but if my partner wasn’t ready for a relationship, it will create some difficulties. If he is in the right frame of mind and is getting therapy, it’s not a problem
Yeah I can understand that. It's just one of those things I'd have to tell them at some point. And well in summer I'd be more likely to be asked why wearing long sleeves or jumpers you know. So it's a constant worry. Not that it's any time soon.
Your right and I know I have that time as well as you say take it at my own pace. And well also unlike most I know I'd want a connection first before anything became sort of sexual I guess is the best word to describe it. So I'd have that time if what I'm saying makes sense.
Thank yeah your right about them not running thing and that. Thank you for your kind words and everything. If you have any questions yourself you can ask and I don't mind answering.
Truly depends on the reason. If it had anything to do with the fact that I'm gay... then they would get to see how good I really am at ignoring people.
Legitimate reason like my partner did something unacceptable and a family member had evidence? Yeah I'll listen to them.
If the people who love me the most simply don't like my partner I'd at least consider that something wrong was actually there- but my infatuation blinded me at the moment. I'm sure I'd be loyal to my beliefs and always trust my instincts.
So every girl I introduced to my mom I would first warn the girl
My mom is not going to like you. For what ever reason I dont know so I'm going to apologize to you right now she will probably be rude in one way or another either mumbling something our body language somehow she will be rude And that's when it will be time to go it doesn't matter who the girl is she just does not like anybody that I like and to be honest it's none of her business is the way that I see it in the way that I treat it I will do my part and do what I think is right by introducing you to her Because that's just who I am All I can say is if your family does this it's going to be their loss
When I was 16 and a half I moved out of my parents house my mom's house and her new husband I would go see her and the rest of my family at Christmas Thanksgiving Easter birthday parties what have you but that was basically it Or if I would get a new girlfriend I go to family functions to bring her with me until it was time to go LOL my mom didn't really know who I was until lately now she has dementia she has just moved in with me
She was living with my sister and my nephew is a little punk then he threatened my sister and my mom and I do think that's cool my mom wanted to move out she called me up told me what was going on anyway I ended up moving into my house she doesn't know anything about me she wanted to know where I learned how to cook everything she eats she says it's the best she's ever had I help a lot of people she questioned me on that you wouldn't help that person didn't you and I said yes I did I didn't know you ever did this stuff yes that's what I did If something breaks I fix it she didn't know I knew how to do that and I mean everything She didn't know that I'm a big boy but I have a gentle soul I'm a kind person and she didn't know that now I have friends that are girls and they come over to my house to see me and I will introduce them to my mom and I will kind of start laughing because I know it's going to happen but my mom doesn't remember she doesn't like girls that I like so when the girl leaves he will say what was her name again I liked her for many many years ago when I first met her now she doesn't remember that this is the first time I've ever introduce them but she thinks that she remembers them from a long time ago anyway when your parents don't like you're dating when it's all said and done it's none of their business it's your life it's your happiness Because one day that strong smart wise independent parent will get old either they change their ways or you forgot who they were it doesn't really matter in the long run because you're not going to remember anyway we don't like to kiss our parents off we don't like to disrespect our parents but some point in your life you have to show them who they raised you need to show them that you're smart you're independent whatever happens happens and you will handle it all you want them to do is respect you so out of everything I just said I hope you can understand what I was trying to say because it doesn't make any sense to me but I know what I was going to say
Why u introduce your gfs to your mom? I can’t find a guy that wants meet a girls parents or let me meet his family 😓this guy I date don’t ask me meet his family & he have big family always with them. I don't know how girls get all men fast to meet family. I ask random men online too if they run away or they do meet families. I’m 25 never met a guys family I want be part of a guys family desperately 😓
Well for the most part my family never approved of my ex-wife. Not because of anything like you ask about as far as religion or race. But they just did not think she came from a good family and thought I deserved or could do better. Of course at 20 years old I thought they were wrong and I knew better. But they were supportive and kind and always treated my ex-wife very well. They open their homes to her and made her part of the family.
But in the end they were right. She proved not to be deserving and honestly I must assume that her up bring and family had something to do with it. Her father played a role in my divorce and they both stole money and/or free loaded off of me.
Going forward I would never marry anyone that my family did not approve of, lesson learned. But I have a very good loving and caring family that only want the best for me. And honestly I trust them more than I ever should of trusted my ex-wife.
Do what you are going to do, but some times you have to take some things with grain of salt. Do not judge your family too harshly, because in the end for me it was my family was there for me when I needed them to be. Just as they always were and will always be.
You have to consider here some things: parents have always their own opinion on boyfriends because they see things differently and this is absolutely normal. If you are engaged with someone, you will always think of your fiance and get into an argument with your parents that disapprove. The most important part is, have your own opinion. That's why you love someone. But do not neglect parents because your family was there before the boyfriend and will also be after the relationship. Life always goes on. Live it to the fullest. Gather some experience. There is nothing wrong about it.
Right now, you are slowly entering the stage of adulthood where you can live your own life without certain conditions by your parents.
However... the biggest issue in this one will be > Marriage. Because once your relationship enters that stage, you'll most likely (70%) be closer to their family. Now that is a very very rough situation. Because they disapprove some things. Right? But the thing is... it will take lots of time until parents/Families adapt to the current situation and deal with it in some way.
