Guy at work acting weird.. How would you take his behavior?

[Anonymous]

I was seeing this guy for a while that I work with. A month ago, we discussed where we stood and said we are dating and just getting to know each other, but after having a great date and him going all out (buying flowers, picking me up and taking me to dinner, even walking me to my door to kiss me goodnight) I noticed he went distant for almost a week with no follow up, yet when we saw each other at work, he acted like everything was fine and still treated me the same, but wasn’t bringing up anything. This was a pattern in the past that he would be inconsistent or not as communicative, and as much as I wanted to keep seeing where this would go, I one day just simply told him I’m unsure with this hot and cold, and I’m getting a sense we are looking at this dating thing differently. He said all these random reasons, to the point where I could tell he felt overwhelmed with his thoughts. I don’t even think he knew what to say. And so I said that’s okay and we can go back to being coworkers and no bad blood. I did really connect with him, but I’m also not gonna force someone who isn’t ready.

I’ve been trying to be myself since and keep it how it was always between us; like joke around or chat, check in on each other, say bye to each other before we left work, but since our chat, he has done less than that. He’ll only say hi if I say hi first, keep distant, not look at me as much, yet will be super cool with everyone else. He’s not rude in any way and will be nice or talkative at times, but it’s like he’s more cautious..
Do you think he’s doing this avoidant energy because he still has feelings, like doesn’t know how to act, or he doesn’t want to give me the wrong impression? I guess I feel like if he didn’t care as much, he would have no problem being himself around me.. like probably act how he did after our last date.. but I could feel him keeping distant or at least holding back. Or is that just the delusion in me thinking he’s struggling with his feelings?

[strlb]

Hard to tell tbh. If I were to guess there is something more going on on his side. Such as him having a girlfriend that he never told you. Also, could be that he noticed that has more feelings and that is overwhelming or just not interested anymore for whatever reason. I'd completely distance myself and allow him to come to you when he's ready, not ignoring him but being cordial and short where you're not looking for him or asking about him. In the meantime, find someone else that is willing to explore with you. Best of luck! DM always open.

[Asker]

Thank you! I agree there’s something more going on because it’s very unlike him and our rapport to just go cold Turkey on interacting with me.

[spartan55]

When you were dating were making the same kind of effort as he was?

[Asker]

Yes. Even after that date when he got sick a couple of days after I checked in on him to see if he was okay or doing things, asking questions to show I was getting to know him.

[Pinz89]

Ever heard the expression "if he wanted to, he would"? This is that. If he liked you, he wouldn't be hot and cold. Always take mixed signals as a no.

[Anonymous]

You did the right thing, just be co-workers. Find somebody that wants to spend time with you in communicate with you. This guy is not the right one

[Asker]

Thank you! I hate that there’s this awkward tension at points but I agree. I don’t need this childish crap lol

[In_Trance]

Get back to work before your boss finds out and you both get fired