As a man, would you find it weird that I have a lot of exes?

[Anonymous]

I haven’t slept with any of them but I really actually do have a lot of exes.

When I’m dating a new guy and he asks me about my past relationships I really just don’t know what to say. I don’t want to make a man I like feel insecure.

And I don’t know why I have a lot of exes. I just seem to have drama in my life and then none of them treat me right.

[MrOracle]

If you have a lot of exs, and especially if they all seem to have the same problem, it's because YOU are picking them and YOU are not vetting them properly. And if you don't address this, nothing will ever change.

I've known quite a few women who go from one bad relationship to the next, and each time, they pick a guy who has the same traits as the last guy, and they get the same results (perhaps differing in intensity) as the time before.

You are an adult, so who you choose is entirely your choice, and the outcome is entirely your responsibility. You cannot change other people, only yourself, and when choosing a partner, the only time you can filter them out with minimal pain and risk is at the very beginning. If you don't do the work and properly vet them at the start, it's too late to do anything but break up later, and breakups tend to be painful and messy.

If you are struggling to properly vet men, then involve a man you trust to help you - men can usually tell if another man is a good guy or scum, when many women can't. Your father, older brother, an uncle or older cousin, or a mentor - one of them can really help you.

[Asker]

That’s very true and I’m quite self aware in the sense that sometimes I get carried away and that’s why I end up with shitty men. A few months later I get sick of it, dump them and then find myself in the same cycle because meeting a good man is actually difficult

[MrOracle]

My point is that your method of rushing in based on feelings of infatuation, rather than vetting guys upfront and eliminating those who don't have the morals and values you are looking for comes at a huge cost to you. Not only is there emotional baggage and a reduced ability to pair-bond with each failed relationship, but it also wastes your most valuable assets: your time and youth.

I'm just recommending that you recognize that your way might be easier and more fun at first, but the results speak for themselves, and the cost is even higher than you realize, so CHANGE and do things that are FAR more likely to result in a good long-term outcome, even if it's more work and less fun in the beginning.

Change is hard, but you have proven that your current practices don't lead to success. I hope you ARE successful, but that's mostly up to you.

[Asker]

Thanks

[MaazHussain]

Having a lot of exes in and of itself isn't necessarily weird or unusual, as people's dating experiences can vary greatly. However, if you are concerned about how a new partner might react to this information, you can try reframing it in a more positive light. For example, you could say something like, "I've had a lot of dating experiences and learned a lot about myself and what I want in a partner. While some of those relationships didn't work out, they were still valuable learning experiences for me."

It's also important to remember that you don't owe anyone a detailed explanation of your dating history. You can choose to share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with, and focus on building a healthy and positive relationship with your new partner in the present. And if you find that you consistently have drama in your relationships and your partners aren't treating you well, it might be worth reflecting on what patterns or issues may be contributing to that dynamic, and working on addressing those in future relationships.

[Anonymous]

Is talking to a guy for 2 weeks considered a relationship to you? Or dating online for a month? Or dating a guy even for a couple of months. I wouldn't call those relationships

[Opinion Owner]

You need to sleep with them too I wouldn't count it otherwise

[Asker]

Yes regarding the sleeping thing I agree on

[Anonymous]

i would have a feeling that you are afraid of being alone, can't stay single, and are very dependent, if that were the case.

[Asker]

Definitely not afraid of being single

[Avicenna]

no one’s going to believe you didn’t have sex with any of a large number of exes

[Asker]

I’m literally a virgin

[Guy13]

Yeah, it would startle me if I liked her but I do know a few Christian, Jewish, and Muslim Asian women that have a laundry list of men.

[HippieVeganJewslim]

Not all Muslima Asians think the same. My Pakistani Flower Girl says dating is forbidden, but I’m sure She meant by having sex.

[DJB72]

If a guy asks about your past relationships, he's - usually - actually asking how many others you've had sex with. If you didn't get naked together the guy probably didn't count it as a relationship.

