Women, would you ever date a man who is in the process of losing weight and gaining muscle? Or should we just wait to start approaching?

[rukus88]

[AmandaYVR]

One of the common things which women think but you will rarely hear them say is that they are intimidated by men who look really good, ripped, etc., and work out often. Even if he doesn't expect her to be the same, she's going to worry that she is not enough for him. I think this is actually at the root of a lot of comments about supposedly liking 'dad bods.'

But the other reasons, and things she's trying to avoid are:

• A vain guy who's fixated on how he looks, always checking himself out in mirrors, etc etc. That's a turn-off.
• She thinks he does it to attract women. And he's therefore a level-upper. If a woman becomes interested in him, and he likes her back, the girlfriend thinks that he is likely to jump ship.

What are you looking for - just hookups, or an actual relationship? If the former, wait. If the latter, there are different women out there and as long as you approach the ones who seem roughly like you, they might be interested in your current body, not the future planned one.

[monghjay2]

finally a real fucking answer

[rukus88]

@AmandaYVR The issue I have is that as a man when you approach women, if they aren't attracted to your body type, you get hated on or talked down to or treated like shit or a monster, or a rapist, just for "Hey, excuse me. I just wanted to say I'm really attracted to you and want to get to know you better, can I get your number?" So I'm considering just waiting until I'm better looking. I'm certainly willing to put in the work.

[AmandaYVR]

I've not been on the receiving end of girls in that way (except once, in a gay bar, to support my male friend, and got hit on by a lesbian and she was super insulting to me), so I can't really speak on that, but if that's the majority or common response, then yeah, I can see why you would want to bulk up, to insulate yourself from that.

But on the other end, especially as a man who tends to be pragmatic about cause and effect, and moving on to new strategies, etc., I can understand why you would want to disrupt the pattern.

What this comes down to is what kind of woman you are interested or focused on attracting. Focus on that.

[rukus88]

"I can see why you would want to bulk up, to insulate yourself from that." can you qualify that?

[AmandaYVR]

It's difficult to word. The better you look, the more it removes that element of being a reason that some will say no. But we know women - also, the better the guy looks, the more they may actually feel they can be rude, mistrusting, or claim "he's just a player."

This contradicts my first comment, about how some women will be more or less attracted to more or less fit guys. But regardless of how they behave, and act in response to a genuine interest in them, if you look good, and act nice, though you can't control their responses and behaviour, you can hold your head high that you have done nothing wrong, and it's them that have the issues. I know it hurts to receive people being shitty, careless with someone else's/your feelings, but I can imagine scenarios where you get treated badly no matter how you look. But if you're going to get rejected sometimes anyway, it might be better to look good, feel good about yourself to insulate (protect) yourself from whatever rudeness or rejection they throw at you.

[Nxtawm]

Yeah if I like them, think about it, if someone only is willing to date you after you gain muscle, do they rlly like you?

[rukus88]

that answer gets into some deeper philisophical stuff but essentially, no. But being muscular, driving expensive vehicles, wearing expensive clothes, will make a woman give you a chance to get to know you.

[smashleyy]

Sure

[rukus88]

thank you for your answer but can you expand on it a little more though?