What to do if a guy you recently started dating already starts catching feelings for you?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I just wanted to have fun and I think he wants us to be in a relationship already. He basically already acts as if he is my boyfriend.

We have just kissed. Nothing else.

I think I messed up, what can I do?

He’s a nice person and a very romantic one as well. He’s a cute guy as well. But I don’t feel attracted. I am not ready for a relationship… And I don’t think I want to be in a relationship with him.

I don’t want to hurt him either… What do I do?

Updates

+1 y

Here’s the development of the story. Today we went out and I was going to tell him I want us to take things slow. Next thing, that happened is that we got into a car accident and he told me he loves me…

Bow I feel like the worst person in the world to tell him I don’t reciprocate, and to do that the same day he got his car crashed and confessed his feelings… I messed up big time.

[DaveJord]

I am confused... You said in the question; "What to do if a guy you recently started dating already starts catching feelings for you?"

Isn't that point of dating? To start seeing someone in order to see if that is someone you want to continue seeing? If you don't want to continue seeing him then you just tell him is not going to work out.

Then you say, "I just wanted to have fun and I think he wants us to be in a relationship already. He basically already acts as if he is my boyfriend."

But in the opening, you said you recently started dating... so are you dating him or not? You sound pretty confused yourself about what's going on. Again, you started dating him, or not, and if so, isn't he supposed to catch feelings?

If you just want to have fun, then you need to tell him that you are not interested in having a relationship and that you just want to have fun and play the field. Thats honestly the best thing you can do for him. You cannot get caught up in worrying about hurting his feelings, because it sounds like you already fuck it up by not handling the situation right from the start. So just rip it off like a band aid, sure it will hurt his feelings, but in the long run it's the best thing you can do for him.

Of course, you will look like an asshole who led him on, by kissing him and essentially dating him, without being upfront about not wanting a relationship in the first place. So, are just trying to find a nice way out for him or yourself?

If for him, then don't bother just straight up tell him, "That you do not see a future possibility for a romantic relationship with him." Thats the best thing for him. Don't elaborate with him, just tell him its not going to work out and say goodbye to him.

Next time you meet a guy, just be honest with him, that you are not sure if you want a relationship with him, but you want to go out and see where it goes.

[burlen]

If you have just started dating someone and they have already started developing strong feelings for you, I suggest to handle the situation with care and respect.

Be honest: It's important to be honest about your own feelings and intentions. If you are not ready for a serious relationship, let them know. Don't lead them on or give them false hope.

Communicate openly: Talk to them about their feelings and try to understand where they are coming from. Ask them what they are looking for in a relationship and make sure you are on the same page.

Take things slow: If you feel like they are moving too fast, don't be afraid to slow things down. Set boundaries and take the time to get to know each other before jumping into anything serious.

Be respectful: It's important to respect their feelings and be sensitive to their emotions. Don't dismiss their feelings or make them feel like their emotions are invalid.

Give them space: If you feel like they are becoming too attached, it may be helpful to give them some space. This doesn't mean ignoring them, but rather allowing them to process their emotions and giving them the time they need to figure out what they want.

[DubiousIntentions]

If someone is catching feeling that fast I would be worried that he was desperate for a relationship or something like that. You can't even know someone in a months' time, unless you are spending every single day with them. I would tell someone like that to slow down Joe, you keep this up and you've got to go.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

We’ve known each other for 2 months, we met at a party of our mutual friends.

[DubiousIntentions]

Well then you must have spent a lot of time together. Who knows, maybe he feels you remind him as his mother.

[DizzyDesii]

I mean why “date” if you dont want it to become a relationship? If you just want fun then establish it as “hanging out”, “hooking up” or “friends with benefits” from the get go. Rejecting him is going to hurt him but oh well rip the bandaid off and ask if he still wants to stick around as a playmate

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am not really into hooking up or friends with benefits.

[DizzyDesii]

I dont blame you. But tell me this, were you okay with the date until before the kiss? Because if the kiss wasn't good then i dont blame you for wanting to dip 😂

[OlderAndWiser]

1. "I think I messed up" Think about what you did that was messed up so that you can avoid making the same mistake again. Learn something from this experience.

