Is it necessary to share that I’m a virgin when dating?

[Sarahdelacruz]

Is that something I should keep to myself or is it important to share when dating? I haven’t been in a serious romantic relationship yet. I haven’t been on any dates and plan to start dating soon. No one ever believes me when I tell them that I’ve been single all my life. They say it’s impossible for me to have never had a boyfriend. So if it’s hard to believe, is it worth sharing? I am not ashamed of it nor do I care about being judged for it. I just don’t know how to avoid questions like “ when was your last relationship or what was your longest relationship?” I don’t like lying. So I have been on some dating apps and things on usually go far because the sex topic comes up really quickly and I automatically get turned off so I just want to start dating guys through different methods. So the conversation usually always starts off with me being asked when was my last relationship, and then I proceed to say that I’ve never been in a relationship and then that’s when the questions just keep getting deeper and deeper eventually to the part where they asked the question if I am a virgin or not.

[RealMarek]

I don’t think this is something you need to lead with. It’s only relevant after you have found a man who is interested in you, not just looking for someone with whom to have sex. It’s a topic that can be addressed when you are considering becoming physically intimate with someone, and that is something that doesn’t need to happen right away especially with a guy you barely know. Dating sites are numbers games. One thing that might help is putting on your profile something like “not interested in hookups or progressing to sex quickly.”

[Lionman95]

No I wouldn´t bring it up until you´re in a situation where sex is coming up as an act. Before that I wouldn´t talk about such that because he could see it as an invitation to talk about sex. I also don´t think it´s something a guy needs to know to get to know you. If he asks tell him but I wouldn´t bring it up as a topic for a conversation.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Wow this is the best answer. Thanks so much.

[Lionman95]

You´re welcome. I´m glad I could help.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Yeah you made such valid points that I never thought about. I always thought that me sharing that was helping them get to know me better but in reality it was just an invitation for them to start talking about sex and saying all the sexual things they wanna do with me. I will make sure to never bring it up or entertain that type of conversation anymore. I do feel like it should only be shared when the time comes for me to actually have sex just so they’re gentle and patient and teach me.

[Lionman95]

Yes i agree unless a guy is your boyfriend or you know you can trust him he doesn't need to get that information so I'd probably also tell a guy only if you could imagine actually having sex with him.

[Sarahdelacruz]

100% agree. Thanks.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

I would say that's a decision on you. Being a virgin is a personal thing, but you don't ever have to share it if you don't want to. I think most people only tell they're a virgin once they decide they're ready & wanting to have their first time with their partner.

[Sarahdelacruz]

So like at what point do I share it? When things begin getting serious between us? I honestly don’t know how to share that kinda info with a guy i seriously like since I haven’t been in such situation before. It’s easy sharing online with strangers I’m never gonna meet.

[PBandJ_Nerd]

I'm not sure how to answer that, because I'm a virgin too. lol

[Sarahdelacruz]

Is it for personal or religious reasons?

[PBandJ_Nerd]

I'm one just because I am. But I'm like you in that I've never dated before.

[zeitgeist057]

@Sarahdelacruz I think you should just play it by ear. Some people will want to talk about sex and others might not. It's up to you to decide if you want to bring it up or leave it up to the guy to bring it up. If/when he does, then you should also know if you want to talk about it, or let him know you want to talk about something else.

I don't think it's terribly important or relevant to share with someone unless you are getting close to the point you are thinking about having sex with them. Either that, or you feel close enough to share that kind of information. That's why I didn't post an answer; it's something you kind of have to decide for yourself, and will probably be different depending on your intimacy with the person you are talking to.

[Sarahdelacruz]

@zeitgeist057 yeah you’re absolutely right. It’s like a case by case situation. It honestly depends on how close I get with the guy and how comfortable I am sharing it. I only want to share the information only if I am ready for that next step with the person just so they are aware and will be gentle.

[love_conquers_lust]

@PBandJ_Nerd @Sarahdelacruz You two are funny. You both just shared it. You shouldn’t lie nor is it necessary. Let the topic come up organically. You don’t have to bring it up, you can plead the fifth if it does comes up.

I find it desirable. It’s similar to girls wanting to “fix” guys. Well, I would want to know what makes this girl tick.

[OlderAndWiser]

You an't really hope to build a good relationship if it begins with telling lies. However, I would not discuss this subject unless the guy starts asking those specific questions.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Okay

[HippoDino]

You don't need to say it, if you say it before doing anything sexual then the guy will probably believe you. You certainly shouldn't lie if someone asks but don't feel pressured to bring it up out of the blue. I do think its good to mention before sex though just so he can maybe guide you and help you out.

