Is it ever ok to date someone out of compassion?

[Anonymous]

There is a guy in my class that has a crush on me for 2 years now. He's ok but I'm not very attracted to him. He's not really my type.

My best friend and I are thinking of getting him to ask me out and I'll say yes. Though I'll date him out of compassion, to give him the time of the day and see how it all goes from there. I'll give it a try though but if no spark develops after some time, then I'll have to dump him in a nicer manner.

Is it ok to date someone out of compassion?

Updates

+1 y

I really feel for him so I'm thinking of giving him a chance and see how it goes.

[VIVANT]

First of all you don’t heed to play hairs. Just ask him out. You don’t need to get him to ask you out. Maybe you’re curious and you want to try dating him. You do t need to worry about why. If you want to, do it. If you don’t, don't. I’m sure there are plenty of guys you can take pity on but he is the one you’re considering so maybe on sone level you like him even if physically he’s not your type.

I really don’t think the reason matters. As long as you’re not doing it as a joke. people get together and break up constantly. So it’s all just trial and error anyhow.

if the idea of my saying ask him out jade you t, then don’t darts him. If you had no negative reaction, go ahead. We all cringe at the idea of being with people we really don’t want to be with. So just use that as a guide. in my opinion.

[Asker]

He's very shy so I'll make it easier for him. When I get back to school (we have winter vacation), I'll speak to him and go on from there. I'm not into pranks.

[Daniela1982]

In my opinion, to do so would be like a cruel joke, especially if you have no real interest in him. You're not out for his good but to kind of put him out of his misery in a way. How would you feel if the situation was reversed and he just asked you out on a date for pity? I'm wondering what kind of "fun" things you would do to him if you found out you actually liked him? Maybe someone would have pity on him for that too?

[BarryLiverstone]

No, it’s only going to result in negative feelings. If he ever discovered you didn’t actually like him the fallout is bad news. Instead be a friend to him and encourage him to pursue his passions.

[Asker]

I really thought that years later, he would at least have a story to tell about the day he went on a date with his biggest HS crush, that at least the girl gave him some chance, gave him the attention and the time of the day.

[BarryLiverstone]

That’s only if the crush likes him for real and sees him as a catch. If she does it out of pity he may look back and remember how much of a loser he was that she pretended to like him

[BarryLiverstone]

Do you know any girls who would like to date him?

[Asker]

Not really. I can't find anyone for him.

[BarryLiverstone]

Then maybe he has some work to do to become more attractive. Do you go to the gym with him?

[BarryLiverstone]

Or if you know reasons why he’s not handsome you can let him know if it’s correctable

[Asker]

I don't think it has to do with his appearances too much but rather he's shy overall.

[BarryLiverstone]

If he’s too shy, then he should be doing things to build confidence. I may be able to help but feels like I answered your question here. If you wanna follow me I can give you the guys perspective

[Asker]

True it sounds like he really needs some more confidence. Ok

[slatyb]

No, that's not nice. He doesn't want a pity date. He wants your interest and affection.

[abc3643]

This is a very good question and, you know, I am not sure.

The boy needs to have some confidence built, so going on dates with him will do that.
At the same time, giving him a broken heart would take him back two steps a bit.

What you COULD do to break up with him is to get him to break-up with you by being someone he will no longer have a crush on. At the same time, I don't like clandestine crap like that and adversely affects your reputation.

So, I guess my advice would be to no "pity-date" him. Don't worry about him; he will find another girl to crush on and, one day, she - whoever she is - will be happy with him.

I do want to mention one more thing:
You wrote:
"He's not really my type."

This is so important. Only date people who are your physical type. Sure, I guy who may not be "your type" may be a nice good boyfriend, but if you are never actually significantly attracted to him, he will know that and your relationship would be like eating industrial vanilla ice cream - yeah, it's OK, but it's not exciting and you'd be happier with another flavor...

[hahahmm]

"compassion". Oh, stop. You must think there's potentially something in it for you. Otherwise you would go find the most repulsive loser on earth and date them out of compassion. You're lying to yourself. The fact is that if a guy you think better of wanted to date you then you'd be with that better guy.

[VIVANT]

You said it slightly differently but similarly lol

[molonski2]

Doubt it will work , but you are very young , no big deal , just date the dude , things might change , at under 18 , I wouldn't say its " Dating out of compassion " just lighten up and go out with him..

[Levin]

I hope you're not serious. You will break the guy.

Attraction is a really important thing. It's telling us exactly who there's a high likelihood of compatibility with. If you're not attracted to him it will be for good reason.

[worldscolide]

I'd not pity date him. It will only lead to you hurting him in the future. Don't do it.

[GregorSamsa]

That is not compassion. That is fuckery of the highest order and he and every other man will hate you for it.

[milesy67]

Don't do it, it's not fair on you or him. I'm sure he wouldn't like it either if he heard you weren't actually that into him.

[KrakenAttackin]

No, that's playing with his emotions. He will quickly fall for you and you have no real intention to be with him.

[Billlewis]

I would say no.

[boggboss]

Seems like a pretty shitty thing to do

[WhitneySnow]

That sounds like a good idea

[exitseven]

A pity date is never a good idea.

[LazerBean]

No, it never is.

[TheSpaceGnome]

No, never do that.