Why are men judged for not seeing promiscuous women as wife material?

[Anonymous]

[Lliam]

I don't care what kind of woman a guy chooses to marry. But guys who are constantly posting about it are like the kind of religious zealots who can't shut up about their personal beliefs.

Guys who call sexually active women promiscuous are jerks. They deserve to be judged and mocked.

Why do guys like that need affirmation? Why do they feel the need to impose their beliefs on society? Why do they have a need to judge others? And why do they get butt hurt when people don't agree with them?

[Asker]

Men and women look for different things in a relationship. Men generally look for a woman whom they can trust that will not cheat on them. Whereas women generally look for a man who will provide for them.

It is what it is, there's no point in banging one's head against a brick wall.

[Alli39]

Well for one because they're using words like "promiscuous" to describe women in the 21st century. Like, you realize we all know that's your politically correct way to slut-shame someone, right? The language doesn't change the meaning.

But also, having slept with other people before doesn't mean that she can't settle down, be loyal, and be a good wife and mother, it's just that she hasn't chosen to do so yet. Who cares if she's slept with other people? (Same goes for guys, having a ho phase doesn't mean you can't also one day be a great dad and husband. Just try to not be a great mom/dad to too many kids you didn't intend to, ya know? Have safe sex y'all!)

But also it's because the belief that a woman needs to be a virgin to be a good wife is super out dated and rooted in a culture that didn't have birth control. But now we do, so we don't need to be judgmental pricks anymore :)

[Asker]

The problem with relationships nowadays is that it has become too much complicated.

But I think I found the gold rule for relationships in 2023: to put a time cap in it. And my one is 6 months.

In 6 months I give my best to the girl, try to make her happy, try to enjoy every moment and so. Whether she's loyal or not, good or bad, that's not a problem... I'll kick her ass in 6 months anyway.

It's so good to have a "ho phase" that I want mine to last till my 50s.

[Alli39]

Go for it dude, but are you telling girls that when you get into relationships? Because if not then that's a pretty objectively shit thing to do.

(But like, if everyone's aware of the time limit then frankly I don't care if your self-proclaimed ho phase lasts your entire life as long as you don't sit there acting like you're better than anyone for it. Doesn't sound very emotionally satisfying, but you do you.)

[inhua]

she can choose to "settle" down but no sane man wants to jump through hoops for her

men prefer consistent rules, not flaky rules that change because she has different priorities

[Alli39]

@inhua I mean, going from sleeping around to not isn't really a choice the man makes or has to influence. And if your partner has different values and proprieties than you, then you just have to accept that and evaluate if it's a relationship you want to continue. It's not actually that complicated.

[Asker]

The real truth is that there's no reason to settle down these days. It's a complete waste of time.

[Alli39]

I mean I disagree. If your goal is to raise children or have a committed relationship based on mutual in which you share resources then there's no issue with settling down. It's just not an absolute necessity in the modern world, so if it's not your vibe then don't do it. I think many, if not most, people chose to though because they enjoy the connection and the commitment.

[Asker]

There's nothing thrilling about "commitment" per se. It's just more unnecessary annoyances.

And the woman can raise a kid by herself. Alimony exists to help them.

[Alli39]

Commitment isn't supposed to be thrilling lol.

And dude, being a single parent is really difficult. A bit of money doesn't even come close to filling the gap of having another person around to help out, from the perspective of the child or their caretaker. A child is as much the mother's as the fathers responsibility.

[inhua]

except men don't have to accept these changing rules

read this question below to understand why

Girlfriend wants me to wait till marriage for sex but she isn’t a virgin? ↗

why would a guy have to take a woman out on multiple expensive dates and put a ring on her finger just to get sex while all her previous sexual partners didn't have to do the same? this is where the inconsistencies come through. why commit to a partner whom all her other previous partners didn't do the same?

[Alli39]

@inhua People's values change over time. I met a girl in college who dated around in high school, but when she reconnected with her faith, decided to limit dating and physical intimacy to better match her new values. You can't expect people to be the same for their entire lives.

Who cares what past partners did if she's with him as she is now? If he doesn't like the person she is currently, then he has the option of leaving.

[inhua]

guys aren't obligated to date girls "who have changed" and neither are girls obligated to date guys "who have changed" as well just like society doesn't have to forgive rehabilitated criminals

if a guy wants to commit to a girl for life ( physically protect and financially provide for her) whom none of her previous sex partners ever did, that's his choice but if a guy doesn't want to, he doesn't have to and shouldn't be forced to either

[Alli39]

@inhua Lol no one's forcing anyone. I'm just saying it's pretty shortsighted and prejudiced to assume that people can't change or that having a bad history means you aren't worthwhile. Just seems kinda sucky from my perspective but I also believe in rehabilitation of criminals so there's that.

[inhua]

shortsighted perhaps but not something that can be flat out ignored. if a woman has a body count of 50, the 51st guy is going to wonder why didn't any of the previous guys commit to her? why does he have to be the one to put the ring on her finger when the other guys didn't do the same.

regardless of who was in the right or wrong whether she cheated on all of them or they were just abusers she had a history of choosing, the higher the number it worse it gets for her

[Alli39]

@inhua He doesn't "have" to be, and if he's considering marriage as some kind of duty forced upon him then he probably shouldn't get married in the first place since he's probably not going to treat his spouse all that well emotionally.

