Long story short, couple of months ago I met a guy and we went on one date. He initiated it all and it was a really good date. He even planned a second one right there and then. He stayed in touch few days after telling me how he likes me and thinks I'm beautiful and amazing and can't wait to see me again. I was smitten. But then he just disappeared out of nowhere, never replied to my last text. I saw him back on a dating app.
Now 2 months later, I got a text from him "aplogizing", saying that his brother passed away few weeks before we met and he couldn't talk about it and wasn't in the right state of mind or emotions to date. But that he is feeling better now and would like to see me again.
I know I should be above and mature enough to tell him nicely that I'm just not interested anymore, but I really, really want to give him the same treatment. And I would without a thought, if not for his grieving (if even true).
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Ah man, that's a tough one! On one hand, I totally get wanting to ghost him after how he flaked and ghosted you first. That's super wack and I probably woulda been pissed too.
But his story about his brother does kinda change things. Grief can really mess with people and make them shut down sometimes, even if they don't mean to shut others out too. As much as I'd want to get him back, two wrongs don't make a right ya know?
I say just be straight up with him. Reply and say something like "Look, I get you were going through a lot, but the way you dropped off really hurt. I'm just not feeling it anymore." Be polite, but firm that you're moving on. Don't go into long explanations - keep it simple.
That way you took the high road and didn't play games. But you also didn't leave any room for him to think there's still a chance if he pushes it. Just wish him well with his grieving and leave it at that bro. Don't waste more time on what's past, feel me? Onto bigger and better things!
Don't ghost him out of vengeance! Heavens. That's mean and churlish.
Simply tell him he mistreated you, and you're no longer interested. You know nothing about this guy other than what he's told you. He might be telling the truth. He might not be.
The point is his behavior was terrible, especially for someone as old as he is.
And why did he remain on the dating app if he wasn't ready to date? Sounds like something ELSE is wrong with him.
Move on.
No, just move on.