What do you think: is it rude to ghost somebody?

[Anonymous]

[DaveJord]

I am undecided because I have had it go both ways. Just yesterday, I had woman I was talking to for about two weeks leave got two days without texting me. Honestly, at that point I was no longer interested.

But she texts me yesterday to say...

"You're a really nice and handsome guy, but I have decided to pass."

Now I thanked her for not ghosting, that it shows she has good character... but honestly, I did not need to hear that bullshit. I mean what does that mean, you do not date nice and handsome men? Thats bullshit right?

I was polite to her, but in the back of my mind... it did not change anything for me. I mean I was moving on anyway; I do not need a woman to tell me I am handsome and a nice guy. I know this dumbass. I am 47 years old; I have dated a lot of women; you do not think I am told this all the time.

If you are going to pass, and send a message make it mean something. Don't send some bullshit and think you're being the better person.

[love_conquers_lust]

😄

Take any of my advice, Dave? Doesn’t look like it.

I hear you about the truth though. You’re supposed to be honorable and speak truth, if that’s in fact what you did. While you make it sound like she galavants whimsically saying whatever she has to avoid hurting your feelings.

Low and behold, your feelings were hurt anyway. What is it when men say you can’t make a woman happy?

You DID care, regardless of her disinterest. And you know what’s fucked up, she hasn’t even seen this post and she’s treating you the same way you’re speaking about her. “Honestly” not caring and then insulting her.

Back to the drawing board. Perhaps you’re punching above your weight?

[DaveJord]

@love_conquers_lust Actually I told that it was very kind of her not to just ghost on me... but if she could do me a favor, and give me some honest woman advice, because this happens a lot to me and I would like to learn something. So, what was it specifically, give me some tips. I had a good idea of what it was, but would like to hear the truth.

She response with, that she honestly doesn't know how to answer my question. Because there wasn't any one thing I said or did, but she has a hard time connecting with men, and she that she is greatly influenced by her emotions.

As far as above my weight class... I mean she was 41 with 13-year-old, she lives with her parents, and when asked if she could at some point commit to one weekend a month her answer was no I could not. Between family and work she could not make any type commitment.

So you tell me, its as if she didn't read my profile at all. So I asked how she thinks dating would work best for her... she say week days would be best. I asked how would that work, I am one hour away from you, we both work, and you live with you parrents... so if got off work at 4 pm, drove down there for a dinner date, then what I would have to drive back the same night and get home around 9 or 10 pm because there is no place for me to stay in her town.

Her response was if there is a desire to make it work then we will make it work. But two days later it was a pass. So, she was actually a nice person, but it was never going to work... I just wanted to hear her say that for her own benefit... but she kind of knew that already.

As far as you are making assumptions about me, well that's fair no issues about that... just don't think you got it all right, because nobody seldom does.

[love_conquers_lust]

The asking her questions. I’ve used that before. It’s surprisingly effective if you take it to heart.

Hour away. Did you guys meet halfway-ish? I generally don’t want to be picked up on a first date. If one of us doesn’t have a vehicle, the other person should go the extra distance so the less mobile one can walk to the rendezvous.

She probably just wasn’t attracted to you. It happens. She probably wanted to be in your physical presence to see. Messaging and photos is very sterilized. Did you video chat beforehand?

Apologies, I’ll use the term “dated”, not “punched”. I’ve tried dating “below” my weight class and still got rejected. It called into question my own self awareness or any sense of “class” at all.

Women, like people, like what they like and there isn’t much we can do about it. They’re slippery creatures. They won’t be figuratively pinned down in the emotional game. You and I are generally handicapped in that arena.

[DaveJord]

@love_conquers_lust I mean that is what this was about. I mean she was pretty and attractive, but she was below my weight class. I mean she has her hobbits, job and children with no man in sight... no father in the picture. She really had nothing to offer me, and she knew it. Over time it would make her feel more and more insecure about the situation. Thats all this was. I knew after our first phone call that I had asked her questions; she had never considered. It made her feel a certain way, and instead of wanting to try to work on that, she will find someone who will be less of a challenge for her.

There is nothing wrong with that. I have no ill feelings about it. I just used it as an example of a woman that never ghosted and honeslty it was nice of her... but in the end it really didn't change anything for me.

