I think it's very immature but I must admit I have done it once in the past. It was over a girl who seemed absolutely bonkers.
She made my picture her cell phone picture on the second date even though we had never hugged or kissed or even become affectionate, and her communication patterns were so odd. She'd just sort of zoned out and not talk. I'd try to start up conversation subjects to break the long periods of silence like, "So, what are your interests?" And her response would be like, "[looking off in the distance for 10 seconds, then slowly turn to face me] ... I like flowers... yes, I like flowers." And I was like, "Uhh. Cool! Yeah, flowers... I heard girls like flowers."
Then on the first date, she checked her mobile phone for 20 minutes while I was bored out of my mind and just ordering drink after drink at the cafe we were at and then she finally smiled (she barely smiled ever) and showed me something. And it was like our astrology compatibility thing for marriage (she asked me my birthday before she started checking her phone for ages). It said we were so compatible for marriage based on our star signs. And I was like, "Cool! Seems like we'd make a great husband and wife [NOT!]. What should we name our children?" Then she just ignored my question and went back to her cell phone.
So it's a long story but I thought she didn't like me at all, except she contacted me about meeting for a second date and that's when I saw her with my picture as her cell phone wallpaper. And I was freaking out, and she still didn't open. She was still silent like 95% of the time even though I tried so many times to initiate a conversation with her.
On top of that, she lived over an hour away from me so it was hard to meet. So I felt bad but I wrote her a text saying I'm glad to have met her but I don't think this whole thing can work between us with the distance. And I sort of lied there. In all honesty, I was just freaked out and panicked. Then I ignored all her messages from that point on. I felt really guilty about it and I knew it was wrong and mean but at the time I just had no idea what to do and how to put her down politely when she had already done this whole thing with marriage compatibility and made my picture her cell phone wallpaper.
I met her originally in a night club. She was really cute but she looked miserable standing there and barely dancing and starting at the floor. And I was really drunk so maybe I didn't notice the oddities about her. I just thought she was shy, so I started talking to her and offered her to try my drink (Jagerbomb), and she tried it and started smiling really big. So I asked her if she wanted one and bought her one and we started dancing together, and she was smiling then. So we exchanged contacts but it's like when I sobered up and went on the date, I realized I got a really strange one.
I see. I thought any type of ignoring was "ghosting", like disappearing. I didn't respond to her messages and I felt a bit guilty about that like I just said "cya!" out of the blue. I think I could have still handled it in a bit more of a mature way in retrospect.
I have been ghosted by women dozens of times. Can't do anything about it. When they feel like talking to you, they will. Same goes for friends and family. Trying to force communication with someone just makes it worse.
I have ghosted my ex after she asked what I was up to one night and if I wanted to hang out. Got back to her the next morning because I was sure I would have been third wheel to her and her current boyfriend so I was like, "No. I am not going to hang out with my you and the guy who is currently banging you. Lowkey cuck crap right there." Turns out I was right since her story had her play volleyball with her new guy.
In the end, I don't ghost most of the time. If I do, it's normally unintentional. I am pretty prompt with my responses when I get the time to answer.
I'm just gonna leave some psychological information here...
For many people, ghosting can result in feelings of being disrespected, used and disposable. If you have known the person a bit more then it can be even more traumatic. Actually it feels like a very deep betrayal.
Social rejection activates the same pain pathways in the brain as physical pain.
Ghosting gives you no cue for how to react. It creates the ultimate scenario of ambiguity. Should you be worried? What if they are hurt and lying in a hospital bed somewhere? Should you be upset? Maybe they are just a little busy and will be calling you at any moment. You don’t know how to react because you don’t really know what has happened. Staying connected to others is so important to our survival that our brain has evolved to have a social monitoring system that scans the environment for cues so that we know how to respond in social situations.
One of the most insidious aspects of ghosting is that it doesn’t just cause you to question the validity of the relationship you had, it causes you to question yourself. Why didn’t I see this coming? How could I have been such a poor judge of character? What did I do to cause this? How do I protect myself from this ever happening again? This self-questioning is the result of basic psychological systems that are in place to monitor one’s social standing and relay that information back to the person via feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. When a rejection occurs your self-esteem can drop, which social psychologists propose is meant to be a signal that your social belonging is low. Ghosting is the ultimate use of the silent treatment, a tactic that has often been viewed by mental health professionals as a form of emotional cruelty (!) It essentially renders you powerless and leaves you with no opportunity to ask questions or be provided with information that would help you emotionally process the experience. It silences you and prevents you from expressing your emotions and being heard, which is important for maintaining your self-esteem.
Regardless of the ghoster’s intent, ghosting is a passive aggressive interpersonal tactic that can leave psychological bruises and scars.
I don't think i have ever ghosted anyone, or that anyone has ever ghosted me but i have had this friend since my second year of college whom i used to talk a lot to just talked less and less to me. During college she said she wanted to keep in touch since she was going back to japan. I said sure, and we continued to email each other every day and once a month send presents and letters to each other via slow mail. Sometimes we emailed twice a day. She finally came back to the usa, for grad school two years later and i drove eight hours to go nd be with her for a week. We had a good time, and continued to email and text or call each other every day and i called her my best friend. She then asked for money to pay her student loans. She was an out of country student and it was like 80,000$/year for her private college she was going to. I was making 12$ an hour and barely getting by on my own so i told her i can't. Then we talked less than usual. No more emails. Eventually, i met and married someone and asked her to be in my wedding party and she said no. That should have been a red flag to me that we were not very close and she was just using me to learn English or something. Anyways, i had a kid and barely had time to talk or see her so I couldn't go to her small wedding party she had in the states, she had a much larger one in Japan with her family. We eventually tried texting and e-mailing to keep in touch but she was very flaky. Like i would write, how are you? How is your family? And there would be no reply. Then six months later a reply and i would reply back and send her presents and letters and try texting and calling... then she would ignore me for a year or two. Last month, after half a year of her ignoring me... I got a text saying how is my kids birthday? Then i wrote her back saying it was good. I am so excited to hear from her. How is she? How is her family... I knew she was going to ignore me for another year or so, because after a few weeks of no reply i blocked her. She's ridiculous. Who takes two years to reply to a best friend? I'm good. I don't think i like being ignored and talked to only once in two years. So was i ghosted? Did i ghost her? I don't know.
