Would you do long distance? can it really work if you start long distance?

Question

I really like this guy online been talking for 2 weeks. He lives 24 hours away by car. There's no way I can move in the next 2 years and his future is up in the air.

I'm ok with the distance but today I asked him about it and he was like I'm not sure. I will have to think about it. But kept insisting that he really likes me and this sucks. And how he thinks it will be annoying we won't be able to meet often.

I just feel like he doesn't want to do long distance but like dude you've known I've been far. And he said he feels like an asshole. but keeps saying I like you you're cute and funny. I'm scared he's going to end it.

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

You've been talking online for two weeks. That means you haven't had any actual phone calls and have never met in person. Why are you feeling so desperate about "preserving" this "relationship?" You don't yet have a relationship and he's not the only guy on the planet.

It sounds like you are desperate and that is part of the problem with LDRs. So many (not all) of the participants are desperate, clingy, living in a fantasy world while avoiding an actual relationship with someone closeby.

I started a LDR in December 2020 but she lived 80 miles away and we could see each other every weekend. After eight months, she relocated to my hometown and started living with me. Now we are engaged.

Yes, LDRs can work, with some limitations. Both participants must be very motivated. You must be able to travel and see each other at least once every 4-6 weeks. And, eventually, one of you must be able to relocate so that there is no longer a distance between you. Otherwise, it is doomed to failure.

WindAtMyBack · Accepted Answer

He's making sense. He might really like you, but it takes more than liking someone for a relationship to work. Being long distance is a major hurdle, one that you apparently are not ready to overcome.

"I just feel like he doesn't want to do long distance"

You are probably right, and you should feel exactly the same way. 24 hours away by car is a very long distance. It's too expensive and too impractical to try to make it work.

The ONLY way for a long distance relationship to work, is if it's no longer long distance. That means one of you has to move in a reasonable amount of time. Two years is not a reasonable amount of time.

He is being practical. This is not a relationship no matter how much you want it to be. It's a wannabe relationship.

On top of all that, it's only been two weeks. You should forget about it and move on. It's a fantasy.

exitseven · Answer

I did it for over 3 years. This was before email and the internet. We saw each other 3 or 4 times a year. We talked about marriage and we really loved each other. It just got impossible to deal with and I called her late one Saturday night after the rates went down and broke up with her over the phone. Neil Sedaka was right when he said that Breaking up is hard to do.

slatyb · Answer

Not for very long. But I know a couple that met online and they were at least that far apart. He was in Dallas and she was in Sept-Iles Quebec. They ended up married.