Why don't people look at the beauty within rather than only seeing external beauty?

[MsBell2018]

[TheGuyWhoKnowsStuff]

People don't only see external beauty. However, the basis of a first attraction is visual and we are all wired that way as is the animal kingdom. From a visual take, a person can see the health/wealth of a potential partner.

It is also true, that people can become fixated on a perceived flaw in themselves to explain why they are being rejected or treated differently. This perceived flaw may not be valid in the contexts it is applied within as explanatory of an undesired outcome.

What is generally happening here is mind reading where one is projecting an idea or explanation onto others and disregarding the factors at play. That guy who isn't interested may not be interested for reasons other than external beauty, which you can't know and he may not be fully aware of.

[bradley142]

i think a lot of people start out with looks first before getting to know someone like dang she hot or good looking and then wanna talk to the person not caring how much they can be beautiful on the inside I've seen women thats mind blowing beautiful but ugly as heck on the inside because there are some women that know they look good and think they are way too goodfor others goes the same for men so not talking down to just women

[MsBell2018]

I agree with you. a lot of caring loving wonderful men & women get passed over because they're not seen as good looking.

[bradley142]

you are so right in that case very true :)

[MsBell2018]

Yes, everyone has a standard "look" that attracts them. Personally, I will take an average looking man with a stellar personality that makes me laugh and allows me to be myself around him over a stellar looking man with an average personality.

[MsBell2018]

I can only speak from my own experience. I've been told "you might be cute if you lost some weight." This was when I was in my 20's, around 175lbs/size 16 & 5'7".

[bradley142]

im sorry to hear that

[wiltingrosepetal]

You can only reach in to see a person's mind after seeing their face. First impressions are important. A man could be really awesome but if he's walking around wearing nothing but an elephant mask over his junk, yeah I'm not gonna bother learning who he is internally lmao

[MsBell2018]

Killing me🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Well, I'm goofy enough to strike up conversation 🤣

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I don’t know what’s your personality is like, but you are very pretty.

[MsBell2018]

Aw, thank you very much.

A good woman can straighten another woman's crown & not say a word about it to anyone.

[Finchie40]

Because society has labeled outter beauty more important than inner beauty , if you look a certain way , you are more accepted then someone that isn’t as beautiful on the outside , Social media was designed as a money making platform feeding our minds with useless knowledge to make money , and to make us think outter beauty , is the only way we get accepted in today’s work. Why so many people are judge-mental of each other basically judging a book by it’s cover

[MsBell2018]

Agreed & also why so many people have plastic surgery, body altering surgery, drastic diets, fake hair, body parts & nails, body shapers & spanx, working out like maniacs & commit suicide---all because society tells them how they naturally are isn't good nor acceptable.

[Finchie40]

Exactly , it’s sad people don’t accept themselves for who they are , most oeople feel they need to better themselves to be accepted, I use to think that way when i was younger , thinking that’s the only way a girl would want to be with me , the older I got I realized I was stupid

[Finchie40]

If a girl doesn’t accept me for who I am as a person then she isn’t worth my time

[MsBell2018]

Amen brother
I'm a great "catch" & well rounded (lol) woman. I'm fun, funny, silly, like to do all kinds of things, cook, bake, fish, can work on my own car, do house repairs, work a 40- 50 hour a week job, have my own home, car & motorcycle. I don't need a man in my life, but I desire a life partner. Seems to be too much to ask. Check the profile pix, you tell me. What's wrong with me?

[HawkPerception]

I know it's hard to face the truth of the world, but we are living creatures with biological attractions that do not relate to personality at all. We can't help but be attracted to physical beauty and be deterred by physical disfiguration. That's not to say that we haven't evolved as a species to not take personality and chemistry with one another into consideration, but physical attraction will always be a thing.

Rather than complain about it, the best thing to do is simply be more active with your lifestyle. Workout and eat healthy so you have as good a body as you can in both health and appearance.