2. Physical attraction can develop over time, but that doesn't matter if you really don't want to be in a committed relationship now.

3. You can't make him go backwards with his feelings. If you have a talk, he wll probaby agree to slow down, but only because he doesn't want the relationship to come to an end. But he will still want a "relationship." The best thing for him, and for you, is to end the relationship now so you can minimize the hurt feelings involved.

[OlderAndWiser]

He doesn't love you. He thinks he loves you. He wants to be in love. He wants to fulfill a dream he has in his head. That isn't love.

[Guy13]

There must be a big worldview discrepancy because your post is one thread away from "Perfect" but is not... Religion or Politics?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Perfect? What’s perfect? Don’t fully get it.

[Guy13]

Most people want a guy committed leaning in the beginning and willing to invest towards a long-term relationship. Most women.
You sound like you want friendship fun and guys like him do not see a Vision with that interpretation.

IF eventually your worldview includes marriage, family, and all that etc it needs to be made clear with 🙌 do NOT rush me included in talk.
And, “I am not playing games as I know what it is like to be hurt” included.

[bean2k21]

It's important to be honest with him about how you feel, even if it may be difficult. It's better to address these issues early on rather than letting them linger and potentially causing more hurt in the long run.

You could have a conversation with him and explain that while you enjoy spending time with him and appreciate his romantic gestures, you're not feeling a romantic attraction towards him. It's important to be clear that this is not a reflection on him as a person, but rather your own personal feelings.

You can also express that you don't want to lead him on or hurt him, and that you hope you can continue to be friends if that's something he's comfortable with. It's important to give him space and time to process his own feelings, and not to pressure him to immediately respond or make a decision.

Remember that it's okay to prioritize your own feelings and needs, and to communicate them respectfully and honestly. It may be a difficult conversation, but it's important to address these issues early on to prevent further hurt and confusion.

[lightbulb27]

If you aren't attracted why are you kissing him? It sounds like he felt comfortable as did you and you are backing away.

I'm not so convinced what you are saying is the truth. Are you being avoidant of intimacy and commitment? There must be some connection here, else you wouldn't kiss him... unless you were drunk. Are you possibly running from someone that shows affection because... you have to fill in that blank.

Are you historically drawn in my problem cases and wounded birds?

But that isn't your question.

You have to take control and back off and say you don't want a relationship, you apologize softly. He's hurt, and he backs off or goes away or keeps chasing until you give in.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I have always been anxious avoidant, hence why I use this username “LaFemmeFatale”, ever since I was 17, I would always back off at the last minute, backing away when guys already had caught feelings for me.

My ex fiancé was the only one who somehow unlocked that pattern and made me commit, once committed I am very loyal and a really good girlfriend.

But now, the thought of commitment or falling in love with someone - cringes me. Makes me feel super uncomfortable.

That being said, It’s just been 5-6 months since my break up with my fiancé and I don’t think I am fully over either.

[fonduegirl]

It's just a kiss. He'll get over it. Get away fast, girl.

[lightbulb27]

Patting myself on the back for seeing through this somewhat. The underlying root cause of your intimacy issue... it was before the last boyfriend it appears, possibly early in life. If not, then what happened at 17 is the question.
No wonder, you put your heart out there and had it chopped off, so you aren't going to trust... connection, although you want it, will feel awful. That's normal until you resolve the prior pain and the root cause.

Id suggest when you talk to him so you are clear that you need healing time, maybe can explain given the recent breakup, and need to do some work on yourself before even considering relationship. That said, are you going to work on yourself in the absence of an agitant and stress or going to waste time and just ditch him?
I don't think it's fair to say you aren't interested in him because your heart is messed up.

If you don't know where to start, that's another matter. Probably a therapist, but that is more about finding the offending experiences in life and healing those.

It's wise to take time to heal from breakups and that one sounded impactful given probable trust impact.
don't worry... you sound very normal... but have to heal.
You need to be strong.

[lightbulb27]

I say early life because trust developes early, lik e 0-2 and it sounds like what you are describing, but certainly some diagnostic work be helpful as you examine your life.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yel, I’ve had this problem ever since I was very young. At 17 I just got this username “LaFemmeFatale”, because I was feeling like I hurt everyone I cared for.

