Do I have to put effort into finding a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

I was told to wait naturally when i was 12, but it never happened. I was told it will just happen, without trying.

[stepyo99]

I also got all kinds of really really stupid dating advice when I was young. Yes, you have to put in effort, but make sure she is also putting in equal effort to impress and attract you. Talk to girls and ask them out if you find them attractive. If your friends know single girls who sound interesting, ask them to try to arrange a meetup between you. Coffee dates are great for a first meetup to break the ice and later dates I would just include them into things you like to do on your own. Hiking, fishing, movies, dinner, sight-seeing, whatever.

Dating isn't at all like hollywood either. Don't get sucked in by the first girl who treats you with some affection, take things slow and make sure she's consistent and genuine. If she starts acting flaky, that's a pretty big sign that she's lost interest and you should move on.

Last, don't make finding a date an obsession. Make sure you take care of yourself and pursue your goals. A woman can be a wonderful supportive partner or a ball and chain.

[runnerboy]

Zach we area about the same age. I have always had to make the first moves or convos to get a girlfriend. Sometimes it worked sometimes it did not. Fortunately some of them have ended up with some great handjobs and 2 times for sex.

[DizzyDesii]

You need to make sure you appeal physically and emotionally (great personality) to others. You don’t have to be in the spotlight or stand out per say, but you need to be somewhat above the average. You dont have to always be an extrovert but ambiverts are the best of both worlds. You need to show interest in those you find attractive but dont throw yourself at them. Just genuinely do and say the right thing and someone you’re mutually into may fall into your arms or at least meet you half way. So yes, you need to put in some effort but you dont need to be desperately seeking

[chrissykerdock]

that's the worst thinking you can ever have never think a girl will pursue you... even if she does you still have to tell her you more than like her... maybe try sliding your hands up her skirt... make out with her... ask if she can take care of your hard cock with her mouth... a girl wants to feel sexy very much so and seduced.

[Pinay_ako]

You can’t just sit around at home doing nothing hoping for a girl to fall on your lap. 😑

[SnowedIn]

Oh damn! That's what I'm doing wrong.

[Pinay_ako]

@SnowedIn get out more 😝

[SnowedIn]

@Pinay_ako -- I have to leave the house? 😯

[Pinay_ako]

@SnowedIn 🤣 yes 🙌

[SnowedIn]

Whoa. 🤯

[MackBoy]

I didn't leave the house, i found a girlfriend on facebook and I am going to be married by this year end

[SnowedIn]

@MackBoy -- come talk to us after a year of marriage -- and then ten and let us know how this works out.

Amazon works for coffee and cat food. Internet/Facebook bride does not.

[MackBoy]

@SnowedIn Don't worry I will tell you next day after my marriage

[SnowedIn]

It's not the next day I'm worried about. I think you two won't last.

[MackBoy]

@SnowedIn No me and my girlfriend will last. stop talking negatively.

[OlderAndWiser]

You are not required to make any effort at all, but it will probably not happen unless you make some effort. Whoever made that statement to you is a damned liar.

[catiecatie]

That exactly like finding a boyfriend. You can’t just sit at home and hope to find someone, you have to go out and make a life and then yes someone will see that and be interested. I’m interested in this one guy and I think he’s interested in me as well. He’s trying to keep it professional though as I am his student, he’s only a couple years older than me. So we will see what happens with that one.

[intovertedguy]

If you want a girlfriend you should make some effort, go out meet and girls in social situations. When I was around your age I had a girl flirting with me, showing she was very interested in me (she put her arm on my back and on my shoulders) and I hadn't done anything to attract her, unfortunately although she was pretty and had a nice personality i wasn't attracted to her in the same way so I didn't retribute her flirting and a bit later I saw her crying. When was around 16 I girl was attracted to me enough that she cooked for me (her parents had a takeaway restaurant near to my place back then and I used to by lunch there sometimes) again I didn't flirt with her nor anything like that. Between my teens and early adulthood i had no less then 8 girls (both white and white) attracted to me (including the two mentioned previously) with no effort on my part. Curiously i'm not tall ( 5′ 3.7) and i'm shy. So my experience is a bit different from most guys here.

[BungusHighFivePizza]

When you see a pretty girl, what you do is talk to the people around her. Then you kind of accidentally start talking to her like, "Oh hey, who are you? How's it going?"

And of course it takes effort, dum-dum. You listened to girls too much. Getting a girl for a guy is a skill. It takes practice like benchpress. Girls can just be standing there waiting for prince charming in a nightclub, maybe twerk a bit without even doing it properly, but you can't do that shit as a guy.

