We haven’t spoken in 2 days. Did we break up?

[Anonymous]

I made a post a couple of days ago asking if I was wrong for a situation where I (29-year-old attorney) told my boyfriend I was considering working as a bottle girl two nights a week for extra income. Long story short, I didn’t seriously consider working as a bottle girl but his response that he would break up with me if I did made me tell him that if that’s all it takes to break up with me then so be it. After I dismissed the conversation, he told me he would return my key when he gets back from his trip (he was supposed to spend two days with me before his trip)… after he told me he was returning my key and essentially not seeing me before he left, I “liked” the message and we haven’t spoken in two days.

Did he break up with me? Should I apologize?

[bobalife]

Um I would say this is a premature break up….. which is why you’re here asking and it’s confusing lol.


Tbh this was poorly addressed between the two of you /: You joked, and he set his boundary. Sure you joked but it’s something he don’t like and sensitive about that’s a deal breaker for him. I believe if you really care about him and the relationship, you should talk it through and clarify the misunderstanding. I felt like it went out of hand… yalls shouldn’t break up over that esp cuz you didn’t even mean it.


I read your other problems with him. So it’s a new relationship, but you guys moved in together? Were you watching TV loud while he’s sleeping as fo why he left? Has that happened more than once or just one time? If it’s one time, I think he felt like you disrespected him when he’s tryin to sleep and if he can hear it while he’s also very sensitive in his lifestyle. But I can see why you also think he’s finding reasons to break up. He seems abit uptight and more sensitive. He probably needs you to be more considerate of his side. As for you, you’re very chill and layback haha. You also want him to also loosen up and understand you didn’t mean those things. I think yalls just need to have better communication and understanding of how you both are as individuals, boundaries, and lifestyles….


But for him to leave like that while you were just watching TV… I’m sure it’s his way of dealing with bad feelings/thoughts… but it’s kinda too much… it wasn’t like yalls were arguing. He needs to work on communicating and problem solving with you.

[bobalife]

Yalls also need to work on better communication with more kindness. Like how you got upset and dismissed him with not getting food cuz of you’re diet.. by saying goodnight. Like think of his POV & what if your friend did that to you? Because to have a good relationship, you gotta also be able to build good companionship for a good fundamental relationship. If I was him, I be upset too cuz honestly it’s rude you dismissed him when he was just trying to help you be accountable on your diet that you were working on. How old is he? I feel like the communication you guys have aren’t very good when you both are upset & it’s something you both need to work on - finding ways how to addressed how you feel in a kinder way and how to build mutual understanding/ground.

[Anonymous]

this makes me think he did something wrong (without telling you) and is trying to blame something on you so he can get out of it. you were joking. can he not take sarcasm? and if he's so hung up on not being able to support you that you would suggest being a bottle girl and his manhood hurt because he can't provide, then that's on him. not you. hope you two broke up.

[Buttajah]

I don't think there's an apology is necessary to appease him or his
ego. This is not a bash the boyfriend,
ex boyfriend moment. But your decision
rest solely upon you. I can understand
someone having reserved feeling for
our choices or, outright disapproving.

However, one has no right to put such
demands or pressure to act accordingly
to the complaints and wishes of an
at the partner, wanting privileges and
final say, as if he were a husband.

What to wear, how to dress, who you
decided to be friends with or choice
of employment. To outright dismiss
what you two have built, is grossly
inappropriate on his part. Not saying
I would be cool with your choice but
supportive nevertheless.

[Asker]

Very well said. Thank you.

[Buttajah]

You're welcome

[Anonymous]

You were both wrong hear. He should not have given you the ultimatum, and your response was just begging him to follow through on his threat, which it sounds like he intends to do.

Should you apologize? I can't answer that for you. You need to decide if he's important enough to you to do that, and whether you want to be with a guy who will give you ultimatums like that.

Having said that, I understand why he felt the way he did about you wanting to work as a bottle girl. I would not want my wife to do that. But then, she would not put me in that position either.

Anyway, best of luck to you two.

[Asker]

He should know me well enough to know that I would never be a bottle girl. I don’t even let him see me get out of the shower. Just think he wants to be single for his trip home.

[Opinion Owner]

"He should know me well enough to know that I would never be a bottle girl"

This ^ is the kind of thing women do that drive men crazy. You told him you were going to do something and then expected him to read your mind so he would know you were not really going to do it.

Why do women do this sort of thing?

[DaveJord]

I don't think he broke up with you or that you should apologize to anyone for anything.

The guy doses sound worth the time or energy honestly.

[zayndan]

Lol. He's planning to breakup with you, bit you can still fix things by apologizing, and both of y'all having agreement on a job both of y'all comfortable with you having. And in future, whether with this guy or someone else, cut out the petty behavior ( telling him y'all may also well break up and then liking the comment when he said he's dropping the keys). He's entitled to his feelings, just as you are, and y'all should both try to make each other happy and comfortable in the relationship. Some compromises are reasonable

[Asker]

Completely agree. Thank you!