I took a lot of girls out. Several I invited to my home for a dinner just the two of us. None of them were girlfriends. I loved spending time with them but nothing physical happened. Not even a kiss.

I've had 3 sexual relationships. Including my wife. In hindsight I wish I could tell her she was the only one I'd slept with.

So no, as a man I wouldn't find it weird and it wouldn't put me off. On the other hand, if you told me you'd had multiple sexual relationships I'd be far more wary of going into a relationship with you

[Asker]

I like this mentality

[DJB72]

Thanks 😊

[dynamicyandere]

It wouldn’t make me feel insecure. I have a lot of self confidence.


But, it WOULD make me wonder why all those relationships didn’t work out.


I may get suspicious and tread more carefully.


I would try to understand if whether you have a difficult time finding good men (poor judge of character), or if you’re very quick to break up (can’t handle conflict or perhaps commitment issues), or maybe there’s something about you which is the same reason all of these other relationships didn’t work out (some unspoken thing that I won’t learn about until later), or maybe it’s something else.


It wouldn’t be an absolute deal-breaker. But, it would raise like a caution sign and I’d be hesitant to rush into anything before I know you better.

[Wade12345]

Dont' worry about it. If you haven't slept with any of them anyway, then they sort of don't even count.

You need to evaluate how you decide to date guys if you keep ending up wiht "drama" and bad relationships. Don't date ex-cons and bar/club type guys, because most of them are trash to begin with. If a guy asks you on a date, ask him if he's ever committed a felony or misdemeanor, and if the answer is "yes" you should reject him.

If more women started rejecting felons and other criminals, the men they date would have to stop and learn to be real gentlement instead of felons and criminals and woman abusers.

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

I'd be mainly just curious as to WHY you have a lot of exes. Some people have a lot of exes because they're emotionally incapable of maintaining a relationship. Others have many exes because they're too trusting in early phase of dating and wind up choosing poorly and getting burned by assholes. Some people have lots of exes just for the sake of "variety" / impulsivity. There's any number of other possible explanations, so I wouldn't rush to judging just based on the fact of multiple exes itself, but your reasoning for having that many exes may reveal something about your character, which is what I'd really want to find out in a dating situation.

[Anonymous]

Yes of course. That would be a red flag to me. If you had maybe 2-3 over a number of years I’d be ok. But to me I’m thinking ok what’s wrong w her. I say her (you) because you’re the common factor in all of this as far as exes. So I think to myself is she picky, she bossy, why did these men not want to be w her. Even if you were the one who dumped them all I’d wonder why. Again is she picky, high maintenance, etc.

[Asker]

Yeah I am picky and high maintenance I won't lie lol

[Opinion Owner]

Spot on. I think lost men will find that weird unless they’re just looking for a hookup.

[Asker]

That’s only cause I know what I bring to the table

[Asker]

I don’t ask for anything I can’t reciprocate

[Opinion Owner]

What do you bring to the table?

[Asker]

I’m a good woman.

[Opinion Owner]

But what’s a good woman? Everyone has their own idea of what a good woman is? You old fashioned?

[Asker]

I’m a good woman in the sense that I respect the man I’m with and I want to take care of him. I don’t look for trouble. My only intention is to cultivate a happy and healthy relationship and life with my partner. I’m a patient person too and I’m not judgmental. I also have my own life so I’m not codependent. I’ve put in a lot of self work.

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds good. I like that.

[Asker]

Thanks

[Opinion Owner]

Yw. Hope you make someone very happy

[Asker]

Thanks you too!

[SnowedIn]

Nope. Your past is your past. The only thing that would concern me is that if you have this discarded pile of exes because you're bored or avoid commitment. Then it might be a problem. In other words, the "why".

[Asker]

But I’m worried men will think that of me. Like I have a LOT

[SnowedIn]

Some men will, yes. So you have two choices: either change your behavior so the number doesn't increase (you cannot change the past) or use this as a tool: the men who can't see past your past self edit themselves off your list.

[Asker]

So would it be a problem for you?

[SnowedIn]

Me personally? No... provided that the exes weren't because you were bored and just changing boyfriends like underwear. Otherwise, not a problem.

