What should I do, I’m catching feelings for him?

[Anonymous]

There’s a guy I’ve been talking to as friends for a little over a month. He said he has a girlfriend but I actually found out that he actually has a fiancé..

We never flirted with eachother we just talked and I asked him about his nationality because he’s from another country and he speaks French...

we have a lot in common so there was a lot to talk about and I would tell him about my guy problems..

so oneday... I asked him about his wedding and I asked him if he had any friends that I could date...

he said yeah but he also said that he would be jealous..

I asked why.. and he said “coz I love u”

he said he feels a deep connection and a strong vibration between us..

I feel the same way but I don't know if he’s for real or I don't know what to do

[Jamie05rhs]

He's a shithead. He doesn't know what he wants, and he can't be trusted to be faithful. Run far away.

[Asker]

I really like him but you’re so right 😓

[Jamie05rhs]

Yeah. Sorry.

[Iron_Man]

Just talk to the guy and ask him out it’s OK to do that nowadays for women

[Asker]

What’s that supposed to mean? I’m not that type of woman.

[Iron_Man]

But it’s OK woman ask people out nowadays. If nobody makes a move nothing ever happens I’ve seen many cases of this

[Asker]

Yeah but he has a fiancé

[Iron_Man]

Oh forget that then huge red flag

[spartan55]

You should get tf away from. Imagine how his fiance would feel if she knew about you?

[Asker]

Why is everyone coming at me? I never flirted with him. He’s the one who said it

I caught feelings before I found out he was engaged.

[Asker]

Why is her finding out my problem? Why isn’t it his?

[spartan55]

How did you find out he was engaged?

[spartan55]

So you are just completely innocent in all this? Really?

[Asker]

Ok.. so my cousin works with this guy and they are great friends. He came over my mother’s house to mount her tv... my mom noticed how nice he was and asked if he was talking to anyone

He DID say he was talking to someone but he said he didn’t mind being a friend to me. ... so he left his social media for me to reach out to him

I reached out to him and we had been talking as friends for a little over a month.

[Asker]

My cousin lives directly across the street from my mom and I see and talk with her often. I asked her how he was doing and I asked if he had a girlfriend... that’s when she told me that he has a fiancé and she took their pictures for them last year

[spartan55]

You need to cut off all contact from the guy. He is a LIAR, and a cheater.

[Asker]

I agree

I really almost believed that he loved me

[spartan55]

So what are you going to do?

[Asker]

I don’t understand tho

So when he told me “he loved me “

I said “you barely know me! What the fuck are you talking about “

Then I asked him why he was going to marry his fiancé and he said “because I love her”

I don’t understand

[spartan55]

What don't you understand? He's a piece of shit... hello!

[Asker]

What if he does mean it?

[spartan55]

Means it? He is LIAR... what aren't you understanding?

[Asker]

I love him

I don’t understand if he meant it or not

I cursed him out and he regretted it

[spartan55]

You love him... you don't even know him. Just what do you think will happen here?

[Asker]

I don't know !

Look I know I’m wrong for having feelings for him but I’m trying to fight my feelings.

[Asker]

I know I don’t know him but like he said... he feels a connection

[spartan55]

He's feeding you a line.

[Asker]

Why?

I’m just trying to understand male logic

[spartan55]

Why is he feeding you a line? Because he is a PIECE OF SHIT CHEATER... mystery solved

[Asker]

So what do I do? I don’t want to stop talking to him

[spartan55]

You need to stop. Does his fiance know that you are talking 'as friends'?

[Asker]

She lives 14 hours away

[Asker]

I don't know her though

I didn’t even know he had a fiancé until my cousin told me

[spartan55]

Why can't you just answer "no"?

[Asker]

No she doesn’t know

But he said that she doesn’t care

[spartan55]

And you believe that? He said... are you fucking kidding me?

[Asker]

I didn’t really think about it but I did express my concerns and I didn’t allow him to take me out because I felt like it was disrespectful

[spartan55]

But it's not disrespectful to tell each other that you "love" each other and STILL talk?

[Asker]

Well his infidelity is not my problem. I’m sure I’m not the only one he’s told that to. I didn’t take it seriously

I continued to talk to him as a friend

[spartan55]

Yeah I'm sure you'll say that when your future boyfriend does this to you... right?
You didn't take it seriously... BULLSHIT... you said that you love him! Give me a fucking break. "continued to talk as a friend" more bullshit... you have no shame.
I'll ask again, how do you see this ending?

[Asker]

I ended our friendship out of respect for her

I blocked him

[spartan55]

"his infidelity is not my problem"
Yeah, I kind of doubt you ended or blocked anything. Let me know how it all turns out.

[Asker]

I’m saying his infidelity with other girls

But yes I haven’t talked to him in two days and I told him that I wanted to break the friendship

He said okay and he said that he has to respect that

[spartan55]

So you do agree that you are responsible for his infidelity with you?

[Asker]

What infidelity?

I’ve never even met him in person. We just text

I told you that we have never flirted with eachother. We just talk about surface level things

[Asker]

But no I’m not responsible for anything.

[spartan55]

Wow, you are either full of shit, or you lie continuously. Do you think I'm not paying attention to our conversation? Cheating/infidelity can be physical or emotional. Just because you never met him means nothing. It takes two for cheating to happen, and YOU were a part of IT.
"we have never flirted with each other. We just talk about surface level things" wow, seriously? You both said I love you, that's surface level things? BULLSHIT.
And yes you are responsible, I am pretty shocked that you see nothing wrong with your conduct. Like I said, when some slut moves in on your husband some day you will be singing a different tune.
So, if everything was so innocent then why did you stop talking to him?

[Asker]

I’ve never told him I loved him. I did catch feelings but I never told him how I feel because he had a fiancé.

I started to catch feelings before I found out tho

Look I don’t need anyone to make me feel bad. You gave me advice and I appreciate it. I cut off contact with him and it’s over

[spartan55]

Not trying to make you feel bad, just don't appreciate you not taking responsibility. You did the right thing in cutting him off.

[Asker]

I take responsibility but he’s the one who knew better

[spartan55]

By lying to get your feelings, yes. If he would have been forthright from the beginning how would you have handled it?

[Asker]

I would have definitely not caught feelings and if he would have flirted I would have stopped talking to him completely because I wouldn’t have felt anything for him

[spartan55]

Well I'm relieved you have morals under all that indignation. If the situation pops up again with a guy, just ask up front (or find out somehow) saves you a bunch of stress and time.

[Avicenna]

You need to cut off contact with him. An engaged guy shouldn’t be doing that.

[Asker]

I cursed him out and he said he regrets what he said and begged me to stay friends with him

[Avicenna]

This isn't a situation where you can be friends

[Asker]

I told him that I’ll forget what he said..

We still talk as friends

[Ironic_Method]

Let's put it this way. Imagine you're his fiancee... would be okay if he was telling other girls he loves them?

[Asker]

I would feel bad of course

[Bazpurum]

Dump him 👈🤷