In truth, I was just 9 when a boy told me he loved me and I run away. I’ve been doing that ever since. This story always ended one way, exception was my ex fiancé. He was the only man I’ve been in a relationship with.

I was really surprised he managed to get in my shell, but he somehow did. I was 22 and thought I was smart enough to know that was someone I could trust. And he was…

It’s just the circumstances that made it end and now that I had my trust broken, I think I am back to the old patterns, I do want closeness and love but as soon as I notice that, I just want to disappear.

Once I commit, I am absolutely a great girlfriend though.

But the thought of someone expecting me to love them - makes me worried and I feel like I am not ready for this responsibility.

Not to mention my attachment style, I did just recover from a break up which I at some point thought would kill me as it was such a strong emotional pain.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

As for my ex fiance, at the dating stage he was very patient and understanding to me. He was willing to wait no matter what it took.

At some point he even slept next to me for over 2 months without having sex.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Also, I crave love and intimacy and can be quite emotionally vulnerable but as soon as I notice them catching feelings I act like a terrible person and back away. The past 4 years I was in a relationship and didn’t really date anyone, thought I overcame that problem once I got into a successful long term relationship and found myself to be very loving, loyal, dedicated and a caring girlfriend.

I thought my ex set me free from the curse.

But here I am doing the same things I did at 17-22 and literally all my life.

[lightbulb27]

You have an opportunity to correct some deep seated issues (wounds) that are distorting your life. Relationships and losses, that's when emotional issues turn up and thus when we can most easily address them... since these are emotional issues and relationships exercise our deeper emotions and sorting out what "is goign on or went wrong". Made me sad to hear 9yr old story, and how impactful it is. I could have hurt so many girls and wasn't their fault... it was me. We personalize things as kids so much, in minds, that can't process it.

Just understanding yourself helps, but that doesn't change that gut feeling you need to resolve. That's deep work. Does it feel like "I'm not worthy"? Maybe that's the emotional hit you took when the boy ran away and you held that "energy"..."said I'm not good enough, or people are going to leave me... so I ain't gonna take that risk again. That... would be an "oath", which needs removed if so. These become programmed emotional "beliefs" that no longer serve your best interests.

Correcting this... you've hit on it... it's patterns. Find where the pattern originated, speak the truth to it and release it's power, and then repeat what's really true, so a new pattern sets in. Then to add strength, find the value in all this so that it isn't all a loss but if you had not gone through this, you'd never had known or be able to give ________ to others. Fill that in and live out of that strength, then you have power.. turned lemon to lemonaide to speak, but it's emotional power.

[lightbulb27]

You can "pray" things off like guilt and such or have other do so, if that's your inclination, I think a worthy consideration. A therapist.. that can be worthy visit, focused on discovery and resolution of past issues that are holding you back... so that you are operating out of emotions of love, respect, and confidence... not fear of loss and shame. As well, journaling early impacting experiences as well as disposing of emotional junk and focusing on what it is you really want in life.

It all makes sense once you get perspective on yourself. You are operating out of some "hurt" emotions... living in fear of something of the past that is not true, was mis translated from a childs mind. Like examine what you believed about what this little boy said and why it resonated like that... and correct that, because you were 9.

Also readup on "highly sensitive" person, there's a website and book. It may be you, so you find tools to better manage yourself going forward.

It strikes me as possible the roots of this are before 9... like you didn't get the attention from parent. Seen that happen when there's a sick child that gets all attention, as example, and the parents are worn out. Benefit of therpist... takes more digging to find and sometimes very hard since our memories not as good, or siblings, etc... It's easy to mis translate and personalize experiences (fear, I'm not loved, I'm not worthy, I can't trust anyone) as a child.
Good exercise is journaling.

[lightbulb27]

From all of that, you can thank these boyfriends for their services in helping you to recover yourself. Definitely focus on you right now since you cannot give yourself at the moment, but you will when coming from your true self, in image of how you were made.

All food forthought. hope that helps, I've been through a lot of that obviously... it is a life process, but there's greater times of epiphany than other times.

If that isn't an MHO I don't know what is...:)

[lightbulb27]

p. s. this is fun for me, if I'm right, it validates my perception. If you wish, keep me/us posted how you progress.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Thanks so much for this detailed answer. I am at work, I’ll read better when I have a free time.