[Asker]

Okay great

[OfMiceandMen]

I don't think anyone would count your exes that you haven't slept with. When people look at the number of exes a person has, they are more concerned about whether your a promiscuous person or not. You're young and young people tend to change their boyfriends and girlfriends like they change their underwear, it's to be expected.

[jshm2]

As a guy I have many many ex's. But, none of them would have a bad word to say about me, and I still meet most of them now and then.

It's about what both want out the relationship, and what it will take to amicably move on from it. Managing yourself and relationships is not something you learn in school or university. Too many daft cunts, think you've got to be Romeo and Juliet or a cuck and make little effort in learning social skills.

[Adam1978]

First of all not everyone you date is going to be an ex. It requires a relationship for that to be true. As a guy seeing a line of exes is the same as seeing you as a lost cause.

[Asker]

I understand but there’s some history with a lot of guys. And it worries me when I’m dating and a guy asks about it…I don’t want to make him feel insecure around me

[Asker]

But I also don’t want to lie

[Adam1978]

It has nothing to do with insecurities, it's simple calculation, you will be a waste of time, better look elsewhere because either you can't be pleased or something else is wrong with you. Because you should have picked one of those guys and settled if you where a good woman. You clearly didn't, that tell us enough.

[Asker]

They were all rock heads

[Asker]

Dickheads*

[Asker]

Abusive, cheaters, secretly lying about their job because he was drug dealing, stingy, controlling…. You name it.

[Adam1978]

Then why didn't you pick up on that during the early dates? Calling exes bad names won't give you any credit when meeting new guys. The conclusion is that you are attracted to dickheads because that is the common determination between all your picks. It's not that all guys are dickheads.

[Asker]

Yeah I totally agree. It’s definitely on me. I just get carried away every time. They say stuff to me and I get attached and I stop using my brain

[Asker]

Guys like that tend to be attracted to women like me - “a good girl”. And the attraction manifests itself into a lot of drama

[Adam1978]

You clearly aren't filtering the guys, you don't pick from the gutter. Do you have present brothers and fathers?

[Asker]

Yes I have a present father and he treats me very well so I don't know what the issue is 😭 maybe I just like bad guys

[Adam1978]

What does he say about the guy you select? You shouldn't date bad guys because per default they are always a bad pick. So you are doing to yourself, it's no longer the guys fault. Take the boring nice guy instead. Would you call your father a bad boy?

[Asker]

Yeah my dad was a bad guy when he was young

[Angelo75]

Yeah i would.

There are two ideas that pop into my mind.

1. Lots of exes COULD mean that the person is a player.
2. Lots of exes COULD mean that a lot of other exes ran away scared.
3. Lots of exes COULD mean that this person him/herself is picky or doesn't settle.

Either way it scares me.

[HighValue]

I would be more surprised that you didn't sleep with them because the majority of women I have known have a promiscuous past.

Have you ever had casual sex in your past?

[Asker]

No I’m a virgin

[HighValue]

Then it wouldn't matter to me as long as you don't have any contact with any ex. I'd also think that you probably have good morals too then.

[Asker]

Great thanks!

[RockyHammock]

I'll be real with you, I would see that as a massive red flag.

Thought process would resemble something like: either no guy wants wants to commit to you or they've discovered something that I don't yet know.

[Asker]

And that’s why I’m asking! But also I don’t want to lie to anyone

[RockyHammock]

On its own its probably not a deal breaker, at least it wouldn't be for me

[Asker]

Would it make you feel insecure?

[RockyHammock]

Hard to say, would it make you feel insecure if your partner had 17 failed past relationships?

[Asker]

No. I’d rather him have lots of past relationships than one or two. If it’s one or two it’s likely they had a strong connection and I would be jealous

[RockyHammock]

One or two is enough to make you jealous? Ooof I don't even wanna hear your take on males having female friends

[Asker]

Yeah no female friends!!!

[RockyHammock]

Interesting, have you ever used an open phone policy with your boyfriend?

