Years ago in college I once asked a female friend why I was single.
She started out with the usual pleasantries with “oh you are really busy, you are goal oriented, etc.”. I then cut her off and said “don’t sugar coat it”. She responded flatly “you’re weird. I think you don’t even realize it but I can see why other women find you off putting”.
She gave me the answer I needed to hear vs what I wanted to hear. She didn’t do anything wrong either. A key difference between tough love vs. bullying is tough love needs to be timed right. It also needs to be delivered selflessly to help someone. I was ready for the hard truth because I asked for it and I listened.
But I find that women generally (and unintentionally) give men horrible advice about dating. Reason being is usually a combination of the below:
- What women “say” they want vs. what they really want in men are more often not congruent. Women may actually consciously believe what they are “saying”’ they like about men. But their subconscious is what makes real decisions on attraction and dating. Their subconscious often doesn’t match up to their conscious thinking. Yet the subconscious is emotional and more powerful. They often end up being attracted to a guy who is 50% or more different vs. what they “say” they want. However they give advice on what their conscious wants vs what their subconscious decides upon.
- Women want to spare their guy friends feelings from the ugly truth. The other woman may not find them attractive, has no respect for the guy, etc) . However she doesn’t want to hurt her male friend’s “feelings” with the ugly truth.
- Women won’t tell the guy to do the necessary and get tough (e. g. just ignore the other girl or quit). They think “oh that other girl could be me and I wouldn’t want to lose his attention”.
Anyway I don’t think women have bad intentions when giving dating advice. But they are rarely as helpful vs a successful guy giving advice.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
WE don't understand Woenese.
I hate giving advice to men about dating because they just ignore it anyway. You might as well be talking to a brick wall, and you know the saying "truth hurts."
Well, it really hurts for men.
Well there is a tactful way to give tough love. When someone asks for advice you calmly ask them if they want the truth. If they say yes and can’t handle it then it’s on them.
But men do get trashed often by women blurting out unsolicited “advice” which is really just bullying and/or condescension. Those women enjoy giving nasty criticism.
However tough love is selfless. However it depends if he (or whoever) is ready to hear it. I am when I ask for advice. Different story if I didn’t ask though.