Boyfriend saved a naked picture of me without my permission. How should I react?

[Anonymous]

Today me and my boyfriend were on facetime and I propped him up (from the back) to watch me as I shower as I do from time to time. While I was showering I turned around and noticed a message from facetime saying he took a picture.

Me and him have sent teasing pictures on Snapchat from time to time but I always indicated that I did not want him to save the pictures and at least once I told him it was because I had a bad experience with letting people save those kinds of pictures on their phone. I’ve also been very successful career wise and have a serious title to keep.

How should I react? I’m very upset with him and I feel like he broke my trust. He said he thought I was comfortable with it (cause we had been taking pictures of each other earlier that day).

Updates

+1 y

For those of you saying make him come over and see instead, it’s hard because we’re long distance for the next 2-3 months and even when I finally do get back home we both live with our family.

[nitsuj86]

I'd say cut him some slack. Not really that big of a deal from my perspective as a man.

I have had plenty of nudes sent to me by women. I have saved some of them sure, but I've never really done anything with them except look at them here and there. Anytime I got into a serious relationship I would usually delete any photos I had of other naked women in my phone, just in case they ever went snooping. Not worth hanging onto, and usually weird once you aren't with someone anymore.

The moral of the story, he might have your photos, but he's not doing anything with them. He's not gonna show anyone, or post them anywhere. He might keep them after you break up, if you do, but will never leak them in any way usually. Not unless he is a real psycho. You can get into a lot of trouble for stuff like that.

Also, I've never had a guy friend show me a nude of one of their gfs, maybe a girl they aren't serious about but not a girlfriend.

I've had a lot of women show my dick pics to their friends though, without asking me and telling me later, so there is that. lol. I'd say not that big of a deal.

[ohsheeT]

Well this is the way I look at it whether it's a girlfriend wife friend stranger if you're going to share pictures with somebody
Or when a girl shares a picture with me I don't care who it is they're trusting me they're believing in me to do the right thing and that's pretty powerful

And I kind of want the same respect I've been on different apps before and it's random chat and if a guy clicks on you you say sorry I'm looking for a girl and there's always somebody that says wait a minute do you want to see my girlfriend and I just start laughing and I say what I said why would you show somebody your girlfriend well because I can trade

I said dude you're a piece of work what the fuck are you doing showing girls pictures who have trusted you with giving them to you you're fake they're fake and you're full of crap had your piece of crap or even doing it no I'm a firm believer in it's somebody's going to show me their picture they're trusting in me not to it ever show anybody and that's the way it has to be

[Anonymous]

I think you should take his phone and delete it yourself. Who knows if he's trustworthy enough that he'll do it himself. Sorry I can be paranoid.

Meet up with him and tell him you'd like to see that picture. Take his phone and delete it, make sure it's all the way deleted like there isn't a trash can the picture sits in for 30 days before it gets permanently deleted.

Make sure there aren't any other pictures of you on there that you wouldn't like. Then tell him to never do that again, that's a boundary for you and to please respect it.

Hopefully he does respect it because if he doesn't... Well you can decide what you want to do with him after that point. Good luck!

[Sour-rose]

what @AviatorTom said. Delete that photo and delete him from your life. The internet will see everything you post or say and they can and will bring it up in your future to blackmail or expose you when you're making it in life. Most can't handle that pressure and run into an operating train. :c (true bit from a story)

i personally wouldn't give anyone anything that could bite me in the ass later, even my name. An unfortunate thing to see but know you know, this n*gga isn't trustworthy

[AviatorTom]

Do you understand how the Internet works? When you are nude on facetime, there are many people on the Internet who can see you, surreptitiously. Your boyfriend saving a picture should be the least of your worries.

[Asker]

What do you mean people on the internet can see

[AviatorTom]

Don't believe what you are told about Internet security. The Internet is inherently insecure. When you connect your device to someone else's on the Internet, all data between your device and the other device goes through several other computers, could be 2 or 3 or could be hundreds. Each of those computers can, with the right software, see everything you send.

[Shamalien]

Is facetime not encrypted end to end?

[es20490446e]

@Shamalien Yes, hence it's secure as long as one end doesn't capture it.

[Shamalien]

@es20490446e meaning @AviatorTom is incorrect as the data cannot he decrypted in transit, only at the other end, so it is secure between you and your contact since this is a native app not running through web browser

[AviatorTom]

@Shamalien You are partially correct. Encryption algorithms are anot 100% secure. Many can be fairly easily broken and data decrypted in transit.

[Asker]

Yeah AviatorTom implied that others can see you on FaceTime

[Asker]

Which is even more unlikely because it’s an app, and in this case and app on a phone

[Shamalien]

@AviatorTom apple’s encryption is the polar fking opposite of easily broken LOL unless you are the CIA you are not gunna be able to man in the middle decrypt that shit man

[es20490446e]

The ones used as standard are known to be secure.

When one is broken, it is replaced by a new standard.

[magiusX26]

to those doubting tom here. you all seem to forget that all those apps etc still get middle man monitored at least by an algorithm watching for key words and phrases which does get kicked back to a human somewhere at some point. a lot of it is a kind of "to protect you from yourself" thinking by the way on top of things like antiterrorism reasons.