[Asker]

No I haven’t

[Berethor]

That's a proof that not all virgins are trustworthy, it likely end with the guy like the others.

[Asker]

I don't understand what you mean?

[Berethor]

What you not understand? if you have a lot of exes then it's not a good record.

[Asker]

But why does that have anything to do with virgins not being trustworthy?

[Berethor]

You said you haven’t slept with any of them, but you did leave all of them, it trustworthy?

[Asker]

I don’t see the connection tbh

[RealMarek]

I wouldn’t find it weird. If he wants an explanation I think “they either created drama or treated me poorly” is good enough. That shouldn’t make a good man feel insecure.

[Asker]

Okay good

[Still-alive]

At age 25 yeah i would wonder why you have so many at such a young age. it definitely reveals some insecurities and would make me wonder if i will end up being another ex of hers. i wouldn't feel secure in that relationship.

[Asker]

Exactly why I am asking this question! I don't the man I like to feel insecure.

[Still-alive]

yeah i would re-iterate what @snowedin says in that you can use this as a way to filter out the guys who you would date. those that are ok with you having that many exes you can go ahead and date.

i got my own insecurities myself. biggest one being that i still live with my parents at my age. i know not a lot of women will like that but that just means i can use to to filter out those that are not ok with that and date those who are.

tl;dr use it as a filtering tool

[Asker]

I see

[Still-alive]

That said though i probably could overlook it if i liked a whole lot of other things about her personality wise, but it would still be something in my mind whenever im with her. like 'hmmm will this be the day she dumps me?'

[TonyMetal___86]

Because i know you and i'm aware of all your exes, i won't be surprised at all but if she was a strange girl than i'll have my doubts and wondering why she had lots of exes and if they became her exes because of her of because of them...

[Asker]

Oh right I see

[TallAnon]

If I called all the girls I've dated with a few times or had sex with, an ex; There'd be quite a few.
It really depends on where you draw the line.
All you said would tell me is that you seem to draw that line very early.

[Asker]

Yeah it’s hardly been long lasting but it was intense. I’ve had quite a few I love yous.

[TallAnon]

I've never said that to a woman; If I say that, I intend to marry that woman.

[Asker]

Yes like I said it’s been quite intense lol

[Pyrofox]

I'd probably feel uncomfortable and question if I'm gonna just end up another ex.

[Asker]

It's likely, I won't lie.

[Pyrofox]

If though I felt you were sincere I'd take the chance. But you'd have to put up with the borderline Zoo my family keeps...

[Asker]

Lol zoo?

[Pyrofox]

3 dogs, 3 bunnies (vary sizes), a cat, and a fox that has been raised along side the dogs since it was little. (so it thinks it's a dog.)

[Asker]

Well damn

[Orion76]

No we want an innocent girl like in the fairy tales like Snow White. I’m gonna disregard the fact she shared the room with 7 dudes.

[Orion76]

Yes because Nothing happened, nothing weird 😅

[Asker]

I haven’t had sex

[Orion76]

I’m glad you didn’t with intimacy things get more complicated so that’s good. I can only think of 2 reasons you either are too picky or all the guys you dated are in their 20s lol

[Asker]

Both!

[Orion76]

I was gonna say both, nothing is wrong with being Picky I think being selective is a very attractive quality. Unfortunately a 25 yo woman is far more mature than a man of the same age while we want to be gentlemen deep inside we want to take care of you yet you’ll find yourself babysitting your guy some act childish even will throw tantrums. You’ll find yourself required to validate him and keep having the same arguments in different forms. It takes a while and will get better if you both past 30. In the mean time avoid guys who are younger or same age I think a 5 year gap is reasonable try fiends of that age group you’ll find communicating is much easier. Good luck

[Asker]

Yeah I totally agree. I’ve always been attracted to guys 28 years +

[Orion76]

Also when you say a lot of exes I’m not gonna lie it doesn’t sound good since guys will hear “I slept with too many guys” this is what counts as an ex to me too. But in reality you went out had dinner or whatever with a 100 guys and didn’t Connect so what I won’t call them exes. I won’t say it like that if I were you that’s if I want to mention them in the first place especially if they didn’t ask. Honestly I would see them as friends, don’t give yourself a rep, some people hear I have a lot of exes and that’s all that register and they will probably repeat it to others and the impression sticks while in reality you don’t.

weather you care what people say or not a man or a woman is their reputation and it can get in your way in the future luv. Just a thought😅

[Asker]

Okay

[Drumlin2001]

It may cause some issues. I'd wonder if you were that difficult to deal with or had such bad judgement.

