If a guy I like expresses his interest directly, what should I be saying?

I was thinking if this would be most appropriate- “I like you too and I want to know you more” or

”I like you too and I’m excited to know about you more”
Any other tips (to say/do) would be very helpful. TIA!

SteveSmith1985

InfluencerGuru Age: 41

1.4K opinions shared on Dating topic.

This is so cute. Both of the things you suggested are just perfect. Just perfect. Would you like to know why? Because they are "open and honest."

I don't know you, or the situation with this guy. But I believe that this is an actual true reflection of your genuine feelings and sentiment. That is always the way to go. If you're open and honest with this guy throughout your relationship. I dare you to find me the situation that's not the answer to. "Open and honest"... just like this. You can't go wrong.

Best of luck in your new relationship. Even if you marry this guy... the phase you're in right now (the very very beginning) is a super-fun stage that you can never repeat. Enjoy it. I'm happy for you and your new man. Best of luck. 🙂

Asker

+1 y
Oh nothing hasn’t happened yet.
I’m preparing for when things go that way. I have a feeling it will and don’t want to say anything silly when it does.
It may not even go the way I’m thinking/expecting because these days men have so many options around that they keep looking even if they have found someone they like :-/

Reply
SteveSmith1985

+1 y
Wow... this is even cuter than I thought!

First of all, this is just incorrect:

"these days men have so many options around that they keep looking even if they have found someone they like"

That is... just not true. At all. Not of any man anywhere. Unless he's a real asshole. I do not know where you're getting your information, but this is simply wrong. If a guy is also looking for a relationship, and he finds someone he likes, the only reason he would keep looking is if he thought that girl didn't like him back. That's the only way any guy is going to keep looking.

So I have the same advice for you. Be "open and honest."

Don't wait for something to happen? Why would you do that? You need to express your direct interest in HIM. There's no good reason or excuse for waiting for him to do it. It's no easier for him to take that risk, than it is for you to take that risk. One of you has to do it. Why should it be him? There's no good reason it should. You need to express YOUR interest directly. That's what you need to plan. What YOU'RE going to say about your interest.

There's no reason not to. You need to. Otherwise, you're right... things DO happen... misunderstandings occur etc. Don't wait. You're dumb if you do. If there's something there between the two of you. Don't lose the opportunity. You are equally capable and equally responsible for making something happen. You've got a conversation you need to initiate. You really do.

Reply
Asker

+1 y
I’m pretty sure I won’t be the first to say anything directly. He and I work together. We have had few “moments”. If he doesn’t say directly (I hope he does) then I might only say this when we have that moment of being lost in an amazing deep eye contact - “you know what’s great about us… that we can speak/express”
I haven’t thought the exact words but it will be something along those lines.

Reply
Asker

+1 y
What I would want to say by that is to emphasize the fact that as humans we can talk our heart out.. hopefully I’ll come up with better way of saying it when the moment is happening and hopefully he will understand and things will move forward

Reply
SteveSmith1985

+1 y
Right-on! You're no chicken... you're planning to say something if he doesn't... and that's excellent. I applaud you for that. And it will actually get things going if he doesn't happen to say something.

I would like to make only one suggestion. I think that instead of coming up with "a good way to say" something. You are way better to say it, even if it's clumsy, or sloppy, or repetative, or less-than-smooth... if it'll express what you are really trying to get across (again, just the "open and honest" thing).

I'll be honest with you. If I were this guy, and you said this to me: “you know what’s great about us… that we can speak/express”

I would be legitimately confused as to what the hell you were talking about. It does admittedly sound like it would be a very smooth thing to say when you're making that deep eye-contact and you decide to "go for it" and say something. But honestly, it's confusing. I kinda would end up assuming that you meant more or less what you do mean... but... I would argue that saying something like this: "the fact that as humans we can talk our heart out"

That's what you mean. So using those words even if it doesn't end up being movie-smooth I personally, think is the better way to go. If someone said THAT to me, I would understand what they meant.

Reply
SteveSmith1985

+1 y

But I would just suggest going with what you were planning. Simple. Straightforward. Just alter it to "telling" him about your feelings rather than "accepting" his (but it's so cute, because in your mind I know that you know how you imagine him asking you. But... you should just ask him. Make your moment happen).

"I actually have heard of this sometime ago that guys lose interest if a girl also admits her sincere feelings for him"

That is incorrect. Totally totally incorrect.

This is the equivalent of the guys who believe that what women really want... is to be ignored a little, treated like shit a little, and kept off balance... never let her feel secure in your affection for her. Tell her "her hair looks like shit today" occasionally, or just randomly mention that she looks like she might have gained a bit of weight... not all the time, but just enought to keep her feeling not quite good enough.

It's a COMPLETELY wrongheaded, fundamentally messed-up, totally wrong understanding of women. Right. It's total horseshit.

This is similar in that it's just a totally wrong, misguided theory.

