Do you think you have to be aloof to be hard to get with a guy?

[jennifer_bloom]

My friend told me I was too nice and that’s why guys did not like me. This was when I was early to mid 20s. I had another guy tell me I behaved too much like a sister. I was offended by the comment, but maybe he had a point.

[CalmUntilAbused]

I mean... I'd say being aloof is a good strategy for men, but not really for women. Acting indifferent is just a good way for men to keep any suspicions of hostile intentions towards women at bay. On the contrary, if a woman is aloof, she usually appears hostile or hopelessly distrustful of men, which does not bode well for any serious, deep relationship with her.

Being moderately hard to get is a bit different, as it usually only means being decent and non-promiscous, and that is definitely a good trait in both men and women, but I guess it's likely more valued in women. I mean... While some contemporary men will get disinterested if they are refused intimacy until a certain point, they might be unsuitable for any serious relationship anyway (unless their behavior is caused by caution due to how detrimental and downright insulting the state-sanctioned parody of marriage is for men, but this can be dealt with). On the other hand, if they can get that intimacy at the drop of a hat, they might begin to take it for granted and not really value the women. Now... Marriage is commonly seen as dangerous for men and for a good reason, as the "marriage" in question is usually the state-sanctioned parody of marriage that is heavily lopsided against men, legislation-wise. Thus... Postponing intimacy until after marriage is usually frowned upon by men, and it's not really surprising, as any moderately sane men (those who understand the risk, but cannot see the broader context) will read such a condition as: "I shall not allow You any intimacy unless You become my obedient slave", which is basically a correct interpretation of what happens to men in the state-sanctioned parody of marriage (and then, they are often conditioned further by being denied intimacy if they do anything that does not follow the will of their wives to a tee). This problem can be helped by talking about the true, traditional, purely Catholic marriage instead. Some men might not be aware of what such a true marriage involves and might default to being suspicious, as the most commonly known idea of marriage is the state-sanctioned parody of one. Some of them might actually be unwilling to become exclusive to their wives in the true, traditional, purely Catholic marriage, due to significant moral degradation of our society as a whole that does impact men as well, but those are not worth the time. Other than that, if You can calmly describe to most men what the true, traditional, purely Catholic marriage is about, they will most likely start to look differently on the idea of postponing intimacy until after marriage, seeing it as a guarantee of Your own fidelity as well.

[SeymourBill420]

Yes, you are definitely a fool for playing hard to get and the reason being is because that is immature game playing. You two can actually be sitting there happy, and you're there playing games. No, playing hard to get is just a needless game to play to prove what? It proves nothing. If you guys both like each other, stop procrastinating which game playing is procrastinating. And procrastination turns guys off big time. Because, especially the women that have the philosophy of you have only one life live it. Well then do just just that and stop procrastinating. You can actually be happy with this dude, and this dude can be solving all the problems that you have in life, but you're too busy procrastinating then go for it. So, no you don't play immature little games.

[SeymourBill420]

Because, just to let you know. Now you can fully get yourself a fuck boy. But that's not what you want. You want yourself a real man. Real men see that shit, and we walk straight away. Fuck boys they don't care. All they care about is what's in your panties. But, if a real man sees game playing he's gone. You're not even worthy of dick in his mind. So that means if you're not worthy of dick, you're definitely not worthy of a relationship. Keep that in mind. I've had over 4,500 conversations in 2 years with single women since I've been single. And all of them have been disqualified for some form of game playing. So, no it's not wise to play games especially when you're trying to convince somebody that you're serious

[antelope51]

I don't think men understand hard-to-get anymore. Hard-to-get only works with pushy and (frankly) kinda rapey guys who won't take no for an answer. As that is no longer the culture, most will take it as disinterest and cease pursuit. Those who don't... I'd worry about.

[SeymourBill420]

Yes, we will definitely take it as disinterest because we don't have time for those games. If you're out here to date, if you're out here for a relationship, then let's date let's have a relationship possibly. But, don't do something purposely to prevent that from happening when that's only going to lead both of you guys to pursue more of what you're pursuing and not be happy in the interim. So, it's very stupid to play games in the beginning. Especially when women do it in the first three questions you ever asked them. And they're already playing games. And this is a bad sign because if they're already playing immature games now, then when they get more comfortable with you then they're going to be a horrible girlfriend and they're going to verbally and mentally abuse you with that shit and think it's okay. And it's not okay. You want to play games, let's take her clothes off and let's play some games. But, not children's games

[antelope51]

@SeymourBill420 Agreed. I've never had a problem getting dates (and I wouldn't call myself a "catch") largely because I'm very direct. This is a part of female culture I've never understood, and certainly not one any of my male friends understand.