[Asker]

Bad judgement lol

[warsevf]

I cannot give you any advice since I never been in one, but if its me in your boyfriend situation I would want to hear the whole story, i think no one wants to break up that easy

[Asker]

They were literally all dickheads that’s the reason

[KostasKouvalis]

Yeah, that might throw a red flag. I would be wondering if it was you or them who were the problem.

[Asker]

Who knows lol

[PatriceONeal]

What's your body count? The fact you struggle to answer this honestly shows your guilt and compliance with the narrative that it's bad for women to spread for a lot of random men. 😶‍🌫️

[Asker]

I am a virgin lol. Never slept with any of them - that's the catch!

[PatriceONeal]

Viegin means no secual interactions. A lot of girls are like oh just fk me in the ear and I'll remain pure.

[PatriceONeal]

Dont mind the spelling

[Asker]

Well I’m not really going to discuss my “purity” with a stranger on the internet

[PatriceONeal]

Contrary to what your post suggests.

[Alex8736]

TBH the biggest deal breaker is when you're dating someone and when getting to know their interests, likes & dislikes is when they talk about exes. just saying

[Asker]

A lot of guys ask how many exes you have

[Alex8736]

it's none of their business. the ones who ask usually never had a girlfriend before

[Asker]

Omg you think so!

[Alex8736]

i know so

[mb120101]

I wouldn't care about the body count aspect but I would realize that you have a habit of discarding (unless youve been dumped most of the time). It would be unsettling for me personally.

[loveslongnails]

How many ex's do you have? 25 would make me wonder! LOL

[Asker]

Probably not 25 of them but a few lol

[loveslongnails]

What's a few? 5 or less? Wouldn't phase me at all.

[Asker]

Like 11

[loveslongnails]

How many of those lasted more than 3 months?

[Asker]

Probably half!

[loveslongnails]

I'd say you're a "bit flighty", but I understand how those things go.

[Asker]

Yeah it's just life

[ThomasDavid1989]

I don't mind that you have ex's. I mind when you still hang out with them.

They're ex's hun. YOU REALIZED YOU'RE NOT COMPATIBLE

[Asker]

All of them are blocked

[Xovr3]

If a really good looking woman above the age of 25 is single and she wants a boyfriend I would be worried.

[Asker]

Why is that worrying?

[Xovr3]

If a good looking girl over the age of 25 is having a hard time finding or keeping a relationship its probably because she is not a good girlfriend.

Also, if she is good looking and was never able to hold down a relationship when she was younger it's probably because she was sleeping around a lot.

In my opinion it's a big red flag when a girl is really good looking and can't find a boyfriend or keep a boyfriend when she is over the age of 25

[Xovr3]

A Young good looking girl who is actually looking for a relationship and knows how to be a good girlfriend could almost have and keep whatever man she wants.

[Asker]

I think I’m fairly good looking but I don’t have a boyfriend nor have I slept with anyone just because I’ve had bad luck. I’m trying to date to meet my husband but a lot of men either want just sex, want to control me or they’re just not compatible with me. I don’t think it’s fair to say there’s something wrong with someone like me…a lot of the time it’s out of your control. Also when you’re good looking, it’s an advantage in the sense that you attract more people but it doesn’t change the way people treat you or project their insecurities and trauma on you. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that they push you a tad farther because they think you can take it (and we’re humans too, we can’t!)