[es20490446e]

@magiusX26 Well, that's true.

[OlderAndWiser]

His explanation sounds believable and your behavior is a bit inconsistent. this is like letting your puppy chew on your old shoes and getting angry when puppy chews on your new shoes. Have a discussion about whether you are comfortable with him taking pictures and then be 100% consistent.

[xColinx]

Remind him you don't want any type of situation where a pic like that gets "saved" ... in the heat of the moment, he grabbed a screen shot (probably for his own "use" which is basically a flattering gesture towards you as his girlfriend) and he likely wasn't planning on "saving" the pic as a long-term thing.

But I get what you're saying, and he likely would too if you simply communicate your feelings about the whole thing. Should be a simple incident you can both learn from and move on.

[xColinx]

Do you trust him?

If so, have a heart to heart chat with him about it, to let him know how you feel (or remind him, even if you've already mentioned it before) and if you trust him there should be no issue with him deleting it.

If you don't trust him, that's a much bigger issue than a single screen grab...

[Asker]

I don't know. This actually isn’t the first time I had this problem. He took a facetime picture of me while I was sleeping and then showed me in person. I had a really hard time getting him to delete it. He’s trustworthy in other areas just not this area.

[xColinx]

Hmm that's kinda... odd behavior. To give him the benefit of the doubt, he might just not realize how important this kinda thing is to you, and so he thinks his action are just innocent messing around.

So, basically like I mentioned before I'd say just be super straight forward with him about how you feel, give him a chance to acknowledge how you feel and willingly delete the pic, and then hopefully it won't be an issue going forward.

But if he's sketchy at all about it, I think it's definitely a red flag.

[xColinx]

How long have y'all been dating?

Also, I have a question on a different topic I'm curious to get your opinion about. If you don't mind could I message you to try to explain?

[Asker]

Okay

[Asker]

2 months, also sure! i’ll message you

[Asker]

Hmm can’t message. It says it’s only allowed for people you follow.

[xColinx]

try again now, i think i changed the right setting

[Gent207-2]

Time to have a serious talk about boundaries and consent.

How is he going to be like when you are together after the reunion-honeymoon ends? Will he respect your boundaries or will he find a way to get around them or throw a tantrum in the face of resistance?

[Asker]

That’s a good question. Also do you think the relationship is worth keeping at this point? Everyone here is saying to just never send those pics again but if that happened he’d rarely get to see anything again because he can’t really come over. We’d have to do anything in a car or some public secluded area.

[Gent207-2]

Ask yourself would he respect your boundaries if you two lived together?
Also note how he responded when you confronted him - how would he handle a more serious violation of your trust? After enough time , has he even apologized for his actions?

If not, then why are you still with him?

[Asker]

Yeah he has apologized. I just wonder if he might be the type of person to do things anyway and ask for forgiveness later.

[Asker]

He hasn’t offered to delete the photo yet. I have yet to ask. I just feel like deleting it doesn’t even matter at this point. He could always just save the picture somewhere else and pretend to delete it on one device.

[Gent207-2]

Sounds like you know the truth and what you have to do

[provokeesmokee]

Well, there's a difference between consenting to him watching you live, sending him pics you too yourself, and him screencapping you without your knowledge.

I see why he thought there's no issue. However he's not the one who gets to decide whether it's ok or not - you, the subject of the screenshot, does.

Tell him to delete it - if he doesn't respect your boundaries, dump him. You don't have use for a man who doesn't respect your boundaries.

[Shamalien]

If everyone listened to commenters like you no one would keep a relationship except with the most compliant and obedient slave men. Must be why we have a world where women rule relationships and men cower in their shadow

[provokeesmokee]

Lmao, good for me I'm gay and don't give a fuck about weak men like you. ✌🏽

[provokeesmokee]

@Shamalien as a heads up, in case you don't know: boundaries are a healthy part of life.

If you think your rights as a man mean you get to ignore other people's boundaries, you don't stand a chance at dating anyone anyways.

Respecting consent and boundaries is not a "woman" thing. It's a human thing.

If you can't respect others' boundaries, you aren't ready to have a relationship. Simple as that.

[Shamalien]

Weak men like me? I’m sorry, do you even know anything about me? Jesus, what a bitch!

[definitelyNotHer]

I don't know the background to your relationship but if it were me, I'd ask him to delete the pictures with me present so I could make sure he did so, explain to him that you'd like him to ask permission before taking/saving pictures and set firm boundaries with him so there is no room for misinterpretation.

[DubiousIntentions]

If you allow such activities as you have suggested, don't be surprised if someone takes a picture of you. You would have a hard time in court charging him with anything. He would just say you invited it or else how could he get the picture? Lesson learned I hope.