[bowenw]

That shouldn't be a question a reasonable guy would ask when trying to determine if someone is compatible to date. If someone asks about previous relationships you could say you have male friends but haven't met that special someone. If guys push for more information including about your sex life, it's a red flag in my opinion. If they do, I suggest you ask them why it is important.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Guys who ask these questions are from online dating sites. Never in real life. Dating sites are filled with red flags. But yes I am aware that these aren’t typical questions a guy should ask when getting to know me. But I do feel it’s important to share with whomever I decide to be my first because I heard it’s painful the first time if the guy isn’t aware & goes in deep instead of being gentle.

[bowenw]

I agree it's something you should tell the first guy beforehand, but I don't think it's necessary to tell him anything about it until you are sure he is the one.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Thank you so much! I feel so ready to put myself out there now. It’s like a big burden has been lifted

[bowenw]

Best of luck to you.

[ChicoFromThe305]

Knowing a woman is a virgin can definitely change perspectives but personally I believe to many it changes it in a good way and they see you in a different light, to some men a woman's purity is sexy, but I wouldn't say just blur it out, look for a good opportunity to do so if you are going to mention it lol

[Sarahdelacruz]

Yeah I agree. But when do you think is a good opportunity? After how long communicating? How do I answer those questions that lead to it?

[ChicoFromThe305]

I wouldn't be able to tell you Sarah, I'd say whenever y'all are comfortable with the sexual topic in general then I think y'all are ready to start opening up about things like virginity

[DWornock]

I recommend you don't tell guys. Also, eliminate your problem with the first hot guy comes along.

If you were 20, being a virgin would be desirable. However, if a girl is a virgin after age 22, there is something wrong with her and men know that.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Lol there’s absolutely nothing wrong with me. I am very beautiful and confident. I am a virgin because I choose to be one. I do not need to go sleeping around with men to prove that there is nothing wrong with me.

[DWornock]

That is what is wrong with you. You lack the hormones and whatever else it is to have a strong desire to be fucked. And, 11 out of 10 prefer to fuck a woman that loves to be fucked and wants to fucked. Fucking you would be like fucking an eight thousand dollar silicon love doll.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Lol I do not wanna have sex with a stranger. I have no desire to be sexually involved with a stranger. Yuck. No thanks. Y’all can share y’all nasty diseases without one another. I’ll wait for my lovely person.

[DWornock]

And, you are 27 and still waiting. Already by age 27, women have lost or else they are losing their bloom. Your peak desirability was at age 18 to 22 or perhaps 16 to 22 in the majority of states with the age of consent being 16. Even at age 40, there are men you will be able to attract, but they are not the most desirable men. No matter how beautiful you are, there are men you could have married at age twenty who don't find you to be as desirable as your twenty-year-old counterpart.

A beautiful 27-year-old woman can pick and choose from many very desirable men but she will still lose out to her 20-year-old self, and by age 30 you will be hitting the wall.

[Sarahdelacruz]

You are a troll. I won’t be reading or responding to you anymore. You don’t seem too happy with yourself so you come on the internet to try and drag others down. Hope you find happiness within yourself one day.

[DWornock]

Whatever makes you happy. I gave you the best advice I could. It is your choice to accept or reject it and unfortunately for you, it appears you are rejecting it. Nevertheless, if you are happy being single, and I read somewhere that single women are the happiest, just continue what you are doing. If however, you actually want to get married, you should take my advice.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Hope you have a blessed day or night wherever you are in the world.

[smilelots]

First off, there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. Secondly, if you don’t like to lie, don’t until you guys get to a point where you’re talking about intimate things like that then it most likely won’t come up if that’s something you want to let somebody know pretty much from the get-go that’s up to you. It’s not good it’s not bad it’s just how you feel and if you don’t want to lie then don’t but you don’t have to say those things right from the get-go.

[Twalli]

When I tried dating apps, I had on my profile that I had never had a relationship (or date) and that I was a virgin. It is important that the guy you date knows you're a virgin, and you have to realize that just by not having a relationship does not mean you are a virgin.

[Sarahdelacruz]

What do you mean by just by not having a relationship doesn’t mean you’re a virgin?

[Sarahdelacruz]

The reason I wanna hold off on sharing that information so soon is because I want to see the guy’s intentions first. Whenever I disclose that I’m a virgin most men put up a front and pretend like they’re ready to get married and just go above and beyond trying to provide themselves to be something they’re not. Then later down the line they start talking about oral and all these other things they wanna try with me but don’t plan on having vaginal sex. It’s strange. So for me I want to meet a guy who doesn’t know anything about my sexual past and see what his intentions are. If a man is interested in getting to know a woman he won’t bring up sex the first time speaking of meeting. It’s something that’ll come up later down the line of course but I feel like with me a guy would know I haven’t had sex based on the way we will communicate. I don’t flirt in sexual ways.