Met a woman on the internet, hit it off fine. She lived in San Francisco I lived in Salt Lake City. I planned on going out to a festival in the bay (Folsom Street Fair) she was "oh, you don't need a motel come stay with me." Rode a motorcycle all the way, somehow between Salt Lake and California her phone was disconnected, her email was never opened and I never heard from her again. Ended up sleeping on the beach one night and a cheep motel another. Cut the trip short due to lack of money and to this day have no idea what happened. Did she get cold feet, arrested, killed? I don't know.
It's very childish.. I'm pretty sure that anyone would rather know the truth that you're not interested instead of having their hopes up that you'll text them soon it is not a good feeling and it'll take them a while to realise and get over the hurt. not a good thing.
I've done it a few times before it even had a name... I think I may have been Ghosted a couple times but I wasn't really invested so didn't realize friends said you know he's Ghosting you I said oh ok.
Sometimes people make Ghosting the only way out, there have been a couple guys I tried to end things with indly and gently but they kept interrupting, these two guys were very sensitive clingy guys, so I just Ghosted them and told friends if they ask about me you know nothing, you haven't seen me...
@Hypnos0929, I learned from doing that once ended having to get Restraining Order. I work with Special Circumstances Unit Dom. Violence, Human Trafficking, Sexual Assault, Children Criminals, Crimes Against Children, and Stalkers. This is how we tell people to handle when leaving a relationship inform people to just say they don't know anything they haven't seen or heard from you.
Well I think there's a difference between a potential DV situation and a guy who doesn't take hints well. I haven't directly dealt with any DV situations but I think treating a clingy guy the same as a stalker is a bit harsh, especially if you haven't made it clear that you're ending things.
Hypnos0929, they were acting the same way as the Restraining Order guy so and I wasn't taking a chance. With one of them I literally said I don't want to see you anymore and he completely ignored it as if I never said it and continued on to another conversation friends were there and we all looked at each other, my guy friends mouthed stalker coming and I shook my head...
It's cowardly. Depends on the nature of the relationship and how soon into the getting to know each other phase it is - it can be used to condemn another person when it's within their right to stop communicating. But people know when they've done it and it's unfair or unkind. And people should stop doing it in business. So lame. I think common courtesy is slowly dying because of all the digital communication now.
I think its immature* BUT depending on the situation.
Some situations call for it.
After 21 in my opinion you are too old to be explaining to people what they know they are doing wrong. (I'm talking about repetitive behaviors that's toxic- hurtful to others)
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It's sad but sometimes it can be the easier way for both. If someone just pulls back and sees if the other responds but that would be the easy way to get the message that you are transitioning out. It avoids conflict but let's them move on. I take a different approach if no contact I keep it that way for a while to see if they still message. If they message back I'll be very brief but try to get a person to move on. It's a cowards way out but it avoids conflict
Happened to me a few times not a fan have to admit. But if someone is not grown up enough to tell me that I messed up and that this is not gonna happen they weren't the right person in the first place. But I would not ghost someone. Well given, if I told them three times already I might but at that point they should know I am not interested.
I would never ghost a guy, however, I've been ghosted on by guys. Honestly, I feel like it's immature and it shows that person is insecure with themselves to treat other people like that. If I wasn't interested in someone, I would tell them directly, instead of play silly mind games with them.
I have ghosted someone and I've also been ghosted. Im pretty sure this has been happening since ever but people just recently gave it a term. I think it's a normal thing and at one point of your life, you just gotta cut some ties with people you dont wanna deal with anymore.
Yes, I've ghosted several people in the past month. I've gotten to a point in my life where I want friends who are positive, going places in life, and just people I can learn from. The people I was dealing with were too complacent and didn't want better for themselves. Im ready to move up in life.
I would not because it's been done to me. I feel that it's disrespectful. I would prefer someone to tell me that they are no longer interested in talking to me. That way I don't feel like I'm bothering or being rude and can just move on.
Unless their crazy, then it's better to be honest about your feelings on why it won't work for you. Other wise i find it to be disrespectful and hurtful to person time and energy on you.
Sure I would scare the shit out them. I would hide behind the couch and jump out at them. Then I would say Booooooo. Boooooo.. Booooooo I know what you did last summmmmmer. I am gonna get you.
Unless someone is being really overbearing and keeps pestering you even after you’ve told them you’re not interested, there is no reason to ghost them.
It has happened to me recently. My ex friends with benefits has ghosted me for 6 months now. I honestly don't care anymore. Why should I care if I know he's never coming back?
If you’ve ever been active on dating sites, then you probably been on both sides of the fence. Yes I’ve done it and had it done to me. I actually rather be ghosted as as opposed to hearing some lameass excuse. I’ve stopped using dating sites as they’re nothing but a carousel of crap.
I think its situational. Obviously if you're in a abusive relationship you're not going to contact or respond to your abuser. But on a general note. NO every deserves closure. You can simple say from this point forward. Don't contact me. And then you go M. I. A not just vanish with no explanation.
I don't have it in me to ghost someone. I have been ghosted many times. It sucks, I would rather be told - not interested or whatnot than left in silence.
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