I rarely get approached. How can a woman look single?

[DermalPunch]

How can I cultivate an aura of availability? I am single but the last two people I dated told me they assumed I was taken.

[caring__1]

Stay connected with your environment. When people appear to be highly focused in one direction, they are often seen as unapproachable. Narrow focus tends to be interpreted as "Don't bother me." Smile at people; offer or ask for assistance; positively comment on their choices; show appreciation; people view the eyes of others to determine receptivity, so practice in a mirror or with the help of a friend.

[DermalPunch]

I've been doing that. The pink oleander are in bloom right now and I stop to inhale them so deep like it's drugs.

When people appear to be highly focused in one direction, they are often seen as unapproachable. Narrow focus tends to be interpreted as "Don't bother me."

⏫️⏫️⏫️ Facts.

So I stopped that. I get way more eye contact but when I make it, I see this freak out and they break it.

I cannot do anything about the intensity of my gaze even if smiling. It's just that way.

I stopped walking so fast too.

These are helpful. Thanks ✨️ 😊 ✨️.

[caring__1]

Slowing down can be helpful if you want to be noticed. You do have control over the intensity shown in your face. Actors do it all the time... just practice. You don't want to scare people off by coming on too strong. Subtleties tend to impact more deeply and linger longer. Just compare your experience of walking by someone who bathed in heavy perfume versus someone who hints with a subtle scent you can't quite place. Which will you hold onto long enough to become long-term memory?

[caring__1]

By the way, though the pink oleander smells luscious, it's important to understand how poisonous they are. A single consumed leaf can kill a person, and 10-20 leaves can kill a horse.

[DermalPunch]

I am aware they are poisonous. Thanks for the heads up!

[DermalPunch]

Getting noticed isn't the issue. I get noticed more than I would like. Just don't know why everyone freezes up. I smile lots. Everyone in my neighborhood knows I am personable. All the guys who I know lkke me have seen me being personable. They just won't do it. I also have a no approachbpolicy because it always turns out badly.

[caring__1]

What you describe is generally common among people who come on too strong. If you've ever been around people on the autism/Asperger's spectrum, you'll see examples of individuals who seem unable to adjust their reactions to their environment. Some people turn others off by being too friendly or too loud or too intense. Also, if you believe something will turn out badly, it's not uncommon to set up a self-fulfilling prophesy by shutting it down before it has a chance to get started.

[DermalPunch]

No, my social skills are really exceptional.

[DermalPunch]

Also, I could wrote a book on why women shouldn't take the lead in starting relationships. This coming from a woman who proposed to my ex husband. I am speaking from experience.

[caring__1]

You had one experience and are assuming all other experiences will be the same. How do you like to be lumped together with everyone else when people say "All women"? Not all marriages when men propose are successful, either. We're not talking about taking charge of the situation, but be clear with your interest rather than expect others to read your mind.

[DermalPunch]

Now you're assume I only had one experience. Secondly, what is being clear with interest. Men always say that and give no examples.

[caring__1]

You only gave one experience, so I didn't know you have had enough experiences to apply the knowledge to a population. I've never had more than a hint of a quality, non-self-focused partner, but I'm not about to say all women are similar to the ones I've known in the past.

As far as being clear, be responsive and give specific responses rather than limiting yourself to generalities. Often, people stick to generalities, as they don't want to limit any potential opportunities. Unfortunately this pattern leads people to be confused as to a person's true thoughts and feelings. Let people get to know you rather than let guys take charge and call all the shots. If they don't like what they see, it's always better to learn that early on, before you've made any significant investment.

[DermalPunch]

That's a lotnof words to say basically nothing.

An example would be. If a guy makes ee contact to x

If you've seen a guy smile smile back and do y

That is an example.

[DermalPunch]

Eye contact do x

Show I Teresa by doing x action.

Whenever I ask this men never ever can give. Solid example because the bottom one is if a guy can't come up to a woman and make himself clear he isn't worth her time. period.

[caring__1]

This is true of all genders.

[Avicenna]

There are lots of reasons people might think that. Your looks, for one. Also, how friendly and approachable you are.

[collie22]

When I'm hanging out with friends I sometimes get asked.

[Anonymous]

You could wear a t-shirt that says you're single. That'd be a solid tipoff.

[DermalPunch]

Not the worst idea but then they would still chicken out.

[Opinion Owner]

Hey your question was "how can I look single". If you actually want more you actually have to give them reason.

[DermalPunch]

Give them a reason? What does that even mean. Listen, men have become such chickens that even if you make eye cintact smile and speak to them because you see they want to talk to you they still can't muster up the courage.

Before all of this slide jnto DMs and swipe right men actually approached women because they didn't have the option of hiding behind an app.

[Opinion Owner]

It's real simple hun. Guys are not your tribute. They're people! Guys are not chicken but if you want to keep believing that that's fine. They're just not going to waste time with women who like to play around. If you want to make genuine effort the fine but if you don't don't get mad at men for not responding to meager efforts. You have to understand for every genuine woman there's 10 just playing with him. The odds state that you're likely one. And the fact that you're single at almost 40 just increases that likelihood.

[DermalPunch]

You have a lot of assumptions and still no example of what an effort is or showing interest is like every single guy who I have posed this question to.

Further affirming that I know the issue isn't me. The reason I ask is because I have had to start every relationship I've been in and I realise that this sets a woman up to be devalued, disrespected and also to be with insecure abusive men.

If I respond so a man and he freezes up and doesn't know what to do and can't keep a convo I don't think that is meager effort.

They just aren't manly.

[DermalPunch]

Also, take à look at the poll I just out up about why men don't approach. They are afraid to get shot down or blame me too.

[Opinion Owner]

Like I said hun. Believe what you want. Clearly it's working for you. 😆
Virtually everything you posted was wrong. I wouldn't know where to start with a woman so content on being so blissfully ignorant.

[DermalPunch]

Ok let's go with me being blissfully ignorant. You are equally crap at enlightening people since you've still not given one example of a proper effort. I was literally asking you and you've given zilch.

[BarryLiverstone]

If you want to be approached , then send signals to someone.

[DermalPunch]

That is so vague. Give an example.

[BarryLiverstone]

You are at a party and see someone you like. You can smile, look at them, and give non verbal signals like open body language to let them know you want to be approached.

[DermalPunch]

Yeah, I do that. They just freeze up. Also, this was about the street. Not a party. Never had an issue at parties.

[BarryLiverstone]

I’ve been told that women don’t feel safe being approached on the street.

[slatyb]

Just start asking people out.

[DermalPunch]

No, men treat women who ask them out with a lot of disrespect.

[slatyb]

Then you are asking the wrong men.

[DermalPunch]

If a man is too afraid to appra woman, he isn't ready to be a husband.

[DermalPunch]

Approach

[dolemite58]

start chatting guys up more

[msc545]

Just approach guys you are interested in.