Why are so many people not honest when it comes to their dating standards?

[Anonymous]

You know it’s worse to lie to someone and string someone along or say you’re attracted to people you’re not or vice versa say you’re not attracted to people you are.

Everyone is different in what they’re looking for. So just be honest from the start.

I would rather someone just tell me who they’re looking for and either I will fit that description or I won’t and I can move on then.

[Cynicaldreamer]

Because nothing about dating nowadays it's "open and honest." People just tell you what they want to hear. Kind of like how people say, "Looks don't matter, only a good personality." LOL, lies; complete lies. I've seen it firsthand myself-

I think people want to come off as a "good person" and not hurt peoples feelings, yet realistically we [society] know what we want when it comes to dating. Even if, in some cases, it seems like we're being superficial or rude. As long as you set realistic standards- by that I mean setting standards in a potential partner that you can match or offer towards said partner as well.

I honestly wish all the guys that rejected me would have just point blank told me WHY they weren't interested in me instead of just stringing me along, giving me false hope, or friendzoning me. No, I wouldn't have liked the reason; I'm not even going to lie and say I would be okay hearing a guy say I'm not attractive, fat, his type, etc... But it's better than wondering -why- they don't want me.

[Asker]

I agree. Better to kiss say no

[Anonymous]

I think people should take some time to learn and understand their standards/boundaries before dating. Sure there are definitely people who can be dishonest but in many cases they don’t even know what they want until they’re dealing with what they don’t want. Another thing is they shouldn’t be afraid to uphold those standards. Some people are afraid of losing or not getting a chance so they keep things to themselves.

[Asker]

Understandable if he/she don’t know what they want. But to outright lie about it.

[Opinion Owner]

I agree, if the person does know what they want and lies then it’s wrong and selfish to lie.

[bamesjond0069]

Because people get all butthurt about it. I can't 100% speak from a woman's perspective but I've told women and gotten the whole "you're a misogynistic pos who can't handle a REAL woman" rant quite a few times. Like I'm not even talking romantically with them but clearly they have a crush on me and I might make a blanket statement with a friend group "I don't date single moms" and all a sudden REEEEEEEE REEEEEEE. Yet suppose I never say it, some girl I'm an acquaintance with hooks up with me and then wonders why it goes nowhere, well she would never know I've already disqualified her from something serious from the jump since she's a single mom. But no REEEEEEEEEE moment happens.

[Guy13]

Probably the biggest reasons people are not upfront on their dating preferences is to avoid ridicule and harassment over those preferences. It is kind of like ghosting where people just vanish. If I don't state them then the thought of being honest about them vanishes too.

[Asker]

Well it’s stupid to harass someone over that

[Asker]

Only cowards ghost someone.

[Guy13]

No argument. You’ve forgotten they are people and how single people think…

[LittleSally]

I guess they might think they're either too picky or too uncritical, and people might judge them in both cases.

Either way, people who lie about their standards might also do it as they see the personality and character as much more important than physical beauty, so they just want to give the other person a chance to see if they meet the more important standards first.

[MCheetah]

Because they don't like to admit how shallow and superficial they are, so they pretend to give people a shot just to validate their false beliefs.

[Asker]

Yeah and you know there have been times where I was sort of like this too. But I realize it’s better to be honest

[Razp_Sorbet]

Sometimes you don't know until you get to know someone. It's the whole point of getting to know people

[Asker]

You’re not wrong. But some do lie and say they’re attracted and they’re not

[Razp_Sorbet]

Attraction can change after learning about someone. You can initially be attracted to them then be completely put off because of any one thing

[Iron_Man]

What’s the purpose of telling your girlfriend you’re attractive when you don’t feel that way

[Asker]

If you’re not even attracted to someone. Why bother?

[Asker]

You’re hurting yourself as well as them too

[Iron_Man]

I don’t think he would have her as a girlfriend if she was a dog

[Iron_Man]

If it was that bad, why wouldn’t they be friends from the beginning?

[AMS700CX4u2]

Fear of rejection brought on by Barbie and Ken expectations. We are not built that way.

[TacosRAwesome]

Sometimes people aren't aware that they're not into something or into something until they experience it.

[CoolCatMar1]

I don't know. I am always honest about those things

[BJP21]

Indecisiveness is a big one with me. You do that right from the start its cascades into many other problems along the way.

[KrakenAttackin]

Because they want to build a bench of "will bang", and friend zone betas to pay for things and validate her at will.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I'll be honest. She better be short.. preferably a midget... and a clown.

[Asker]

Lmao okay

[AshleyO]

people don't know what they truly want

[Asker]

Hi Ashley I think this is good insight and I got a few of these answers.

The problem is some people are point blank not attracted to someone but lie and act like they are. That or lie and say they aren’t when they are.

[postaldudePL123]

Because people will literally cancel them for telling the truth

[Anonymous]

Either they don’t want to hurt their feelings or they think they can overlook their looks if not attracted to them at first instead of being alone

[Anonymous]

I think immaturity has a lot to do with that.

[Asker]

Yeppers