[Xovr3]

It's possible a 25 year old girl could be a virgin and never really dated anyone. But in modern times that's usually not true, most women are sleeping around when they are young and looking for a relationship when they get into their older 20's. Also, a lot of women will never take blame and act like it's always men's fault for them not being able to find a relationship, when in reality it's extremely easy to find and keep a good man if you are young, good looking, and know how to treat a man, and yes sex is part of treating him right. Also, there is a big difference between sleeping around and having sex with people you are in a relationship with.

[shortster]

As the saying goes; sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince.

[Asker]

I like that

[Guardian45]

As a woman, would you find it weird that I have a lot of exes?

[Asker]

No but if you slept around a lot that’s a turn off

[Guardian45]

LOL! I don't sleep with any of my exes anymore.

[Guardian45]

Especially not my Ex-wife

[Asker]

That's fine then

[Guardian45]

GREAT! Thanks!

[Fireguy17]

I have a lot of exes as well.
I have learned over the years to never ask a question that you may not like the answer to.

[RavVid]

Well I would start the stopwatch because I would think I'm not going to last long.

[bowenw]

It's not weird. I'd never ask about your past relationships.

[chilldude33]

If you say a lot of exes, people will assume a lot of sexual partners.

No sex = doesn't count

[Anonymous]

No, it’s gross even if you haven’t had sex, you sure as shit have done things.

[Asker]

I actually haven’t

[Anonymous]

Just be honest. It's when women try to hide for fear of judgement that they trip themselves up. If you're a decent women TRUST that it will shine through.

[rabbitzzz]

Tell me the number so I can cry on your lap for a few hours.

[Twalli]

Considering your age, yes. The more exes you have the less likely you want or know how to have a long-term relationship.

[Slay256]

I wouldn’t mind if you tell me that. As you said, those men treated you wrong so i understand why you have a lot of exes.

[riverrat3]

First your past is no one's business, second sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince

[NathanDavis]

how many is too many?

[Asker]

Like a few… like at least 10

[NathanDavis]

shorter term relationships are not usually my way to go about these things... but, I would not assume much more about it

context does matter a lot in here

[Asker]

Alright

[Zayed_]

As an Arab, it would bother me a lot.

[Asker]

So you understand!!!

I’m Arab and I only date Arab men. But I don’t want to lie to anyone either. I haven’t had sex with any of them but it seems like I keep having bad luck and drama keeps happening. I don’t want to lie when I’m meeting a new guy…imagine something happens and he finds out I was lying

[Zayed_]

True, Never lie.
As long as you’re a virgin (I’m not questioning that)
If a guy likes you enough he would turn a blind eye even though it would bother him.
Just hide the idea that you’re using dating applications that would cause a lot of trouble

[Asker]

In what way do you think it would bother an Arab guy?
And what if I meet him through a dating app?

[Zayed_]

For a lot of reasons like:
1. He would surely feel insecure.
2. No matter how much he doesn’t want to judge the idea of a girl sleeping with a man will come to mind thus trust issues.
3. He doesn’t want to be a cuckold on his wedding day lol ( what I mean by this a lot of times in Arab men weddings a lot of people know that the girl isn’t a virgin and the bride doesn’t).
To be honest, you will never find a suitable guy in a dating app,
You know how our culture thinks about such apps and men who use them only have one intention which sex or to manipulate a girl for money

[Asker]

1) I promise I’m a virgin
2) how else am I supposed to meet them then

[Zayed_]

Through work, University, Family or someone who is a friend/relative of of a friend of yours.
This is probably why you got such a bad experience with men because you met them online!

[Zayed_]

Also you don’t know what plan Allah got for you.
You would probably find someone suddenly without realizing.
For example, once I was at a lawyers office and there was a cute girl working there, I wanted to talk to her so bad but I didn’t because I’m in a tough phase in my life.
You could come upon such situation

[Asker]

That's literally what my family say to me but I am honestly so suppressed. Like I haven't done any haram and at this point I am 25, I am young, I think I'm quite attractive and I just really want to feel loved and appreciated by a man. I have been so patient for so long and I feel like I am wasting my time just sitting there, waiting for him to magically turn up. And when I have met guys organically in real life, they were not good at all. So logically I think to myself I have to increase my chances of meeting guys, at least that way I can filter out the douchebags. In my head, I have the goal to find my husband at 25 and when I say husband I don't mean just find a man - but the man of my dreams that I would truly be in love and happy with.