You need some real skills. You need charm and shit. This is a discipline. You want girl, you take it seriously. You take getting a job seriously? Take getting a girl seriously.

[BungusHighFivePizza]

You know, girls give the worst advice ever about how to get dates. It's the most fucking retarded advice ever because those girls don't even ask guys on dates. They just stand there like, look at me, I'm in a thong, whoop-whoop! Buy me a drink! And some asskisser always buys them a drink and wants to tap them at some point. But you can't expect that shit as a guy; never, ever, ever, listen to a girl's advice on how to get a girl.

[BungusHighFivePizza]

"Just be patient and you'll find your special someone!" My bad; I'm getting fucking pissed off at all this male child abuse we are condoning from dumbass women with zero empathy and just thinking the whole world works the way it treats them for everyone else. You are not a princess. You are king. Act like kings, not like princess waiting to be swept away. Put effort into it but also disciplined effort, training to become better and better.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Just do nothing and wait for one to persue you.

I know it sounds like a sarcastic response, but here is the problem:
Persuing women is like being presented with prizes and punishments hidden behind doors. If you choose wisely, you get a loving girlfriend, but if you choose poorly, you get arrested or taken advantage of.

Both types of doors are approached the same way, and you will never know whats behind a door until you open it, and any hints you receive will be misleading.

[Sharkstealth]

Not as a male!! unfortunately I found out to late how a male must always move and take what he wants. I didn't have good influences in my life. Don't end up like me!! You must approach a female you like and pursue until she is yours. If she tells you that she won't ever be your lover then you must move on. Circle of friends will do you no good. Pursue your own interest and don't be to nice. Nice is good but you must act upon your urges when the time comes.

[ohsheeT]

If you want to make money you have to work if you want to go someplace you have to drive if you want to get clean you have to take a shower if you want to be happy you have to smile if you are hungry you have to eat if you want a girlfriend you must put yourself in the right places at the right time and it will happen but if you're sitting at home asking yourself this question over and over again you need to go for a long walk and think about it

[Origamileaf]

Ofcourse! Just like it takes an effort for girls to commicate and make time to hang out etc. A guy should do the same. Think of this as making new friends. But with a few difference in behavior and response if you are interested in dating them. ^ ^)/

[BadApple69]

Nothing good in life just happens. Anything good requires work. A good girlfriend is well worth the effort. Reach out to girls you are interested, and strike up a conversation. Make dates. Make memories.

[JSmuve]

If you listen to the wise folk on the internet who are never wrong, you're supposed to do nothing and "let it happen on its own". Trying only makes you look desperate to a lot of girls, so it's best to let them approach you because that's what girls like; passive guys who leave them alone and don't make moves. That's the advice you should follow, you know, if you trust all those people who have their heads up their asses. Do nothing. That's the path to success in life.

[MJackson1234]

I still agree with that statement. If you put effort or working out and working on your life and goals it will come natural. Make friends and talk to women as friends would do. Then it will happen on it's on.

[najekim]

Not to be discourteous to my fellow oldster @OlderAndWiser, but in my experience most successful relationships have been made when the couple accidently stumbles across each other and that can take time. Actively looking really doesn't work that well.

However, he is correct that once you do discover each other, effort by both is required in getting the relationship off the ground and into the future.

[OlderAndWiser]

"Accidentally stumbles across" usually means you met someone in an unexpected way, but you were looking, and the process of dating helped you to become a better partner so you were ready when that person finally arrived in your life. I've never had a girl knock on my front door and announce that she wants to date me; have you?

In my experience, there's actually a bit of preparation and groundwork that comes before the "serendipitous" meeting. I'm sure there are some that have met a partner "out of the blue," but they didn't meet them while sitting at home.

[najekim]

@OlderAndWiser Agreed on being out & about to stumble across any one!

[Siri137]

Nah, you just lie back, drink a beer or two, and the girls will just come rushing to you, begging you to allow them to remain in your almighty, glorious presence!

[SnowedIn]

Yes.

Like everything in life you must put effort in.

[Nikki1989]

Waiting for it to happen won't get you anywhere. If you want anything in life, you have to go out and work for it.

[Adam1978]

Have to no, not even for finding one but to actually make her into one you certainly needs to put in effort.

[purplepoppy]

No, just sit at home watching TV and we'll come and find you.

[BlackJeep]

If you own your own house, drive a nice car, wear nice clothes, are in decent shape and have a decent income then maybe. Otherwise you'll have to get off your ass and meet people

[Sasha0426]

I get told that so many times. If I stop looking, it’ll happen before I know it. I call bullshit 🙄