How do you feel about men that offer having drinks as a date?

[kylee2437]

[OlderAndWiser]

I would be concerned that a lady thought I had a plan to get her intoxicated and then take advantage of her. That would never be my plan, but if she had that mistaken belief, then she may never accept my offer of a first date, and I would never know he reason why she rejected me.

My standard first date is to ask her to meet me for dinner at a very nice restaurant that has a great reputation, great food and atmosphere, and valet parking. She can exit her car at the front door and hand the key to the valet. She meets me in the restaurant, we have a nice dinner, and by the time we are finished, she knows me enough to accept my invitation to the lounge that is part of the restaurant, and we continue the date over one drink.

I walk her outside, she hands her claim check to the valet, and hopefully I get a simple good night kiss while we are waiting on her car. She leaves with the understanding that I act like a gentleman and is much more likely to agree to a second date when I call her in the next few days.

[glennos89]

I don't see what's wrong with it 🤷‍♂️

I'm a pretty shy guy and dating feels often very awkward and uneasy for me. Feeling awkward or uneasy prevents me from being myself the way I am and it gives me a hard time opening up to be able to show myself for who I am.

A few drinks (not getting wasted) can actually help me to feel more comfortable and more relaxted and I can open up myself expressing myself the way I am when I feel comfortable to let my guard down.

That will make the date not only more relaxed for myself but also for the girl I'm dating and wether it will lead to anything or not.. at least we can both have a good time getting to know eachother a little bit better 🤷‍♂️

Ps... I have autism and that's why I have problems connecting to people if I don't know them. And I'm also against having any type of physical contact on a first date, besides giving a hug or a kiss on the cheek. So getting a drink is purely for the benefits of being more open to express mys true self and not to get a easy access of getting laid!

[meetkitty123]

With a guy who is new to me I wouldn't go for alcohol drinks but coffee would be a great date.

With somebody I've been dating for a while I would be perfectly okay with going out for alcoholic drinks. In fact this weekend I asked my boyfriend out for a drink. He was stressed out and I knew a drink would help calm him down long enough for me to be able to calm him further.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

These are the men that if you say “Nah, but I know a good restaurant we can eat at instead” they’re disappointed. They’re not buying drinks to get to know you, they’re buying a moment of vulnerability they can take advantage of.

[kylee2437]

Spot on.

[Bethany22]

It's a tradition. I don't think it's a bad sign or good sign. After that date, he can take you out for dinner if he still likes you.

[coachTanthony]

Coffee or drinks for a first date is fine. Getting to know someone is the most important. the drinks is just a supporting character on the date.

[OfMiceandMen]

I prefer not to go for any alcoholic type drinks on a date. The reason is kind of three-fold:

1) If I suggest we go for drinks, it's kind of creepy - like I'm trying to get her drunk, even though that's not the case.

2) I understand the whole concept that having a drink relaxes a person and makes them more sociable/chatty, but a person should not need a drink of courage to be themselves.

3) I've often found that a drink or two can also increase the BS level during a date and I'd rather the person have their faculties about them and just be upfront and honest.

[lightbulb27]

I feel it's one of the worst social constructs ever devised. Consume a liquid nerve toxin that softens your minds defenses and weakens your body, while in the grasp of someone that potentially can overpower and may be totally selfish, if not outright dangerous. And to boot... it costs money. Tears...

Absolute stupidity! Cheap, slime... the oldest of trickery... and lame!

I'm not going to fault stupid men for being stupid, or selfish men for being selfish. They are whom they are. I will suggest parents raise their males to higher character.

But if the women go for it, it's their issue and I don't want to hear their belly aching. Unfortunately women are also poorly trained and unwise, and many fall victim.

Wisen up!

Id say the same to men, don't touch a drunk female. don't even think about it... run for your life.

[strateguy632]

you described a roofee, that differs from wine.

[lightbulb27]

@strateguy632 guys that drink wine are whiners!:-)
Good point, if it's done with class, thats different. But that be an assumption on someone she doesn't know. I still wouldn't...

[LazerBean]

A coffee date is fine. But if the drinks he is referring to are alcoholic, it means he was very poorly raised indeed.

[kylee2437]

Yeah I always feel like the intentions become not so genuine

[LazerBean]

Yeah. And even at best if the intentions aren't sus, it's like could you be any less classy?

[Agagagagaga]

You think it unclassy to share a drink with someone and get to know them?

Hoo-kay.

But hey, if it’s coffee and not a glass of wine or a cocktail it’s suddenly okay. 🙄 Stupidest thing ever.

[LazerBean]

Stay mad, hoe.

[kylee2437]

@agagagaga what was the point of even setting your answer to anon when you wanted to talk shit to others anyways?

[LazerBean]

Just another whiney man

[Agagagagaga]

@LazerBean Stay mad hoe? Is that your best? I mean you are a woman so I don’t expect you to be able to cook up any sort of insult worth a damn. But I want to believe in you—despite your intellectual handicaps. Wow me.

[Agagagagaga]

@LazerBean I think you’re just hurt that no man has ever asked you out for a drink. Sad. Very sad.

But unsurprising.

I mean if your face or your body is anything like your wit then do the world a favor and become a recluse. Besides, your cats probably miss you.

[LazerBean]

Clearly the insult hit very deep considering I woke up to 6 replies from you LMAO thank you from proving me and my wonderful daddy right about hoes like you.

[Shamalien]

I’m indifferent. Personally I’ve never offered to go to a bar on a first date; I’m a little more traditional, but to each their own. I like to go to a nice restaurant, nothing super fancy but like good mid tier, and I will usually order one drink with my meal; occasionally a second if it feels right, then we will share dessert and go on a walk or a drive somewhere, maybe to a nice lookout point or maybe she’ll go home depending on how comfortable she feels. I’ll kiss her if it feels right and I absolutely will not try any sexual advances beyond kissing and holding eachother.