[Charly05]

i think we all are just influenced by movies/books. I think it's normal for someone to get attracted to or like someone at the start because of their looks, but they HAVE to understand the inner self too, and then fall in love.
like you can't love someone otherwise and you can't claim to.
when the partner understands and appreciates the inner beauty of the other one, they appear wayyyy more attractive than they ever will be at the first look, and i think that's beautiful

[MsBell2018]

I agree. I've dated a man that looked like he should be on a magazine & one that looked like he should be on an FBI wanted poster. Who do you think treated me better?

[Charly05]

I'm guessing that maybe the latar one, cause that's what we are talking about

[MsBell2018]

Indeed. The buff body builder GQ model with perfect hair & teeth & bronzed body was just too much for me. Vain, shallow & high maintenance. He liked "bigger women with a pretty face" & liked to spend $ on me, but there was nothing between his ears. No conversation of substance. Then when he'd do anything for me, he'd hold it against me "I took you to dinner, so you owe me " who wants that?

[RingOfFire]

Why should people adopt some artificial view of attractiveness when millions of years of nature and evolution programmed them to be attracted to certain physical traits? Who says that non-physical attraction is the ideal? Certainly not nature. What ever happened to celebrating and respecting nature in all its wisdom?

There's a reason we are here today to discuss such things. It's because we were designed for survival. The elements of survival were programmed into our DNA. And nature has gotten pretty good at writing that code after all these years of experience.

Defy mother nature at your own risk.

[patrick994]

Because it is the first thing that stands out: a romantic relationship between two people is also based on intimacy, which is always independent of physical attraction. The reason for this mechanism is biological factors: the human being is programmed to choose the individual with the best characteristics from a genetic point of view, in order to pass on good, healthy genes to offspring."

[MsBell2018]

Correct. I'm built sturdy, good fertile breeder, strong & hard working & have enough "meat on my bones" to keep us warm in the winter. Those are the qualities men used to look for in a "good woman". Used to be a man's wealth was judged by the weight of his wife. If she was thin, he was seen as not doing well because he couldn't afford to keep & feed her.. whereas if she had some weight on her & was "healthy" he was seen as successful
As usual, pleasure conversing with you. Thanks for taking. the time to input.😄

[patrick994]

I just wanted to explain the reasons why we are driven to look more at beauty than at the inner part, I honestly have never demanded a beautiful woman, but a woman I like as a whole, then to be honest, it is women themselves who demand a perfect man, helped by today's society that does nothing but give too much importance to appearance.

[MsBell2018]

Very true! My ex & I were just having this conversation. Example: 26 yesr old woman with 4 kids by different fathers, blown out & run through, driving a beater with a heater, working as a cashier at Walmart ( not knocking honest work)& living paycheck to paycheck. She turning down a good man making a little above minimum wage that is willing to take her as she is & take on her kids because she says she deserves & is entitled to a strong, muscular magazine model man that makes 6 figures. Huh?

[MsBell2018]

You're my hero today. Thank you

[patrick994]

You're welcome, haha, I'm honoured about it haha

[MsBell2018]

DM me any time. It says i can't send you one

[patrick994]

I tried to follow you, but it tells me that I cannot send it to you.

[MsBell2018]

Hmmmmmm

[MsBell2018]

Sorry, no help. Im new here, old & not tech savvy. Lol

[MsBell2018]

I was able to follow you, so maybe that would work? 🤷‍♀️

[patrick994]

i sent you a message.

[MsBell2018]

I replied
Thank you

[IslaTheWitch]

Most people I know focus rather on personality traits than appearance.

But I'm quite sure that there are still people who only look at the ideal body and face. Just try to keep them at a distance.

[MsBell2018]

I'm noticing it depends on age. Seems a lot of younger people (teens to early 30's) seem to go more for looks first & then get to know the person & matured aged people (mid 30's to late 40's) get to know the person & then consider physical attraction. Seems people over 50 go flip flop-some hit a "2nd sexual prime" and some could care less. They seem to just want to have someone to ride the rest of their time out with & enjoy it or ride solo.
I'm also speaking for myself & my own life's experiences. I'm 54 & recently got married again, so I'm looking to share my life to the end. I understand that others may not share my views, but that's why we all have the freedom of opinion.