[zayndan]

But don't just tell him you're sorry. Mention what you did wrong, like taking his emotions for granted. Reason he didn't want u working as a bottle girl is bc he loves you to begin with. Cuz I won't want my girl doing that either, knowing how other men can be.

[Asker]

Currently drafting my apology. But I also don’t want him to get too controlling. The bottle girl thing is completely reasonable. But this guy has gotten mad at me for saying I was going out to taco Tuesday!

[zayndan]

😂 really? I wonder why?🤔 that's strange. Den u should also talk to him about dat after the appology. Your feelings are valid as well. N you shouldn't be with someone whos controlling or unhealthy when it comes to relationships.

[Anarcamus]

https://www.reddit.com/r/UnsentLetters/comments/13j27hd/its_a_pipe_dream/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

He know about all the others as well as me thinking we were exclusive till April. Not six months ago

[Gingerbread_GB]

I don't think it's that big of deal because you say you don't really want to be a bottle girl. He's basically laying down his boundary, which apparently is not an issue for you. So you can fix this anytime you want. Tell him you are not seriously considering doing that and move on to something you two enjoy doing.

If he refuse to move on, that shows his immaturity. If he get so upset about something you don't even intend to do, maybe its best that you part way for now.

[Asker]

I reached out to him to talk about it. He said my joke made him feel like less of a man and made him doubt me (which I don’t get). I asked him what I can do to make him feel more secure. He said he needs to take sometime to reevaluate. I told him take all the time he needs, just don’t come back. For the best.

[Gingerbread_GB]

OK. I can understand his perspective. From his view, if his girl has to work in any kind of "sexualized" way to earn extra money, it shows that the man is unable to provide for her. That's what he meant by "less of a man". So the way I interpret is that he might think you are high maintenance, you are unsatisfied with your current financial situation and need more money. That's why he's backing off and "reevaluating". Not saying that I agree, but this is vibe I got from how you described it.

Again, it feels like he's a little immature and lack confidence.

[lollypop2003]

Yeah, you’re letting your relationship end over a job you don’t even want to do. Some people have boundaries and you shouldn’t be mad that he applied that. I wouldn’t be happy if my boyfriend said that either but I would’ve probably talked to him about it instead of outright saying i’m breaking up with him. I defintely see your point, all depends if your relationship is worth fighting for or not.

[Asker]

Thank you for your advice. I only said so be it because he’s done this before. Our relationship is new and this is the third time he’s done something like this. A couple of weeks ago, I told him I was going to taco Tuesday and he responded that I shouldn’t since I’m on a diet. I was annoyed and told him I’ll be okay and essentially dismissed the conversation by saying goodnight early. The next day he didn’t speak to me and said it was because I dismissed him but I honestly think he was mad that I was going out (which I never do). After that, he left in the middle of the night because I wanted to watch tv in the living room while he was sleeping! He said he thought I had an attitude. My thing is I’m not going to beg him so I was like, well then break up with me.

[lollypop2003]

Ohhh. Yeah that’s not normal, sounds like he’s looking for excuses to break up with you but is too afraid to do it the correct way which is sad. Hopefully you’ll find someone who treats you with more respect!

[Vegasrunner]

@lollypop2003 This is another example of women boy understanding relationships. She's not going to break up w/ him because she is attracted to the fact that he sets boundaries. All three of their arguments were about her doing something that bothered him and him letting her know. This is why when women claim "they want honesty" its a lie. Reality is best thing she can do is go back to him w/ a tangible response but it's unlikely she will.

[lollypop2003]

Why are you upset when the original comment author actually appreciated my comment? Seems like you’re the only lonely desperate one here. Go find your 5 seconds of attention somewhere else and stop trying to put down a “child.”

[Alwayreckles93]

Lollypop2003 you think you arebso great just because you are young. Well i am 30 and look better then you!

[lollypop2003]

I guarantee you don’t. Plus the fact that you’re 30 and claim to be 22 says it all. Jealous of my age, get a grip.

[Alwayreckles93]

Lollipop2003 I really can't understand what 30 year olds men see in you young 20 year old woman.

[lollypop2003]

Maybe cause you’re incredibly insecure. There’s nothing wrong with being 30 but intentionally trying to insult someone because of their age is very strange and makes you look really bitter.

[lollypop2003]

I hope you are! You’re a grown woman and i’m still in university with a part time job. You’re definitely bitter, hope your life gets better for you that you don’t come in the internet to argue with random people. Have a good life.

[RavVid]

What is a bottle girl? I think he said it was a first step to being stripper so I am guessing you are topless

I think if you said it but didn't mean it but in away he thought you meant it you should explain an apologize.

[Asker]

It’s not topless but the clothes are skimpy. I would never be a bottle girl.

[DizzyDesii]

Bottle service isn't even remotely bad like a stripper or prostitute. Its just hot girls pouring champagne for big tips. (Basically like Hooters girls or waitresses). But they usually have to flirt to get the tips and thats the part that would have been disrespecting your partner

[RavVid]

@DizzyDesii Thanks get the concept now. Yes the boyfriend was entitled to not be happy with this idea.