And not my feelings were not hurt... I knew just as well as she did that, we were not good match. But she was person of character to not ghost on me.

We never met in person, people over 40 years old do not do video calls. We still remember a time when you saw a woman you approached her and got her phone number. You called her once or twice and made plans for a date.

[love_conquers_lust]

Oh no, I’d rather my first assumption of her not being physically attracted to you been the only reason.

She has hobbits? How can you say she has nothing to offer? Who doesn’t want that? <-That’s a joke

“I mean she was pretty and attractive, but she was below my weight class. I mean she has her hobbits, job and children with no man in sight... no father in the picture. She really had nothing to offer me, and she knew it.”

This is a damning statement. You sound like you want them pretty and dumb. It’s shallow, no two buts about it. She probably didn’t like that.

If your feelings weren’t hurt, why come here and rant?

Caring about who someone is isn’t something that can be faked. Only psychopaths do that. Most normal people, when they put forth the effort to get to know others, fall into it. They feel it. Because we are human.

Really, I don’t know what you’re complaining about. She probably picked up on this and at least gave you the courtesy of notifying you of a rejection, yet apparently not being upfront with you about why. She may not have even been sure. How good of a deceiver are you? She treated you the same way you treated her. Why else would she say you’re “nice” but still reject you? Then you come here, and overtly declare your true intentions.

It’s not a pretty picture, once layers are peeled back. But at least you had another experience.

[love_conquers_lust]

She probably was the only thing pretty in that picture.

[DaveJord]

@love_conquers_lust Was I ranting? Did I say she was dumb? She was a very nice woman, look dude you grab, on to statements and cherry pic shit, then put word in my mouth... chill bro. None of this is that serious.

She had nothing to offer me, I mean I do not just want sex. I want a partner and she has a lot of demands on her, and honestly, I did not see away forward with her. So, she had nothing to offer me, but that does not make her a low value person, I don't even know her man... look dude when I say she has nothing to offer me that doesn't mean she had nothing to offer or that she is low value... she basically raised three kids while living with her parents for last 8 years. And says dating for her works better during the week because her weekends are busy.

So I have no clue how the fuck that works with other people but its not working for me. We nice civil and polite to each other and nobody said a cross word... so I have no idea where you are coming form like you know me or something or have any real knowledge about the situation.

CLAM DOWN, it will be okay! LOL

[love_conquers_lust]

@DaveJord I can only judge base on the information presented as is. If you want to keep feeding bit by bit key pieces of information to manipulate the narrative in a discrete way, I urge you to remember:

"As far as you are making assumptions about me, well that's fair no issues about that... just don't think you got it all right, because nobody seldom does."

I hope you didn't do the same to her. Your clarifying language didn't make me feel any different about my assessment.
.
Say you wanted sex, and that's it. Then you can save yourself gas money and weed out what you don't want. Trying to extricate it from other obligations will be a tough sell. They make flashlights that can simulate the same thing. But then you can't abstain. Life is a bitch.

[DaveJord]

@love_conquers_lust Nope you need to read better... I never said I only wanted sex. You got me confused with someone else. Dude this was random chick I met online, we exchanged about 6 texts and had one-hour long phone call. That is it.

But then you come up with all these assertation's about me. like you really know me and were part of the conversations. Clam.

[love_conquers_lust]

@DaveJord. Why are you calling me a mollusk? What does ‘clam down’ mean? Is that a typo? Is that like clam up?

So you’re saying your availabilities didn’t match up. Instead you chose to say she had nothing to offer and called her a dumbass for saying you’re handsome and a nice guy.

[blueonblack22]

This is when ghosting is justified:

• If they lie/conceal something major (they have kids, are married, knowingly have a STD, etc.)
• They hit you or legitimately threaten violence. However this doesn’t include them hitting you back (talking to the ladies on that bs). Also doesn’t include if someone gets upset and raises their voice. There has to be unprovoked violence. When that does happen both men and women need to leave immediately.
• Full on cheating. For me that is genital and/or oral sex. Other forms of cheating can be grounds for a breakup but not ghosting.
• Stealing money from a partner.

