My father said my date was a simp for offering to carry my bags, give me his jacket and gave me a piggy back home because my heels hurt, why?

[lamuñekita]

i found him so cute. my dad told me he was a simp for this and that he’s bending his back over for me. felt pretty insulted, feels like my own father doesn’t want someone to treat me the best they can.

[DJB72]

Your dad's a jackass. I'd guess from your age that I'm around his age. In my 20s I held doors open, I gave my jacket on a cold night, I carried heavy bags. It's gentleman's behaviour.

I was also fully prepared and capable of stepping up if my girlfriend/date was threatened.

That's also Gentlemanly conduct.

And if he'd described me as a "simp" to my face back then he'd have seen how dangerous a "simp" can be lol

There's nothing wrong with treating a lady with respect. Chivalry is not dead. My own son is 5 and I hope he's learning it from me.

[Effably]

So. Education time.

A simp is someone who goes above and beyond to please someone they have no chance with and who realistically will not be into them.

In other words, a guy going above and beyond when there is real interest from both sides is never going to be a 'simp'. We can still jokingly say he is simping for you, and that would be a positive if you like him. I don't think any of the things he did warrants desperation.

Carrying your bag? I am sure he did the man-carry on them. So no issue. Its a nice thing to offer.
Jacket? Classy enough move. No issues. I'd offer too. Especially on a date it just feels nice to do. And her accepting it somewhat shows things are going well.
Carrying you? While a little much I might offer it. Seems fun enough. If I think it is fun or cute, I will happily do it.

So if you like him, none of this is bad or simping. It very much is just a guy liking yoy and having fun being chivalrous.

[lamuñekita]

i think he’s so sweet, i meant desperate because he keeps saying he’s out of my league and he thinks i’m an absolute goddess ( a but much ). but this is the first guy who i find so sweet he always promises me so many things and talks to me everyday and told me he would never hurt me or ever lie to me and he’d kill anyone who would. he did talk about my body and wanting to touch it after the first date tho which i seemed a bit odd, also said he should be the main candidate to take my virginity since he treats me the best he can. but other than that i enjoy his company and he puts me on a pedestal. one thing i didn’t like tho he said all his exes were crazy. bit odd there, he told me he’s in love with my hips and the curve of them.

[Effably]

Oh. Well. This is different.

That is a lot of minor red flags. When adding them together, it does not paint a good picture. From the sounds of it he is definitely buying into some typical incel mentality nonsense and other toxic things.

If you want to date him, my suggestion is to be very clear. Almost rudely so. E. g "I like you, you're cool. When you say or do these things, its awkward. I am glad to date you but you need to.."and so on.

Clear communication is a good way to fix false assumptions. But well, your dad is coming from a good place. Simp, while not true, was the nicer term.

[lamuñekita]

yeah, i don’t know if this makes a different but we have known eachother for 5 days, my father says that’s way to early to declare all those things but i think maybe he’s just really into me

[Effably]

It isn't as if he can't feel that way after 5 days. It is early. But it is interaction, not time, that determines our perceived relationships.

Now that said. I really would think twice about the guy. Effectively love-bombing you right away is s rather underhanded, even if true, way to affect emotions.

[lamuñekita]

yeah i’m starting to re-evaluate a bit. we have hung out litterally once, and i did feel kind of left out the whole day he’d have me on his arm though and kiss me a lot and pick me up and play fight me you know. but i don’t know, i’ll see how it goes because he is starting to hint at sex a lot and rushing into physical intimacy and asking a bit desperately.

[LazerBean]

That makes me wonder two things:

Was your dad implying that this dude is just acting nice to sleep with you?

And

Is your father and mother happily married?


If yes to the first and second, then that is understandable and consider talking with your dad more about it.

[lamuñekita]

no my father hates my mother a lot, they live together

[LazerBean]

After reading your other replies it Definitely seems like the guy wants sex (gross). Your bitter dad is wrong, the guy is not a simp but rather a hoe.

[OlderAndWiser]

Sounds like your dad is jealous.

[NeverGiveUp69]

Firstly your dad sounds funny as hell, but he is being stupid as fuck. Your date ain't a simp for helping you. I do them things for my girls. They are just things you do as a gentelman, but your dad might be from a different kind of culture.