It's tough. I think as an Arab guy you guys don't realise just how tough it is for us. We are taught to be a certain way but we're still humans we have needs and desires... maybe even more than western girls!

[Zayed_]

I gave you my opinion and advice the rest is up to you.
Even Arab men are taught to be a certain way.
I’m 26 and a virgin.
When I was aboard all my Arab friends slept with girls and I didn’t.
They always trolled me and thought I was crazy.
I’m not, I just don’t want to have sex without a goal and Allah’s blessing.
What’s funny is that they didn’t have the courage to sleep with normal girls, they just slept with prostitute.
In the end, I cut them out of my life.
I love life and I want to live it right

[Asker]

You’re the first Arab guy in my life that says this. I’ve never met a virgin Arab guy in my life. Even the ones I met through family. They all sleep around and drink etc

[Asker]

I actually believe virgin muslim guys don’t exist at all but I guess I’ve met you now and someone else here on GAG who claims he’s a virgin too.

After what I’ve seen it just seems impossible that men don’t have sex. That’s another reason why I’m scared of relationships. I obviously won’t have sex until marriage and I’m scared the guy I’m seeing is secretly sleeping with somebody else behind my back. It’s happened to me before. It made me feel extremely insecure.

[Asker]

My cousin (idiot) said to me an Arab guy will always cheat on me because I’m considered the boring inexperienced wife. Which is far from true because I know I’m not boring.

[Zayed_]

Since when is an inexperienced girl unattractive?
From talking to you, I realized that you’re confident which the key to a healthy relationship.
But you got trust issues and I don’t blame you but you need to think positive If you believe in God.
I have the same trust issues plus other personal things.

[Asker]

I really can’t believe im talking to an Arab guy like you. I can’t believe your kind exist. Even the ones I’ve dated which claim to be celibate I can’t believe them. I feel like they’re lying to lure me in. I know you’re not lying cause we’re not dating and there’s nothing you’d get out of it.

You said yourself you’ve been around friends like that. Im sure you understand where my trust issues and trauma stems from. Arab men have put me through so much shit but sadly im attracted to Arabs only.

[Zayed_]

What’s sad too is that I have known friends that were virgins and very good people but life tested them and they failed and continue to fail.
I have to be honest too and tell you that Arab women are the same, They are just too good at hiding it.
I’m only attracted to Arab women, other ethnicities an races don’t appeal to me.

[Asker]

That’s really interesting…. I mean at the end of the day I want a good man. If he has a past that’s between him and god. As long as he treats me with respect and loves me im happy. It’s just the trust issues part…and meeting him lol

[MadAndBankrupt]

Where you from?

[MadAndBankrupt]

Are you alyssia?

[Asker]

Yeah

[MadAndBankrupt]

Damn, you came back 😂

[Asker]

Yeah couldn’t stay off for too long haha

[MadAndBankrupt]

but something is really different about you this time!
I guess you’re more hopeless than last time lol
Your writing is a bit out of place too
I knew it was you because if your profile picture, you like such pics
Anyways, welcome back.

[Asker]

Am I really more hopeless? In what way 🤣?

Tragic that my writing is out of place

[MadAndBankrupt]

Ask yourself!

[EaterPeter]

Which country you live in?

[Asker]

UK L

[EaterPeter]

I don't know what relationship styles are there and if this is something common or not.

[Asker]

Compared to my friends I have more exes

[EaterPeter]

Nope

[EaterPeter]

Not weird for me

[EaterPeter]

I would be curios to know why it didn't worked and what exactly do you want from relationship

[EaterPeter]

Thanks for like

[Asker]

You’re welcome

[Tstrbrainer]

What I find weird in you are your insecurities

[Asker]

Really like what?

