Boyfriend named our daughter after his ex. Does he still have feelings for her?

Question

Im 22 and i gave birth 4 months ago to à babygirl and my boyfriend (38) choose her name. We've been together for 2 years.
I learned recently through his sister that our baby was named after one of her friends that he dated when they were juniors in college but they broke up when she had to move to another country with her family.
I confronted him about it and he said that his ex was a gorgeous smart woman and that he named our daughter that way so that she will grow up to be like that. I feel so torn inside. It's like he have more admiration for this woman that he dated 19 years ago, than me. The mother of his child. Does he love her more than me?

Boyfriend named our daughter after his ex. Does he still have feelings for her?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

It is understandable that you feel hurt and confused by your boyfriend's decision to name your daughter after his ex-girlfriend. While his explanation about wanting your daughter to grow up to be like his ex may be well-intentioned, it is important to communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your feelings and concerns. It is possible that your boyfriend still has some unresolved feelings for his ex, or that he is not fully aware of the impact that his decision could have on you and your relationship.

It is important to have a conversation with him about your feelings and to express your concerns in a calm and respectful manner. Ask him to explain his reasoning behind the name choice and to listen to your perspective as well. It may be helpful to seek the guidance of a therapist or counselor who can help you work through your feelings and communicate effectively with your partner. Ultimately, the most important thing is to prioritize your own well-being and to make decisions that are in the best interest of you and your child.

If you are looking for guidance on what to say to your boyfriend in this situation, here are some possible approaches:

1. "I appreciate that you want our daughter to grow up to be smart and beautiful, but I feel hurt and disrespected that you named her after an ex-girlfriend without discussing it with me first. It makes me feel like you have more admiration for her than for me."

2. "I understand that you may have positive memories and feelings about your ex, but naming our daughter after her feels inappropriate and disrespectful to our relationship. It's important to me that we make decisions like this together as a team."

3. "Naming our daughter after your ex-girlfriend makes me feel like I am not as important to you and that you have unresolved feelings for her. Can we talk about how we can address these feelings and move forward in a way that honors our relationship and our family?"

Remember to approach the conversation with empathy and a desire to understand your partner's perspective, but also to communicate your own feelings and concerns clearly and respectfully. It may be helpful to seek the guidance of a therapist or counselor who can help facilitate communication and address any underlying issues in your relationship.

21Cowboy21 · Accepted Answer

I agree with you - thats some seriously strange behaviour on his part. 100% I would go get the babys name legally changed - and to something neutral for both of you (as should have been the case all along in the first place - again I'm so sorry you have to be going through this and dealing with it as it was nothing in this scenario you chose to do).

Its good that his sister came through and did eventually tell you - even if several months after the fact first - sounds like she may have been toen with interfering but also wanted to do the right thing by you - and sounds like she did. I'd respect her a lot for that. Share with your boyfriend how upset this makes you feel, and how much that has broken your trust with him. And hopefully you two will be able to work through it together. If he still refuses to change the name I would share that detail quite publicly with every single one of his family members and how much it hurts you until (hopefully - or maybe not considering they were the ones who raised this person) they will also shame him into publicly wanting to change it to one of the literally 1000s of excellent baby names that aren't his ex.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Oh Hell No!

You never allow your man to name your child.

That’s a red flag.

🚩🚩🚩

Id be torn too, WTF 🤬 After one of his Exs who he was intimate with? Who he slept with? Who he’d bust nuts inside of? Who he’d make out with! Makes me sick!! 🤮🤮🤮

Not only that, this actually means he’s still thinking about her. OBVIOUSLY 🙄

This is the biggest disrespect I’ve ever heard of. That baby came out of you. And he’s naming it with the name of an Ex who you don’t even personality know 🤮

You think about that.. Also, 2 years isn’t long enough to get married or grow a family. 2 year you don’t even know his criminal history, his issues, or his entire family. 🤡 wtf lol. You chose to become a baby mom within 2 years of knowing a guy? I’d say at least 4 years.

Pinay_ako · Accepted Answer

First of all, congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Secondly, yes he sounds like he does have strong feelings for her even after all this time! Imagine naming YOUR first born to his former lover? That’s a slap to the face! A name is one of the most personal thing anyone can have and to be named after someone, that someone must be someone significant! Clearly he’s not over her at all!
Lastly, he seems to not respect the fact that YOU ARE THE MOTHER of the child, not his ex. So put your foot down and get that name changed asap.

