Should I have to decide if I want to be with him / like him romantically after the first few days/ week of dating?

[lamuñekita]

got into an argument with one of my dates when he said it’s wrong that i didn’t feel the same way he did for me after the first week and that that was me “leading him on”.

but i did tell him, after he declared his love for me after the first few days, that i didn’t know what i felt yet, and he said he was gonna try and win me over. so it’s impossible that i was playing him, i told his straight up.

we kept talking and he said he found it rude i asked for a guys number while out with him and his friends in town parties. (our dates are casual, barely even classed as a date i would call them super casual hangouts with him and his friends)

i barely know the guy and i feel like he’s marking territory on me. i’m interested in him but i have my options open, because i barely know him and i don’t want to compromise myself to one person so early on. he is not the only guy i’m talking to (i told him i was talking to 3 other guys currently and he said that it’s normal because i know them more than him, which is true) i told him this and he said that that’s not right and that “he doesn’t need to be with 50 women to decide if he wants one, because he just feels it”

is he in the right?

Updates

+1 y

also our dates kinda suck i’m either on his arm like a trophy or with his other friends laughing my ass off with other people.

[dynamicyandere]

If you were seriously still considering him as an option, then it’s fine for you to have not made a decision. Some people make decisions faster than others. If you’re really in the decision-making process, then it’s perfectly acceptable for you to have not made a decision yet.


He does sounds quite entitled to your loyalty before you’ve become exclusive though.


Going by his own logic, you shouldn’t have even started talking to him, if other guys were talking to you first.


Anyway, I digress.


When you said this: “also our dates kinda suck i’m either on his arm like a trophy or with his other friends laughing my ass off with other people.” To me, that’s already an indication that you two are a bad match.


If he doesn’t make the cut, then it’s time to cut him loose.


For me, when I’ve dated, it was difficult to get a date with me because it was difficult to impress me. And once dating, they’ve always been evaluated by me and will be dropped if there are red flags or too many incompatibilities. It’s never awkward though, because I do it seamlessly. I make sure they have a good time — but when they’re dropped, it can feel sudden. It’s always after careful consideration though — but once it’s decided, it’s decided. And I don’t want to waste any of our time.

[lamuñekita]

i think it’s obvious he really doesn’t care about me, we aren’t even really emotionally comfortable with eachother yet and he doesn’t care to develop that because he stopped talking to me when i declined his sexual offers

[dynamicyandere]

Yeah, he does NOT sound like a keeper. I’d drop his drama queen ass.

[lamuñekita]

he invites me with his fériense, makes all these promises that he’ll include me in the group but then excludes me for ages and when he finds me he either has me on his arm, touches me up and have super small talk. then comes home saying i’m the best thing that’s ever happened to him and thuan he’s addicted to my body. also called all his exes crazy

[dynamicyandere]

Yeah, I think he wants you as a ‘trophy wife’ — just something to show off like a nice car. There’s no real emotional connection and he doesn’t bother to build one. If he wants a sugar baby, he can go pursue a sugar baby. But relationships? Those are all about the emotional connection.

[lamuñekita]

i agree. he also keeps hinting sex since i was seeeing another guy sexually before him (a friends with benefits situation) also, he was okay with this at first since we started off as friends. but he keeps hinting at the guy and keeps telling me i should be doing it with him instead because “he treats me the best he can”. he also won’t stop telling me how bad he needs to see me because he wants to touch me. awkward. weird. ew

[dynamicyandere]

Yeah, he’s acting desperate and also trying to pressure you into feeling obligated to have sex with him. Obligatory sex is never good sex. He lacks rizz, so he’s just trying to use logic and reason to persuade you to sleep with him. Which is sad. And weird.

[lamuñekita]

it’s actually embarrassing at this point. also i remember on our second date he kept asking to kiss me i said no like 3 times. finds me drunk at night and takes advantage. also when he left me he said it was because i made him uncomfortable when i was drunk…. but the next day he was desperate for sex until i said no. i hope he finds his dignity one day cus he’s a smart guy academically

[dynamicyandere]

Haha, yeah. Let’s wish him the best. 🥂 For now though? He still has a lot of work to do, in terms of knowing how to romance a girl.

[pickles77]

I can see his perspective. If he really feels strongly about you he wants to lock you down so you don’t hurt him hence the territory thing but if you already feel it’s a no it’s probably best you break it off early

[lamuñekita]

but we have seen eachother twice like i barely know him

[pickles77]

Lol you must have really captivated him

[provokeesmokee]

I mean, he may be right in that he's in love with you, but that doesn't mean YOU have to be in love with him.

Now, I'm someone who falls pretty quickly and that's gotten me into bad relationships in the past. I'm learning to be less quick about it and to call things off quicker if needed.

But even after I attached, it doesn't mean I can't change my mind.

He probably thinks your relationship is in a different place than you see it being. He thinks he's in a committed relationship. You clearly think you're not exclusively dating (as you're asking for other men's numbers for what I'm assuming are more than just platonic hangouts).

Clarify that with him, and stick to your guns about still getting to know him.

People have different paces of love. While he may be at the love stage right now, you're not. Neither of you are wrong, you're just at a different spot in this relationship.

[lamuñekita]

oh he 100% knows we aren’t dating i’ve made it clear 1billion times. i think he’s trying to get in my pants

[provokeesmokee]

Oh fuck, then definitely move on. He is delusional and if he's getting mad because he's too stupid to listen and pay attention, that's a him problem.

Sounds like his other friends are fun, though. So maybe keep him for his wider social circle, but make it clear every time that you two aren't dating.

[pianogirlmeow]

he sounds horrible and possessive. you’re totally fine seeing other people that’s what dating is about. i would honestly stop with him because eventually he’ll guilt trip you into a relationship with him and i can only imagine how toxic he would be. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Normally if the connection is not there after a few dates, than its likely will never be there. As for him, if he is declaring his love so soon. I would run for the hills

[lamuñekita]

our dates aren’t great tbh. not because we don’t have chemistry, he leaves me to the side and i feel like a trophy on his arm most of the time, he usually touches me up and kisses me and nothing much else. makes a lot of promises and stuff but always hints sex.

[OddBeMe]

Fck no on his end. You feel how you want. They only thing wrong you could've done is lie to him. But I doubt you did.

[Tomisworthless]

No he's guilt tripping you only was he leading himself on by emotions and willfull thinking

[Anonymous]

Just a first date n this much drama n headache... uff.

[lamuñekita]

well he told me this after a month when he ghosted me after declining his sexual offers.

[slatyb]

No, you don't. Drop this guy. What an ass.

[DreamLife7]

Use your brain child use your brain

[jahaims]

That guy is crazy