But if you ghost someone and none of the criteria above was met then you are a selfish cowardly pos. Period. You being scared of confrontation isn’t an excuse to do that to someone. Your “feelings” are not “the truth” they are just “your truth”. But there is no “your truth” or “my truth” there is just “THE truth”. A decent person will give closure why they want out.

Anyway this was done to me a few years ago. Ex girlfriend ghosted me after 9 months of dating over a minor argument. She was much younger but still if f*cked me up for a long while. Hurt a lot.

[Puppystarfish23]

I'm a serial ghoster, I'm not good with goodbyes or confrontation. I've usefully confronted these people once before abd they've begged me to stay and I've been left to feel as if I have no choice but to wait it out to ghost them and find a opportunity for when I have no reason to see them again.

I only ghost toxic, bad people too who never really appreciated me or my friendship so I think its deserved and they should use self reflection to realise why I did what did and not have to be told why.

[sheikalana]

Sometimes ghosting is the right thing to do if the reasons why you’re ghosting someone can be devastating and hurtful for the other person.

[Anonymous]

Depends on who is ghosting you and for what reasons. If it is a family member that can be bad. If it is a love interest, you need to take the time to reflect. Was it justified? Or is that other person overreacting? Either way you must give that person time. When ghosted it’s best not to lose your shit and burn a bridge. If that other person overreacted, give them time to regret what they did and cautiously accept them back into your life. Make them expend 95% of the effort to regain your trust. If you are adult enough to accept responsibility if you are at fault, and by not burning that bridge, you have a much better shot at being forgiven.


Good things come to those that wait.

[PhillDerup]

Although there are circumstances where ghosting someone is completely understandable, you should always communicate especially when emotions are involved. Being ghosted really really hurts, especially when it’s with someone you have finally let your guard down with and they vanish. Your number is blocked and you have no way of contacting them so you’re left confused, hurt, and wondering why. It can be harmful to one’s self esteem and confidence. It’s kinda like being a puppy. Someone takes you home and you begin to get comfortable, establish trust and then you go for a ride and bam you get left in a dark alley without any warning or explanation. Of course nobody owes you anything much less an explanation for their behavior but you can’t run from or avoid problems in life much less yourself. Always be upfront with people about who you are and what your intentions are. People will respect you more and be more likely to trust you.

[slatyb]

That depends on the level or connection. I have little problem with someone ghosting someone else they have never met.

[boggboss]

Yes I dont think u can argue its not rude or shows high levels of disrespect

[HaleyCatgirl]

If it's intentional I block the person and the way I find the show is I just ask them quite simple

[SotiCoto]

It is a form of gaslighting.

So "rude" would be an understatement. Psychologically abusive would be more accurate.

[deus_ex_sisyphus]

Nobody is entitled to anything in a relationship. Granted getting dumped does suck, but at the end of the day the union would be over regardless of how they deliver the message.

[Joshydavid25]

Yeah it's definitely rude.. But people have done it so much that it's become a command easy thing to do..

[KonkeyDong]

I think it depends. If they won't leave you alone and you've made it clear to cease, there's not much other choice.

If it's unforseen and "just because", oof.

[LiamJHayden]

If you were in a relationship and the other person did not turn out to be psycho drama, then yes.

[RingOfFire]

Maybe rude, but also doing you a favor not to waste more of your time.

[Anonymous]

Only if she's truly earned it. Otherwise no. You should never ghost. Ghosting just proves you're weak.

[Kingofkings1992]

Obviously. It shows that you are immature and cowardly

[Fuentes]

I ghost if chick's do weirdo ass shit. If u do weirdo shit expect to get ghosted.

[Anonymous]

People who ghost are cowards and to any of y'all who favours ghosting y'all are cowards to, plain and simple.

[riverrat3]

Very rude, just be honest and say i do not want to talk to you

[OldBlue]

It depends on if they deserve it or not.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Kinda is, but sometimes there is no better choice.

[DaveJord]

I agree when you know it over for you, and you really have nothing to say that you know will make a difference or make her feel better in anyway... you just do what feels right.

[Anonymous]

more than rude it is saddening.

[Daffotul]

yes especially if they did nothing wrong