Girlfriend wants me to wait till marriage for sex but she isn’t a virgin?

Question

First off a little about myself I am 24 years old and still a virgin. I’ve had multiple girlfriends throughout the years but none lasted over a few months. Half a year ago I met my new girlfriend and she’s an absolutely awesome person! We have lots in common and both really enjoy each other’s company. I figured us being together now for half a year would be a good time for me to ask her about sex. I already knew she wasn’t a virgin and that she had several different sexual partners throughout her life and even had a sexual relationship with her last boyfriend before me (who she broke up with only 4 months before we started dating). When I mentioned sex to her she said since after her last boyfriend, she’s decided for now on she’s going to wait until marriage for sex. Her reasoning behind this is she feels her man (me in this case) waiting for sex until marriage proves that I’m interested in other things then sex with her. I love my girlfriend very much and I would completely support her decision to wait for sex until marriage... if she were also a virgin. But she’s got to experience sex many different times with different people.. and I’ve never had sex once and now that I (the first virgin she’s ever been with) start dating her she decides I’m going to have to marry her first if I want to ever have sex.. it just makes me feel like she’s using the fact I’m still a virgin against me. That if I ever want to have sex then I better be willing to get married to do so. I don’t know if I’m looking at things the wrong way and just over reacting. I really would just like other people’s opinion because it has really been bothering me the last few days!

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I initially tried to understand and sympathize with her position. But now after reading your responses to other users in the comments, I can confidently tell you that this is a big red flag for two reasons:

1. She is obviously not over the past and her ex. That's why she is not intimate in any way, shape and form. She is using you as an emotional pillow to help her get over the pain and disappointment of other men. And you are here wearing your superhero cape thinking this is love. It is difficult to have sex when you are still not over the another man.

2. You need to understand that she is not attracted to you. Even virgins show attraction and express it to keep that connection strong. You are like a friend but you are too good to her and she somehow likes you as a marriage material man. So she wants to settle down. But what you both don't understand that after you get the ring, and the wedding, she will be unsatisfied again. She will either cheat, divorce you, or leave you to be a single dad while she leaved you.

The fact she even hid her body when you walked in on her is a clear indication to me that this is not about celibacy. You have to be blind to even believe that. It is not also about change in thoughts or values or whatever. You need to open your eyes. Because you are the rebound in this story. I'm sorry man but you asked for a reason. you know deep down that something about this isn't right and doesn't add up.

You two need to sit down and hve a decent conversation. Marriage should not be used as a way to black mail someone. And if you have a good job then dude be careful. You can't force her to have sex with you or pressure her to do so. But you don't let your heart only decides on this.

girlzruleboyzdrool · Accepted Answer

She wants a restart. Her morals have changed and that should be respected

PrudentGuy · Accepted Answer

I'm very experienced with sex and this is what I think if I were able to start all over again.

I truly won't mind to remain a virgin and marry a girl who is very (or at least quite) experience with sex.

Reason: my first was "clueless" and so was she. We both agreed, our First was among the worst.

Hence, instead of getting annoyed by her insistence, why not strike a bargain? I have a few suggestions:

1) if you're ready for marriage, then set a date now to get married.

2) she must promise after marriage, she must start a sex-filled lifestyle with you.

Minimum: every time you ask for sex she must agree and cannot use family dispute or anything ("I not in the mood") as excuses.

2. She must agree to start a naked lifestyle in private after marriage. Hence after the wedding day, clothes is forbidden in the house. (Get curtains please.)

3. Other mundane pursuit of life (work, home, kids) must not interfere with your sex life.

And please, don't sound as direct as what I typed when you talk to her. You'll scare her off as sex freak. But let the points be known and she must fulfil after marriage.

Good luck.

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

I wouldn't trust it... either she thinks the other guys left her because she gave it up (that's her choice in those guys as well) or you're going to end up finding out why the other guys split... only you'll be tied in.

And think about this behavior down the road... to make you do or change something she wants, she'll withhold the sex. Right now she wants that ring, and withholding sex on you to make sure that happens.

I suggest you alpha male that shit, and basically be like "look sex or I'm gone... or you can standby until I bang some other girls."

inhua · Answer

not to sound rude or anything but there's a saying that goes "she breaks rules for the alpha and makes rules for the beta". I hate to break it to you but she doesn't see you the same way she sees her previous boyfriends. if I were you I wouldn't buy any of the excuses she makes.

from my POV, if you were to reward her with what she wanted, not only have you disrespected yourself by breaking your own rules but it sends a bad message to others that you can be a low quality woman and still land yourself a high quality man.

remember, she has lost all leverage the moment she lost her virginity. all the bargaining chips are on your table now. if you were to go through with the marriage, you still might not get sex because as some other users have said, she does owe it to you but keep in mind, you don't owe her a relationship.

your feelings are perfectly valid, don't let other people gaslight you for having them. also keep in mind, she has all these ex-boyfriends but was unable to keep any of them long term. you might come to the conclusion that they were all jerks but there is one common denominator with all of them and that's her.

