How do you initiate space without ghosting?

[Anonymous]

Hi so I’ve came to conclusions, I feel like I need to give the guy I’m seeing space, I just don’t want him to feel like I’m ghosting him. He has a lot going on the next two weeks and even though he keeps up with texts everyday, I just feel like convo is getting dry. How to give space without insinuating I’m ghosting?

[AmandaYVR]

It sounds like you might be creating an issue in your mind, where there is none. If he's busy, things will naturally slow. If he really wants to stay in contact with you, he will. You are one of two people in this relationships (or whatever it is) so I'd suggest not focusing so much on you being labelled a 'ghoster.' Who cares?

Guys like directness. They crave this from females. Not confrontation. Directness. So, say to him, "Hey, so it sounds like you are going to be pretty busy the next couple of weeks, so I'll give you some space to do what you need to do. But just wanted you to know that I am always here, if you want to chat. 😘" Or something like that.

[Asker]

Thank you for this answer. I do overthink quite a lot and always think the worst, it comes from trauma which I’m going back to therapy tomorrow tbh , but I’m going to text him around what you said. I do like him a lot but these pointless text messages just aren’t doing it for me

[AmandaYVR]

Aww, you're welcome. Yep, everyone needs a sanity check now and then, someone to tell them to not worry so much. (But it's annoying when guys do it on legit issues! My husband's taken to saying, "Don't overthink it," to just about everything. Solution? Stop talking to him about stuff. Fine, done and dusted!

Good for you, on the therapy, and working through some things.
Yes, dry text conversations are so boring, barely even worth it.
One more suggestion... When you two do resume chatting more, skip all the intro and generic stuff, and give him something meatier as a subject. Tell him about something you read or saw that you found interesting. Be different. Be deep. Passion and intellectual curiosity about life can be very infectious. Plus, it's good to show that you aren't just waiting by the phone. You've got your own interests, and are always learning new things.

[Asker]

Yeah I think that’s why he was interested in the first place because I am a fairly deep person, in person but because we haven’t seen each other in person in over a week I feel like the deepness has kind of went south because it’s been text messages and I can’t stand texting serious things so it’s been vague. I just can’t stand waiting around for text messages at this point, gives me bad anxiety and I think I’m just maturing out of the constant texting , feel like constant texting has done more harm in many relationships I have had than good. Just ready to be done with it lol but also definitely need to go to therapy to figure out why I get to anxious whenever I’m in the talking stage with someone. It drives me crazy

[Asker]

So update: I told him exactly what you said, and he said I didn’t need to give him space but he said I didn’t need to give him space. Still seems like he is distant so I don't know lol so weird tbh

[AmandaYVR]

Ok, so I guess that wasn't an issue.
You have sort of two things you could do now: Just stop initiating anything with him, and if he ever does reach out to you, maybe he's still got some interest. Or you could try messaging him with only more interesting, intense, or specific things, and see if you get a nibble on those topics.
Otherwise, sounds like maybe the relationship's not really going to go anywhere.

[Guy13]

Text him twice a day and he will figure it out. Expect questions.

[petitedollbabee]

Communicate that with him. Let him know you’d like to have however much time to yourself, and that you’ll resume talking with him when you’re ready.