Reply
SteveSmith1985

+1 y
Guys don't do that. Do not do anything to make him doubt "he's got you in the bag"... that would be... really stupid. Because he DOES have you "in the bag"... you WANT to be "in the bag"... why in the world would you NOT want him to think he had you in the bag! That is literally the ONLY way you can fuck this up! If he somehow comes to believe he DOESN'T have you "in the bag" like he thinks/thought!

What you should say, is what you orignally came up with. Some version of "I like you too and look forward to getting to know you better" or something along those lines.

But do not try and make him doubt that you like him back. That's as stupid as telling a girl you like, that she looks like she's gained a bit of weight. It's a bad fucking plan that should be abandoned immidiately. It's not gonna do any good. It's going to definitely do bad. Be "open and honest". You ARE in the bag. It's where everyone wants you to be. You want him to know that's where you want to be.

Reply
Asker

+1 y
That’s a great suggestion. I should make it clear with no room for confusion as a lot will depend on it.
I’ll go with your advise. Thank you! Makes full sense to me

Reply
Asker

+1 y
I’m too scared to tell him first rather than accept his feelings. I wish it first get to a point where I’ve to admit directly. Really hoping things flow naturally and fast - it’s hard being in this hanging, waiting state

Reply
SteveSmith1985

+1 y
Well that's just it. Of course you're scared to tell him first. He's in the same exact situation. Don't you think he ALSO would rather just accept YOUR feelings? That was my original point. You need to just suck-it-up and do it... because one of you has to... and there's no reason it should be him any more than you.

So it depends where thigs are. Letting things flow naturally is perfect... until it's time for someone to say something. Then it's a "hanging and waiting state." But there is no excuse for BEING in that state. Because you are only there because you're too afraid to ask him. So face your fears and make something happen! (It's not even really a risk. You KNOW he likes you. What? Do you imagine he's going to reject you? You know he won't. This one's not even really risky. Just do it!)

Reply
Asker

+1 y
Too scared to say first :(
I do agree with what you said. I’ll just wait for the right moment when he is intently showing interest to speak up..

Reply
SteveSmith1985

+1 y
I respect that you're at least honest about admitting it. Let's just hope he's braver than you are. Otherwise you're screwed. I do wish you luck though 🙂

Reply

What Girls & Guys Said

Opinion

SteveSmith1985 Follow
InfluencerGuru Age: 41

+1 y
1.4K opinions shared on Dating topic.

This is so cute. Both of the things you suggested are just perfect. Just perfect. Would you like to know why? Because they are "open and honest."

I don't know you, or the situation with this guy. But I believe that this is an actual true reflection of your genuine feelings and sentiment. That is always the way to go. If you're open and honest with this guy throughout your relationship. I dare you to find me the situation that's not the answer to. "Open and honest"... just like this. You can't go wrong.

Best of luck in your new relationship. Even if you marry this guy... the phase you're in right now (the very very beginning) is a super-fun stage that you can never repeat. Enjoy it. I'm happy for you and your new man. Best of luck. 🙂

0

12 Reply
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Oh nothing hasn’t happened yet.
  I’m preparing for when things go that way. I have a feeling it will and don’t want to say anything silly when it does.
  It may not even go the way I’m thinking/expecting because these days men have so many options around that they keep looking even if they have found someone they like :-/
  
- SteveSmith1985
  
  +1 y
  Wow... this is even cuter than I thought!
  
  First of all, this is just incorrect:
  
  "these days men have so many options around that they keep looking even if they have found someone they like"
  
  That is... just not true. At all. Not of any man anywhere. Unless he's a real asshole. I do not know where you're getting your information, but this is simply wrong. If a guy is also looking for a relationship, and he finds someone he likes, the only reason he would keep looking is if he thought that girl didn't like him back. That's the only way any guy is going to keep looking.
  
  So I have the same advice for you. Be "open and honest."
  
  Don't wait for something to happen? Why would you do that? You need to express your direct interest in HIM. There's no good reason or excuse for waiting for him to do it. It's no easier for him to take that risk, than it is for you to take that risk. One of you has to do it. Why should it be him? There's no good reason it should. You need to express YOUR interest directly. That's what you need to plan. What YOU'RE going to say about your interest.
  
  There's no reason not to. You need to. Otherwise, you're right... things DO happen... misunderstandings occur etc. Don't wait. You're dumb if you do. If there's something there between the two of you. Don't lose the opportunity. You are equally capable and equally responsible for making something happen. You've got a conversation you need to initiate. You really do.
  
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  I’m pretty sure I won’t be the first to say anything directly. He and I work together. We have had few “moments”. If he doesn’t say directly (I hope he does) then I might only say this when we have that moment of being lost in an amazing deep eye contact - “you know what’s great about us… that we can speak/express”
  I haven’t thought the exact words but it will be something along those lines.
  