JSmuve · Answer

Maybe, in her previous relationships, the guys only wanted sex from while she wanted more so now she's waiting to make sure the guy is committed to her. Only she'd know for sure.

But I do think its extremely unfair to you. She's basically saying if you want to fuck me, you have to marry me. Its emotional blackmail. If a guy turned around and said if you want me to commit to you then you're gonna have to fuck me, he'd be labelled the bad guy.

I don't think there is much you can do here except probe further to find out where her decision is coming from. You'll have to decide how important sex is to you and whether having her hold out is worth sticking around.

WindAtMyBack · Answer

Yea, it's possible she changed her mind and decided she wants to wait until marriage now.

But what this really sounds like is one big shit test. She wants to see if you'll do it and has said as much. It's like she doesn't even care about waiting until marriage, except to find out if you'll do it. It seems manipulative as hell.

Yes Mistress, whatever you want.

JDavid25 · Answer

From some of the stories I heard about girls askin they boyfriends to wait until marriage and they find out they been with somebody else.. So I don't know.. But you love her so I think you should stick it out, and learn to appreciate it.. Maybe she wanted a change, and to start over with you..

Bandit74 · Answer

I would dump her.
Waiting until marriage is a big risk like what if you wait all that time and when you get married she still rarely want to never wants to have sex. Also the fact that just months ago she was totally fine having sex with more attractive guys but the moment she meets you she's suddenly a born again virgin is pretty suspicious.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

HUGE RED FLAG. DO NOT MARRY THIS GIRL!

This is very common sort of behavior from girls who do not respect you. She knows she can rule over you in the relationship by doing this. If you marry her expect a life of bad behavior on her part. She is likely going to cheat. She will hold sex over your head to get things she wants.

in my opinion this girl is unmarriagable for any man. Even one she respects. She has a bad bad bad abusive sort of personality. In contrast a good woman would never do this because she knows she needs to be with a man she respects and not someone she can gain an edge over.

Id tell her to kick rocks and her suggestion is offensive and you're over. At that point she will probably let you hit it but still dont be with her. she's bad news.

_SOARER · Answer

Lmao bro, what a dumb slut! 😂
She should just put out, there is nothing left for her to save.
It's been a year and half. I bet she fucked those other dudes on the 3rd date 😂😭🤢

Do yourself a favor and find a girl who is a virgin

tzdc21 · Answer

Dude, I hate to break this to you, but your girlfriend probably doesn't like you all that much. Because she was willing to have sex with other guys, but she is making YOU wait till marriage for sex? If she were a virgin then this would be more acceptable, but since she's not, then nope. Find you another girlfriend.

ItsTheNephilim · Answer

Something seems off about this. It'd be right if you both were virgins in my opinion. But she could have another sense of comfort in that. If she isn't giving you what you want, break up with her and no, it won't be your fault.

0112358 · Answer

Are you being intimate in other ways apart from intercourse or no?

genericname85 · Answer

lol don't waste time with her. she was probably betrayed or used by a guy before and wants to prevent that from happening again but if you're rightfully not ok with waiting till marriage and she wants to do that, ditch her. easy as that.

Freddy78361 · Answer

She is passive aggressively trying to control you. Say ok but that you won't live a sexless life just for her.

cloud9vortex1234 · Answer

No, somethings off about this. It would be different if you both were virgins.

boggboss · Answer

Well then if you are not happy talk to her about this me personally I wouldn't be OK with this and it would be a deal breaker for me

Anonymous · Answer

yeah I know it's not fair my girlfriend is making me wait till marriage and neither of us are virgins

Avicenna · Answer

That would be a dealbreaker for me, but what's her reasoning?

Anonymous · Answer

If she has given it up to others for less, then she shouldn’t expect you to wait. She has already taken away any of the value that her vagina had.

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't date a non virgin for that exact reason, but you know why you're in that relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

I wouldn't fall for it mate.

In_Trance · Answer

there's no right or wrong here. You do whats right for you

Girlfriend wants me to wait till marriage for sex but she isn’t a virgin?

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