[Tstrbrainer]

I get a feeling that you are really concerned about your looks and the type of impression you have on people.

I remember you once saying you had body dismorphia or something like that.

I also get a feeling from your posts that anyone could put you down as you are not confident.

[Asker]

Yeah I’m quite turbulent when it comes to my confidence

[Tstrbrainer]

*in terms of your likeability.

And I feel like if a guy cheats on you , you feel devastated. That's not really good in my opinion

[Asker]

I’ve been cheated on before and I feel like if it ever happens to me again I will actually kill myself

[Asker]

Like it’s destroys me

[Tstrbrainer]

Can you explain why it destroys you.
Your existence is not dependent on someone who don't value you

[Asker]

Because I think cheating is extremely low and I would never ever under any circumstances do that to someone. I can’t justify in my head why someone would do that to me especially knowing I loved him and we were in a very serious relationship. I was engaged

[Tstrbrainer]

Yes but all people in the world don't care about you, right?

There's an equal chance that everyone would get into a relationship with a cheater, and the cheating might happen, but do you have to respond by killing yourself or destroying yourself or by living an even better life?

[Tstrbrainer]

You don't have to justify someone else cheating on you.
You have to think what you can do to make your life better

[Asker]

Thank you and I appreciate that but when it happened to me it really destroyed me. I was absolutely shattered. I’m not the same person as I used to be and I’m quite traumatised. I even think I didn’t find relationships so challenging as I do now after it happened. It’s not easy for me to open up to someone because of some of the things I’ve been through in my childhood. I opened up to him and I really loved him and I couldn’t accept that he cheated on me. Til this day I have a massive fear of being cheated on with every guy I meet and I go into full panic attack mode.

Sorry I don’t mean to throw all of this in but it just somehow was brought up lol

[Tstrbrainer]

It's alright. It's important that you said it.
Have you tried talking to a therapist?

By the way you can't live in fear of being cheated on, it's easy for me to say, but the best we can do is look out for the subtle red flags.

[Asker]

Yes I have and it helped a lot! She said fear is just not knowing what the future is. Actually since therapy I’ve been able to put myself out there more and date around. But I think after what happened to me cheating is always going to be a little bit of a trigger. It is what it is…you know 🤷🏻‍♀️ I went through a really tough time there are no words to explain it. I’m very proud of myself for coming out of it. I’m taking it one day at a time.

[Asker]

I don’t really want to go into what I went through. But the feelings I had were horrible. He knew how much I loved him and I was so invested in him and he literally used that to stab me in the heart.

[Tstrbrainer]

I understand. The best news is you came out of it. Also I think you are a person who really loves to love.
A lot of people would die to have a passionate lover like you.

[Asker]

Aw thanks so much! That’s so nice

[Jamie05rhs]

@Tstrbrainer has a lot of wise words here.

[Tstrbrainer]

Thank you. Been through some tough times myself

[Jamie05rhs]

You're welcome, man!

[kareka]

Its normaaal
But you mean u still virgin?

[Asker]

Yes still a virgin

[kareka]

I congratulate you that's good

[kareka]

I nevertook girl's virginty before tbh
Just make out

[Asker]

Thanks

[kareka]

May you follow me back?

[Asker]

Sure

[kareka]

Thanks ❤️

[exitseven]

I just would figure that you are hard to love.

[Asker]

Thank you 😂

[Jamie05rhs]

No; that's fine. It's no big deal.

[OddBeMe]

Are they in Texas?

[Asker]

No lol. One of them is!!! Shit forgot about him haha

[OddBeMe]

Yes I know, Victoria. I still haven’t forgiven you. I want my shirts back.

[Asker]

Haha only if you'd be my sugar daddy :)

[OddBeMe]

I’d put you on the street and expect you fill my trap biatch!

Not really that’s sex trafficking which is horrible.

[Asker]

Yeah I was a bit frightened when I first read that 🤣🤣

[OddBeMe]

I regretted the joke. But not enough to erase it. I’m a half hero.