Why don’t some guys give up the idea of dating you?

Question

In June, I had a date with a handsome 26 year old guy,

But I didn’t feel connection. I felt like he was a nice person, good to look at as well - but I still didn’t feel interested. I need some different kind connection, which I didn’t feel. I told him I was leaving to Shanghai and could no longer meet him again.

He has been messaging me ever since, even though I almost never reply and if I do, I do so once a month, he doesn’t seem to be desperate or something and I am surprised he hasn’t given up on the idea of dating me. Especially that he told me he gets girlfriends out of boredom sometimes.

Yesterday he messaged me this (See the photo below)

I wonder why would he not give up on an idea of dating me and why would he tell me he felt something on a date with me? It’s been months… It was like 4-5 months ago…

Why don’t some guys give up the idea of dating you?

After not replying him, he sent me “goodnight text” today.

I don’t want to be rude, I thought he’d give up the idea of dating me by now. But I guess he still wants it, why?

caring__1 · Accepted Answer

Denial or rejection is often experienced as a challenge. This is true for both males and females. It's like girls who believe they can turn gay men straight.

Let's take it back to one of our earliest memories. Young kids love the freedom of running around with no clothes on. Parents may tolerate the behavior for a certain period of time but eventually put their foot down. They say the kid is too old to be nude and must cover up. No longer will the parents see the child nude or the child see the parents nude. We all develop some degree of modesty at the right time for us... even kids born into homes of nudists. When that decision is made for us before we're ready, we can become fixated on that which is being denied. Now, the kid becomes ultra-curious about nudity, as apparently they missed something special when it was allowed, and they now want to learn what that special thing is and get the opportunity to enjoy that which they missed.

When insecure guys are rejected, they tend to focus on what it is about them that didn't measure up. Understand people can project a mask of confidence to hide their perceived insecurities. They never even consider it may have to do with your personal preferences and have nothing to do with them. Now, they'll put forth extra effort to prove they're not flawed, and the only way to convince themselves they aren't flawed is to get you to change your mind and accept them into your life. When you experience this pattern, always be firm yet considerate. Stress your preferences, not their personal qualities. If they continue to hang on, even with your consistency, totally disconnect from them. Don't initiate contact, and don't respond to any contact they initiate. In other words, don't give them anything they can twist around to convince themselves you truly do want them.

Pacquet · Accepted Answer

I’m sure I was this guy a couple years ago. The nature of women is mystery to us off the bat so it takes pursuing women a lot for us to understand, for women it’s more intuitive. By nature men like to solve problems so in turn he could be trying to decipher what was it in particular that didn’t click for you. Reasoning like “there wasn’t a connection” or “there wasn’t a spark” sounds arbitrary to us because we process it as “you did something wrong in your approach” or “something is wrong with you”. The lack of specifics in these cases is hard for us to deal with, we want to know what you found so undesirable in us especially if you find us attractive, nice, caring, etc. so we have insight to find a good match for ourselves.

While doing research to solve my own dating woes I’ve learned that connection isn’t instant in most cases and develops over time. If a man likes a woman he’ll invest his time and effort which is invaluable to him so by nature he wants a return on his investment, this doesn’t necessarily mean sex but he wants acknowledgment for the time and effort he’s invested in some way shape or form. This is part of the reason this guy hasn’t yet given up, a part of him that believes you’ll eventually see him differently.

DaveJord · Accepted Answer

I have often wondered what other guys text these women... like I know what i text but are other fools just that much better, like what stupid shit doe these guys text these women?

Thanks for sharing... What is saying anyway, he never had a chance to show his foolishness... I mean he is showing it now. Like that is what I would of told this guy, I would have responded. "That you are showing it now after I have said I am not interested."

But that's the thing you did not straight out reject him if you just said you are travel to Shanghai. I mean that is like saying maybe later, because if you have not ended it by being straight honest with him then you are just playing games with him. I mean if you just reply to once a month, then you are still replying and giving him just enough hope to think maybe... so as I have told you before, girls are players to... and you palying games and he is playing back. Its highschool BS.

