Are people who "stand up" their dates low life scum?

[Anonymous]

[Bricealan]

I did that one time, and in retrospect, I did regret it to a degree. I was very sensitive as a young guy at the time, and she had invited me to a Military Ball, at Kent State University and it was a formal dance.

She had hurt me badly by a comment she made to me one night when we went out and it really bothered me and to this day, I find/found it hurtful. She was very pretty, and at the time I was very insecure with her, as I did not feel I was her "physically attractive' equal, and her comment went deep. I did not show up to pick her up in her dorm.

I could have handled it differently, but was not mature enough to do that at the time. Months later, I went back to her dorm, on campus and talked to her roomie, and she said "Sandy was BEAUTIFUL, and she was very hurt that you stood her up"

I suppose we all do things we regret, and that we cannot undo, and that is one of those things for me in my young life.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

What did she say to you?

[zeitgeist057]

If she was “very hurt” hopefully it helped her to think about her behavior and improve in the future. Sometimes people need feedback like that which actually has an impact.

[Bricealan]

@zeitgeist057 You would like to think so. Thinking back, I should have said something to her, right at the time she made the hurtful comment, but I was too young at the time to really think about it objectively. I was in my 20's and in college, just back from short military duty. Sad to say, I always regretted that decision.

[zeitgeist057]

I feel you, but the best we can do is live and learn and try not to make the same mistakes over and over. Though I often do, the lessons are always there when I'm ready to start learning lol.
Sorry it seems to have stuck with you as a bad memory. But has it helped you do things better now? Do you find yourself being more direct and communicative if your feelings are hurt?

[Bricealan]

@zeitgeist057 Hard lesson to learn, and I have tried to learn from that. She may not have intended to be hurtful, but the comment was, I guess, just 'thoughtless'
Appreciate the comments a great deal.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

C'mon man, what'd she say? Lol

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Lame

[KrakenAttackin]

@Bricealan. It sounds like you taught her a good lesson. I wouldn't worry about this at all, I guarantee she found some guy to go balls deep in her that night.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Yes, low life scum and any person could do better.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Thanks for MHO :)

[BasedBaeBecca]

It's definitely a disrespectful and inconsiderate thing to do. People who have no regard for other's feelings and waste their time by not showing up for a date without giving any explanation are not showing their best side. So yes, I would say it's a pretty low-life thing to do.

[Screenwriter]

Not lowlife scum, but terrible manners, which might or might not be a red flag.

There COULD be an excuse, such as an emergency, sickness, or car breakdown, but CALL as soon as possible, apologize and try to regroup with another date as soon as possible.

[Asker]

chances of him getting hit by lightening and sent to the emergency room is pretty low and rare. likely thats not what happened.

[kylee2437]

Yes because that person could’ve just communicated that they weren’t trying to go on that date.

[Finchie40]

It’s definitely disrespectful and can show someone’s true colors of being a selfish person and only thinking of themselves if they didn’t give a valid reason as to why they stood you up , it’s definitely someone I wouldn’t waste any more of my time with

[CaptainOverthink]

If it keeps happening, maybe, probably, but not for sure. They could just be very spontaineous, shortsighted, forgetful or something. It wouldn't mean they are scum, just that they have issues that they are getting away with not working on. They could be real good and nice people aside from this.
... or they are lowlife scum.

Once? Nah, bad luck maybe or a mistake was made. We all make them.

[jshm2]

No. But like anything involving the attendance of others, it's up to you to always ensure they are aware of your attendance, as you are of theirs.

I call/text/teams before, call/text/teams enroute, call/text/teams on arrival. Any break in the chain for three contact attempts and I call the thing off.

If your time is precious, then you ensure others know it too.

[MementoMori777]

id say they would fall into the scum category but low life scum seems like the worst of the worst and there worse things than that, i knew someone that knew someone that took a girl on an expensove date and he climbed out the window in the bathroom and left her to pay for everything, thats more of a low life scum you see 😂

[MementoMori777]

expensive*

[madhatters4]

i wouldn't go so far as to say they are "low life scum" but they certainly are pretty crummy people who lack respect for people when they could easily send a message saying sorry they aren't going to make it

[Anonymous]

Well I do think it's a chickens*** move. The last women I went out with said to me, "if you're going to cancel it's OK but please tell me so I know". She said it with such anxiety and I was like, " who would do such a thing"? It would never even cross my mind to do that. And believe me I think I get as anxiety filled as the next guy about dating. But as a man if you agree to something you keep your word. That's just the way it is!

