Guys, why does my boyfriend not put effort into our relationship anymore?

[Anonymous]

Hey guys, i’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years now. he used to put effort into us but not as much anymore. he would much rather hangout with his friends way more than he will hangout with me. we don’t go out on dates unless i make a huge scene about it and sometimes that doesn’t even work. I don't know, i’m kinda sad about it.

[MrOracle]

I'm fully prepared to say that this is his fault, and that's he's being neglectful, probably not maliciously, but that still doesn't excuse the behavior.

Having said that, ask yourself a few things - and I'm not saying you've done any of these things, because I have no possible way to know, but it's something to consider:

- Have you made him feel respected?

- Have you made him feel appreciated?

- Have you given him a compliment recently (if he actually deserved one)?

One of the most common reasons that men disconnect from their women is that, over time, her respect and appreciation for him can decline, and she'll start to take him for granted, and argue with him, or be dismissive of him, or whatever. It usually starts off very minor, but grows over time, and a lot of men, instead of fighting back, will simply seek an escape. Hanging out with his bros instead of spending time with you could be such an escape.

Look, relationships are hard, for everyone. Both people have to make an effort on a regular basis. Maybe you really have, and he's just dropped the ball. I've seen it happen. But I've also seen the other thing I described. Maybe that applies to you and maybe it doesn't. I don't need to know, but YOU need to know.

You really need to sit down with him and have a conversation, but you also need to remember this: you'll catch far more flies with honey than with vinegar, meaning, if you come about it respectfully, and ASKING him, rather than being upset and ACCUSING him, you are far more likely to have a positive outcome. Make your concerns known, tell him you miss him and how much you value your time together and having his attention on you, and that you appreciate it when you receive it, and you'll make him feel better about wanting to give it to you - and then he'll be more likely to do so.

[spartan55]

What kind of effort do you make?

[Emanon25]

Yeah unfortunately he’s not putting effort.

[Asker]

i know, but why?

[Emanon25]

You need to do more for him