What are examples of someone moving too fast or too slow for you, in the initial stages of dating & are you likely to talk it out or move on?

[VIVANT]

Just curious. I know people tend to get easily frustrated and are slow to communicate, so I wanted to check in and see how people cope?

If I’m uncomfortable and I care, I’ll talk it out. Otherwise I’ll move on

I don’t talk things out, I just grin and bear it if I like them, or pout hoping they get it.& if I do not really like them, I’ll move on.

I’m a terrible communicator no matter how I feel

Other

I just go with the flow doesn’t bother me

[caring__1]

Moving too fast or too slow is usually a result of dysfunctional communication. When they are moving too fast, they're generally basing everything on assumptions, seeing only what they want to see without exploring and discovering what compatibility is and whether it could exist in this situation. When they're moving too slowly, they stick to superficial small talk, going at a snail's pace, sharing only vague generalities. They don't want to rock the boat and lose a potential possibility. They assume if it's meant to be it will just be, and no effort is required. They're fine with waiting 20 years to determine if what they are seeking can be found on this particular path. If they discover they can't get what they wanted (after 20 years), it's always easy to just blame the other person.

If you want a stable basis to grow on, take time to explore and discover how each of you view relationships, your reasons for wanting a relationship, what you are seeking and what your partner can expect of you. Obviously, the snail walkers will accuse you of rushing things, and the speed demons will see you as an anchor slowing them down, but you'll find it quicker and easier to move on from those who will only complicate your life.

[VIVANT]

I agree. well said.

[caring__1]

Thank you.

[VIVANT]

😊😊

[Avicenna]

Saying sh wants to take things slow is already an indication

[VIVANT]

Do you talk it over or how do you deal?

[Avicenna]

Well, yeah, I definitely talk to her to get a sense of what she is actually looking for and if it comes close to what I want. If she isn't interested in something serious, I usually look elsewhere.

[VIVANT]

Very fair

[provokeesmokee]

My most recent breakup was with an exgf who moved glacially slow.

Arguably she had a lot going on in her life, but still there was a root issue.

We were 5 months in and she still felt uncomfortable kissing.

For me, I'm hoping for snuggles and sex in month 3.

[VIVANT]

That’s actually slow even to me 😂

[VIVANT]

It was cool of you waiting that 5 months.

[provokeesmokee]

I'm pretty slow paced and busy, but I'm open to moving faster.

[Anonymous]

Make then wait for sex and if they push before I'm ready or open bye down they go cause guys always push and shove for sex making us feel sekfish

[VIVANT]

What do you consider pushing? Genuinely wondering

[Opinion Owner]

Talking about more constantly wanting more...
Snuggles where his hand slipped or is where I told him not to!

Saying we should do more...
If you suspect he is then they are

[VIVANT]

Thank you. That’s quite blatant 😊

[Opinion Owner]

Welcomes glad to help!

What were some signs you were thinking of?

[Juxtapose]

If somebody is too slow or fast I will let them know when it frustrates me. I don't like moving too quickly emotionally cus I wanna know if her and I even get along before I promise anything. Physically I don't mind if they come at me immediately haha 😆

If somebody is too slow either way it feels like she won't ever be exciting or invested later on and I won't feel excited or happy like I should be if I commit. I can suffer through hardships but I want to mostly have happy times.

[VIVANT]

Thanks for explaining.. How do people move too fast emotionally for you, what does that look like?

[Juxtapose]

Certainly 🤜🤛

It looks like asking you to cut yourself with them as part of an oath of loyalty, expecting you to do things which requires a lot of trust very early on like fight for them or loan money, etc. It's invasive and makes you feel like the person could be a scammer.

[VIVANT]

Hmm I’m asking bc I know I’ve felt like this is too fast but I’m not sure what made it feel like too fast. How would you say people can try to make you fight for them? The money thing I get lol but that’s always awkward.

[Anonymous]

I've heard some women on G@G say they put guys on a clock from the moment they meet him. Personally I can't understand that line of thinking at all. You're NOT going to rush me. It'll take me as long as it takes me to develop trust with her. And how she regards me will have a lot to do with that. If she wants it to go faster she needs to communicate well. On the flipside I don't think you can go too slow with me. I don't see what the big hurry is with people.

[VIVANT]

Yeah I’m like you. Guys are always rushing them acting like it’s bc I didn’t like them, but no it just takes me time.

[Opinion Owner]

Well I've always said your a different kind of cat VIVANT. I don't want to lump you in with all women when I say this. But I know MOST women on here say they want to know the guy is genuinely interested in her, genuinely attracted to her. Which makes me laugh because this is no different for QUALITY guys. I say this because I think most women on here fall for a good line from a cute guy.😆 And most women really don't give much thought to how he truly feels about her till much later. Which is why so many women fail.
Yeah ANYTHING worth having takes time. This is why I don't understand the rush. Then again I don't get why it's so important to most women that a guy be head over heels for her from day 1. To me that's just foolish. How can you know anybody that well day 1?
I fee like with most women on here it's an ego stroke. Anyone who needs validation from start point go rather than just trying to get to know the person doesn't sound like rhey have healthy enough self esteem to be dating anyone.

[VIVANT]

I agree. And it does bug me when women say guys are this or that. Some suck and so do some women but the best way for all of us to have the best outcome in my opinion is instead of following cliches stereotypes but just take time getting to know each other. Honestly I don’t know why people pay so much attention to tricks and games to get things to go their way. Just take some time. It’s so annoying 😂

[VIVANT]

Hey can you message me so I know who you are 😂

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

This one Single mother wanted to date me without even meeting me, so she scared me and I just didn't talk to her anymore, She was moving too fast for me.

[VIVANT]

That’s pretty fast, I agree 👍🏼

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

@VIVANT Yeah I agree and Thank you :)

[DiegoO]

I wanted to go slow, but I remember my LD ex was going fast as hell.

Examples I experienced:

1. If someone wants to be your SO within few weeks: to fast.

2. If someone suddenly says: move on to my house—within few weeks: to fast.

3. If someone says they love you, in less than five or six months: to fast.

All red flags.

[Jamie05rhs]

I always match the other person's interest. I never chase. So if she makes time for me, I will make time for her. But I'm not going to push anything. If I did then the relationship would be manufactured anyway. And I don't want anything that's fake.

[VIVANT]

I agree ☝🏼

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks!

[RealMarek]

Sex before there is mutual love and commitment is moving too fast for me. I’m not sure what is too slow. I haven’t had to deal with that.

[VIVANT]

I can identify. 😂

[VIVANT]

Uhhh I didn’t mean to laugh 👀

Just a smile 😊

[RealMarek]

No problem 😂

Some women thought I was weird for declining to have sex with them when offered, and I know a lot of men expect sex within a few dates. I think sex and, really, how fast is too fast in a relationship, is one of those areas of life in which it is important to know what you want and don’t want, and to follow your path.

[LiamJHayden]

Her pushing for sex on a first date will scare me off.

[VIVANT]

Bc it’s too soon for you or bc of what you’d think of her or other reason?

[Alex8736]

I am kind of old school. I like to get to know someone first for example their likes vs dislikes, sense of humor, communication styles and take it from there without wasting any of their time or mine. Just saying

[AmeerX]

It's a little hard too hard to explain

[VIVANT]

Fair enough 😊

[Jerre]

Go with the flow

[Jerre]

@VIVANT Thank you for the Like

[VIVANT]

👍🏼 🌞

[Kelly6]

Go with flow