[Dargil]

If they fail to call and could have, they have no class.

If they try to call and leave a message, that's one of the hazards of life. They should have a reasonable explanation or a convincing lie.

[WhitneySnow]

That’s kind of harsh they might have a good reason for not showing up but yeah in general if you make a date with somebody you should keep it

[Anonymous]

Scum is a word I give to the paedophiles, child abusers, murderers, rapists, the true evil of this world. The lowest of the lowest.

A woman standing you up on a date won't kill you.

[Asker]

you really don't need to be a serial killer or a bank robber in order to be an evil person. Tons of evil people dont rob or kill... but they certainly have ill intentions

[Opinion Owner]

I'm saying there's a fine difference between a serial killer and someone who stands you up on a date...

[Opinion Owner]

There are many reasons why a person might stand up a date. More times than often, it is never malicious. For example, in my late teens, i had really bad anxiety so if I was too anxious for a date or was having a panic attack because of it, I'd cancel it. Does that make me scum?

[Asker]

you don't even know what "standing up" means... it means you don't show up for a date and you DIDN'T CANCEL.
I swear to god... there isn't one smart person on GAG. just a pile of idiots.

[Opinion Owner]

I didn't specify to you whether I called him to tell him I'm not coming. I've been in a situation where I've had a panic attack before a date and instead of calling to tell him I wasn't coming, I had to call the ambulance and get talked through the panic attack. So yes, in my case, standing up and cancelling was the same thing. I called him the NEXT day to let him know why I didn't show up and YES he did wait the whole night for me. and NO, he didn't think I was scum.. Instead, he was understanding and compassionate unlike YOU.

Your overreaction to my simple mistake says it all. You're entitled and you think everyone should agree with you no questions asked.
Don't get riled up when people question your point of view or the way you word a question. It doesn't make you any more smarter and it doesn't make me an idiot either.

[Opinion Owner]

You need to LEARN to see the good in people. Not everyone who does bad things has ill intentions in doing them. Especially something as fickle and unimportant as not attending a date. If you arrange to meet someone at 9:00, and its 11:00, and they haven't sent a text, made a call, or showed up, you LEAVE. simple as. They're assholes but scum (as in bottom of the pond scum) is not a word I'd use. SIMPLE AS. Work on your vocabulary and you way you express your negative feelings.

It's all about understanding and communication.

[Asker]

@sitaraxx

that wasn't a "simple " mistake... that was a HUGE one. You don't answer a question if you aren't even sure what is being asked.

nobody is ever too panicked to just text to cancel a date. Even I can manage to send a text when i am in a panic attack. thats not an excuse to not tell someone you won't be able to go.

and lastly, if you get panic attacks going on dates... maybe you shouldn't be going on dates...
because you can't just BAIL every single time you have a scheduled date for the rest of your life. Its rude and inconsiderate. And you can't say every single time that your panic attack was your excuse.

[Opinion Owner]

HUGE one? Are you dense? You misunderstood what I was saying and immediately attacked me on what I didn't mention.
Get over yourself.
As I mentioned, this was in MY LATE TEENS. I have since GROWN. Don't speak on panic attacks unless you know what causes them. I haven't since bailed on a day since then but i'm just saying learn to give people the benefit of the doubt. Bailing on a day doesn't make you an evil person. Impolite, yes. Immature, yes. But bad? You're young and inexperienced. I hate to break it to you but you will meet a lot more men who will do EVEN WORSE to you than just stand you up... they'll have you WISHING you were stood up.

[Opinion Owner]

You don't know the extent of my panic attacks. Don't talk on what you don't know or expect me to tell me I should acted a certain way. You weren't there. Unfortunately, when you're in the middle of a respiratory attack, you're not THINKING LOGICALLY at all. You're not even thinking that fucking guy you're scheduled to see in a bit. Like I said don't belittle what you don't know about.

