Is over communicating a red flag early on in dating?

[Daniellep1995]

So I just started talking to this guy online about a week and a half ago. We FaceTimed within a few days of messaging and then had a date. Now he texts me multiple times a day (many times double or
Triple texts) and wants to talk on the phone every other day. He’s already dropping hints about Valentine’s Day. As a fello introvert that needs space this is a bit much for me. Is this too much or obsessive? Potential red flag? It kind of feels like a lot of pressure and chore to respond or make all this time to talk so early on. I want to take things slow which I expressed but everyone’s version of that could be different. My last dating experiences also make me a very cautious person. This guy seems nice but disposition wise a little intense as well which makes me more cautious.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, I’ve been talking to another guy and we have been messaging for a few months. We’ve talked on the phone a couple times and hopefully will be meeting soon. He’s more more lax and chill and respects my space. He seems a bit more normal which makes me feel more at ease.

[AmandaYVR]

It's not a red flag, the guy's just excited that he met someone he likes, and he knows how difficult it is to get a girl's focus and attention online with other guys also doing the same, so he's probably just happy. "Red flag" is a trendy word right now, just like "narcissist", and "gaslight." See how negative they all are? These things have always been around (well, "gaslight" since 1940 when it was first conceptualized in a film), but we live in a world today where lots of people are interacting online, but everyone has a super sensitive filtering system.

He makes you uncomfortable and that makes sense, and it's your right to feel that way. He needs to chill. He's going to spook you, and a bunch of other girls, too, probably. Dating is very slow, and very low-commitment now. People really don't trust each other and are being careful. If you two did have a lot in common or aligned, do you think you would behave differently (want more), or even in an ideal situation, would you still be reticent? You said your last dating experience has made you cautious. Can anyone break through now? I'd ask yourself that.

The other guy you mentioned, he doesn't feel good about himself right now, and he's low on funds and low on morale. A lot of people (especially guys, who so-identify themselves by their work) feel like this, and it also makes sense. But he's on the opposite end of the spectrum, here. You need a guy in between, lol. So, slow one guy, and speed up the other a bit. (Just take longer to respond to the second.) If neither really get you motivated, maybe neither is right or worth pursuing?

[ShadezMcgee]

It all comes down to being comfortable. If you feel overwhelmed with how much he is blowing you up especially with only having one date, he is smothering you and coming off needy, so it is natural to feel the way you do. Doesn't matter if it is a woman or man that does it.

You should let him know how you are feeling about his behavior here if you do like him. Be honest and upfront, don't give him an indirect answer or paraphrase in a way that he has to guess what you are feeling. Bottom line, he needs to ease up and be more direct with planning dates and giving you time and a few days to yourself, get off the phone and focus on other things before you meet up to see each other again for your date.

The reason why you feel more at ease with this second guy is because he is doing what the first guy isn't. He is relaxed and a go with the flow energy. Although it is kind of weird it has taken up to now for him to ask you out for a first date. I would imagine he would have done that by now if he was really interested.

[Daniellep1995]

Yeah that all makes sense. The guy said the main hold up has been 1) he’s been in the process of trying to find a job and so it sounds like he hasn’t felt great about that and having to look out for his Pennie’s but he also didn’t want to just tell me to come on over and come off like some do. He always expressed the idea of being nervous around me because of how he finds me attractive and what not. Could be an excuse, who knows… but I won’t continue talking much longer is we don’t ever hang

[PatriceONeal]

No red flag. This is called male interest and you're getting it. But just like most modernized women romance kills attraction. If you want to chase a girl away as a man. Just tell her how you feel about her and treat her well. She will immediately call it obsessive or think the man has no better options and she then loses all attraction. It's actually insane the way women are daying. It's why they end up dating men who use and abuse them.

[Alex8736]

did you bring up the fact that your a busy person and if you don't respond immediately it means you may be driving, out running errands or working? Is he the type that if you check on missed calls or messages there are tons of follow up messages like "did I scare you away"?

[Kaneki05]

Slow is always better. Though I say that as someone who will move to fast at times because welp limerence does that.

[loveslongnails]

If it's too much for "you", it's a red flag. Might be fine for another girl, but it's not your speed, so if you like everything else about how it's going, you have to tell him to slow down.

[Anonymous]

This can be cleared up real simple by saying "hey I'm dating you aren't I, I appreciate your enthusiasm but you don't need to try so hard". No there is no such thing as overcommunicating. But you can share TOO MUCH information.

[In_Trance]

no it isn't