AviatorTom · Answer

I'm pretty sure he has feelings for you... and for your daughter. He explained why he chose her name... to help your daughter grow up. I suggest you relax, enjoy your relationship and being parents... together... for your daughter. And Congratulations!

Guy13 · Answer

Oh my. I’m sorry. I know that is a tough place to be in. Hopefully, it will pass as your girl shows her own personality

Anonymous · Answer

What a POS. Of course he still has feelings for her. Had she not moved he’d still be w her most likely. Her name has nothing to do w how successful she (baby) becomes. A lot of that will come from how you raise her as parents. I’m sure he wouldn’t like it if you had named a baby boy after an ex of yours. I don’t like when people start arguments but ask him if you have a boy next time can we name him after my ex (insert name)? See how he responds. This is just straight up scum to pull some shit like this. I’d see about getting the baby’s name changed.

Haha456 · Answer

if this is what he says to you, then I am sure there must be other signs that he doesn't love you enough. I can't imagine how any man can say something like that to his love. You picked this guy because you are too young and inexperienced to be able to recognize signs of the wrong man. You made a mistake. He just settled for you. You are not the love of his life. Its only a matter of time before you leave him for another man.

Jazquee · Answer

That is quite a slap in face honestly... and the fact that he refers to his ex as beautiful a d smart and wants kid to grow up like that
... well I'd say he still wants a reminder of her... it's a big red flag for me honestly and I would have not allowed her to be named that...

That excuse is bullshit... why not name her Merilynn or Madonna hahaha lots of smart beautiful women in the world to. name her after
... the ex is a huge ick factor

RockyHammock · Answer

Congratulations. Perhaps to him a name is just a name and not a memento of a fallen relationship?

Plus love isn't finite. Just because he once loved someone else doesn't mean he only has 90% of his love left to give. He will love his daughter for herself and not an ex he had a decade ago

TomMarks · Answer

Wow, that totally sounds like he has her (the ex) on his mind a lot. And when you confronted him, “oh I want her to grow up beautiful like (the ex).” Did he not think being YOUR DAUGHTER would be enough to ensure she grows up beautiful? I would never insult a future woman by naming a child after my ex. I know me and my ex ended on bad terms and it is easy for me to say that, but still the point remains I would never do that to a future girlfriend.

JSmuve · Answer

I knew a girl through some friends who recently got married and had a kid with her husband. They had a boy and she wanted to name him. Turns out she named him after the guy who she cheated on her husband with (then boyfriend at the time). The guy still doesn't know.

Anonymous · Answer

Damn….. change your daughter’s name. At least i would. I’d look at that man entirely differently after finding out something like that. Every time you look at your daughter or call her name, it would be all you remember. She’d be a walking reminder of another woman who has a part of his heart. It will make your relationship miserable. He should’ve thought of that. Asshole.

Apple1996 · Answer

I would go get her name changed cuz that's just wrong on so many levels

EmmaMary · Answer

Sadly that's what happens when there's such a huge age gap between couples... Normally always ends in disaster and heartbreak.

AngryCarl2 · Answer

I understand how you feel, but consider. It's not unusual to name a child after someone you like and respect, whether a public figure or someone you've known. If everything else in your relationship is fine and dandy don't let this spoil it.

Vegasrunner · Answer

Probably. This is another reason why guys shouldn't date within their sphere, but it does sound like she's the one that got away, and he had to settle for what he can get. A lot of guys do that.

exitseven · Answer

I wanted to name my son after my pet dog I had as a kid. My mother told her about it so we had to pick another name. I think that this is worse.

Anonymous · Answer

Well with how many guys women who have had sex with these days (blowjobs count), father's pretty screwed

Anonymous · Answer

That’s pretty shit. I mean out of the trillion names out there , he chose the same name is an …. EX 🥴

NostalgiaSenpi · Answer

It's almost twenty years, he's built a life with you. Get over it.

Fuentes · Answer

Hopefully you changed the name on her affidavit

SnowedIn · Answer

That's horrific.

Marked_Man · Answer

That is so fucked up.

sheikalana · Answer

Maybe he just really likes the name.

BrookeS · Answer

Change her name and dump his stupid ass

msc545 · Answer

Just ask him - not us!

TrillXHippy · Answer

What do you think?

Cecinene · Answer

Absolutely yes

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Poor trolling.

In_Trance · Answer

ask him

Pterodon · Answer

Ya think?

Jmmmfi4 · Answer

Yikes

Anonymous · Answer

Sureee

Boyfriend named our daughter after his ex. Does he still have feelings for her?

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