Is it normal to feel insecure after a fight?

[Anonymous]

Boyfriend and I had a fight recently that’s made me feel insecure and unsettled. I don’t know how to get past that feeling. Shortened version of the fight, we were discussing our s*x life and he ended up saying he’s bored of s*x. I got upset and said to him I’m worried we are going to break up because he’s bored in the bedroom.

He got angry and we ended up fighting. It just consisted of him saying I’m being dramatic and paranoid and if I keep being dramatic he will break up with me. I realise I was being overly dramatic but I can’t get past feeling insecure now. I messed up. We’ve spoke about the fight but we’re still distant with each other.

[TonyMetal___86]

1st of all, why is he bored from sex with you? Sex brings joy and not boredom, when you truly love a person, you will always enjoy having sex with them...
Now about you telling him that you might break up with him is really bad cause fights happens between a couple, you can't threat him everytime you have a fight with him about breaking up!
You must sit together and fix the problem together and discuss it like adults to see what's the problem and find solutions to it!

[Asker]

I’m not sure why bored , he says we do the same kinda things maybe. No I didn’t tell him that he told me he would break up with me.. he said if I keep being dramatic he will break up with me.

[TonyMetal___86]

Funny! Are you sure that this guy truly loves you? Ain't cheating or making trouble so he dumps you and blames you for it so that he can stay with another woman?
Sex is sex, what does he expects? It's going to be the same thing over and over again, isen't he bored from eating too since it's the same everyday? 🤣
Lame excuses!
You have the right to be worried in this case because his actions are suspicious!
No man who truly loves his girl threaten to dump her, especially after giving him all herself!
I hope that your problem will come to a happy end because you don't deserve to be hurt or sad since you have done nothing wrong...

[Asker]

Well I did cause trouble. I overreacted to him saying he’s bored of sex so I was dramatic and worried we would break up after he said he’s bored of sex which is irrational and I regret reacting in an irrational way.

[Asker]

So I can see his point of view, I just got hurt and reacted in a way I shouldn’t have and it in turn caused this fight

[TonyMetal___86]

It's harsh when someone whom you love hurts you like that by saying he's bored from sex, makes you feel unworthy and feel bad about yourself!

Don't blame yourself so much, he's wrong too and actually he's the one to start this fight from nothing!

A man who hurts his woman is hurting himself and the woman who hurts her man is hurting herself, in case they truly love each other...

Personally if i was married, i'd never be bored from sex with my housewife even if we do the the same thing over and over again each minute!

[MementoMori777]

y'all should get more creative in bed, if it's boring and also have sex less often, too much sex leads to boredom like everything repetitive tbh

That of course after y'all start talking again

[Asker]

We’ve stopped having sex.. and I try to get more creative but he doesn’t like my ideas and doesn’t have any ideas of his own

[MementoMori777]

Sounds to me like he's given up or lost interest, he's clearly not even putting in effort anymore from the sounds of it

[Asker]

Well he still says he loves me so I’m not sure. Why is he with me if he’s lost interest

[MementoMori777]

If I knew I'd tell you, I guess maybe he does love you in his own way but something is missing here and it's not just the sex.

[Asker]

Something missing from the relationship? I’m not sure what

[MementoMori777]

No something that's unmotivated him from putting in effort

[Asker]

Like over the years we’ve done majority of things in the bedroom, so we don’t have much new things left

[MementoMori777]

Well then I don't know what to tell you.

[MementoMori777]

Your sex life seems to be coming to an end I guess

[Asker]

Is that normal in a long term relationship? I’d never get bored of sex, I’m up for it all the time but he’s bored.

[MementoMori777]

I guess it does reach a point that it stops happening but I think y'all are far from that age and it shouldn't be happening so early

[Asker]

Yeah that’s what I think too. That’s why the fight happened , I got insulted/upset he said he’s bored of sex and he just sees it as me being dramatic but isn’t it kinda mean to say that? Can’t imagine me saying to him I’m bored of sex

[MementoMori777]

I guess it's not something that's easy to take in but at least he's being honest and told you the truth, he is at least communicating but y'all should find a solution to that

[Asker]

Well that’s the thing he’s honest but he never comes up with things he’d like to do if he’s bored. Like instead of saying he’s bored why not look up ideas and suggest or do them with me? I’m the one consistently bringing up ideas , sexting him while I’m at work sending him nudes, even while I’m at the gym to keep things spicy and it doesn’t help

[MementoMori777]

If you are constantly sending him nudes and stuff then his eyes will get used to it and he won't get any excitement from it anymore, I think the solution will be to not have sex for a good while, he will miss it and get excitement from it again if shit doesn't go south and he cheats.

[MementoMori777]

Same with the nudes, it's like seeing a Ferrari for the first few times but after your eyes getting used to it, it's no longer a big deal, in this case your body is the Ferrari.

[Asker]

Yeah he has said he’s bored of my nudes and sexting too. To be fair I don’t do it constantly just could be once a week or once every 2 weeks. Anyway do you have any advice to get over the fight? Cos we’re not really talking now and I have apologised and gave him an apology card plus a gift he likes. I feel like I’ve really fucked up by overreacting, my feelings were just hurt at the time

[MementoMori777]

If he expects it then you are doing it too often, I'm sure you've tried different positions on the nudes and stuff since you said you've tried getting creative, to get over the fight you have to just let him blow steam, you already did your part, now wait on his, after all there's no relationship if both people don't put effort

[Asker]

Yeah i probably do it too often, so I’m gonna stop for awhile. It’s been a week since the fight though and we live together it’s just awkwardness between us is giving me anxiety I’ve stopped sleeping great

[MementoMori777]

Well there's only so much you can do, I hope you do know that if he decides not to put any effort you might as well consider the relationship ended, considering its been a week it seems like he's letting his ego get the best of him and he isn't willing to fix things, I'd say wait a bit longer but don't wait too long for your own sake.

[Asker]

Yeah I guess it’s just hard cos I’d rather move on and forget about the fight but he always takes so long to move on even after I’ve aologised and owned up. Even when I ask what would fix it or help him move on he always say he doesn’t know..

[Asker]

It just causes me mental stress like I can’t relax

[MementoMori777]

Yep I understand, all you can do now is wait for it to blow over, at least you can try finding comfort in that maybe he would've broken up with you by now if that was gonna happen because of this, just relax, let the steam blow over and I'm sure y'all will be tight again soon.

[Asker]

Yeah that is my main worry that he will break up with me. Maybe he is thinking about it though and that’s why it’s taking him so long, I dunno maybe I do need to chill

[MementoMori777]

If it's going to happen then it's gonna happen, It only seems bad now but in the future it always comes out worth it, so no matter the outcome, you'll be fine, because all wounds heal so breakup or not, you'll find happiness again, now hopefully it doesn't happen that way and y'all can find a solution.

[MementoMori777]

I should probably get sleep now, you too, seems like you've been losing sleep over this shit

[Kyr0s]

I don't know how someone would be bored of sex unless they really suck or something...

[jjj101010]

Try to spice things up in the bedroom

[Asker]

I have tried to suggest things but he doesn’t like them

[jjj101010]

Drop me a message if u like. Happy to help

[jjj101010]

What did u suggest

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think that is very common.