Anyways boohoo you were stood up by a guy. Grow up and get over it.

[Asker]

Imagine this...

you took hours to get ready for a date. you a shower , took hours to put on makeup and paired it with a nice outfit. Called the restaurant to reserve a dinner table. Drove an hour early to pick up flowers then to the restaurant. You get to the restaurant and you sit down. You sit for 15 minutes and nobody shows up. You text them and nobody responds... Then you wait another half an hour and nobody shows up... no response to your texts... You begin thinking that this must've been some type of set up trick.

how would you feel?

and no, I don't need to sit there and wait the entire night for you. what makes you think you're entitled to someone waiting the entire night there for you?

you're causing other people a huge inconvenience by forcing them to wait... a "panic attack" is not a valid excuse. so for every date throughout the rest of your life, you are going to force every single guy to wait hours for you? IS THAT FAIR?

I would feel more sorry for him... that I have caused him such a huge inconvenience.

quit constantly thinking about what you have to gain from the situation and give some consideration to others.

[Asker]

@sitaraxx

[Opinion Owner]

YES fair enough it is DISAPPOINTING. but it depends on the intention of the person who stood you up.

the only thing I questioned is your use of the word SCUM. Scum is THE LOWEST OF THE LOWEST. tell me would you group people who stand up dates with child molesters?
They are ASSHOLES but not scum. If you can get over it, why are you crying?

[Opinion Owner]

Damn you're more upset and invested in this than the guy I actually stood up

Seeing as we're still friends 8 years later, clearly he was MATURE and he got over it. Not sure why you're so in your feelings.
Hey maybe I should ask him to answer your question.

[Opinion Owner]

and you can see if he thinks i'm scum.

Honestly, i'd argue you're more scum than I am. Your lack of compassion and empathy for another person's wellbeing is astonishing. The fact you expected me to just man up and sit through a 2 hour date after id been throwing up and having an hour panic attack is really something. You have your priorities in the right place.

[Opinion Owner]

Like I said this was the ONLY scenario where I've stood up someone without telling them on THAT night. I don't owe you that explanation. Forcing men to wait hours for me isn't my sport...

[Asker]

[the only thing I questioned is your use of the word SCUM. Scum is THE LOWEST OF THE LOWEST. tell me would you group people who stand up dates with child molesters?
They are ASSHOLES but not scum. If you can get over it, why are you crying?]

Not all "evil people" rape, kill, molest. Just because you don't do these things, it doesn't mean you can't be evil. There are a lot of sick people out there who stand people up on dates INTENTIONALLY. And honestly, I think they're scum... You must be a REALLY SICK person to enjoy something like that.

[Asker]

[Your lack of compassion and empathy for another person's wellbeing is astonishing.]

where is your compassion and empathy for forcing every single guy to wait overnight for you in every single date for the rest of your life?

why would you think its a proper thing to do to the future men in your life?

you shouldn't even be going on dates...

[Opinion Owner]

NO but people who rape, kill and molest ARE all evil people.
People who stand up dates are NOT ALL EVIL PEOPLE. However, like anything in this world, evil people CAN CHOOSE to stand up dates. But they were never good people in the first place.

Honestly I don't get what your stupid point is.
God Forbid somebody straps to you to a chair and tortures you to death.. only THEN will you understand there's real EVIL out there in the world.

[Asker]

@sitaraxx

I used to have an aunt who would take as long as possible to get ready for dates forcing her boyfriend to wait downstairs for her for a minimum of 45 mins every single time.

Even at the age of 13, I felt bad for him. I felt like it was extremely rude thing for her to do.

One day... he showed up 1 hour late for the date. He told her that she was downstairs while he was still at home. So that when he arrived her building, she would be ready.

this taught her a big lesson... to never keep a man waiting again.

[Opinion Owner]

where is your compassion and empathy for forcing every single guy to wait overnight for you in every single date for the rest of your life?

WHO said I forced every guy to wait overnight for me? Are you illiterate? I'm talking about ONE experience

[Opinion Owner]

God if this is your attitude I understand why that guy stood you up on that date. he should thank his lucky stars.
He dodged a real bullet.

