How should I phrase a question to see if a woman is OK with going back to her hotel room?

[Anonymous]

She’s open to it, but obviously doesn’t wanna make any promises and just wants to play it by ear and all that.. of course, if she’s not interested in that, I’d rather split the bill. So before the check comes what if I am like “ are you up for going to spend some private time together?” or how else should it?

[richardcory]

Doesn't seem like it should be related to splitting the bill. If you want to pay for sex, that's fine, and there are professionals happy to provide that service at various price points.

But if its a date, I wouldn't connect money and sex. Enjoy the dinner together, offer to pay for it. If she wants to go back to your room, great.

Would you really want to sleep with a woman where the price of dinner was enough to change her mind? My ego couldn't take that - I only want sex with someone who actively wants me.

[slatyb]

Richard Feynman wrote about this his memoir "Surely You're Joking, Mr. Feynman". He taught at CalTech but would go to Las Vegas for entertainment. He found that after asking show girls "Will you have dinner with me?", sometimes they would sleep with him, sometimes not. But after asking "If I buy you dinner, will you sleep with me?" the ones who agreed always followed through because it was part of the deal.

[Flower7]

The way you phrased it sounds perfect. (“Are you up for going to spend some private time together?”)

[Flower7]

Though it is a bit sleazy to use that as a determination for how to split the bill. Is it first dates that you’re expecting sex on?

[rukus88]

Is it first dates your expecting time, attention, and money on?

[Asker]

I live in NJ. She lives in TX. It's not like it is easy to have other dates. She is in NY sometimes though, and I am willing to travel. I pretty much told her I want to go down on her and she gave me a very non-committal basically we will see sort of answer, so she had a perfect opportunity to back out of meeting me and hasn't yet. I also said before that we could "test our physical chemistry" after dinner. She isn't even free until 9, so by the time we get out of the restaurant, 1030, 11... where else is there to go besides her hotel?

[rukus88]

She doesn't owe you sex, true. and YOU don't owe her your time, money, or attention. Me personally? I make the first move and give initially, (it's our cross to bear) if I don't receive back? bye. Try to vet more before the date, make sure she is likely to be worthy of the risk. I like to go for a smaller, shorter date at first, like coffee or something.