How do you get over someone you like a lot at work?

[Anonymous]

Should I ignore him should I pretend I'm so busy. It's like the less I see him the more I want him. We can't be together... it's like I'm being torment to the 1st degree. I want to get over this... I wasn't trying to fall for no one. I just wished he never locked eyes with me that day. What should I do?

[Ευδεμονια]

Honestly, I think you missed to tell if you two have some kind of relation, like talking or so… or are you admiring him from far?
Let’s suppose you two talk.



I think you have 2 alternatives:
1) accept your feelings and bring him towards you. If you’re attracted you can make him see a bit of your interest maybe with some subtle ways, so he will comprehend. But this seems not the right solution since you told us you can’t be together;
2) you can distance yourself from him, definitely. At first you’ll be missing him and maybe the sense of loss will be strong but you have to resist! It will be like being in a diet: at first you have great impulse in eating, then you get used to eat less with time.


I hope you’ll be able to do whatever is better for yourself.

[Asker]

Yes we do have a relationship we talk , but he initiates most of the conversations. Sometimes I'll play around with him like play fight only because he said I look like I hit hard and sometimes he would say don't spray that this way when I had no initial thought of doing so.

Today I tried to distance myself from him. I saw him standing at the elevator and he let out this loud sigh and I kinda of felt like he wanted me to say something so I asked him what's wrong are you tired. Then he went on to say how he had leg day a workout and how he ran up a hill with a weighted vest and how later he's going to help his buddy remove some top soil. This is the same guy who locked eyes with me one day he saw me in the hallway and when I looked up his eyes were already staring me down so I kinda of kept staring cause he kept looking.

It was a good few seconds then I looked away. He seem to remember things that I wouldn't think were important like a silly donut I had and this was months back. And usually on the weekend he comes in a 2pm and go straight to work well it was this one time I wasn't speaking to him and I was on my way out that day it was 5pm when I was waiting in the break room. Then in Walks him and as I was talking to another coworker he's smiling and I ask why and he said oh just smiling at you and her. Then he takes his lunch out and starts eating it which is strange because he never ever be down in the break room at this time never and he just got to work and already taking a lunch break that he didn't fully take. I don't know if he's into me or just a nice friendly guy plus he's way younger than I am so that's why I said we can't be together.

[Ευδεμονια]

In my opinion there’s a good bound between you two and seems he’s a bit into you, but maybe I can get it wrong.
He’s way younger than you but why do you think you two can’t be together? These days have less barriers for what concerns age and other things.
I think honestly you can also talk “clear” with him. You should make him eventually tell you if he’s into you “romantically” or it’s just a… particular friendship.
Have you ever talked with him about relationships or have you seen him out from work?

[Asker]

No I never talked to him personally about relationships nor have I have u ever hung out with him outside of work. And he's white and I'm black so I don't know. Let me ask u this when he talks to me sometimes his voice sounds shaky and I've seen him with other people including women and his voice doesn't sound shaky only with me sometimes. Why does his voice sounds shaky?

[Ευδεμονια]

If his voice is in general not shaky, this can mean he has some kind of feeling when he talks with you. I think honestly the best way is to talk with him clearly… you should investigate a bit his mind and his intentions. And these days skin colour and age don’t matter!

[Asker]

His voice isn't shaky in general as long as I have known him and it's been a year and a half since knowing him. He's a pretty confident dude he said so him self while talking to me one day that's why I was surprised to hear his voice shake like that. And a coworker of mine today said that you don't see the way the guys look at you and I said who so she didn't say anything and I asked her again and she said his name and only his name she see's that he's around me a lot so I think she just confirmed my suspicions about him.

[Ευδεμονια]

So this shows clearly he has some kind of interest or feeling for you… I think honestly you two need to talk seriously. Are you still convinced to stop the born or this mutual feelings?

[Asker]

I'm not convinced anymore about stopping my feelings for him. I'm just going to ride this thing out and see where it takes me. I have to tread lightly because we do work together and you know dating co-workers sometimes never goes well. But thank you for all your advice it really helped me see that I shouldn't stop my feelings for him even tho I'm scared really scared. He's a military man and just overall a really good guy good guy. So yeah thanks again I don't want to take up anymore of your time u have an amazing rest of your day 🙂

[Ευδεμονια]

You’re welcome! I hope everything will work well for you both… you will need to be careful since it’s always work environment but I think honesty and sincerity always pay.

Have a nice week :)

[Asker]

Hey I was wondering if you can give me a last piece of advice on what just happened this week and tell me if this guy feel something for me.

So me and a coworker were having lunch and the guy I'm into comes in the break room to clock out. So me and my her are eating and talking about him and 30 minute's later he comes back so we stop talking and she looks at me with a funny look on her face so I started laughing but quickly stop when he walked in and when I looked up he was blushing so hard man when I say hard I've never seen him smile that big and he was looking directly into my eyes. My coworker told me did you see how he was blushing. She was the one who pointed it out to me and she also mentioned there's an excitement when we are both in the same room together she also said she notice everywhere I am he's not too far away so basically he's always near me. My question is why was he blushing? His blushing didn't look like he was embarrassed he looked really happy.

[Ευδεμονια]

I think honestly it’s pretty evident he has something… maybe it can be embarrassment due to age and role difference but I think, given the friendly relation you have, he maybe was embarrassed by his emotions since there was your colleague too. It could give him the sensation of being exposed. Sure she has quite a good attitude towards your, he’s very positive :)

[Asker]

When you said it's pretty evident he has something what do u mean?

[Ευδεμονια]

I mean he has some kind of emotion or sentiment. His behaviour and his blushing tell me clearly that!

[Asker]

Oh ok thank u!

[Vikkrram]

But why you wanna get over you both share a great bond then why you want to moove on?

[Asker]

For starters he's way younger than me trust me I would love to be his girl but I don't truly know if he's that into me or at all. Let ask u something why when he talks to me sometimes his voice sounds shaky he talks to other people women included he sounds fine. I haven't heard it in a while though

[Vikkrram]

Coz i guess he becomes nervous sometimes talking to you coz he have feelings for you that's why I would say

[Asker]

Oh ok... I didn't want to assume that he likes me u can never be too sure. Thank you so much for taking the time out to reply to me.

[Asker]

Hey I have a question me and a coworker were having lunch and the guy I'm into comes in the break room to clock out. So me and my coworker eating and talking about him and 30 minute's later he comes back so we stop talking and she looks at me with a funny look on her face so I started laughing but quickly stop when he walked in and when I looked up he was blushing so hard and looking directly into my eyes. My coworker told me did you see how he was blushing. She was the one who pointed it out to me and she also mentioned there's an excitement when we are both in the same room together. My question is why was he blushing? Is blushing didn't look like he was embarrassed he looked really happy.