Surely, you will get into an argument with parents which will affect the relationship.
Alternatively, you could seek a family therapist so they can help and support you the best way.
Best wishes!😊
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Anonymous
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Love is blind. They probably have perspective on something you can’t see or have experienced it before and know what will happen. Ultimately it’s up to you. You aren’t going to break up with your partner because they said so. You have to learn from those kind of things on your own. Imagine yourself 25+ years from now trying to teach your daughter about boys and she won’t listen because you are not open minded 😂. You might not even want kids right now. Im sure your future self will be smarter than yourself now hopefully.
If its things like religion or race, I wouldn't listen to them, I'd probably try to change their mind. If it's something else, I'd want to know why they feel that way about my s/o and I'd probably listen to them if they had a bad feeling about him. I would try and see things from their perspective.
For the sake of your girlfriend, I would have to either end the relationship or move the two of you far away from your parents. I don't know your parents, nor do I know how bad they will treat your girlfriend. They could make both of your lives absolutely miserable. They could still love and treat you as the always have, but your girlfriend will be unwanted in the family and she will feel it. Parents have their subtle ways of treating someone they don't like that the person will break up with you caused by the pressy your parents put them in. My first real boyfriend was Greek 100% and so was his entire family. I was 16 and he was 19 when we became a serious couple. His parents weren't mean to me, but I always knew they didn't like me because I wasn't Greek. That relationship lasted three years.
I actually had a long-term relationship my family was against for two and a half years before they broke me.
My advice is keep them out of your relationship. If you've gotta gripe about your guy, do it to a friend or ANYONE else. Even a family member who's a bit more neutral and can be trusted not to talk to the rest of your family who's against it.
It's tricky here, because our families love us and want to protect us, and sometimes they see things we can't with rose-tinted glasses on. But if it's a healthy and good relationship and there isn't anything red flaggy or a huge gap in age or anything, just keep them out of it.
They will eventually either come around to it or phase themselves out. I just tell my family now that I love them but my decisions and dating life are my own and have nothing to do with them.
If it's a trivial reason, which I consider race or appearance to be then I wouldn't care. Same if they just didn't like anyone I date for no apparent reason.
BUT if they made a good point about something that would make our partnership more difficult/strained then I'd take it on board. Religion or conflicting culture is one of those things or if he lacks ambition or itengrity etc. If they're my family they should have my best interest at heart.
Also, they might not "like" him but I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about when their dislike turns into disaproval which shouldn't be caused by anything trivial because that shows they're immature and don't care about my happiness.
I really doubt that my family (talking about parents and sisters) wouldn't approve of my partner because of reasons like that, but if they did I wouldn't care what they have to say tbh. It's my choice only, if I love him and we are happy together I wouldn't let anyone or anything come between us.
We have to break up with him or her. Because by the mindset that you are grown up you are more likely to do something based on your background inherited from your parents. If they do not accept your partner , it would be better for you due to wellness for your partnership and the future that you will have. The point is your parents are most reliable observer around you so that they can realistically critisise the bad things that you will be facing with in the following days , weeks , months , years or etc.
Okay I would like to use an old quote which has been adapted to mean the exact opposite in recent years. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.
Familial ties matter not to me. My respect my love my compassion are all things that one must earn and not inherit. If anyone has an issue with my partner they have an issue with me I don't care who the hell they are. They could be my dad my brother my sister my mother my uncle my niece doesn't matter because in the end it will go down to who I value most which will depend mostly on my partner because if my partner hasn't proven herself to be really worth giving up other people that I care about then obviously I'm just going to give her up because well I mean what's the point in letting go of people who have proven their worth to you for someone who hasn't
besides knowing my grandparents I can guarantee that they would fall in love with everything about him and possibly start favoring him over me hahahaha
This question is 100% hypothetical for me. First, because my closest relative is a sister that lives almost 600 miles away. I am not close to her and honestly don't give a flying screw what she thinks about anything. I also don't do exclusive relationships. If however I was 30 years younger and my parents were still alive I would value my dad's input about a prospective life partner. The same can be said for close friends. If my parents and friends expressed not being comfortable and articulated a good reason for feeling that way it would set off my spidey sense. What happens next would depend on how she reacts.
My family gets antsy to the gills if I meet a woman who's black. They assume the worst about all black women. Especially if she's a few years younger. If she's in her mid-20s, given my age, they assume she was a total delinquent in her teen years. They also assume she has a brother who is an unhinged psychopath, and that I'm going to be dead in a week.
If I was truly seeing a future with that person, I would continue to be with them. Because at the end of the day my parents lives and my own are separate. If my girlfriend has not given any reason to dislike her based on the person she is, then I would let my parents know to look in the mirror and reflect on there behavior because the way they are acting someone else could judge them on approval. Also, sometimes it's necessary to stand up for yourself and acknowledge that it's your life. And that your choices you make will lead to the experience you gain. Whether it be pain or joy.
Nothing you can really do. If they draw a line in the sand it's your partner or us then it's them who have drawn the line and choose that. My family didn't approve of the man my sister eventually married and they were right, we left the door open for her for the day she needed to come home
In the case of my first two disastrous marriages... I should have listened. Both ended in divorce after horrible and cruel behavior on the ex wife's part. My family never threw it in my face. Third and best wife, they loved. She's revered by my family.
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