Anemone978 · Accepted Answer

I assume he actually likes you, but by replying to him you are giving him hope something could happen if you ever go back.. if you block him it shows you clearly are not interested..
You should just flat out tell him I have no interest in dating you since I didn't feel anything at the time or even now so I am sorry..
Do not leave it like the only reason you two are not together is because you moved somewhere else... that is why he is chasing you, you are not being clear and honest which when you don't do that it hurts the other person more than if you just flat out told them months before.

Veles · Accepted Answer

When men cannot find a new date, they try their luck with their old dates again, so don't imposing a romantic meaning.

AviatorTom · Answer

When a woman sees a pair of shoes she really wants, she pursues every store untilshe buys them.

A guy is the same when it comes to women. When he sees a woman he wants, he pursues her, even after she's indicated she doesn't want to pursued.

Don't worry, just ignore him. He will eventually give up.

But if you respond to his messages (even if you tell him you're not interested), he'll think he still has a chance, and will continue to pursue you.

coachTanthony · Answer

Because a man's ego is a powerful thing. It always wants to win what it can't have. It's really the downfall of some men to allow their ego to consume them.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Maybe he just can't accept a rejection.

DiegoO · Answer

Have you seen yourself in the mirror? You're absolutely beautiful, but, yeah, I honestly have grown up to see beyond a beautiful lady.

If a guy can't seem to stop contact you, that's a red flag. Just block and NEVER GIVE UP YOUR REAL ADDRESS.

exitseven · Answer

Guys are taught at an early age that quitters never win and winners never quit. You may find this hard to believe but most girls that I dated wanted nothing to do with me. I did not give up and eventually they saw me differently.

My wife wanted nothing to do with me. She would not even tell me what her name was. However she mentioned that she just graduated from college, This was before the internet si I went to the college library and got a copy of the yearbook and went page by page until I saw her picture. Then I was able to look up her phone number and out of the blue I called her and asked her out. She said no because she was moving out of state but we met again a month later. She told me that she was impressed that I went through all the trouble to find her.

Still-alive · Answer

This is probably gonna sound harsh but you’ll probably have to just completely ignore this guy. Any interaction with him he may take it as a sign you might like him back. He seems like one of those who just can’t take a hint.

DryGermanGuy · Answer

Well, we don’t know him or his personality. Maybe you are the  one  that got away and it’s some sort of challenge for him.

spartan55 · Answer

Why? Because you can't seem to clearly close the door on these guys. This has happened before.

Billlewis · Answer

They refuse to accept reality. Hilary, uncle Phil's daughter on 'The Fresh Prince Of Belair', had a great response to the no name schmuck who was there to repair their washing machine -- 'How can I say this politely? I'm too good for you'

sean1234 · Answer

Why do you have to date like 1000 men to find the one?

I tried contacting certain ladies I knew with zero success as if someone was stopping me on purpose. I never stopped... until I saw em practically engaged to be married.

Tstrbrainer · Answer

You are from China, right?
If my knowledge is correct, they generally have a low population of women compared to men.

Combine lack of opportunities with a hot foreign girl, I'll be surprised if he forgot about you

love_conquers_lust · Answer

“Especially that he told me he gets girlfriends out of boredom sometimes.” Haha. His looks have made him ugly on the inside.

MzAsh · Answer

Based on the image you provided, you definitely still gave him enough breadcrumbs to keep pursuing. Sorry you’re going to have to completely ignore him. Like you’re dead lol.

fridge0 · Answer

block the guy, he clearly doesn’t get the hint that you’re uninterested. guys like that are probably lonely or horny, maybe both.

Likes2drive · Answer

Some guys are always persistent, and always feel like they have a shot

WhitneySnow · Answer

He’s really into you. Or at least he’s into the idea of you. He doesn’t know the real you yet.

Nirmroth · Answer

Guy is needy and desperate maybe thats what you subconciously felt.

BlackBeauty90 · Answer

@lafemmefatale_1 why are you crying? You like the attention otherwise you would have blocked him a long time ago so why are you crying about it?

justabuddy · Answer

After reading that it sounds to me like this guy is going through some hard life lessons/emotion hard times. Possible wanting to feel the same feeling as when he went out on a date with you.

Pyrofox · Answer

At a certain point guys just figure if you ain't responding or trying to talk we assume we bothering you.

Why don’t some guys give up the idea of dating you?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said