I worked for a guy and his wife at their store and he would say stupid shit like that to me, so the way I made him look like a bitch was I fucked his wife and told him about it. Don't let your date do that to your dad, but try to get find something your date can do better than your dad. Make your date show up your dad at what ever thing you pick and your dad will stop calling him a simp

[johnnydeeeep]

I think his point was that he wants his daughter to have a relationship with a man that she wants and desires, not one that is simply courteous and polite. He likely has more of your interest in mind than you'd imagine. Case in point, after he carries you home did you entice him in because you couldn't wait for him to tear your clothes off and ravage your body... Or just give him a long and heartfelt hug (because the later is what friends do).

[johnnymoooore]

I don't know about him being a simp, nor if your father raises a worthwhile and valid concern.

What I do know is that your are stunning and I would love to talk with you, here, what's app, Google chat, you name it.

Those lips would feel good on you...

[Marcuslrh]

Because you dads a douche😂and is being shown up by this guy so will say anything to make himself seem better then someone who clearly is better then him

[Lliam]

Your dad is a bad role model. He probably treats your mom like shit.

You're boyfriend acts like a classic gentleman. It's how real men used to treat ladies. That's not simping.

[RavVid]

Not sure about the bags but the rest seem to be customary gentlemanly stuff.

Where the bags heavy?

[lamuñekita]

no it’s my mini dior bag

[RavVid]

Now that was sucky. Your father is now officially right in his character assessment. Can you have any respect for this guy?

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Thanks Dad!

[HouseMoat]

Likely thinks he's just trying to do it just to get in your pants. That's literally why he was calling him a simp. He's just trying to make sure he's not hurting you

[lamuñekita]

but the guy is a sweetheart. i mean he does seem a bit desperate, but i thought maybe it was because he actually likes me. i’ve never dated before so i’m clueless on the subtle hints.

[LunarEclipse433]

I agree with HouseMeat

[HouseMoat]

Yeah, he's just trying to get in your pants hun. That's all

[RedInnocent68]

Because your father is an old school tough guy. But don’t take him too seriously. Your date sounds sweet. That’s next-level chivalry, and very rare nowadays…

[JesseP1nk]

He is only a simp when you dont do something for him too. So you can ask him out and buy him and yourself an ice cream or buy coffee and spend time together.

Its about giving and receiving

[Billlewis]

Excellent! You've found your potential husband;)

[Blueeyes81]

Based on your question and replies I think your dad is on to something. Sounds like the guy you are dating is trying to buy your love with kindness.

[Still-alive]

Its fine just as long as you respect him and also try to do polite things for him back.

your dad is wrong

[Anonymous]

Your dad is correct and the guy you just described is toxic and insane.

[lamuñekita]

how?

[Opinion Owner]

'... told me he would never hurt me or ever lie to me and he’d kill anyone who would.'

[lamuñekita]

isn’t that just pure admiration

[Opinion Owner]

There is nothing good or stable there. Our words hold great power... only goodness should leave our lips. What we speak is a sign of what is in our hearts..

[Staximus]

Next time wear some shoes you can actually walk in

[lamuñekita]

we had been walking for the whole day and i already had a bad ankle lol. he saw me stumbling and offered a piggy back i actually declined like 3 times but he insisted so why not.

[LiamJHayden]

Your father does not know the meaning of the term and literally insulted you by saying that.

[TheGuyYouCrave]

Good father. It will ruin you. Don't date/marry simps. Tell them they are foolish to simp, that's if you really care about him.

[Anonymous]

Just tell your dad. "It's OK, I bent my back over for him later. So we're even".😆 Just to see the look on his face.

[Amy10223]

One question--do you live in Korea?

[Filthy_Immigrant]

because your father is right

[Anonymous]

I can kind of understand what he means.

[balyai]

He's a good guy. Don't listen to your dad

[riverrat3]

How does your dad treat your mom

[Malwi93]

no its nice

[Grond21]

Your dad is wrong

[Jamie05rhs]

Your dad is toxic.

[Slim57]

Your dad's right