[Twalli]

I talked to my girlfriend regarding sex on our second date. It wasn't like I wanted to have sex that early, but I didn't intend to marry anyone I hadn't already had sex with. So, if she was waiting for marriage, it was important that we knew a relationship wouldn't work out.

[exitseven]

Everyone has different life circumstances. You cannot change what has happened before. You only have today. Just be yourself with no apologies because honestly you have nothing to apologize for.

[BourbonAndBacon]

You are not obligated to volunteer any information and I don't think there's anything about you that's a red flag so you shouldn't feel like you need to hide anything.

[Masterodd]

This is the exact same as asking how many sexual partners have you had.

Just be honest and don't lie or try to hide it... lying at the beginning of a relationship is SOOO wrong.. how can you reasonably expect to grow if you start with a lie

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

If you want to share you are a virgin is entirely up to you when it comes to dating.

[jahaims]

I'd say after a few dates when things like morals, values and goals are discussed is a good time to bring it up

[Staximus]

You don't need to tell them until you're ready to have sex. They don't need to ask about your past relationships, either

[Anonymous]

Nope, I don't. And I've learned it's best not to answer questions pertaining to it. If she needs to know that bad she can get lost is my philosophy.

[shortster]

Up to you, but if you are going to have sex; you should probably say something about it.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Why?

[shortster]

Losing your virginity requires more preparation than just sex.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Alright thanks

[shortster]

You're welcome

[DextroShade]

You should tell them so they know that's why you are not putting out.

[Constatine]

NO! It is not..

[Sarahdelacruz]

Why you say that?

[Constatine]

Ok first of all it is kind of a private thing. You date to find yourself a mate, friend or partner. The point being still a virgin is not the point. If you meet someone what could be the one... and you have more than say a 1000 dates with this person then sex can be an option i guess.. 😁
Then it is up to you to bring it up or not.

It is your private space... he should not ask you about in between the first and 1000 dates but if he does you can say it is a personal thing , or just smile a bit... 😁

[Sarahdelacruz]

Ok thank you & I agree

[Billlewis]

No, not at all.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Why not

[Billlewis]

Because it's none of their business, for one thing.

[Sarahdelacruz]

So how do I respond to those questions that eventually lead to the virgin question?

[Billlewis]

Just act like you've had plenty of boyfriends and relationships. They probably won't even ask you about that.

[zeitgeist057]

@Sarahdelacruz or you can directly or indirectly change the topic of conversation, if you are wanting to avoid it. No one can make you answer anything you don't want to.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Its important to share that.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Why?

[TheSpaceGnome]

It depends on the guy.

In my case, I'd want to know because I would only accept a virgin, so I'd ask and expect an honest answer.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Are you a virgin?

[TheSpaceGnome]

Yes.

[TheSpaceGnome]

STDs and pregnancy are too much of a risk, so I'm saving myself sexually for a future wife.

[Sarahdelacruz]

I don’t know why people make it seem like virgin men don’t exist. Thank you for letting me know. I personally prefer to marry a man who is also saving himself for marriage. It speaks volumes. It shows how disciplined one is and I would want someone who faced similar challenges like I did. We all cope with it differently but it’s something I am so proud of. I cannot be with a man who has had sexual with hundreds of women all in the name of “experience”. I view sex as something sacred that should be between husband and wife. Not just strangers. So yes I do judge people who do casual hookups or one night stands. There’s no self respect or morals. I don’t care what the gender is. Allowing random strangers to see you naked and get intimate with you is unacceptable in my eyes.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I agree, but I don't get why anyone has tough time saving themselves. Porn exists, masturbation exists, people don't need to hump someone to get off. Better to save that for someone who loves me.
I also can't separate physical intimacy from emotional attachment, so casual sex is absurd in my opinion.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Yes I view casual sex to be extremely absurd. I cannot separate emotional attachment from physical intimacy. Plus I just can’t see myself being comfortable enough to strip naked in front of strangers all in the name of getting pleasure. I know I haven’t experienced sex yet but I truly do not feel like I can enjoy sex with a stranger whom I share no emotional connection with. It’ll just be them getting pleased. I feel like I’ll be left feeling empty. So that’s why I choose to remain a virgin until I am married to the love of my life then I’ll have amazing sex forever lol.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Yeah I'd feel violated if I had casual sex. I want a wife who's eyes light up just being around me, someone to play video games with, good off with, binge anime with, co-op art projects with, etc.
Sex is important, but she needs to also be my best friend, or its not gonna work.

[Sarahdelacruz]

Yes that’s very important to be great friends with your partner. Not just sex. Sex won’t keep a relationship going forever.

[Nifrayu]

I was up front about it.