[SeymourBill420]

No, if I don't understand it, I'm not going to agree with it. And there is a list load of things that women do that I don't understand. Because I operate on common sense. And if it doesn't come out as common sense then I can't understand it is common sense. So, the other thing women would like to do is when they want to see how patient a guy is, she will go out of her way to play games and piss him off to see if he will have a reaction to it. And usually it's by her doing something very rudely where anybody is going to be a little ticked by it. And then they use that as judgment if I don't just play along with her game playing and answer her questions even though that she's ignoring mine, and if I allow her to treat me rudely, is pretty much what she wants me to be. And it's not going to happen. You allow tests to occur naturally. You don't go out of your way with something immature to make a test. Especially when it's something that you know is going to piss somebody off. So, I have a big problem getting dates because I don't take this bullshit, and I think women dish the bullshit to see how far they can push the guy. And then when he is not allowing himself to be pushed is when they get all attitude like.

[love_conquers_lust]

Aloofness can backfire if the guys you're targeting have short attention spans. Know your audience. Aloofness is more suited to attract chasers and pursuers. You have to be realistic and assess if you're one that is going to be chased.

[SeymourBill420]

Short attention spans have nothing to do with it. I have a great deal of attention span. But it could backfire on her because of her game playing. Has nothing to do with a short attention span. Maybe short on patience for game playing. But I'm not out here to play games when I'm looking for a relationship. So, it can definitely backfire on her to a guy that doesn't take bullshit. And that's a lot different than somebody that has short attention spans.

[love_conquers_lust]

@SeymourBill420 Call it less tolerance for all I care. Playing games is a gamble because it can get annoying. There’s no silver bullet with so many factors at play. I can over pursue or under pursue. I don’t have a written out formula.

You might try the optimal stopping point if you don’t want to play it by ear. It’s generally better to err towards under pursuing so you don’t have all your eggs in one basket until you’re ready to commit the whole basket to the one.

[SeymourBill420]

Well, there is definitely a big difference between less tolerant and short attention spans. Short attention spans alludes to things that are more selective, like selective hearing. You can choose when you want to pay attention. But, frankly what it is is guys just not wanting to put up with bullshit anymore after putting up with bullshit for 2 years. There's only so much bullshit a person can take. And when you deal with it multiple times per day every day for two years, you kind of lose patience with the games and the bullshit because I'm out here to play adult games with a woman. Not childish games. But yes you always under pursue. Let them show more pursuance on you, because they're the ones that are most likely playing games. So a woman has more to show to a man than a man has more to show to a woman. I understand that. I know that. But no, there is no silver bullet because a lot of women get wet pussies over how much and long they can play games with guys. Some women get off on this. I think they squirt their bed harder at night knowing that they played games with guys all day long. Which is why I think they do it. And purposely. so no, we definitely have no more room for game playing unless it's the fun adult games

[love_conquers_lust]

@SeymourBill420 I’d say pursue in the manner in which you wish to spend time with them in a relationship. You should have a life established and then decide what leisure time to tradeoff. Video games and watching televised sports are perfect things that can be cut out.

Texting throughout the day is too much. Texting once a week is too little. Daily conversations after work is reasonable. That’s what I did last time and what I plan to do next time.

[SeymourBill420]

I have to pursue in the manner that I wish, because I cannot go through life as a Ned flanders. So I cannot be somebody else. Otherwise I'm going to drink more than I do already. And then I'm probably not going to stop when I find a female because that's the reason why I drink. But, I'm definitely not taking their bullshit in order to get in their pussy that's for sure.

I definitely have life way more established than a lot of people do. I mean I'm not going to say that I have the utmost life establishment going on. But, I'm definitely way further advance than a lot of people are. And, I'm all for cutting out the video games, and not watching TV as a whole. But, it's not just with televised Sports that's an issue with tv. I mean it doesn't matter what's on TV if you guys both mutually like it. But, I'd rather rule out all TV in general. Because there's nothing but a propaganda spreading device. And, you got to add cell phone usage to that list too because women like to keep their nose buried in a cell phone when they're in a relationship. And then choosing cell phone time versus relationship time and then their husbands are sitting there neglected well they got their phone in their hand. And, texting? Texting doesn't really belong in a relationship unless it's for teasing each other about what you're going to do to each other later on after one of the other gets home. Or honey I'm stopping off at the store do you need anything simple little bullshit like that. But you should talk in person. Cuz that's what makes a relationship go. Texting and video calling does not.

[Fireguy17]

for me, that would have just the opposite effect.
I would figure that you weren't interested in me and just move on.
I am not a game player, nor do I put up with that, but I don't know if I am in the minority or majority on this subject.

[musclesimp]

When a girl is aloof I certainly get hard more easily. I think I share this with @Billlewis.

[SotiCoto]

Nah. He didn't have a point.