Does this mean anything I should be worried about?

[Anonymous]

I was talking to my boyfriend and the conversation led to what his “type” is. He responded with a red head and that’s why he likes his celebrity crush Karen Gillian. i’m also a little pissed off cause he likes my natural hair but i’ve been a red head for the last 5 years now. and Now i’m being a nervous mess cause a girl he liked in the past looks like the celebrity crush. What do i do?

[Flatmanlewis]

You need to let that shit go. We all have a ‘type’. I think some girls ask these silly questions to bait an answer they think they will like. (“My type, well that would be ___.”: describes you to a T.). Of COURSE he once liked a girl that looks like his type - I mean, that’s his type!! My type is Salma Hayek-ish. So guess what, most of ex’s all look like her to some degree. So does my wife now.


You asked a question and are now reading too much into it. Get out of your own head. If you think it will help, then be more of his type (redder hair maybe?) and see if you feel better. Otherwise just calm down and let him learn it’s okay to speak openly abs honest with you. If not, all you do is drive yourself crazy and shut down future communication with him.

[Asker]

i do have red hair 🥲

[AviatorTom]

Why do you women do this to yourselves? You ask questions, knowing in advance that you may not like the answer... but you ask the question anyway.

Be happy that he is with you, and forget about what his "type" is. He has you and seems to be happy with that.

[Anonymous]

So you’re feeling insecure that he will favor another woman over you and what, leave? To me, that says there are deeper issues with either you and your self esteem, or his behavior and making you feel replaceable, whether it’s his wandering eye, mentioning other women, etc. In either case I would advise getting to what the real issue here is and resolving it, so that you aren’t a nervous mess over his preferences in general.

[Opinion Owner]

Like you should always feel secure

[Asker]

It goes along with the worry he’s on with me cause it’s easy and this other girl has a boyfriend

[Opinion Owner]

Sorry I’m not sure what I’m with you means lol not familiar with the slang, but it sounds like that’s the problem and something worth addressing. Feeling as though he’s with you because it’s easy? That’s not great at all.

[Asker]

i meant it’s a insecurity i have that the only reason he’s with me cause i asked him out

[Opinion Owner]

I’m sure this is something you had to have been insecure about, so what made you go ahead with asking him out anyway? I don't know, while on one hand I think it’s great for women to take the initiative, part of me feels like why did you have to, you know? Kinda like when women propose to their man, it’s because he was dragging his feet about it. I guess what I’m saying is the fact you had to ask can say a lot about him as a partner, along with his willingness to commit. You don’t wanna feel like he’s just with you because you asked otherwise it wouldn’t have happened.

[Asker]

i’m not sure it was more like it was so out of the ordinary it’s a long story but i knocked on his door and confessed my feelings and that’s how it got started

[Opinion Owner]

So it’s been more of you taking the lead? Has he just kinda gone with it or has he ever taken initiative with anything? I think that’s super bold of you in a good way! But like at some point you have to pause and look at his effort as well, like it can’t be all on you to make it happen, otherwise you will absolutely feel as though his feelings aren’t the same.

[Asker]

I mean he has made it clear he loves me and he is committed. He loves me and he has made it work, i’m not the most I guess easiest to be with i like a lot of affirmations and need a lot of attention, and he has said if it was just because i knocked on his door, he would of left at our first argument

[Asker]

when we even started i told him that either we are going to date or not and then he suggested us being official

[Opinion Owner]

That’s the thing that hangs me up is the ultimatum— it shouldn’t have to get to that point and he should’ve already been asked you out. I worry about his wandering eye, like verbally telling you his “type” and whatever else gives the impression you may not have gotten a commitment had you not put him in that position. So maybe it’s just my outside view, but your need for reassurance comes from an insecurity he isn’t doing his part to ease. You wouldn’t need so much of this or that if you felt it was adequate in the first place.

[Asker]

i mean i don’t know we’ve talked about it a bunch of times before cause this feeling has been in our relationship for a long time and each time he tells me that he loves me so I don't know i think i was just being crazy

[Opinion Owner]

What does he do to show you he loves you regularly? Besides saying it, what are his actions that make you feel like ‘this man really loves me and I need to stop overthinking’?

[Asker]

he calls me everyday, he texts me every night he lets me in “to his castle” which means his emotional side

[Opinion Owner]

Communicating is standard, it would be wrong if you didn’t talk to your partner every day. I mean gestures, taking you out, having a date, bringing you flowers here and there, etc etc. Because these are the actions that will make you feel reassured in a more positive way. Are you with him every day? Do you create memories together?

[Asker]

i’m not with him everyday communicating is hard for him. consistency is hard. and he cooks me dinner sometimes. He’s not romantic he’s brought me flowers a couple times. but that’s not how some guys show love. For me it’s the way he shows up

[Asker]

i appreciate what your doing but i’m good now thank you

[Opinion Owner]

You’re good now until this comes up again, as it probably will since these internal issues don’t just go away over night, you’ve got to deal with it at some point. All I’m basically saying is to figure out where the leak is and patch it up so that this isn’t something you’re having to deal with, peace of mind is much better. And no worries! I wish you the best.

[Asker]

what internal issues? He’s a blunt man if he didn’t like me or love me he wouldn’t be with me. He’s okay being alone, he’s okay being single he’s with me cause he wants to be. I’ve been with him for a year that “ultimatum” was a year ago and now he’s inviting me to family vacations etc

[Opinion Owner]

You don’t have to be defensive, I’m just saying my views on this from an outside perspective. You’re good now so I won’t say anything else but what I’ve already said and wishing you the best. Take care.

[Anonymous]

Do women just want to start an argument? Or make their guy feel bad? Otherwise, I don't understand what compels them to ask a question and then get mad at the dude for answering honestly.