When I was 9, the boy didn’t run away. I run away. He told me he loved me and I had feelings for him too, but I was scared and run away, then called my mom to take me back to the city I lived in and finished my holidays earlier, just so I wouldn’t see him anymore. All of this drama was because he told me he loved me and he wanted me to be his girlfriend haha. I know it’s funny at 9.

But I still run away and when I went back a year later, I acted like I didn’t know him.

In childhood my mom was bipolar and I had some issues with mom, who was neglectful or rude one day and very sweet and lovely the next day. I never knew which version of her I would wake up with, so I was always scared.

I forgave her and I healed from that childhood trauma but seems like it affects my relationships to thus day.

[lightbulb27]

I think you just hit the nail on the head then. That makes total sense. It helps to know you ran away not him, although... it was just 9yrs. Clearly, you took an impact to "trust" when you were a child and it was personalized. I'll let you describe what that was.
Forgiveness would be part of the process, the other part is possibly "reparenting" your inner child, healing those false believes, putting love in them.
This is where God to me fits in... it fills a void none other can, just keep it in the purity of..."you are loved and worthy". Maybe there are other approaches in therapy.

That is what is going on... you are repeating to others what was done to you when you were a very impressionable child! Time to break that pattern and create a new one so you can pursue your life with passion.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Thank you so much. This is definitely MHO.

It feels great to be understood…

Thanks for that.

And thanks for not judging but instead trying to help to find a solution. I’ve explored everything about attachments in the past, cause I was worries about my ability to hurt people I cared for and also my inability to commit once I felt they had feelings for me.

I really thought ai overcame that, after all I was able to maintain a very good relationship for over 3 years and I was the best girlfriend, really. Maybe even a bit too giving and too loving.

But seems like that pattern is so deeply ingrained in me that I don’t have much control or power over it. When I feel like I need to run away the feeling is so strong, I keep doing that again and again.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I’ve always felt like before 22, that’s when I got into a relationship l, I used to “steal” the feelings of guys - fill in my storage for short and then leave. In a relationship I was really happy though and gave my all to him.

[lightbulb27]

I can relate to you because that's kinda what I did. I'd block/run away. It's protection mechanism. When I'm committed, Im all in and I don't give in. In some cases, I'd partially commit... that is... I'd keep a distance in some ways.
I'm better now, some damage was done over time and I lost a lot of time.
It's good you can learn from this, that's what it is all about.

I'd rename yourself so you don't hold onto this false image of yourself based upon your wounded self.
By the way, what you are doing... is STANDARD human. You will see this all over the place, your friends, on this site... but in different ways. People harbor wounds... which are simply their emotional impressions of themselves and it defines and limits them. People who evaluate as you do, can correct those things and get to a different and better place in life. Others remain stuck. It's emotional control in a fallen [emotionally] world.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

May I ask how did you overcome that? I think I can try to learn from you.

For me, I’ve already done that to so many great guys.

I am also not into casual relationships or casual sex either, so it’s also hard for me, by running away, I don’t let myself enjoy the intimacy I want.

I also change a lot when they fall for me, like I purposely sabotage the relationship.

My ex was really patient and understanding and he was also a very stubborn person so didn’t give uo on me even though everyone else would give up had they been treated the same way I treated him when dating.

Then after 5 months of dating, he moved in my home, told me he would just sleep next to me and would try nothing, because he wanted me to open up. I was annoyed but also slowly fell for him harder and when I realized that he had been sleeping next to me for 2 months and how hard it was for him to just be there next to a sexy girl and do nothing, I decided he was trustworthy enough.

And only after that we made love for the first time.

Who’s going to be that patient?

[lightbulb27]

oh man, I can relate to that..."purposely sabotage". That's what I'd do to every girl that give me interest. I wasn't too bad early in life, but there was some cumulative issues in my self worth and trust. My mom was good person, but she was spread thin. She put a lot of fear in me over time. I was raised to be single.. sadly. Love my mom, but yea, something got messed up. I was very sensitive, self esteem low [various reasons], several times I put oaths on myself to never have a family [due to fear]. No female was going to get past those curses, only the most tenacious. Ultimately my wife is the tenacious type that does not give up, saw through my issues and got past them to where I'm committed. She should have walked many times, I pushed her away, but she doesn't give up and that's what it takes. Can't tell ya how many times she'd have to fight to get me to see something I didn't see.