[Asker]

[NO but people who rape, kill and molest ARE all evil people.
People who stand up dates are NOT ALL EVIL PEOPLE. However, like anything in this world, evil people CAN CHOOSE to stand up dates. But they were never good people in the first place.]

In my opinion, you must be a VERY HEARTLESS person to intentionally stand someone up on a date. And no... most people who stand others up aren't suffering from panic attacks... you're the single RARE EXCEPTION

[Honestly I don't get what your stupid point is.
God Forbid somebody straps to you to a chair and tortures you to death.. only THEN will you understand there's real EVIL out there in the world.

Why? is it because I'm saying having a "panic attack" isn't a valid excuse to keep someone waiting overnight for you?

what makes you think you're entitled to forcing men to wait overnight for you? what if I made you sit there and wait 12 hours for me to show up on a date? how would you feel?

[Asker]

[God if this is your attitude I understand why that guy stood you up on that date. he should thank his lucky stars.
He dodged a real bullet.]

if that makes you feel better about someone exposing YOUR TRUE COLORS.

[Opinion Owner]

You're too dumb to even take in what i'm saying so there's no point continuing this conversation.
Good luck with all those "scummy" men who stand you up on dates... I have a feeling there's going to be loads of them. The problem ain't them, honey, It's just you.

[Asker]

@sitaraxx

If you knew you were prone to panic attacks, dont go on blind dates.
Or tell someone else to help you text your date that you're having a panic attack so he is aware.

but dont be entitled as to expect that a panic attack is a completely valid excuse to not text someone to cancel. you can literally ruin someone elses day by not updating them on your status.

[Asker]

[Good luck with all those "scummy" men who stand you up on dates... I have a feeling there's going to be loads of them. The problem ain't them, honey, It's just you.]

you don't feel bad for people who have been stood up because I can tell that nobody has ever stood you up. You only have stood other people up.

[PeteA380]

More or less.

There are genuine circumstances that coukd prevent someone from makimg it, but there are also phones and emails to get such circumstances explained and to reschedule or to change plans.

[KrakenAttackin]

Women have been standing men up for centuries. Now that women are getting a taste of their own medicine it's hilarious to watch princess throw a hissy fit.😂😂😂😂

[Asker]

there's no person on earth who needs to be stood up more than you... you certainly deserve it.

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker..😂😂😂😂. Awwwwwe... did some Chad get a better offer and leave you hanging? That's called hookup culture, you ladies created it, live with it.

[Asker]

@krakenattackin

im pretty sure you're that bitter cuz some woman stood you up.

[RoosterBreast]

So what? Does it matter who's scum and who isn't? All is good when we're naked and fucking. Me fuck scum, whether broke, busted, or disgusted, me would fuck in a mansion or a dumpster. Doesn't matter as long as we both cum hard. Hahaha.

[KrakenAttackin]

Honey, I have never been stood up, and I have never stood anyone else up, but I do see plenty of entitled women who deserve it.

[Asker]

@krakenattackin

nobody can get as bitter as you unless they've been stood and rejected for years.

[Alli39]

I mean that's a strong term. It's certainly rude though.

[red324]

They usually will reschedule and if they didn't have any intention of going, I probably won't hear from them ever again. Same thing in my opinion

[Sharkstealth]

My sister would use guys all the time for free stuff. She would show me her book of guys to call.

[Asker]

im pretty sure she pays them back via sex. nobody just comes over to do work for free

[Sharkstealth]

Probably but not work restaurants and places to go.

[Sharkstealth]

This was in the 80s

[Mangospacho]

Maybe not low life scum but they’re not a very good person for not having any consideration for someone who invested their time and energy into the date.

[CallmeTheKnight]

I wouldn’t go that far, but they have no respect no for your time and effort. If you’re stood up, then you know how they feel about you

[genericname85]

what exactly does that mean? people who don't show up? or people who stand up and leave.

[Asker]

didn't show up

[genericname85]

yeah they're suckers. fuck them.

[Provingdatruth]

I see them as scums. It’s so disrespectful to stand someone up. People have shit to do in their lives, and they are willing to go out of their time to meet with someone.

