Why don’t guys approach me or seem to look cold to me when I’m fairly pretty?

[Anonymous]

I see that they would rather talk to girls that are less attractive than me.

[JacobJordan]

I question how attractive you are if you are in the same sentence putting down and disrespecting other ladies. a big part of beauty and attraction is how one treats others. off your question it sounds like you may be a bit conceited and definitely a bit egotistical. obviously you may not be either of those. however if you are then that could very well be why guys don't approach you. if you are constantly effectively thinking you are better than others you eventually start to act like you are and that is not an attractive trait. my suggestion would be to take a step back and take a look inwards and evaluate how you act, treat those around you. how do you carry yourself how do you dress etc. things like that have a large bearing on whether or not people will approach you.

[Asker]

I must say that I’m not putting down other ladies. It’s just how I had to form my question. Or I should ask the question in another way “why would guys not approach the most attractive one among all other attractive women”.

Don’t be too sensitive, it’s just a question, I don’t mean to put anyone down, okay?

[Asker]

I don’t act like I’m the most attractive one, I’m friendly with people. It’s not like I’m like the toxic mean girl in the movie.

[JacobJordan]

that is good to hear and was making sure. in that case if I may request additional information. are you more feminine or masculine? How do you dress when in public? do you wear lots of make up? how do you treat those around you? are you an aloof person or a focused person?

[Asker]

I dress nicely, I’m not masculine. Mostly I’m quiet, I treat people well. Overall my behaviours are what a normal person would do.

[JacobJordan]

mmm I would wager it may be a result of the quietness. growing up I was a very open and cheerful person people talked to me constantly. then I started getting bullied (very badly) and I became very very quiet. as a result I very rarely have people talk to me. Marriage has made me more open but not as open as I was. Quiet people tend to give off 1 of a couple vibes. When I was able to talk to people I always heard the same things. "you looked like you wanted to be left alone" "you looked angry" "you looked sad" "I didn't realize you were there" if you are quiet for shy reasons you may consider picking a random person once a day and having a quick conversation with them. this way you can get yourself to open up. may help with any potential vibe you are giving off

[Asker]

Other ladies are quiet too. And I also notice that even if I talk a lot, people will still think I’m quiet. Maybe I naturally give off a “cold” vibe no matter what I do

[JacobJordan]

it is possible. I had the same thing. could be less about the quiet and maybe you aren't open with your heart? if you have walls up that could give off similar vibes which could also be why people are leaving you alone.

[Asker]

I believe everyone has wall inside the heart. I’ve been told my whole life since kindergarten school that I’m quiet. I’ve given up trying to talk more because no matter how much I talk, people still think I need to talk more 🙄 anyway, people still notice my existence even if I am quiet among other people.
Maybe it’s my vibe (born with it, hard to shake it off) that makes people step away..

[JacobJordan]

well good news is you will find someone. though bad news is you probably have to stop looking. I was looking and looking and the week after I said "fine whatever I give up i'm not looking anymore" walked into a restaurant and there she was. all 5'3" long dark hair and gorgeous.

[Asker]

Actually I’m not looking 😂 I just wonder why people do that..
currently I have a crush on someone but I’m also avoiding them to create emotional distance from them just in case it’s another “failed crush”

[JacobJordan]

a failed crush? I can't say I have ever heard of that before. if you have a crush. and if he knows you exist. and he is single. then you should approach him. yes you may get rejected but least you get your answer faster.

[Asker]

I mean a failed “crush experience”, if that makes sense 😂 I had a few crushes before and in the end, I found out they already had a girlfriend or already talking to someone. So that scares if now when I have a crush, I automatically assume they are taken and I get no chance. I automatically assume they won’t like me.
He knows I exist, I’m not sure if he’s single. He’s so extroverted and happy. I better stay away? 🥴
He’s my coworker, if I get rejected, it would be so embarrassing to see him, though I’m part time worker and can leave anytime

[JacobJordan]

my wife is an extrovert I am introvert. she is why I am more open now. so if you like him get him. definitely things you can do to see if he is spoken for. ask what plans he has for the weekend. ask what he does for fun. things like that will include a lady if one is present. once you know those answers (hopefully not spoken for right? :) ) then you just gotta figure out something you both like. same music, movies, card game whatever and then ask him out. or tell him "hey I like you, you're cute. We're going on a date x time y day." if he and you vibe he'll go with it. if not then definitely unfortunate. as for it being embarrassing it is only embarrassing if you let it be. I will say there is no shame in trying to connect with someone on a deeper level regardless of outcome. The only shame is in not trying and then losing that person to someone else. when my wife and I met. I asked her out in a room full of people and... she didn't say yes... she also didn't say no... so I asked her out again the next week. and didn't get a yes or no. and then I asked again the following week and she said "we should talk" so we talked for 7 hours. and then we talked the next day and the day after. that was 16 years ago and we haven't stopped talking. Funny part is we never really had the official title of boyfriend/girlfriend. we just went from talking everyday for hours. spending time together to my proposing and her accepting.
the mission: find out if he is spoken for
stage 2: if not taken get that man's on a date
stage 2a: if taken figure out what to do after that.