[lightbulb27]

I tried to list the tools above. Here's kinda my process over decades. Found Christ to open my heart. That worked, but those emotions would still screw me. Then started trying to date and experienced what you are going through now. Eventually got into bad relationships that reflected my broken view of self. Learned how attraction works! Felt good, but was not good. Next relationship... ended up going through 5 therapists as she "pulled her hair out". Not all my fault, she had issues too, but I had mine. Got in relationship w my girlfriend/now wife and that turned to a mess. After being in enough heartache I committed to grow. I did some work on myself, journaling, challenging myself, clearing oaths, spent time with a counselor that had her own program I walked through. I felt lot better. I started to see more clearly what was going on. I eventually got back w girlfriend and committed. Took some doing still, but got to a good stable place and Im committed. I missed out having my own kids, that's the sad part. I share her kids so I get some experiences and it's good, we're a good family. Hopefully you have time, to identify what you want and set the proper course correction.

[lightbulb27]

I may be able to write the steps more succinctly if you aren't seeing it. If you are christian, then you have one set of tools. If you are not, then it's things Im less familiar with. Although, it ends up being similar I think... basically... cleanup the emotions.
There's various videos you can watch to further your knowledge of yourself so you see how this all works, if you do't get it yet. But knowledge doesn't change emotion, that's sub conscious work. There's videos on that I maybe can dig up, which I tried to describe above. It's hard work, changing is difficult. You're going to have to face your fears...
All this is well understood... you can lookup Erickson Clark chart for development and see why you do what you do, another tool to "peer inside". But again, that's knowledge, not change.

[lightbulb27]

you better deal with this, you need to represent yourself. Its ok for him to have his feelings, you have your needs. you can't live in fear of his reaction and get sucked into something you can't handle.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Yep, you are right. I’ll try to suppress my empathy. I am a very empathetic person generally. It’s just I’d rather end it sooner than later. I was just thinking of giving him a nice memory to remember, I don’t want to stick around.

[lightbulb27]

good call. You need to do some studying up on empathetic people and how they draw the opposite energy. There's web sites and books on this... important to have good boundaries and strength and confidence before you get into relationships. Else you will get run over and probability is high people who are of poor emotional healthy because they seek the empathy.

[Anonymous]

I'll be honest with you without sugar coating it if you're interested in that.
If you are, here you go:

Sometimes in order to do what's best for you, you have to hurt people. Things don't just work out, and you can't go through life successfully without stomping on some toes.
If you're not into him and it's clear that he's starting to fall for you, you need to end whatever it is you two have right now. Otherwise you're only hurting yourself and eventually him even more when he's ready to start a life with you and realizes you were never going to let that happen from the beginning

You can either give him a proverbial kick in the balls now, or cut them off with bolt cutters later

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

Yup. You messed up a little. Just tell it to him plainly. Don't ghost him, but confront him and tell him plainly. I am sure he will understand, or act as if he understands

If you just want fun, then set some ground rules for yourself. Those will definitely help you a lot.

[The_Shadow_Dweller]

Just be practical for once, sister. It will do good for not only him, but you also.

[loveslongnails]

If you weren't attracted to him, why the hell did you kiss him? You're best option at this point is to say " I'm not looking for a relationship now. If you're looking for one, I'm not the girl for you now and you'll just be disappointed".

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

He’s handsome. It’s just he’s not better looking than my ex fiancé and I think I am not fully over him. He kissed me and I just kissed back to prove myself I finally moved on from my past relationship.

I know, that sounds very bad.

[loveslongnails]

Forget judging good or bad, and let's stick to what's real and what's a rationalization. Did kissing him back "PROVE" to yourself that you were really over your ex? Sounds to me like you convinced yourself somewhere along the line that IF and WHEN you kiss the next guy, it will MEAN you're over the last guy! Uh, no - it just means you wanted to kiss the next guy because as you said ----------
He's handsome !!! The fact that you said "I know - that sounds very bad", tells me you also know it's not true. LOL

[fonduegirl]

It was a kiss. You kiss people you love. Lmao I love guys who are holding it against her. It was just a kiss hahaha XD

[loveslongnails]

@anon1903 You don't necessarily "love" everyone you kiss. Not only that, she just recently started dating the guy, so she doesn't love him, she barely knows him, and by her own admission isn't even attracted to him!

