Is this a red flag?

Question

I texted him “ Why do you even want to marry me? I mean I don’t think I’m a normal person (because I have really bad social anxiety)” and instead of giving me any reassurance he said “Well what do you want me to say Why are you asking me that almost 4 years later Like I don't know what else to say lol Like I already have the day I'm going to propose worked out... I've had it worked out for awhile “ and then he told me good night and that he loved me and didn’t answer my question at all.

Oliverlogan263 · Accepted Answer

That's kinda weird that he didn't really answer your question or reassure you. When a girl is opening up with insecurities, the dude should comfort her, you know?

I'd say it's a bit of a red flag that he got defensive and didn't say what he actually loves about you. When you're planning to propose to someone, they should feel 100% secure in your feelings for them.

He also didn't need to mention his proposal plans right then - that almost felt like he was trying to brush off your concern. Not cool.

I'd talk to him again, seriously, and say you need to hear why he wants to marry YOU specifically, not just that he has a proposal date planned. A real connection is about more than that.

If he gets avoidant again or doesn't give you a good heartfelt answer, I'd be kinda sceptical. But maybe give him a chance to explain better before making any moves. Just watch out for yourself sis, you deserve to feel truly wanted.

MiddleAgedClimbee · Accepted Answer

Regardless of the timeline, and how long you've been dating, you doubting yourself and whether or not someone would want to marry you would be a red flag. Either need to place enough value in yourself and place enough trust in him to see the marriage through and love each other or you need to at minimum stop the marriage before you accept his proposal.

etsylo · Accepted Answer

first, he said that in such a weird way. the words he says came off a bit annoyed, tired and exasperated.

second, you shouldn't need reassurance. it's good to have it here and there but needing reassurance too much can be draining for you AND him. if there's a lot of doubt going around, it probably stems from you yourself. it doesn't help that what he's doing may pile into your issues more than it should and it can cause faster chaos within yourself.