My mom said I'm settling? What do you think?

[Anonymous]

So there is this guy at my church that I've never paid attention to for years. But we started talking. He's helping me get a job at his company. I'm not sure if he's into me or just shy/awkward around women.

But I'm starting to pay attention to him. I can tell he's a good person, he's religious and he's older than me, he has his master's and a good job. He's basically got everything that I want in a guy. I'm especially waiting for marriage and I know he'll respect that.

But I am not physically attracted to him. I'm thinking maybe I can slowly get to know him, take my time and see if something kindles.

I haven't dated since I was 22 so I've been very out of the dating world. I don't even remember what it's like to be in a relationship.

So I want to take things slow and see what will happen. My mom is saying that I'm settling because I don't find him attractive. What do you think?

[GreekLorrd]

It's important to remember that physical attraction is just one aspect of a relationship and not necessarily the most important. While it's understandable that your mom may want you to be with someone you find physically attractive, it's ultimately up to you to decide what you value most in a partner.

If this guy has all the qualities that you want in a partner, such as being religious, respectful of your values, and having a good job and education, then it's worth taking the time to get to know him better and see if there is a connection there. Attraction can sometimes develop over time as you get to know someone's personality and values.

Ultimately, the decision is yours and it's important to trust your own instincts and feelings. Don't let others pressure you into making a decision that you're not comfortable with. Take your time, get to know him better, and see where it goes.

[Asker]

Exactly!! I was thinking the same thing. I was thinking the attraction can develop overtime. I know I have felt that way in the past. But it's not with real guys lol it was more like a guy in a TV show I was watching. At first I either had zero opinion about the guy or I didn't find him attractive or liked him. Then after a few episodes of getting to know his personality later I was like... Dang he's hot lol. So knowing I'm like that with a TV show character (can I compare the two?) I was thinking I may be the same in real life. I kept telling her that I don't plan on rushing into anything. I want to see where it will go though and give it a chance. Though, we have talked and we don't really have anything in common so far but I heard that doesn't necessarily matter. There are personality things I like about him. I don't want to write him off, I can tell he's a good person. I am one of those girls that's like "Where are all the good men at?" Like that's him and I don't want to throw this opportunity away.

[GreekLorrd]

It's definitely possible for attraction to develop over time as you get to know someone's personality better. And while it's true that having things in common can be important, it's not necessarily a dealbreaker if you don't share every interest or hobby. It's great that you're willing to give this person a chance and see where things go. It's important to keep an open mind and not write someone off too quickly. Just be sure to communicate your thoughts and feelings with him as you both get to know each other better. Good luck!

[Asker]

Can I just ask you one thing. Sorry, I really appreciate all that you have done for me. When my mom said I am putting all my eggs in one basket with this guy, it actually hurt my feelings for some reason. I don't really know why it angers me/upsets me. Do you think that means like subconsciously I know she's right. Or is it something else. Because I don't understand why she literally moved me to tears (unless I'm just like a weak bish lol) for her to say that to me. It's like not a big deal at all but for some reason it really hurts me.

[GreekLorrd]

It's completely normal to feel hurt when someone says something that doesn't align with what you want to hear, especially when it comes from someone you care about, like your mom. It's possible that her comment triggered some doubts or insecurities you may have about your relationship, which is why it upset you. However, it's also possible that her comment just felt like an attack on your decision-making ability, which can also be hurtful. It's important to remember that ultimately, you are the one who knows what's best for you and your relationship. It might be helpful to talk to your mom and explain how her comment made you feel and why, and try to come to a mutual understanding.

[Asker]

Wow you should be a therapist, you are amazing. Thank you so much! :)

[GreekLorrd]

Aww.. thank you soo much! it's helps me a lot!

[Truthatanycost]

You are settling because if you were asked to pick a man and had more options, you wouldn't be picking him. As is often the case, people forget where they come from and put such things upon their own shoulders. Seek God in all things and he will help find you the perfect partner. This current thing will not work...

[Poppymarie]

I mean yeah, you kind of are settling right now, but I think it’s important to note that physical attraction can develop over time, especially once you get to know someone really well. And if this guy has everything but looks, then I’d say he’s still a pretty good catch and worth settling down with.

[LiamJHayden]

There is no perfect in this lifetime so in that sense everyone settles.