[exitseven]

Unless there is a really goood reason, yes theyu are pond scum.

[Sparkie460]

That's putting it mildly. If they have a REALLY good reason for standing you up I'd possibly give them a second chance.

[gothbxtch]

barring special circumstances, it’s a shitty thing to do

[Anonymous]

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Y2uB0NDr0Dc

She reminds me of you

[Asker]

trust me, i will be nobody would ever want to go on a date with a scum bag like him after all the ladies have seen this video. you don't know who he is going to stand up next...

[DreamLife7]

@asker so you are aware he doesn't like you 🤣. My point proven. He stood you up not the woman he wants.

[Asker]

@DreamLife7

are you really that angry? you had to chase me down?

[Anonymous]

depends on the reason they have. it could be a death in the family could be illness car could of broke down on the way there any number of reasons. but the main thing that person should call and let you know what's taking place

[DreamLife7]

No, he just wasn't interested in you ad I'm sure you knew that but you kept hounding him

[Asker]

you can't make random assumptions when you know nothing about the situation.

[DreamLife7]

He stood you up therefore he never liked you.

[Asker]

then why the fuck agree to the date?

[DreamLife7]

To stand you up because he doesn't like you lol. The fact that you're this slow and cannot comprehend when someone doesn't like you tells me that he's made it clear to you before but you refuse to accept the rejection. So the only way for you to get it is for him to stand you up. Good for him

[Asker]

he didn't make it clear that he didn't want. in fact, he made it clear that he WANTED me because he agreed to a date with me...

[DreamLife7]

He stood you up that means he doesn't like you. All this talking you're doing won't make him like you. Move on he's made it clear he never liked you

[Asker]

you don't agree to go on a date with a girl you don't like... period... nothing else you say matters

[DreamLife7]

He stood you up hun on purpose he doesn't like you

[Asker]

@dreamlife7

he accepted the date on purpose because he does like me

[zeitgeist057]

Nah dream life is right. If he wanted to be there, he would have gone. Girls give fake numbers or even their real ones and never respond all the time. It’s just easier to say yes to someone’s face then be a coward later when they’re not there to make you feel bad for being a shitty person.

[Asker]

@zeitgeist057

What if he got into some sort of accident? What if he is dead? You dont always know that. The last time a guy stood me up, he promised me to meet on Sunday. On Saturday night he stayed at a bar till 4 pm drinking. On Sunday, he stood me up cuz he was too hung over to meet. He never contacted me after that cus he thought he had blew it. A yr later, i contacted him again for an investment deal. He said he would like to go on a date again.

So... you never can make assumptions like that

[DreamLife7]

@zeitgeist057 to be her behavior is very sexistist. If a man were to behave like her they would be labeled as stalkers, aggressive and crazy. She needs to accept that she was rejected. Men deal with rejection everyday. Now its her turn yet she can't handle it

[DreamLife7]

@asker he doesn't like you

[Asker]

@dreamlife7

sounds like you're just jealous. you're probably the type of girl who can't get any dates. i can tell.

[DreamLife7]

Jealous that someone who doesn't like you stood you up?

[Asker]

@dreamlife7

you sound really bitter, girl. i can see right through you.

[DreamLife7]

Bitter over you being stood up?

[Asker]

@dreamlife7

everyone gives off a vibe... yours is certainly bitter.

[DreamLife7]

You just sound like you can't handle rejection. Maybe you're slow I don't know

[Asker]

@dreamlife7

sounds like you just like telling people nobody likes them. you seem to really enjoy repeating this line over and over again.

[DreamLife7]

He doesn't like you lol. He stood you up

[Asker]

@dreamlife7

not necessarily. there could've been many things that could have happened

[DreamLife7]

Nope he stood you up

[Asker]

@dreamlife7

maybe he got into a car accident... maybe he could've been dead... you don't know

[DreamLife7]

Nope he just doesn't like you. Doesn't find you attractive. You know that , that's why you made the post

[Asker]

@dreamlife7

you don't know what happened. so you can't insist that he doesn't like me.

[DreamLife7]

He stood you up lol.

[Asker]

@dreamlife7

so what? doesn't mean he doesn't like me.

