Should I date someone with a young kid who’s separated from his partner? What are your experiences with this?

[Anonymous]

I’ve heard stories of ex partners using their kids to try and control their new relationship…

[DaveJord]

Depends honestly, every time I tried dating a woman who had 100% custody of their kids it never worked out. Without fail, the woman starts to feel guilty about all the time she is spending with me and not with her kids.

As for me, I mean I am trying to spend time with mom and not the kids... those are not my kids. I am not getting involve with someone else's kids unless I am 100% certain that I am into the relationship for right reasons and long haul. Which honestly, between work and kids it was too complicated to figure out.

But if this guy doesn't have 100% custody over the kids, and he only see it ones or twice month it should not be that big of deal honestly. But most these women do not want their ex-husbands involved with their kids... maybe they losers or maybe they are not... but kids without dads are rough honestly. I ain't trying to be their dad, because they are not my kid.

[Asker]

From the woman’s perspective I can understand why her kids come first - particularly if you’re not in it for the long haul. She’s just doing right by them there so good on her. But yeah you do have to also make time to try and develop a relationship also. I guess it depends on the complexity of the particular couple.

[Asker]

But yeah, exes trying to control your relationship is a glaring big reg flag.

[DaveJord]

Yup, you nailed it. I never tried to compete with woman's children for her attention. But the complexities of it made it too difficult for me. I raised my two kids (25 and 22) so I was not in that place, were I was 42 with a 10 year and 12-year-old... great women and all, but I wanted different things.

[Asker]

Yeah that’s understandable. Relationships are hard anyway without all of the added complexities I guess. This is all putting me off tbh.

[DaveJord]

Yup, I would say if you really liked the guy, then give it a go and enjoy it for as long as it lasts. I know that is a guy's way of thinking. But if you go into it with open eyes and are honest about it then in the end what's wrong with having a little fun. Again, as long as you are honest with him about it. But if you are scared of getting too emotionally involved with a person with kids, then I always say DO NOT do it!!!

I always was honest with these women, and I told them I did not want to get involved with their kids before I sure the relationship could last. Last thing I wanted to do is hurt anyone's kids... but if they wanted to see where this could go that I was willing to give it a try.

[Anonymous]

It depends on a lot of things. Mainly how does he get along w his ex? Because yes it can be one hell of a ride. Will you be allowed to discipline the child? Will you be able to do things w the child? It can be a real headache honestly. The kids will always come first so you may be competing there. The mother may say bad things about you to the kids who really don’t know any better other than to believe what mom says. Which will make it harder for you. I remember when I first met my current girlfriend we went through a lot. My ex would say let’s me up so you can take your son. So I’d show up early, she’d be late but I couldn’t say a damn thing cause she’d blow up at me. But if I was late damn it was like the world was ending.

[catiecatie]

Depends how long they have been separated for? Don’t want a recently divorced individual and them turning around saying I need time then finding someone new in a couple weeks. I had this happen to me so trust me I can give you my insight on this.

[Asker]

Oh really? What happened?

[catiecatie]

We used to work together. Had a good time until we had a little argument and I didn’t talk to him for a week. I then started talking to him on Snapchat he told me he needed time for him and his boy and then 3 weeks later found another girl and then a couple months later got her pregnant and I don't know if he even knows she had a kid. It’s messed up I know.

[Ligerzzero]

Unless they are divorced, that’s a major red flag, and best to avoid that mess

[Asker]

Thanks. Can you elaborate on why… they were never married and are separated. He said there’s no romantic feelings but just respect.

[LiamJHayden]

I would not date someone who is only separated.

[Asker]

Can I ask why?

[LiamJHayden]

I work in the courts and I see a lot of divorces called off at the last minute. Especially when children are involved. They allegedly hated each other just a week before. Now when the reality hits, they reconcile.

[saffoler]

Only if you're in the same situation.

[Asker]

I’m not

[Asker]

Can you elaborate on why you think this…

[saffoler]

Step parents are the most likely to have sex with their stepchildren. So by both parties having kids you reduce this possibility. One because parents are less likely to have sex with children; and two because it creates a mutually assured destruction. In that if one parent has sex with the other's kids the other can easily get revenge by having sex with the original person's kids.

[sadgirl0210]

Hmm depends

[Asker]

On what…