[DizzyDesii]

Exactly

[RavVid]

@DizzyDesii There was a nearby lingerie restaurant bar and the waitresses would squirm in your lap. No lap dancing just squirming.

[DizzyDesii]

Squirming as in grinding? Yea thats inappropriate for those in a monogamous relationship

[RavVid]

@DizzyDesii It was more lap sitting than grinding. You could pay extra to be hand fed and you got some squirms with that.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

If you don't want to break up, you'd better track him down and do some serious talking with an apology. Yes, he left and is planning on staying gone.

[Asker]

Well then good riddance. I’m a good person. Self sufficient. I have overlooked a bunch that he does that would otherwise be dealbreakers for me. Aside from this he tells me how at peace I make him feel. I cook for him, pack his lunch for work when he stays over. I take him on dates almost as much as he takes me out. I bring a lot to the table on top of being a hard working attorney who doesn’t even go to clubs let alone work in one. If joking about working as a bottle girl (or even seriously suggesting it) is all it takes for him to be gone then he should go.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

That's what I was thinking. Even from yesterday, why would a decent girl who's also an accomplished attorney want a guy that flies off the handle about stupid things like the Taco Tuesday thing you mentioned to another user? Just tell him to f off and find a guy that isn't sh1t. The bottle girl thing would piss me off too because I wouldn't want my girlfriend working around a bunch of dicks in a club, but Taco Tuesday, seriously? Next stop, a real relationship.

[Asker]

Exactly. And the thing is, even if you met me for half a day, you would know that I don’t have the personality to be a bottle girl. I’m very reserved and a homebody. And he knows that. His reaction seems to be about control. Agreed… next stop, a real relationship! Thank you!

[ImalwaysrightOK]

You're welcome, 😊

[Kris31]

Not at all me and my ex girlfriend we have been together for 9 years and there were 3 situations where we, after arguing didn't talk for almost a week. Afterwards all went back to normal

[LiamJHayden]

I would assume that it was over, but I'm quick on the trigger to end things so take what I say here with a grain of salt.

[Alwayreckles93]

Girl ignore him just watch he will watyou back.

[shades777]

Why do I feel your leaving out some key points, its a rather big jump from bottle girl to break up

[Asker]

Nope. Nothing is being left out. It was a morning conversation that started off sweet. We both were at work and texting each other about finding other sources of income. I said bottle girl. He said “nope”. I said “only two nights a week so I can still see you as much as possible.” He said, “I won’t see you at all if you become a bottle girl.” I laughed and he said he was serious that we would break up if I did that. I told him he was being shallow and I didn’t say anything to him when he said he was going to commit insurance fraud. He sent me screenshots of his friend saying he wouldn’t let his girlfriend be a bottle girl. I responded, “I honestly don’t care.” He responded three hours later that he will give me back my key when he gets back from his trip. I “liked” the message and we haven’t spoken since. This morning he posted on Instagram that he’s waiting for a girl to come into his life. The situation in its entirety.

[shades777]

Well I guess your single now

[Asker]

Yupp

[shades777]

In some guys eyes, the choice of occupation matters, how would you reply if he said, Hey Babe, I need some extra income I'm gonna be a male stripper or bartender, or massage therapist for female clients two days a week, and I will have time to see you.

Your free to do whatever you want but some occupations are have stigmas attached whether its true about you or not.

And its out if the blue as well, be different if you were already a bottle girl when you met

[Asker]

The point is… I’m an attorney. I’m shy and reserved and a homebody. He knows I would never be a bottle girl. At least he should.

[shades777]

Being an attorney doesn't automatically negate what he's thinking, that's why I said something was left out because a man doesn't simply break up over a suggested side job.

Do don't you have to tell me but whatever it is, has lead to his decision walk away, it makes even less since now...

[Asker]

I promise, that’s all it was. I made him lunch for work that morning and all that! That’s why I’m using this forum because I’m so confused.

[shades777]

Its mostly the stigma attached to the occupation, bottle service girl is almost the opposite of working as a respectable attorney, bottle girls are around men who are used to throwing money at women to do favors or coming back to the telly or suite, I'm not saying your that type of girl but thats almost as believable as the stripper who needs college money with a boyfriend.

Some guys aren't buying it. I think the men that are more excepting of your side iob would be bar owners, promoters, those type of people

[Asker]

I don’t have a side job lol. I get the stigma. I’ve never worked as a bottle girl and never will. This is all over me MENTIONING it ONE TIME.

[shades777]

ok so don't break up 😉

[zagor]

Apparently not yet. What have you done to resolve the situation?

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i think y'all are over...

[Asker]

Lol yeah we are

[Iron_Man]

What’s a bottleneck girl?

[Asker]

😂😂 think hooters but in a club

[Iron_Man]

Are you telling me you’re a stripper?

[Asker]

No. I’m a lawyer.

[Iron_Man]

I still don’t know what you’re talking about bottle neck

[Anonymous]

You're an attorney, figure it out

[Twalli]

You don't need to apologize if you broke up

[Danny_dan92]

It’s over

[Anonymous]

I think so