[Nikki1989]

I am not much of a drinker. I would rather go out for a nice meal.

[kylee2437]

I feel the same way. Always feel like a guy has weird intentions when he says anything about alcohol

[Nikki1989]

Yes, I agree. I see it is a red flag.

[Monalisa77]

I hate eating out and even more so infront of people i like. Id be fine with a drink as its a lot less hassle to worry about me being fussy or whos going to pay etc

[Monalisa77]

Howvee i dont actually drink drink id be impressed if he didn't either cos he knew i didn't

[tzdc21]

Well coffee dates also qualify as drinks. Doesn't necessarily mean alcohol

[Monalisa77]

I can't stand coffee

[Erin2003]

Why not accept the offer and then order a non-alchoholic drink, say tonic water with a lime wedge? You can remain alert, have a conversation, then decide whether to extend the date or end it without being under the influence. If he objects, then leave. That way you stay in control.

[provokeesmokee]

Eh.

To me it shows a lack of imagination and probably a bad fit.

A better date in my opinion is coffee, lunch, a hike, rock climbing, or something more interesting than drinking alcohol. Plus I don't drink, or at least I'm cutting down a lot.

[Xoxocutekitty]

I like it as a second or third date but not a first.

Some bars have you sit side by side and on the first date I'm usually not comfortable being that close to someone. It's a pretty big gamble particularly as the risk is having to sit very close to someone you might find unattractive for an hour.

[Ms_Facesitter]

I don't like it and will offer to pay for it instead because I have witnessed my fair share of 'nice' guys so I don't feel comfortable about it. It's not a nice gesture anymore and treated more like a transaction, a trade.
You don't know how it's going to work out and a drink won't help with any chemistry. It's a waste of time and effort.

[Yannae]

Normal. If you're not okay with it, you're a red flag to me. It's all about getting to know the person and learning if they're right for you or not. You don't need drinks, but you're going to talk so drinks are welcome. I'll pay. If you're not okay with drinks as a date, I don't think you are interested in actually getting to know me as a partner and only look to get something for free.

[kylee2437]

So it’s a red flag to not be excited about the low quality activity that someone offered? Would you be okay if a woman asked you out on a date in a setting where you directly said you aren’t a fan?

[Yannae]

If she expects more than some drinks date, like let's say a restaurant, it's a red flag for me. I've met that kind of person before. That is what I meant and yes, to me this is a red flag.

[Yannae]

The act of being not okay with it itself, is what it is. The reason as to why she's not okay with it, is what I pay attention too. Not interested, okay. Busy, okay. But if she wanted something fancier, not okay.

[kylee2437]

So it’s a red flag when a woman wants more than alcohol as an option to bond with? Sir I think your mindset is the red flag but okay

[Yannae]

I know you think that. In my experience, I've never needed anything more than a drink to have a great date. If she's truly interested, she doesn't need anything more than alcohol, not even alcohol. If she's truly interested, to bond, all that matters is the time you two spend together.

[Tiishyy]

I don’t see anything wrong with that, you just have to know your limit and to watch you drink/ cover your drink throughout the night.


It’s like asking someone if they want to get coffee, it’s just a casual thing.

[nonyabeez-wax]

Drinks as an alcohol or drinks as in there's this really cool cafe down the street?

Alcohol, is a red flag, might be looking to get laid.

Other drinks, he's looking to hangout and get to know you.

[Monalisa77]

So going to the pub means ur defo gonna drink alcohol?

[nonyabeez-wax]

Not necessarily. I was just speaking on what his intentions might be.

[Monalisa77]

Ah well it would be my preferred first date n im defo not looking for a shag lol

[nonyabeez-wax]

My point is, you go to the pub, and he insist you get alcohol, that should be a red flag.

[Monalisa77]

Well he will know i dont drink lol

[nonyabeez-wax]

So cafe drink. Lol

What a coincidence, I don't drink either. Lol

[Monalisa77]

No i dont want to go to a cafe either as that will likely have food involved and i struggle with smells. The pub is ideal for me

[nonyabeez-wax]

That make sense. Coffee kinda stinks. Depending on the brew.

[Monalisa77]

Yup that too. I dont want my nose blowing up infront of him😂

[electromagnetic]

My partner and I go for drinks every once in a while. Although I don’t drink, it gives us a reason to spend time outside and alway from technology and other. We do consider them dates as we still take time to dress nicely.

[RavVid]

How much do you want us to spend on you? The bar bill always exceeds the food bill. I think offering to take you out and get you drunk is extremely generous of us.

[kylee2437]

Who says I don’t offer to pay some of the tab?

[RavVid]

You're a very good girl then :) Not many of you left.

[Staximus]

Where I grew up, if you ask a woman or she asks you to go get some drinks that basically means "want to go get drunk and maybe fuck later?" I don't expect sex if a woman wants to go get some drinks, though.

[IslaTheWitch]

Exactly.

Does it mean we are old or from a different planet? :D

[Staximus]

@IslaTheWitch I guess that means we are getting old haha

[Blueeyes81]

I'd think that they need a little liquid courage, have a problem, have shady intentions or all of the above.

[madhatters4]

i think it's a little uninspired but it is a good opportunity to get to know each other. alcohol and hopefully make it a little easier to chat without feeling as nervous or restrained.

[Jdodkfndosn]

I think it's primarily done because they might have friends out too which gives them the opportunity to either bounce or bring you along as he shifts focus on them should he quickly determine he isn't interested.