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  What I would want to say by that is to emphasize the fact that as humans we can talk our heart out.. hopefully I’ll come up with better way of saying it when the moment is happening and hopefully he will understand and things will move forward
  
- SteveSmith1985
  
  +1 y
  Right-on! You're no chicken... you're planning to say something if he doesn't... and that's excellent. I applaud you for that. And it will actually get things going if he doesn't happen to say something.
  
  I would like to make only one suggestion. I think that instead of coming up with "a good way to say" something. You are way better to say it, even if it's clumsy, or sloppy, or repetative, or less-than-smooth... if it'll express what you are really trying to get across (again, just the "open and honest" thing).
  
  I'll be honest with you. If I were this guy, and you said this to me: “you know what’s great about us… that we can speak/express”
  
  I would be legitimately confused as to what the hell you were talking about. It does admittedly sound like it would be a very smooth thing to say when you're making that deep eye-contact and you decide to "go for it" and say something. But honestly, it's confusing. I kinda would end up assuming that you meant more or less what you do mean... but... I would argue that saying something like this: "the fact that as humans we can talk our heart out"
  
  That's what you mean. So using those words even if it doesn't end up being movie-smooth I personally, think is the better way to go. If someone said THAT to me, I would understand what they meant.
  
- SteveSmith1985
  
  +1 y
  
  But I would just suggest going with what you were planning. Simple. Straightforward. Just alter it to "telling" him about your feelings rather than "accepting" his (but it's so cute, because in your mind I know that you know how you imagine him asking you. But... you should just ask him. Make your moment happen).
  
  "I actually have heard of this sometime ago that guys lose interest if a girl also admits her sincere feelings for him"
  
  That is incorrect. Totally totally incorrect.
  
  This is the equivalent of the guys who believe that what women really want... is to be ignored a little, treated like shit a little, and kept off balance... never let her feel secure in your affection for her. Tell her "her hair looks like shit today" occasionally, or just randomly mention that she looks like she might have gained a bit of weight... not all the time, but just enought to keep her feeling not quite good enough.
  
  It's a COMPLETELY wrongheaded, fundamentally messed-up, totally wrong understanding of women. Right. It's total horseshit.
  
  This is similar in that it's just a totally wrong, misguided theory.
  
- SteveSmith1985
  
  +1 y
  Guys don't do that. Do not do anything to make him doubt "he's got you in the bag"... that would be... really stupid. Because he DOES have you "in the bag"... you WANT to be "in the bag"... why in the world would you NOT want him to think he had you in the bag! That is literally the ONLY way you can fuck this up! If he somehow comes to believe he DOESN'T have you "in the bag" like he thinks/thought!
  
  What you should say, is what you orignally came up with. Some version of "I like you too and look forward to getting to know you better" or something along those lines.
  
  But do not try and make him doubt that you like him back. That's as stupid as telling a girl you like, that she looks like she's gained a bit of weight. It's a bad fucking plan that should be abandoned immidiately. It's not gonna do any good. It's going to definitely do bad. Be "open and honest". You ARE in the bag. It's where everyone wants you to be. You want him to know that's where you want to be.
  
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  That’s a great suggestion. I should make it clear with no room for confusion as a lot will depend on it.
  I’ll go with your advise. Thank you! Makes full sense to me
  
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  I’m too scared to tell him first rather than accept his feelings. I wish it first get to a point where I’ve to admit directly. Really hoping things flow naturally and fast - it’s hard being in this hanging, waiting state
  
- SteveSmith1985
  
  +1 y
  Well that's just it. Of course you're scared to tell him first. He's in the same exact situation. Don't you think he ALSO would rather just accept YOUR feelings? That was my original point. You need to just suck-it-up and do it... because one of you has to... and there's no reason it should be him any more than you.
  
  So it depends where thigs are. Letting things flow naturally is perfect... until it's time for someone to say something. Then it's a "hanging and waiting state." But there is no excuse for BEING in that state. Because you are only there because you're too afraid to ask him. So face your fears and make something happen! (It's not even really a risk. You KNOW he likes you. What? Do you imagine he's going to reject you? You know he won't. This one's not even really risky. Just do it!)
  
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Too scared to say first :(
  I do agree with what you said. I’ll just wait for the right moment when he is intently showing interest to speak up..
  
- SteveSmith1985
  
  +1 y
  I respect that you're at least honest about admitting it. Let's just hope he's braver than you are. Otherwise you're screwed. I do wish you luck though 🙂
  
JordanianNumetal Follow
Xper 3 Age: 44

+1 y

no never do this, as soon as your in the bag she will lose all interest. Best to keep your feelings to yourself until she says or shows some even then less is better.

0

2 Reply
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  I actually have heard of this sometime ago that guys lose interest if a girl also admits her sincere feelings for him. I find this strange because isn’t the guy wanted that. I guess it is because guys like to chase. Am I correct?
  If I don’t show my interest then how will he get confidence to admit his feelings directly?
  If he does admit directly then what should I say so he doesn’t thing he got me in his bag?
  
- Asker
  
  +1 y
  Doesn’t think* he got me