How to put the ball in his court after doing too much?
I'm at the stage in my early relationship (we are not official) where I think I'm doing too much. Here is how we started and where we are:
We (I 29F, him 28M) have been seeing each other for two months. Started with some drama with his ex and him lying, so some distrust. We have been inseparable though. We see each other 4 to 5 times a week and he's always staying over my place. His courtship has been great but has slowed down because he was recently laid off (I am very understanding and I don't mind paying for our dates for now because I know he is generous and is just in a tough situation for now)... at least I hope that when his situation improves, the courting returns.
Anyway, I have really fallen for this guy. I'm unfortunately a self-sabotager, so every little thing that happens I try to end it. They are valid concerns based on how we started off with him lying, but I blow them out of proportion. I told myself I wouldn't do it again but there really are a lot of concerns that I want addressed and fixed so that we can have a nice relationship.
One of my concerns is we don't have sex... he stays over and we just sleep. When we do have sex, I initiate it. I sat on this for a week before I brought it up to him. This time, I think he blew it out of proportion. When I told him it made me feel like he wasn't attracted to me or sleeping with someone else, he said he was going to try to do better because he doesn't want me to go anywhere but he also said that I complain too much which is why he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend, because he thinks I'm going to say no. I ended the conversation (this was last night) and went to bed.
I want the ball entirely in his court. I want him to put forth the effort and be as vulnerable as I have been. How do I go about doing so?
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Omg I went through this with my man. I kind of don't want to claim him because I pissed with him right now. But yea I went through all this. For me we went almost a year without sex which improved with the course of time. He's currently going through the lay off stage. I want to leave him but I know he's down bad right now. So I might just wait until he gets on his feet and then leave. Also we are experiencing issues with the ex but it's not just the ex it's the ex and her family so it's hard.
The only advice I can give you IF you want to make things work as far as self sabotage. Is to think it through try not to be implosive and control how you respond to him. So for example you may have negative thoughts or want to yell or whatever you response is. Just think of the long term the future you want with him. In my past I was a hot headed and would always try and break up or say mean things I can't take back. But I knew I wanted to be with him so when we have issues I try to work things out in a healthy manner and just think about our lives growing old laughing about how immature we were. Most of the time I will disconnect give myself time to process my emotions let him know I'm upset and I don't want to say anything I will regret so he needs to give me space to cool down.
It has been in his court! He does nothing and is lazy in bed probably asexual or just not attracted to you that way!
Just end it that quickly he won't ever give you what you want or need!
Imagine being a year with him and the same crap!
It's over he won't ever meet any of your needs
When you think you're doing too much, you're not doing enough