[DizzyDesii]

Its messed up but at the same time, you put yourself in that position so you gotta blame the both of you

[DizzyDesii]

Oh you told him not to save the pics. Then yea its his fault. At the same time, never do this again in general. Tell him to come over if he wants to see

[DizzyDesii]

Update— 2-3 months is not too bad of a wait for him to see you naked. It would be the same wait time for him to fck you. And if family is in the way, then why waste eachothers time

[Asker]

hmm right cause also he said originally he wasn’t planning on moving in with someone until marriage

[DizzyDesii]

I agree with him. But there is still visiting one another

[Asker]

but family, that’s the main reason we haven’t done anything yet. it’s been 2 months so far. and then I went out of state almost a month ago

[DizzyDesii]

I don't know just set some boundaries. You can tease without being nude. there's phone sex, sexting with lingerie pics, etc

[boggboss]

Either u believe what he says woth him honestly thinking u wouldn't mind or understand he did not care about how u felt about the situation

[Asker]

Which one do you think is true?

[boggboss]

Without knowing him I wouldn't know what's more likely

[Peter_Penetrator]

Get a lawyer and sue. Or threaten too. You can do that. I sat on a jury where a couple broke up, and the woman married someone new. The ex boyfriend sent a sex vid to the new husband that was of her and the ex. She got $3500.

[Sexiestjohnson]

Get over yourself. Nakedness is not such of a big deal. Ever being to the morgue? And seen the number of beautiful bodies people leave behind when they die with all those goods open to the whole world?


If you don't want leaks, you should stay clothed as much as you can. Otherwise, learn from Kim K.

[Adam1978]

You shouldn't send thing via computers if you don't want them stored. Your mistake learn from it. If he wants to see you naked he should there with you, trying to get you naked.

[MzAsh]

You might be too young to remember “the happening.”


It put it simply, you can’t trust a lot of guys and you can’t trust internet security. Rule of thumb, don’t show anything through tech you wouldn’t want everyone to see.

[MzAsh]

Sorry, it was “the fappening”

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I think you should let him know that this has broken your trust with him, and by all means don't take this laying down. I wish you the best, my Friend ((Hugs))

[Apple1996]

If you are sending nudes/video chatting nude expect for it to end up saved. You can only control what you send and show. You cannot control what the other person does with it

[D_Bone_Steak]

Just forward the picture to me... I will tell you what's up.

[MementoMori777]

If he broke your trust then you shouldn't do it again until he straightens up no?

[runnerboy]

I think you need to demand that he remove it and all links to it. He may have done it in fun but without your permission it is way wrong.

[Goofy9009]

I would have a talk with him, tell him how upset it made you (because he did it without your permission z)

[magiusX26]

if you do not want such images saved, then do not produce/make such images, period. especially with anything using internet.

[Asker]

Easy for you to say

[magiusX26]

how so? you think i dont have such images out there? i do and i dont care.

[John_Doesnt]

You should react by not doing that in the future. You should not give naked pictures to someone you don't trust completely. Sounds like he's a not so serious boyfriend and that's obviously a mistake to trust him with nudes.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

All the pictures I have sent to my ex fiancé are good enough to make me feel proud if they ever become public haha

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

But thankfully my ex fiance was a very decent man and there’s 0 chance for him to do it.

I trust him even now.

[es20490446e]

I had told him that if he wanted nudes from me first he must ask for my permission.

[RingOfFire]

You should react by learning the lesson to NEVER send naked pictures of yourself to ANYONE. PERIOD.

[Asker]

This doesn’t help

[RingOfFire]

May not help this time, but if you are smart enough to have learned the lesson it will definitely help next time.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Don't send stuff you don't want him to keep. That's what guys do. This is on you

[Jazzy54]

Unfortunately, there’s nothing you can do about it now. You being mad about it won’t make him delete it. In the future, please think twice.

[Juxtapose]

Come on lady, don't show yourself if you don't want people to save it. It's ridiculously easy to screenshot things.

[Cb142]

i mean if your sending him pictures then you should already take in consideration he mite keep them i understand he should have ask you first which would have been respecting your privacy but all you can do now is ask him to delete it

[Anonymous]

^^^^

[robocop666]

he should delete it at your request ASAP. this is sick

[MackBoy]

If he is trustworthy and doesn't show it to others, then you don't need to worry about breaking up with him

[rideorsleep]

You have no right to react. If privacy is very important to you, you shouldn't have done a naked Facetime call.

[najekim]

IMHO, as long as he's not sharing the pics, don't fret about it.

[Matt-G]

You should box clever first, find out if it's been shared or uploaded.

[Sakuratanaka]

First warn him. If he isn't delete the picture call the police

[WanderingLoveWizard]

The police will do nothing. She's the one who sent it.
Unless she's under 18 or he sends it to someone else, he's doing nothing wrong by keeping it. Even if she asks him to delete it

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Legally I mean. Not morally

[Wise4myage]

Seriously, what did you expect him to do?

[Truthatanycost]

You need to stop playing with fire...

[Rahulaj]

It's bad he should respect your feelings

[Dargil]

You did understand the risks, Right?

[Nahid1707]

Have you spoken with him and communicated this?😊

[888theGreat]

What is your title?

[In_Trance]

I don't see what the problem is here

[Tstrbrainer]

What were you expecting?