[fonduegirl]

Still, a kiss can be experimental

[loveslongnails]

@anon1903 Are you going to make the argument that "It's In His Kiss" to find out if you love somebody? LOL A kiss can be nothing more than you felt like being kissed, or you're horny and hope it will lead to something else.

[fonduegirl]

She kissed because she felt like it. Shrugs.

[loveslongnails]

@anon1903 Excatly... cuz it felt good. Cuz he was "handsome", but he's not handsome enough to be attractive. Read her posts. She kissed him, in part, believing that it proved she was over he ex. It didn't prove that, or anything else. LOL

[Anonymous]

Based on your post and all the replies I've read, I think you already know what you should do.

But aside from that, based on your replies to other people, I believe that you are probably looking for someone who is just as patient and understanding as your ex-fiancé. When that happens, then you will feel attracted to the person. You're probably looking for an emotional attraction.

Someone who will never change regardless of how you treat them and will always love you and be by your side. (maybe, you also expect them to have a blunt personality and prioritize other things in life instead of love-bombing you all the time, just my guess)

Do you happen to be ISFP/INFP personality type? Just wondering.

[Anonymous]

Why are you dating then? Why have you been kissing?

If you don't like someone you simply shouldn't do that, you played with him, is confusing, it makes no sense. If you feel nothing and you just wanted to have fun, you're just wasting his time, tell him what you just told us and leave the guy alone, the damage is already done. If you just want to have fun find people who just want to have fun, not everyone is up for games, specially at your age.

[Pacquet]

You mess up by not communicating. Literally tell him how you feel and be clear about it. Say “I just want to make sure we’re on the same page, I’m not looking for a relationship just something casual. What are you looking for?” It’s that simple.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know about you, but I’m 26 and ready to settle down now. Dating gets harder as u age. And I just want a family at this point. Why don’t you want that?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I had a fiancé, I was ready to settle down with him. It’s not like I am desperate to find a life partner. If I don’t find that’s okay as well. It’s just the only person I wanted that with, is out if my life.

With this guy, I am not sure I am attracted enough to lock myself into a relationship.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I know certainly I wouldn’t want to be in an exclusive relationship with him.

[fonduegirl]

Different priorities :/

[Still-alive]

unfortunately its too late to not hurt him. just tell him now before he gets even more feelings for you. you really oughtta tell guys from the get go you aren't after anything serious then its on them if they try to be serious or not. anything less and it feels like you are just leading them on

[melanieeeB]

I personally would run away as fast as I can, it would be way too fast for me personally.

[Adaeva]

Dump him for hotter guy. That is satisfied for casual sex but will do better when choosing a relationship.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I mean he’s not a bad looking guy otherwise I’d not even go on a date, it’s just I am not that attracted.

[Adaeva]

Nevertheless, if you are not seeking a relationship, I believe you can do better. Or perhaps you feel he may be relationship material but, for now, you are not ready and wish to keep your options open.

[SpokenTruth]

He's the one that could do better, much better in fact.

[Slay256]

@SpokenTruth exactly, he’s the one who should dump her, he’s wasting his time

[boggboss]

End things as u guys clearly have different wants now

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I mean, I don’t mean anything sexual by having fun. It’s just I finally recovered from the break up and this handsome guy asked me out. I thought, why not. I’ll have fun. I am definitely having a good time but I think he obviously wants more than that.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

How do I end things with him without hurting him?

I do really enjoy those dates it’s just I don’t want anything else.

[boggboss]

U can't he will be upset that u just see it as fun and want nothing more can't really change that just gotta do it

[fonduegirl]

You should tell him. Quick like a bandaid. Delaying it just means he's gonna get hurt most.

[earthcitizen7]

Talk to him and tell him how you feel. If you get negative vibes from him after you do this, then run, run away FAST!