[Asker]

As an introverted woman, I think this is hard for me to do so. Women here don’t do that, it sounds desperate. If a guy is interested in a lady, he will approach her, if he doesn’t, then I shouldn’t do it. You did the right thing!!! You’re a man so it’s not weird to approach a lady if you’re interested in her.

Me and him don’t talk, we don’t work together but see each other most of the time at work. It would be strange that a lady you don’t talk to or close to suddenly does this to you..

So never mind, just let it be, I’m just not that type of woman to chase guys.. if he doesn’t approach me, it must already means he’s not interested 😐

Thank you for your advice though 🙏🙏

[JacobJordan]

of course. best of luck to you regardless.

[Asker]

Thank you :-D

[BoopBoopBeep]

You get all these answers. You tell everyone that they're wrong. Then you must know the answer, so why are you asking? Post some pictures (black out the face if you want) so we can see how you dress when you go out. Let us know if that's work attire, going to the store attire, every day attire, whatever. From what you've told us SOMEONE below is correct, but you're insistent that they aren't. Okay, put your money where your mouth is and let's see how things are playing out.

[Asker]

Where did I tell everyone they’re wrong? Show me which comment

[BoopBoopBeep]

Barry's, the Anon 45M, Uby... I'm not scrolling further, you're quite capable of reading. Now you're telling me I'm wrong about you telling everyone else they're wrong.

Yeah, can't imagine why you're not approached more...

[Asker]

I didn’t say “you’re wrong” to them, I just simply gave feedback and discussed with them, I showed them appreciation if you can see

“Yeah can’t imagine why you’re not approached”, um I like that passive aggressive comment which shows you’re not a kind person 😉

[BoopBoopBeep]

Now you're just being mean

[Asker]

You attacked me first. I’m not mean to people who are polite to me

[BoopBoopBeep]

Ok. Fair enough. We got off on the wrong foot. Let's try again.

So, OP, since your specific feedback indicates that they likely do not have a full understanding of the situation, let's address the issue from the other angle, what do YOU think is the reason that guys don't approach you or look cold to you? Then, more importantly, perhaps, how did you arrive at that conclusion?

[Asker]

From my own opinion, I think it might be my naturally born vibe, cause I tried talking more and people still think I’m quiet so I think it’s not something one can change own their own

[BoopBoopBeep]

Okay, but vibes aren't a resonation of some cosmic aura, they're the sum of how we look/talk/act/etc. There's no magical tuning fork to see which frequency vibe you give off, so WHY do you think you give off that vibe? Not why do you think that, why is your vibe collectively considered such.

[Asker]

I don’t know because no matter how much I talk people think I’m quiet. Even if I just sit and look normal people think I’m stuck up..
even if I smile, people think I need more smile.. so I don’t think it’s about what we do or look

[BoopBoopBeep]

So if it's not about what we do or look, what's it about? Magical energy? Zodiac sign?

[Asker]

I don’t know.

[Uby10000]

I think it may either be an uncomfortable sensation in speaking to someone like you (the "fear of the beauty" is actually real), or maybe you are involuntarily shaking them off of you (not by your own will, just your body language). Could also be neither

[Asker]

Do you believe that some people just naturally give off “cold” vibe that makes people don’t wanna approach them?

[Uby10000]

I actually believe it, i had the same situation to me for many years. I don't like smile often but i am not in a bad mood either, sometimes people just don't approach you because they have some sort of uncomfortable sensation on you. I still think that's stupid, because I don't do this myself

[Asker]

I think that’s because your face naturally looks unhappy. But even if my face is covered by a mask, people still keep a distance or serious to me.. I think I naturally give off “cold” vibe

[Uby10000]

Maybe, but don't be ashamed of it. Each face has its own beauty, you just have to find someone that likes that type of beauty. Some people are into the so called "ice queens" (basically women that have cold face for the most time and seem very cold and detached at first but maybe they are completely different later). Just find one of these guys and you will be fine

[Asker]

What kind of guys like “ice Queen” of woman?

