Guys, Talking about values, ideal partner and (individual) goals for the future?

[Asimiv]

Guys - if either you or your date start to talk about your values, "ideal" partner and (individual) goals for the future within the first 5 dates (regardless of how much you've talked online), how do you perceive that? As things getting too serious too fast or as just checking so you don't waste your time if the aforementioned don't align?

Getting too serious too fast

Just checking

[Lionman95]

I would see it as a way of checking out how the other person reacts and if both are sharing the same values. Because that´s something that has to be clear before entering a relationship. So I would it see as a test.

[SportySpock]

Neither. It tends to be a topic of conversation that comes up, as it should at some point if we’re dating. I would think this should come up before you get serious.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Why would I be on a date with her if I did not already know her values, ideal partner, goals, interests, hobbies, personality, etc? 🤨

That information is needed beforehand.

[Asimiv]

I've never had anyone talk about that online. Plus, I don't like talking online much before I meet a person because a person may sound like this online, but that when you meet them. So when possible, I just go straight for the date. Plus, I have some of ma values listed.

Other than that, when I met people irl, I've only once talked about some of those things before the date. So not everybody does it immediately

[TheSpaceGnome]

I'm not bothering to go on a date with her unless I already know her well enough to know that going on a date is appropriate. A date is a declaration of attraction, its saying you're interested in a romantic relationship with the person. No info about her = no attraction, so why would I make that sort of declaration?

Normal = "I've known you for years, I think you're gorgeous and we get along amazingly, would you go out with me?"

Hookup culture needs to die out already, people should not show romantic/sexual interest in strangers.

[Asimiv]

Different people have different ways of dating. And going with somebody on a date immediately doesn't mean you're gonna hook up. E. g. for me, waiting for years before I go on a date with someone is an insane amount of wasted time. If I've known someone for a couple of weeks, I'll already know if I like them or not. And if that person wanted to wait longer to go on a date (I don't have a problem with being the one who asks), for me that person loves wasting time, and I'll immediately see we're not compatible.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Going on a date with a stranger IS hookup up.

Without being friends for years first, its impossible to know if I'm interested, so shorter methods are a waste of time, as only the longer one will lead to marriage.

This is a matter of how much time it actually takes to get to know a person. Your claim that you can know if you like them in a few weeks is bullshit. You can't possibly know that quickly, everything they said could be a complete lie, and it usually takes a few years for every last lie to get revealed. If you go in with the assumption that you know them before you actually do, you set yourself up for breakup/divorce after investing lots of time with a liar, and THAT is a huge waste of time.

You'll take forever to find "the one" that way, because you'll waste too much time dating incompatible people. Instead, what I would do, is have a LOT of female friends at the same time for years, and see if a relationship naturally forms from one of them after being best friends for a while. By the time I ask her out, I know she's a keeper, so I don't have to do it twice. To me that seems much faster than spinning the lottery wheel on strangers repeatedly, and hoping that at some point, one is honest and compatible. I'd have better luck winning the mega million jackpot than I would doing it that way, simply because the odds of a random person being a match is super low, whereas a friend i met gaming and lasted as a bestie t long, is far more likely to be a match.

[TheSpaceGnome]

hooking up*