How can I be open that I'm a virgin to potential partners without attracting purity chasers?

[Anonymous]

As stated, I'm a virgin, never had a relationship, never so much as kissed someone, or even held hands. I don't intend to get into fast-dating culture, but I'm not saving myself either. I live off-grid in a very small town, so there hasn't been much opportunity. Still, it is important to me to be truthful, should I find a potential sexual and/or romantic partner, about the fact that I'm completely inexperienced. It seems only fair.

But something that has concerned me, because I have come across it a few times, is purity chasers, or just virgin chasers in general. The purity chasers seem more prevalent among older men, who I'm not interested in anyway, though it has leaked into some of the younger generations, and it's a concern of mine, because I don't want to lie, but I want the fact that I'm a virgin to be something neutral.

Any advice on how to navigate this?

[Lionman95]

Talk only about sex when there's a prospect that you will have sex with that guy. In all the other cases I wouldn't do it since the moment you talk about sex on a date and bring up the topic you allow him to turn into a sexual conversation and it's less about you. So I would only tell a guy you've developed feelings for and only tell him if the chance that you go out with is likely. Only tell it to a guy you trust because many guys might not handle that information well. All the other guys at the beginning of dating don't need to know since I would that's no information for everyone and something guys don't need to know to get to know you.

[Asker]

Yeah, I definitely wouldn't tell him at the start, that would be weird. Thanks for the advice.

[Lionman95]

Sure you´re welcome.

[normalice]

I would say just don't mention it until sex seems like it might happen. If he asks then he is likely to be a purity chaser but there is also the possibility he is trying to figure out why you seem more hesitant to jump into bed than other girls.

You can vaguely say you are super picky about who you sleep with. That's not inaccurate and should throw most purity chasers off the scent.

[Asker]

That's good advice, thank you 👍

[Adaeva]

It is never neutral nor should it be. Virgins have the lowest divorce rate. Therefore, considering how risky it is for a man to get married because if she divorces him, he loses his children, half of his assets, and much of his income. However, most men would be delighted if a woman had a body count of five or less, and ten is doable.

[FunkyMonkee]

Why do you think you HAVE to? Don't say anything about it until you've found the right guy and then let him discover it for himself or, at least wait `til he's about to get in you to tell him.

[Asker]

I wouldn't say it on the first date, but I would want to before we decided to have sex. It feels like the right thing to do. I'd want to be told.

[FunkyMonkee]

Yeah, RIGHT before sex is fine but it's not something you tell someone long before that. I told my first girlfriend a minute or less before she put my dick in her.

[Asker]

Well, I guess that's you, and that does make sense, but I'd want to know ahead of time, so that's how I'd treat a partner, in case he's averse to it. I like there to be as much honesty as their can be going into something together.

[FunkyMonkee]

I never lied to her, but she lied to me a time or two.

[DarkWinterNights]

Just don’t advertise it and also don’t give it up right away. If you get into a relationship that will come up eventually anyway.

[Drumlin2001]

I wouldn't broadcast it. But maybe bring it up on 2nd or 3rd date.

[Asker]

I know, I didn't mean I'd just bring it up when we first meet. But I know it would come up sooner or later, and I just want to figure out how I'm going to handle it before it does.

[Drumlin2001]

Just be honest. I would assume within 3 dates they would ask about your dating past, it would be a little word if it didn't come up. Don't lie, just tell the truth

[Asker]

Yeah, I want to, and I guess I'm overthinking it, but I'd be worried that if I was honest that I've never dated anyone before, it might give him the 'I can be the knowledgable teacher to this naive person' mindset.

[Drumlin2001]

You gotta open yourself up to be vulnerable. It may not work out as you would ideally wish, but if he's a good man it won't be a big issue. At first he will probably help coaching you, but it's not the worst thing as long as you can love to a more equal relationship

[Asker]

Oh, yeah, totally. I mean, I'd need to be taught, and I'm fine with that as long as it's on equal and supportive terms, but there's a particular mindset some guys get into where it turns into a power imbalance and he kind of chases you for your virginity specifically.

I'm just trying to stay positive that I'd meet a guy I'd like who likes me, and sex or relationships don't come up until I can already tell he likes me just for me, regardless of experiences or lack-there-of.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Yea don't tell someone you are a virgin until y'all know each other better

[Asker]

I know, I wouldn't just out and say that when he introduces himself. That would be weird. But the subject would come up, and I want to know how to navigate it.

[ChicoFromThe305]

You hit him with the "not comfortable to talk about this subject" talk, he will probably assume you are a virgin tho but I think this is the best bet

[Asker]

I get that, but I'd also like to be able to talk about it. If you can't talk about sex you shouldn't be planning on having it.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Well there's a time for everything, if you tell the wrong people that you are a virgin too early, all they will focus on is taking it, mostly in today's generation that virginity is highly in common within adult women.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Uncommon*

[Asker]

Yeah, that's what I don't want, so I finding the right time is key.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Indeed, get to know each other more, grow a form of bond with the person before opening up about sexual stuff.

[Ameer99]

Maintain your virginity until you get married. I am a young man who has turned 24 and I am still a virgin, and I will preserve myself until I get married.

[Asker]

I respect that, and I appreciate that you are maintaining your virginity as well, not just expecting your future partner to. But I would like to know that I have sexual compatibility with a man before I marry him.

[Ameer99]

80% of men love and wish marry virgin woman.
I don't understand what kind of compatibility you want

[Asker]

No man or boy I have ever met who wasn't religious or highly conservative cared about virginity, as long as their gfs hadn't slept with like, 100 dudes, which you don't unless you're a prostitute 🤷‍♀️
Sexual compatibility is important. Making sure your desire/likes align with your partner's, and you can satisfy each other. I believe sex is an essential component of marriage, and if I'm to commit myself to one person, it's best to make sure we're both compatible in as many ways as we can.

[Ameer99]

If she has sex with a few people, then she is considered a prostitute by some. Why doesn't she protect herself for her husband?

[Asker]

Lol.

[zagor]

Why do you feel compelled to reveal your virginity to potential dates?

[Asker]

Not on a first date, or anything. But in my friendgroups, sex usually comes up sooner rather than later and I don't want to lie.

[bradley142]

dont say anything about it at first wait to see where it goes and then if you feel like they should know tell them when your ready

[spartan55]

Talk about it as little as possible.

[Asker]

But you do have to talk about it at some point