[Uby10000]

You realize it when a guy approaches you despite the cold look. A guy that pretty much no matter how you are acting he wants to speak to you. Even if your face seems to scream "don't talk to me today" he will still reach out

[Asker]

I mean extroverted or introverted type of guys

[Uby10000]

it may be either, extroverted will reach out to you no matter your looks, introverts may still speak to you if you have the cold face type look, that's what i meant

[Asker]

Okay but why most don’t approach me and seem cold? But they are talkative with the girls that are less attractive than me

[Uby10000]

This is because of your attire, you either try to somehow smile more often to guys you seem to be interested or you just have to wait for a guy to make a move on you. It's hard. It's just hard for both men and women, we all became more introvert in the last 10 years after all...
Don't give up on it, maybe try to go in places where people usually go to hit on girls

[Asker]

Ahhh, I mean when me and other girls don’t smile, I mean totally same facial expression and they don’t signal the guys too. Guys will make jokes and talk to them and not me, guys talk to me in a serious tone… Not being a narcissist (but I’m prettier than them)
And I also notice that people (same sex or opposite sex) seem to keep a distance from me. My boss even huffed and sighed every time he walked past me, but I didn’t do anything wrong, my boss told me to stay when I resigned.. so I don’t know why people act like this to me..

[Uby10000]

It's your vibe, i suggest to go to some night clubs or bars at night and find some men you like, if they don't come to you why not just make you the first move. I know it may feel weird at first but maybe hitting on 1-2 guys by yourself isn't that bad i think...

[Asker]

I wouldn’t want to get involved with men who go to night clubs or bars, I’m not interested in casual sex or causal flings…

[Uby10000]

Ah i see, perhaps you want to talk about it with me? I can explain you some of your possible, this way you don't have to come to this post every time for it. I can help you with it really, we will try to find a way why things don't work out for you as they do. Just send me a text if you want i will contact you later, got some stuff to do right now...

[Asker]

Sure just shot you a message

[ProbablyClueless]

You might give off a certain vibe. My sister is an objectively attractive woman, but she gives off a hardcore stuck up vibe. She seems super up tight, even though she's not actually like that. Or, at least she isn't generally up tight around me.

[Asker]

Exactly 😂 I had people told me when they first met me, they thought I was stuck up 😂 but I’m actually nice lol

[ProbablyClueless]

Sounds like that RBF hits just a little bit stronger with you 😂

It's probably really annoying to have some dude you've never met on the internet tell you to smile more, but it might help with your situation? I don't know man hahaha

[Holsen]

If that’s the case then consider yourself lucky as you are just too good or complex for them;it has happend to me too and a thing I have noticed is that they had a basic type preference and evaded something more complex and yet more beautiful;honestly I don’t get that math either but some people just seem to make sense of it and follow that principle!!

[Anonymous]

When guys don't approach a woman it invariably always comes down to 1 of 2 reasons.

1. She's punching above her weight.

2. She's emotionally unavailable.

Now all you have to determine is which one you are.

[Asker]

Neither

[Opinion Owner]

Oh it's one of them. Just because you refuse to acknowledge it doesn't mean it's not there. 👍

[Asker]

I’m not overweight, I’m slim.
Im not emotionally unavailable, I’m single.
So I don’t see how it fits into the 2 reasons

[Asker]

And I see guys approach overweight girls and married women

[Opinion Owner]

What does your weight have to do with anything? You 've never heard that term before? "Punching above your weight". It doesn't have anything to do with your actual weight.
And emotionally unavailable just means you want something for nothing. a lot of women think simply having lady parts means a guy should approach them. Well what's in it for the guy? I heard you correct @barryliverstone. He's frequently wrong but in this particular case he's right. You don't seem to realize what other women are doing that you are not. Most guys don't just approach random women.

[BarryLiverstone]

Because you are not signaling them to want to approach you

[Asker]

The other girls aren’t signalling them too. But they joke with the girls but sound serious and cold to me

[BarryLiverstone]

The other girls are signaling or doing other nonverbal things

[FutanariEnjoyer]

Is your erect bulge showing through your pants enough?

[TheGuyYouCrave]

Weird question. What do you mean pretty? most women are egocentric towards their looks. Show yourself, but don't identify yourself entirely.

[YAsQuen]

ur old and unapproachable. Also society has created feminine men so that only a few actually try.

[Jmmmfi4]

I DON'T APPROACH GIRLS CUZ IM SURE THEY DON'T WANT ME TO.

[Gent207-2]

Your beauty may be intimidating?

[Asker]

Not true, guys approach whoever they want. Guys always pursue what they want

[Gent207-2]

Perhaps
Otherwise that leaves intimidation due to resting bitch face

[Asker]

What if I don’t have resting bitch face? 😂

[Gent207-2]

Then that leaves your overall style, facial expression and personality.
The list goes on

[Asker]

Maybe I naturally give off “cold” vibe so people don’t wanna approach me

[Gent207-2]

Perhaps
But when one hits the Fuck It button nothing matters

[Luckycharms12]

Don't know never seen you to say

[Starrrboy]

Charisma..