Should I Continue To Consider A Ladies Man?

[Anonymous]

I reconnected with this guy from high school through a mutual friend. We have gotten really close but no sex because I've been hurt, and want to take it slow. We had been sort of like friends but dating at the same time. He has given me money and showered me with gifts. We made plans to take a trip, and he even said he wants me to settle down with him.

At first, I felt like I finally met my person because he is willing to wait for me and treat me nice. I actually thought about giving up on love and relationships until he came along. Anyway, I recently found out that he has multiple options to choose from, and the fact has made me discouraged. I even cried about it in secret because this always happens to me. I did tell him my concerns, and he did reassure me that he only wants me. I have somewhat lost interest in him, and I am currently trying to emotionally detach.

He still communicates with me but not as much because he says I've been acting weird. I really like him, but should I let his other options have him or should I play that game and see what happens? I really don't think im strong enough mentally and emotionally to deal with competition. Im conflicted please help me with advice.

Updates

+1 y

im going to stay with him and be mature because he hasn't done anything wrong to me. you all helped me to see the bigger picture thank you so much. i can't make him pay for what past men did. I will let me fears go and give this a true chance and be good to him as well.

[D_Bone_Steak]

So he's giving money and time/attention and there is no sex. Subconsciously, I think women lose respect for SIMPs with a timeline. The best foot forward from the start only means it's easier to let a woman down.

So his other options... I also think women don't like to share, but they will if he gives them butterflies in the stomach. So I bet you'll go into competition mode and try to isolate him like most women... but that's just what I would bet on... you'll do what you do.

Honestly, you sound like a shit deal. Time/money... I sense EMOTIONAL DAMAGE... no sex and is obviously being used as an emotional tampon... communication is drying up because you're acting weird. And his other options are getting passed up on as he caters to you and all that.

How much time did you spend on yourself since the last man? I honestly think you're just not ready for a relationship and just need some time to work on your relationship with yourself. Probably good looking though, and he's probably trying to lock it down because he knows if he doesn't get in there, some other dude will and it won't take very long. I'll place another bet that you two were talking while the other relationshit was still in the works... am I right? If I'm correct about that, it means he's had his eyes on you the entire time. He's already felt what it's like to watch you not be his... wants to lock it down.

I'm just making educated guesses here, you know all the particulars... all in all, I'm only going to suggest you get over the last thing before you really get deep with this thing. I don't think he's going anywhere else fast even with other options... I mean he sounds like a 'try-hard,' at least for you. Good luck!

[Asker]

i just didn't want to jump in the bed with him too fast plus i didn't ask for the gifts but still very appreciative i've been single for a year and gave up on love but a mutual friends said he wanted to date me so i gave it a try... maybe you just don't understand what I've been through in the past if hurts liking someone and they choose someone else over you cause that has happen to me and don't want it to happen again however im asking if i should take a risk or not

[Asker]

he did say he always wanted to date me and if we don't work we'll be good friends

[D_Bone_Steak]

I understand a little better now. I think you should give it a chance. Here is why I think that.

Aristotle had an interesting theory that we all have 'virtue' which could be good... bad... or whatever. What makes this virtue is what we practice. So if you want to be a hunter, but are not one, you'll have to at least pretend to be and that 'practice' will eventually become your virtue or your soul.
With all that said...
You've been practicing single... or being single for a while. Which is fine if that's what you really want for yourself. But you will have to risk at some point for any kind of change. Practice, what you haven't in a while. Ya feel me?

[D_Bone_Steak]

Also, try to put the pain from the past in a stoic place. It sounds like the ex is still hurting you even when he's not around now. You'll have to let go of that pain. All humans will let us down here and there. Forgive and take away from it only the stuff that helps you now. The bad stuff isn't going to help anything.

[Asker]

thank you i will take the risk & ill let it go my past hurt

[Aakash_Hangargi]

This brings me to the question What do women want lol 😆

You get a man that is respectful and treats you well

And many women like him for his attitude and behaviour
And all above that having so many options to choose from he didnot ask anyone to settle with him

Which he did for you i mean his pretty clear in his mind as in what and whom he wants.

It's upto you whether you would this opportunity or just keep being doubtful of everything , untill you loose it.

Lol you are his Pokemon and he has chosen you and is not saying gotta catch em all haha
His happy to settle with you.

Now the real question is what do you want

[Asker]

thank you for your honesty

[Asker]

i could be just insecure because his options are very pretty and stuff so i feel like deep down i may not get the guy in the end...

[LazerBean]

Everyone has a lot of options if they are acting the way they are supposed to be acting. Calling someone a lady's man in the manner that you are makes it sound like he is some sort of Playboy who sleeps around with a bunch of women. If he is sleeping around, then of course you should not ever consider him. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with other women finding him likeable.

[Asker]

you're right

[DextroShade]

Women aren't used to having to compete for a man, and as a woman in the danger-zone the competition is only going to increase for the man you want. The reason he is pulling back is because he has showered you with gifts, his time, and attention but you haven't reciprocated by sleeping with him so he's probably thinking it's time to cut his losses and move on. If you are going to compete you will definitely have to put out because there are others who will. I get that you may have some trauma or whatever but making the men in your present pay for the mistakes of men in your past equals no future. Clock's ticking, you need to decide now if you want focus on getting a man or if you are prepared to die alone.

[Asker]

yeah you're right but I have completed for a man before a few times I'm just tired of competition because who's to say im going to win? if he's pulling away then maybe I already lost...

[DextroShade]

If you aren't having sex with him are you even really trying? Men want to feel wanted.

[Asker]

i see what you mean... but I was trying not to come off as too easy but I get what you mean

[DextroShade]

It's a fine line you have to walk I admit, but generally speaking the more effort he invests the sooner he expects sex.

[Asker]

so do I still owe him sex after his invests even though he's pulled away what do I say to him... i don't understand men so Im trying to learn & everytime i think im doing right im doing it wrong

[Asker]

and so of these women are prettier than me (i snooped on facebook) so im feeling insecure

[jeffend888]

You’re approaching 30. I think it’s time to start considering those less than stellar options.

[Asker]

so your saying i should compete because of my age?

[Lokiion]

I don’t see a problem on his end at all it’s not like you in a relationship yet so why wouldn’t he have options? Anyway he sounds like a good person and I think you should consider him

[WhitneySnow]

Is he actually dating other girls too?

[Asker]

i dont think so

[WhitneySnow]

Then don’t worry about it. You can’t blame him cause other girls like him.

[Asker]

ok you're right i need to be mature that's why i asked because i know you all will give me unbias answers

[WhitneySnow]

No prob

[TheSpaceGnome]

That guy looks like a batman villian.

[Asker]

that's flava Flav lol

[TheSpaceGnome]

No, he's the clock king from universe 86983 xD

[Asker]

answer the question perhaps 😢

[TheSpaceGnome]

Avoid him.

If you loved him, you wouldn't have lost interest. If he loved you, it would be obvious to you regardless of how many women want him, and you wouldn't be confused or skeptical about it.

When its the right person, you know. It takes a few years to get to know them, but once you do, you're certain if they are right for you or not.

[Asker]

ok thank you for your honest advice

[TheSpaceGnome]

Also odds are the other women only like him because he gives them gifts and money, and thats a red flag because a guy wanting a genuine compatible relationship does not need to buy off a woman to get or keep her.

[TheSpaceGnome]

You're welcome.

[Asker]

i thought of that too but he claims i am the only one getting gifts it's all strange but i'll just let it go because some of his other options are prettier than me so i doubt it works in my favor