God created Our Universe with Love and Free Will. Use your Free Will to Love!

[RavVid]

Hmmh. I think you have to talk about it and let him know your side. Ask if he does have feelings for you and thank him if he does but be definite in saying that you can't return those feelings. He will need a break from you.

[TheSpaceGnome]

If you aren't attracted to him, you shouldn't be dating him, and if you aren't ready for a relationship, you shouldn't be dating anyone.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I thought he was handsome and I would have fun to go on a date, I didn’t expect him to get so serious so soon.

He’s handsome but not that handsome to be my future boyfriend.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

That being said, I don’t even feel attracted to anyone.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I stand by my initial statement, dating is only for intent to be in a relationship, You are using it like its just hanging out. It's really mean in my opinion.

[TheSpaceGnome]

What you should do is stop dating him, and only date someone if you already have feelings for them.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

How do I get feelings if I don’t them though?

But I don’t have feelings.

The other day a very hot guy asked me out, I got shy and told him I am busy. I am silly.

[TheSpaceGnome]

You get to know the person first as friends before dating them.

[Mayo503]

You really should tell him how you feel ….
And if he’s a good friend he should understand you…. Because end of day that’s what you wanted isn’t it….
Or you need to say can’t do this…

[Mayo503]

You just looking for chat on here by the looks of things your saying one thing and then your saying the other thing so think you need to have a think in what your saying …
But you shouldn’t feel bad about it ….
That’s what a relationship is all about isn’t it?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am conflicted myself.

[Mayo503]

You’re saying you just want fun and he wants relationship so what fun are you talking about…?
Fun in bed or out and about fun enjoying each other company

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Each other’s company - I mean. Like a company of someone nice. Which he is, but I am not ready for anything else. I didn’t even think of our dating as an actual dating. I was thinking it was just fun and I wouldn’t imagine he’d confess so soon. Honestly, I just thought I’d just be back in the game to have some fun and enjoy the male company and
forget my ex fiance.

If I wanted fun in bed, I’d have fun with the hottest guys here.

I don’t want though.

[Mayo503]

Lol…. Well on that you shouldn’t feel bad about how he feels towards you….
Maybe he has misunderstood him self
I don’t know but if you feel like that you need to tell him….
Good luck ….

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[Jamie05rhs]

"I just wanted to have fun."

Folks, this is what happens when a bad woman finds a good man.

(Men, take note.)

[Vikkrram]

Ma'am please don't ever tell him that you looking to have fun. It would break his hurt. Ma'am look ok you wanna have fun go ahead ask him but i would suggest you to spend some time wid him.

[Fireguy17]

Time to have a talk with him about your feelings.
He may want more in a relationship, and if you don't feel the same way then you need to tell him.
Do't waste his time, it isn't fair to him.

[warsevf]

Just break it up now before you hurt him anymore. Next time be honest in communication, yes it can be difficult to say these things and misunderstanding. Make sure its crystal clear. It hurts really bad

[itsalyssaagain]

You have to tell him exactly what you just told us. If he decides he still wants to continue with you, then that's on him.

[fonduegirl]

Yes, let him decide

[fonduegirl]

If he gets hurt, that one would be on him

[RockyHammock]

You can't help what you're not attracted to. If you can't see yourself with him 5 years down the road, break it off now and let him find peace with someone new whose ready for a relationship.

[Anonymous]

it is often way more hurtful to wait/avoid telling the truth, so if you really do not want to hurt him the best is most likely to tell him how you feel/do not feel and let him move on.

[Lynx122]

Just tell him now that you're not interested. Waiting long sucks more.

[Twalli]

Tell him that you want to take things slowly. You can't commit yet, but you don't want him to think you won't ever do it.
You may develop feelings. It happened. I wouldn't burn any bridges yet.

[BJP21]

Start hitting the brakes and start setting boundaries. Let him know you are not ready for anything serious YET.

[Guanfei]

That's the fucking point of dating, you're even supposed to have feelings before. You even kissed.

He's doing things right, you aren't.

[Zayed_]

Why did you kiss him If you’re not attracted to him?

[Anonymous]

Ooooh Feelings... the worst STD of them all 😀

[ThomasDavid1989]

Casual flings are not ok.