[DreamLife7]

Men don't stand up women they like and find attractive. You're anonymous, so makes sense it's most likely your appearance

[Asker]

@dreamlife7

You dont know what happened... he couldve been in an accident.

[DreamLife7]

He doesn't like you , he's not attracted to you. You know that so that's why he stood you up. Truth hurts but he doesn't like u move on

[Asker]

@dreamlife7

I think that you're the only one who is hurting right now...

[DreamLife7]

I didn't good stood up so I'm fine lol

[Asker]

@dreamlife7

I'm sure you have a sadder life than me... I don't go around enjoying rubbing dirt in other peoples face.

[DreamLife7]

Sad that you got stood up and have been whining about it for 24hrs?

[Asker]

@dreamlife7

I'm not sad... I'm just shocked by how some people can be that inconsiderate...
and now... I'm shocked that some people enjoy rubbing shit in other people's faces over the internet.

I guess evil comes in all forms...

[DreamLife7]

So you're acknowledging that he doesn't like you that's why he stood you up? Thanks for proving my point have a great evening 🤣.

[AnusNdaPainus]

No because dating doesn’t work and is a waste of time.

[LiamJHayden]

Maybe some, but I don't waste time worrying about it. I just move on.

[BrookeS]

Yes, aleast have the respect to tell them in person

[Manuel2]

No! Worse than that and usually have a poor eccuse, like heart attack and in hospital

[noohair]

No, just assho! es, or have mental problems.

[Minahh]

It's certainly not a polite behavior and the person has no manners

[Kingofkings1992]

I wouldn’t say “scum”, but it’s definitely very disrespectful

[Asker]

sometimes disrespectful and severe lack of consideration for others are the characteristics that make up a scumbag. decent people aren't like this

[Nikki1989]

I imagine that would suck.

[Asker]

you didn't answer the question

[_SillyShoes_]

They're obviously bad people...

[Ms_Facesitter]

Maybe not low life scum. But rude.

[Luopio27]

Dont know what you mean.

[dudeinohio]

For the most part, yes.

[Fuentes]

Yup they're stupid

[BLP11520]

yes cowardly, it is painful

[whistlingwh0res]

they are assholes

[Anonymous]

If intentional, generally speaking, yes.

[RingOfFire]

Yes!

[RingOfFire]

Only happened to me once about 10 years ago, but it was a bad one!

I was talking to her online for about 3 months and we finally decided to meet. She lived about 3 hours away by car. So on the day of the date I drove to her town and arranged to meet her at a vegan restaurant there because she was a vegan. I am not into that but looked for it online and made a reservation there just to surprise her. I even asked them to make a special dessert for us to have ready.

So the day of the date I drove all the way to her town. Got there just as the sun was setting before we were supposed to meet for dinner. Had flowers with me. She never showed up! I was STUNNED! Could not believe it. I called her and called her and she never answered. Left her about 10 messages and heard NOTHING. Finally drove all the way home in the middle of the night. Gave the flowers to a girl walking by in that town before I left.

She messaged me and said she got cold feet and still wanted to meet me.

Which is a better chance a slim chance or a fat chance?

She was actually stunningly attractive. And I know she was real because we did videochats. But beautiful or not that was unforgiveable. Here I was in the dark in a strange place I had never been before and she didn't even have the decency to answer my calls to explain. Sorry, that's a NEVER AGAIN.

[Asker]

@ringoffire

i would have to agree. thats very inconsiderate of her. even if she did get cold feet, she could've messaged you before you took the 3 hour trip. you dodged a bullet.

[RingOfFire]

Agreed! Although to be honest I did feel a little sorry for her anyway and had to think about it. 😏

[Asker]

@ringoffire

you're trying really hard to make exceptions for her just cuz she is very attractive.

but understand that this scenario could've gone very differently even if she did get cold feet prior to the date. if i were her, i knew i would get cold feet. i would've just canceled right before the date. she didn't. its not that hard. she just didn't care about how you would feel.

[Asker]

im sure she knows how you would've felt if you spent 3 hrs driving to her and then for her to just not show up. but she just didn't care. would you date someone who was THAT inconsiderate of other people?

[Rangers]

Absolutely