Do you spot interest in this?

[JGoesToTown]

Hello, dear people :)

I came here to ask for some advice, as I've been losing sleep over this for a few days now. I hope this won't be an inconvenience and that I'm not in the wrong place to talk about this struggle.

I've met this girl, early 20s, the same age as me. After a month of chatting, I asked her out. I fumbled it a bit and got friendzoned, which I don't care about really, I don't mind having an extra friend.

What makes my head hurt is the last month or so. She asked me to go out some time ago. It was a very nice, friendly chat between the two of us. All this time, she was very open with me about her past and the trauma from her last relationship, family matters and such.

I returned the favor, and we went out again. After that, I tried to play the date card again, only to get the same result. I took it like a man and took my chances elsewhere. Two weeks later, she asked me out for coffee.

Now what boggles my mind is not the fact we are going out. I would call that a friendship like any other. The problem for me is her flirting. I'm very confused and divided about whether I should act and try to talk with her in person about the fact that her behavior confuses me (I would've done that a lot sooner, but I don't really want to hear the answer) or cut my losses and, for the time being, minimize the contact to loose the feelings and interest in her.

Note that since I started to pull away and stopped showing my interest, she always asked me out after some time.

To end this, I don't mind going out with her. It's always a very fun and pleasant experience; however, I sadly have some unresolved trauma from the past in regard to dating, and this behavior makes it surface, making me very self-conscious.

If you got down here, thank you for your time and maybe even your response. I hope your day goes well, dear user :)

Sincerely

Your internet Anon

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey man, that's a tough situation you're in. It seems like this girl may have some lingering issues from her past relationship that are making her hesitant to fully commit. Flirting but then pulling back could be a way for her to test the waters without fully jumping in.

Some things I might do:

- Be up front that her mixed signals are confusing. Not aggressively, just say her interest then backing off leaves you unsure where you stand. Hear her out.

- Suggest taking things very slowly and making your intentions clear as just getting to know each other for now. See how she responds to that boundary.

- Pay attention to how she treats you compared to other guys. Is it different or the same? That may give clues to her actual feelings.

-Don't invest too heavily emotionally yet until you get a sense of whether she's ready to fully reciprocate or still hung up on past stuff. Protect your own feelings first.

-Consider taking a step back for now if it's still unclear. Maybe reconnect down the road if you're both in a better headspace.

Your wellbeing is important too. Just communicate openly and see how it goes. You'll figure out the right call for you! Don't be too hard on yourself either way.

[JGoesToTown]

Hey, thanks for reading my rant!

Well, yeah I guess you are spot on. Since I started taking it slowly, she's become way more chill, trusting and comfortable. I know she's hung up on her ex who was cheating on her for ages, which she knew and still stayed about...

So anyway, Ill set the boundries and see what happens. thanks for reminding me to keep my own feelings in check, I tend to forget that.

Have a great day, Im saving your comment for later if I feel lost again :)

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem man, glad I could provide some perspective. Yeah sounds like there's definitely still some unresolved issues from her last relationship that she's working through.

Setting clear boundaries for yourself is really important. At the same time, try not to take it too personally if she still seems unsure - it's not a reflection on you, just where she's at mentally after what she went through.

As long as you're both honest with your feelings and intentions, that will help build trust over time. And don't be afraid to check in with how you're feeling too - don't lose sight of caring for your own well-being in all this.

I'd say keep doing your thing, focus on being a good friend to her, and see where things go naturally from there without forcing anything. Feel free to hit me up if you want to talk more! Wishing you the best moving forward.

[JGoesToTown]

can't really sent you a dm just yet, since Im too low of a level. When i reach the goal, ill give you a dm.
Once again thanks :).

[Oliverlogan263]

Okay man I followed you just in case and you’re welcome anymore

[JGoesToTown]

So, since I left the site for a few months, and I still dont have lvl 2, I just wanted to shoot you and update this way.

Right around Christmas, I stopped talking with her completely. I just had to get it out of my system. We started talking after a break that took like month or so. Im sure she is not interested at this time. Which, I had a hard time taking in, hence the break.

Since then, I got my stuff together. I started gym again and playing games with my friends. As for her, I keep her at a distance somewhat. Its obvious she has her problems, and Im starting to think, she just needs a satelite to help her feel good about herself. Im okay doing that, as a friend, but I watch my back when it comes to lingering feelings. Im prone to getting hooked on a girl, and it happened before...

So, as it stands, we just text. Mostly a few times a day on insta, sometimes either one goes silent. She tried to play something together or invite me out several times, but Im just over that. I made my position pretty clear and right now, Im strapped for time, so to say, so text is what has to suffice for her.

In the future, Im kind of open to seeing her again, she is nice to talk to and we click on some topics, fun was had, but its not really something so special, that I would be loosing sleep over it.

So, to end it, thank you for the time you gave to my post few months ago. It helped me a ton and got me out a hole I dug for myself at the time. Hope you see this, wishing you all the best!

[Oliverlogan263]

Hey man, it’s good to hear you again. Damn dude, sounds like taking that break for yourself was exactly what you needed to do. Props for recognizing when you needed to step back and sort your own head out before getting too wrapped up in her situation again.

It's good you've been focusing on yourself with gym, games and strapping down your time too. So easy to lose sight of your own well-being when you're hooked on trying to help someone else.

I think your assessment of her just using you as a satellite to feel good is wise - been there before myself with clingy girls. As long as you keep your guard up and don't let feelings creep back in, being a casual friend could work.

But you're right to be cautious about letting her take too much of your attention either. Mental health first, ya feel me? Sounds like you've got a way healthier perspective now.

Thanks for shooting me this update too man, always good to hear how things resolved. Proud of you for leveling up and taking care of your shit - that's gonna serve you well in the future. Keep it up bro!

[Oliverlogan263]

And it was no problem of mine to help man. I was happy to assist you the best I did.

[tzdc21]

That does seem wishy washy to me. Talk to her straight on and tell her that if she's stringing you along, to knock it off or you'll cut contact with her entirely. You don't have time to play little games.

[JGoesToTown]

Ah, I know this is the only way forward... or, well, anywhere. I'm just trying my best to avoid it the whole time.

[tzdc21]

Then do it. Don't waste anymore of your time

[Nikki1989]

Women are rarely flirting, men just always think we are.

[JGoesToTown]

I'm not the one to take anything as flirting :). I take it as a fact because she called it that numerous times on her own.
PS: I would share the messages, but I find that quite distasteful

[Anonymous]

Women are very confusing

[Cheerfull009]

So long, romantic novel

[JGoesToTown]

I dont really understand? :D

[RandomDude_2043284]

Ain't reading allat.