What you are doing is wrong

Please stop, and break it off

[TrillXHippy]

Date first catch feelings later? That makes no sense

[Liliana-jam]

Every situation and person is different, I don't believe in "too soon" as it's something you feel.

[inluvwangel]

here's a question for you instead.
what do genuine people date for?

[NathanDavis]

just be honest and clear about it

[Pegases]

Here's a thought, tell him that...

[Anemone978]

Tell him the truth don't waste his time...

[LovingJo]

Isn't that the whole point? 😂🙄

[SpokenTruth]

You don't date somebody to have fun.

[Anonymous]

I run like hell at that point.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

God… I feel really bad. He’s a nice person. I feel like a very bad person. I just wanted to get a distraction from my work and also finally try dating someone after my break up. I didn’t really expect things to get serious so soon.

I don’t want to hurt him either. What do I do?

[Rosexøxø]

He probably views the relationship as ideal because you probably gave him little emotional baggage, but a lot of the rebound sex or sexy chats, if all you both did was kissed?

I just remembered that information so is it possible it’s reversed and you gave him a lot of girl gab from the break up and no sexual rewards?

If you feel bad, did you use him?

I don't know he seems like the marrying type of he got no sex and was still talking and behaving like a GOOD GUY.

Be honest as you probably have been with him about your own struggles and problems and I don't know be willing to be by his side until he recovers or let him go from there?

Whichever is less hurtful and the one that would mean you kind of recompensed him for his time and efforts with you 🤷‍♀️.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

@Rosexøxø Haven’t done anything sexual, we haven’t even sexted.

Just a kiss.

I didn’t use him, but now that he’s catching feelings I feel like a bad person because all I wanted from these dates was just to have fun dating again, after my messy break up, I wanted to feel like I am in game again. After 5 months since break up, I wanted to prove myself that I am finally over him.

I don’t want to catch feelings for anyone anytime soon. I do miss intimacy and all, but I don’t think I am ready for all this. The thought of commitment scares me and I don’t want it anymore. I want to feel free and I want to live without falling in love anytime soon.

[Rosexøxø]

I totally understand and I have just left a breakup scene too. I get what you mean entirely.

The thing is you can tell who’s a player and who isn’t most of the time, and to know your objective and see his is not a player or hooker, it seems somewhat wrong. I too have done this.

I won’t say much and I certainly won’t speak about morals because I’m in NO position to do so.

And at the end of the day that man is a grown man I just think a lot of people who are saying to be clear about both of your objectives would be helpful.

If there’s a clear misalignment, treating the situation accordingly will be best.

Treat and handle it as a situation because at the basics you don’t see it as an exclusive relationship.

No judgement, let’s just get past these things yk?

I speak for myself most of all as well.

I wish you the best and I hope you him and everyone including myself heal and love a good adventurous/ fun life.

[David_Kek]

@lafemmefatale_1 "After 5 months since break up, I wanted to prove myself that I am finally over him" - It sounds like you're not over him, at all. You should be more honest with this guy that you're on the rebound. If you hurt him, you hurt him, that's just something you'll have to live with and learn from in future. If you actually do like him and see something at some point in the future, he might still stay friendzoned for the time being if he does like you enough, but even if he doesn't you owe him the honesty of the situation that you're still not over your ex.
I find it hard to believe you don't see any possible future with this guy since you do seem to care, but on the off chance you genuinely see zero chance of a future relationship with this guy, then you don't just owe him honesty, you'll also owe him an apology. Yet i doubt that's the guess. In any case, be honest with him, and be honest with yourself. You are not over your ex.

[es20490446e]

Try telling him to slow down.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

Tell him you're not interested.

[Iron_Man]

That’s up to you how you wanna handle it

[In_Trance]

I think you should end it now

[Anonymous]

I'd ditch him.

[Raouled42]

Check this out

[Nuthouse]

Tbh it’s a hard conversation to have

[Anonymous]

Why are you a whore

[Djitktg]

Ur lucky

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

How am I?

[Djitktg]

Men don’t even seriously ask me out. If they do it’s cuz they want easy cheap sex and they think I’d give it. So if a guy actually has feelings just feel lucky

[Anonymous]

Just tell him