Is it normal to date someone you don't like romantically (yet)?

[Anonymous]

I decided to give modern dating a try and went on a few dates. I've accepted dates with guys I've been chatting with for a while. However, it felt strange to go to a supposedly romantic outing when I don't even like the person romantically.

Is it normal to feel this way? How does dating work for you?

[blueonblack22]

Well if you are doing this make sure you aren’t mooching a bunch of free dinners/favors. That might not be why you are doing this (I hope) but it can easily come off that way if you aren’t careful.

If you really want to go on a date you don’t have strong romantic feelings for then bring lo that you want to go dutch BEFORE the date. It also might make him think twice about making a move on you. Sure a man isn’t “entitled” to a woman just because he bought her a nice dinner. But if she accepts something like that she should also be interested to a certain extent.

Just don’t give women a bad name by coming off as another freeloader. That might not be your intention but it could easily look that way if you don’t think ahead. Also don’t try to friéndzone a guy after he took you on a date either. Straight men never ask women on dates “just to be friends”. If you are not interested romantically politely tell him afterwards.

[OfMiceandMen]

Dating to me refers to the series of outings you may have with a person of interest to get to know them. Most of the time these are public dates. You're not romantically involved yet, as you are identifying whether or not you are compatible. The person can show their romantic side during the dating period, but there is little to no physical contact.

Once compatibility is established and you both decide to see each other on a regular basis (exclusively), the "dating" period is over and you are now a couple.

You then become romantically involved once you are together and not seeing other people.

[Aerissa_Jade]

I don't see dates as inherently romantic, I see them more like hanging out with someone more like a friend, at least at first that is.

If we hit it off, then usually by the 3rd date it starts to shift to be romantic. If not by then, then I will let him know that I like him as a person and would like to stay friends (assuming I really do and he isn't an ass that I want nothing to do with.)

As often, it can take time to build friendships and lead to romance. I personally say that the best romantic relationships are those I was great friends with first.

[FifiJones]

Romantic, as in 'expecting unrealistic outcomes', or sexual?
Also, the whole 3rd date stigma - are you certain you are not simply given drugs (date rape drugs, more or less) to make you feel romantic - without you knowing it? Just saying (as someone whose fosterparents wanted to get me attached to a girl by giving me ecstassy or so - which than causes 'emotional pain' (withdrawal symptoms) once it is no longer given/administered regularly). Sounds frightening, was frightening, but the sinister people out tgere, of whom there are thousands everywhere, do keep doing such things if they can get access to your beverage or food.

Do not go to dates except where you trust the staff. You're better off at McDonalds or home with takeaways but minding access to your food and drinks.

[Pinay_ako]

Going out for dates is to get to know a stranger until you see the red flags or the green flags and see if you develop some feelings or attraction towards them as time progress or leave… dates are good but if on the third date you still don’t feel any romantic attraction, it’s safe to say they’re not your type and just move on to someone else who’s your type. Don’t waste time and $.

[FifiJones]

Again, do consider whether you expectation of 'romantic feelings' means you expect to be slipped psychoactive substances like ecstassy pills into your drink (at the point when you seem comfortable with a person on that famed '3rd date').
Bar and restaurant staff will most definitely just ignore such things, whether they are aware of them or not.

[Telekinetic-Potato]

How are you supposed to find out you like someone if you never got to know them?

Don't you think that if anything it's better to start off with a positive impression rather than straight up lust that you have to convince yourself it's something else?

[melanieeeB]

Yeah, you don't know them yet and of course it takes time until feelings evolve

You should accept dates with guys that you're interested in and find attractive and then throughout the dates you figure out their personality, goals, wishes, dreams, fears etc about them and see if you like them and develop a friendship and a deeper interest to them.
If not, you tell them that it won't work out and move on.

[FifiJones]

That sounds sane.
Would you date multiple people concurrently?
If so, would you be offended if your dates did the same?

[melanieeeB]

I don't date multiple people at the same time. Always one after the other, and I personally wouldn't care if he is still seeing others when we are still around the first date but I would get mad when he is still talking to multiple people when we agree on further dates

[FifiJones]

That's even more sane.
I could never find it right to focus on more than one girl. Maybe it wasted me time, but unless prepared to be just with her, I'd find it morally cheap (even filthy in a way, and I am stringent when it comes to keeping clean, both for health and for happiness reasons).

[Orion76]

I guess anything is normal these days, the only good thing about this is the break up would be so easy well for you at least since we don’t know if the poor bastard is taking you seriously, but If non of you like the other and you both are just doing community service then it’s fair game.


You don’t have to consider it dating in this case more like a couple friends hanging out.

[FifiJones]

You'd be surprised how many girls consider a guy owes them something even if he never was attracted to her.

[Orion76]

@ FifiJones Nah just for setting there looking pretty? I don’t believe that 😉 lol
Had my fair share

[Orion76]

But joking aside now you are young and you are asking advice is a good thing also the “yet” is promising but for both your sakes if you feel it’s not going anywhere and you don’t and won’t like him like that he should know, especially if he is developing feelings I’m pretty sure you will do the right thing by not leading someone

[Orion76]

@FifiJones I believe almost anything

[Screenwriter]

MMMmmmm... I think there should be some romantic interest in the other person or you're like ly wasting their time. And yours.

I think it's rather unusual to feel this way about a date. You can certainly feel this way about a friend, but if you're dating someone, don't do it if you aren't attracted to them.

[FifiJones]

That's a given.

[Screenwriter]

@FifiJones Doesn't seem like it is for t his person. They're willing to go out just to go out? I'm unsure what the goal is. I date for it to establish a friendship/relationship with a person. I'd only continue if I were attracted to someone.

[slatyb]

"However, it felt strange to go to a supposedly romantic outing when I don't even like the person romantically."

