Hi All,
I met a really nice and polite guy on Bumble, we exchanged several nice messages and it seems he's pretty thoughtful and considerate. He made me a compliment straight away and said that my profile is one of the few where he'd defijitely wanted to see more photos of me (I had 3). He then asked about my family and how they are doing, then talked about his family (in his profile he wrote he's interested in psychology). Then conversation was about him being jokeful and asking if I can send another photo of me because I'm beautiful. I sent him a selfie afterwards telling him I'm ready for the birthday party of my friend and honestly I like that selfie myself, it's good and nice outfit, like really! not so much different from my profile photos.
Then he all of a sudden unmatched me.
What can be the reason and why did he behave so nice and considerate before? was he faking it? I can't believe that h3 unmatched me cause of bad selfie... it's surreal and immature. Objectively it's pretty good (asked my friends) and that he was giving compliments on my photos before. I felt it's so rude to unmatch...
What can be the reason -why did he behave so nice and considerate before? was he faking it? I can't believe that he unmatched me cause of bad selfie?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Out of curiosity, what was different about the photo? Is there anything in the background maybe? It is odd.. perhaps he expected a spicy photo off the bat, and since he didn't think you would play ball, you weren't worth his time?
Them again, being an enthusiast of psychology, he is gearing himself to be a master manipulator.
Thank you so much for your opinion!!
It was a selfie in the funny sunglasses with sparkly pearls (for the bday party, as the theme was to come in a costume or so) and the sparkly blue blouse, background was my room with windows behind me. He could see part of the furniture too. My face looks exactly the same as on the other pictures in my profile, I'm also smiling there. And he admitted he loved all my previous pictures and wanted to see more... Dan is be that he expected something sexual? all previous pictures were normal, decent, nothing so much revealing or super sexy.
I mean he said that he is even studying psychology, before he used to work in the field of business management... Is it he indeed uses some psychological tricks and manipulating me?
When you exhaust all logical options, the fantastical must be true. I wouldn't say that there were many tricks used, since the connection was tenuous at best; it seems to me that somehow, you didn't play along in his game. Your priority dropped immediately because of it, it seems.
Indeed! that might be the reason. But still it's super weird as the precious day he was suggesting to meet up and he will show me around in the city (i recently moved in there and told him why too), the conversation was light hearted and he seemed to care and be sympathetic, saying a great choice you made by moving to this specific city! everything looked like he was excited to meet up. And i was not the initiator of all of this, so it's not like I was showing too much interest in him, clingy etc but I told him - surely we will meet up. nice of you to show around...
Mayne now with this information in kind, was he testing me or playing some game (can be called a manipulation?)?
*previous day
If his plan for you- whatever it was- served his purpose and his purpose alone, then he would say anything and everything needed to get you on board.
Imagine he's a car salesman, he wants you to buy this car (relationship). So he's going to say and do anything possible to get you to sign. Somehow your last selfie showed you weren't going to play this game, or otherwise somehow disqualified yourself. So he was done, negotiations over.
I think he was trying to manipulate you for sure.
Thanks again for honest response!
Gosh... I couldn't have imagined that it will turn out that way as in the beginning he seemed pretty nice, the only thing he mentioned twice that he wants to see more pics of me (in the very geginning and during our last chat), but in between it was a very normal and felt like sincere communication, him showing interest in my personality/history...
I can't believe it happened to me as it kinda impacted my sense of security and well-being, l know I dhouldnt place all my value in that guy online I haven't even met in real life. It's just so disheartening and surreal to realize and digest that people can apply such a manipulative behavior
For what it's worth, you didn't have a chance to invest too much emotion into him, right? He didn't stay long enough for you to get attached. All you can do is be more mindful in the future.
Don't hesitate to send selfies, that's entirely normal. But if he gets fixated on the images, you can now see that's a red flag.
No event is ever truly a failure, if you can extract a lesson from it.
That's entirely true!! really appreciate your kind words, once again than you🙏
I need to be more mindful and spot red flags in the very beginning!!
You're most welcome, feel free to DM if you spot anything else weird with a new guy, I'd be happy to help.
awww so nice, thank you🤗🤗 where are you from by the way?
I'm from Bumfuck, Nowhere. 🤣😂
Roughly located in the middle of the United States, I'm surrounded by corn, cows, and methamphetamine and I'm about 30 minutes south of "You're Lost" and maybe 2 hours north of Banjos and brother-uncles.
Indiana, America, although I'd rather not get more specific than that. Lol you're from the EU, correct?