Besides maybe she didn't want the other 50 guys to commit lol.

And she may not have cheated at all or been with abusers, she may have just dated around or had a lot of casual sexual partners for a while. Those aren't inherently bad decisions, just operating on a different morality from what you clearly believe. What does it matter now if she's choosing to be committed and loyal?

[inhua]

marriage is a duty and commitment. men who marry want to commit to the right woman and only he decides who the right woman is for him even if he has to be a bit discriminatory

guys don't need to know the full details behind her body count number. at some point there's no reason for a number to be that high (same goes for guys)

time, energy, resources and finances are going to be spent and guys want to know if a girl is worth it and any girl whom previous didn't have spend any of the such is not worth it to them

[Alli39]

@inhua I mean I believe in marrying not because a person should get married, but because you've met someone that you actually want to marry and have that commitment with.

But I still fundamentally disagree that women, or men, that have slept with a larger number of people, however you define that, are inherently worth less than people who haven't. The energy and commitment you put into an individual should, in my opinion, fundamentally be independent of what other people have chosen to do in the past. Their choices don't affect you and it's not actually your business.

But I suspect you're going to disagree and I don't care to continue this particular argument when we seem to be stuck in more or less the same spot, so I'll stop here.

[inhua]

high body count people aren't worth less as people. they just don't get taken as seriously as a potential relationship partner as low body count people. the red flags aren't that hard to spot but apparently being able to spot them is a "red flag"?

take Leonardo Di Caprio for example who has a high body count. he continues to recycle girlfriend after girlfriend. do people honestly believe he's actually going to ever be in a lifetime happy marriage? Taylor Swift is the same and her songs reflect that.

the time and energy is very important because it highlights the difference in how the woman values the man. a woman who was truly attracted to her man would not make him jump through hoops for her.

no reason for a woman ( that doesn't reflect the man personally ) to withhold sex from him until after the 3rd date or after marriage when she has a history of hooking up without needing dates

[LazerBean]

The same reason women are judged for not seeing promiscuous men as husband material. And that is because hoes don't like to hear the truth about themselves.

[Asker]

That's a good point.

[inhua]

that rarely happens both in the total population of women who don't see promiscuous men as husband material and society judging them for their preferences

[LazerBean]

Well yes, it's simple math that the group that is less frequently hypocritical about something is going to be less frequently judged.

[inhua]

does that include factors like height, money and status?

[LazerBean]

Since women who demand men that are 6'+, make six figures, and are famous are few and ridiculed, tand is "obviously".

[BlackJeep]

Do whatever you want. Who the hell cares what anyone else thinks? If you want to date a virgin and can attract virgins then do it. People may bitch about your standards but if you have high standards and options, then who cares. I have super high standards and and have disqualified many promiscuous women.

[inhua]

because men aren't allowed to have preferences, standards or boundaries

it's considered "toxic, abusive, manipulative, oppressive, misogynistic"

[Asker]

It really seems like that.

[Spongebobssocks]

Cause of feminism.. they're angry they dont meet all men's standards

[DextroShade]

The promiscuous women are just bitter that they screwed up their lives and lost their chance at love and the pathetic simps just go along with it to virtue signal.

[gothbxtch]

because those kinds of men think that we as women are somehow “ruined” by having sex, and that it makes us “impure” or something. it’s extremely misogynistic and damaging for both men and women.

[Asker]

They're not ruined. They're just a bad choice for a relationship.

[gothbxtch]

okay, why?

[Asker]

Promiscuous people self-control and most of them will never be loyal. Relationships without loyalty ain't worth shit.

[Asker]

Promiscuous people lack self-control.

[gothbxtch]

okay, so basically you think they’re lesser than and damaged.

[gothbxtch]

have you slept with more than one person?

[Asker]

I think they aren't loyal.

[Asker]

I don't think men should demand virgins, just avoid women who are super promiscuous.

[DextroShade]

It isn't about misogyny it's about risk management based on facts and data: the more sexual partners a woman has before marriage the more likely she is to initiate a divorce. Considering all the risks men take with marriage these days marrying a promiscuous woman is a massive risk to a man's future.

Also, historically speaking promiscuous women were a bad bet for paternity meaning a man was more likely to end up being cucked and raising another man's kid. Paternity testing is a very recent invention and some deranged places like France ban it outright.

[LiamJHayden]

It's your life. Just do what you want as far as this goes and ignore what others expect.

[ButthurtGAGpeople1]

Why should p women be seen as marriage material?

ITS NOT WHAT THEY WANT

[Anonymous]

Because men are judged ruthlessly when we have ANY standards for women.

[Anonymous]

Who cares! A woman can think anything she likes. Reality doesn't change.

[Anonymous]

They’re not, not by me anyway.

[RavVid]

Female pysch ops to make you the problem.

[OddBeMe]

Religion only punishes women for this crime.