Don't do that. If you have no interest, and can't imagine ever being in a romantic relationship with someone, decline their invitation. You are wasting his time and yours.

[Nominal]

Wouldn't say that.

[mark000h]

You can't force attraction. That being said, it's possible to warm up to someone, but I think that you're either attracted to someone or you're not.

[Anonymous]

No lol.

This doesn't work. It’s stupid. If you don’t like him romantically RIGHT NOW. What makes you think you’ll like him THEN.

What a joke. I seen a lot of females do this in hope of having a long term relationship with a beta provider male. And you aren’t sexually turned on by him.
work on YOURSELF. BE HOT. And get the man you desire

[FifiJones]

And keep in mind that if you can't handle being equal or sharing but want multiple lovers without at a minimum allowing tge same, you better be able to finance your lover (s) - no male will pay for you and be exclusive unless you are exclusive to that male (whether you'd allow him multiple partners, especially if he is spending money on you/if you are costing him, is a topic to delve into - if you want it to be long term, happy and stable).

[Opinion Owner]

@FifiJones you mean if you are to share and be exclusive to him at the same time?

[Anonymous]

If you think that romantic feelings is like an instant coffee right away you will fail..
that’s the problem I notice with wowkn and men nowadays they meet for 1 hour and conclude right away they aren’t the good match or they won’t get along.. like wtf. Usually those people do end up with wrong ones. And they wonder why they are having a hard time in relationship

[FifiJones]

Bullshit. Whilst closeness can improve and a relationship can get realised, the 'romantic feelings' only happen when you get given a date rape physchoactive substance/ecstassy pill or powder.
And you keep EXPECTING to be DRUGGED to call it a successful date/love interest.
No wonder women are hysterical and complaining about everything - fully expecting to be drugged and then being surprised at the chaos that ensues (you probably call sich narco dealing 'narcissism')

[Lonelydudewantsagirl]

To me it doesn’t make sense. I met up with a girl at Starbucks from a dating app and then when I got back home and asked her if she would like to see me again she gave me the “You are a sweet guy but…” treatment. Just don’t do it because all it does is get our hopes up.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Ouch

[red324]

I've heard that a 100 times. I just don't feel any spark. Well if one date is all you're willing to give it then go fuck yourself.

[red324]

I may not know what I think about a girl, but I do know after the first date if I want to see her again. These girls expect a Cinderella story every date

[WanderingLoveWizard]

@red324 The slipper didn't fit bro

[red324]

@WanderingLoveWizard it never does... they need some shoe laces

[WanderingLoveWizard]

😂😂 for real

[MountAverage]

Normal? Who cares if it's normal. What you need to know if it feels right for you. For me personally it would make no sense to date someone I don't like romantically, to me that's just friendship. But you do you.

[FifiJones]

What is 'romantically'?
I would not force myself where there is no spark/chemistry. Where there is, the wish/desire to see more of them is automatic.

[Asker]

I believe there is some sort of chemistry since we get along so well. It's just that I don't know the person well enough (only known him for a couple weeks) and I'm a demisexual, so it usually takes time for me to become attracted to someone. Basically, what I'm looking for is an emotional connection and attraction.

[FifiJones]

Are you female (as in, two ovaries and utterus) or transgender?

[Asker]

I don't know how that affects my way of attraction, but yes I'm a female

[FifiJones]

Since birth? Or after you were circumcised?

[Asker]

Yes, since birth

[DaySpring]

It's not automatic. That's not how desire works. You're not born desiring money.

[FifiJones]

Many things depend on these three factors:
- If you were born female chances are you can achieve orgasm. If you were 'assigned female' having been born male, you cannot achieve it (such 'girls' play hot&cold and always have mixed feelings since they get no reward for sex unless they take drugs)
- If you have ovaries and utterus you can give birth, which is necessary to have a baby
- If you are natal, healthy female, that could give birth, the rest is a question of how bitchy or loyal you are (bitches - those who want multiple lovers, to be shared wife, but refuse to share a husband, are not worth the slightest effort).

Now, if you are a loyal, non cheating type, or one who does not demand privileges above those you give, providing you are mentaly and physically healthy and fit, you will have no trouble finding a partner/marrying/having a family.

Bitchy/entitled types, if good looking, eventually find some sucker to abuse, but they are never happy, no matter how rich and famous (or, more often, poor and miserable due to their greed) they might get.

[DaySpring]

Think for yourself. Most of these people don't know what they are talking about and most of them aren't even doing the advice they give you.

[LiamJHayden]

For me, yes. I don't know if we will have a connection till I get to know her. That, to me, is what dating is initially all about

[Gent207-2]

Are really dating if you don't feel some type away? I. e., friendship

[Anonymous]

I turn those down. Try mini golf or bowling versus romantic environments.
You don’t know each other yet so no reason to go to romantic places.

[es20490446e]

I only feel attracted romantically to a woman when I have knew her for a while.

Before that what I feel is lust and sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Is it normal or is it OK? It's not OK, but it is pretty normal.

[Rockstarrrrr]

I think 9 out of 10 times nothing good is gonna come out of this...

[Jamie05rhs]

I don't think you necessarily have to have feelings for someone in order to go on a date with them.

[Shy_Steve]

Your wasting his time and more importantly yours if you are just going on random dates.

[TheSpaceGnome]

No thats weird.

[FilmGuy93]

That's the purpose of dating.

[Wise4myage]

That seems like a waste of time to me.

[peedy]

Why would you date someone you don't like

[gag37627]

That's what dating means, right

[In_Trance]

That's the point of dating...

[Nominal]

It is normal.

[Blues36]

I think what you feel is normal

[Anonymous]

Not at all

[Anonymous]

No...