[Fireguy17]

I think that so much credence has been put on outer beauty over the years that some people tend to forget that you have to actually have to like the person you are with.
I used to see that quite often on this site, rate my looks, aren't I pretty, tell me I'm so pretty...
If I want a trophy, I will take one of my classic cars to a car show and win one.
Like Judge Judy would say beauty fades, dumb is forever.

[MsBell2018]

Here here! We'll said. I am drawn more to intelligence, honor, honesty & integrity than a Herculean physique & Adonis looks.

[Fireguy17]

well I have the physique because of my job, and I was always big, I think all of the milk right out of the cow had something to do with it, when I played football I had 56"" shoulders and a 34" waist weighed in at 210.
I still have the same shoulders and a 34" waist as long as you don't mind the ends of the tape measure not touching each other. Looks wise I always put myself at a solid 6 and I suppose a girl could drink my way up to an 8 at closing time.

[MsBell2018]

Please dm me.

[1ash-Silver]

They are not designed that way.

When she sees the hunkiest hunk she's like 🥵🥵🥵🥰🥰🥰😍😍😍🥹😭😭😭😘😘😘❤️❤️❤️ loml.

The guys they'll be like damn she's fine and bam he pulls out one of them bags with a seal , tags it and bags it 🧐.

[aceleon]

i caqn't talk for girls but for guys

we don't live in spirit realm, woman and man are opposite creatures at almost everything

for most woman it goes like, liking a guy personally and later wanting/having sex with him.

for guys it is opposite, we first want/have sex and come to like you personally later if we will.

and when it comes to sexual attraction looks plays much more role.

[JTPeterson]

You haven’t met someone like me then, I would have have dated women who my family has called them “cows, Medusa, retards etc” and I always stayed with them because at the time they accepted and loved me for me which I can’t even say the same for my high standard family who really has no room to judge others with the way they are so honestly not all men are like that just keep looking and you might find someone like me it’s hard but not impossible

[Lliam]

Both are important to me. I wouldn't date a woman who I didn't find physically attractive according to my own preferences. But I wouldn't continue to date her if I wasn't attracted to her inner beauty.

[magiusX26]

because you need something of outter beauty to want to examine any inner beauty, besides sime one offs, that is one of nature's wats. example being flowers and bees. part of why fliwers exude a prettieness/beauty is to attract bees so that they will spread their pollen to others.

[NathanDavis]

I've never done that

for those who do it... they're either superficial, or... they're not looking for something more serious

[smne35]

Speaking for myself t that's most important aspect of a person I try to notice, knowing their heart which is a reflection of ones beauty, which shines outward,

[ChicoFromThe305]

That normally depends on who you keep around, not everyone does, they do it cause physical attraction is easier to see and it's effortless to witness than beauty in personality.

[TheSpaceGnome]

They do, the problem is some people expect a person to choose 1 or the other, when both are needed.

[MsBell2018]

Agreed, but some can't get past 1 to get to the other. If she's not runway model gorgeous, most men won't look at her let alone take the time to talk to her

[TheSpaceGnome]

"some can't get past 1 to get to the other."

See, thats what I was talking about when I said "you need both"

You need a runway model you relate to mentally on every level with zero amounts of settling.

That is how most guys think. its honestly how I think too, though for me its a busty cosplay model in looks, and a science, sci-fi, fantasy, anime, cosplaying gamer geek mentally, that doesn't smoke or drink alcohol or do any other drugs, has a fast metabolism, a kind heart, a smart mind, and is funny af.

Its all or nothing.

[TheSpaceGnome]

She also has to be a virgin or its a no.

[TheSpaceGnome]

And she has to be an artist as well, and not want any kids.

[MsBell2018]

Here's the thing, you at least know what you like & want & you're not bashing or degrading those that don't tick your boxes

[MsBell2018]

I hope you find all those things & can have happiness. 😀

[TheSpaceGnome]

This is true, making fun of people overtheir looks is a useless endeavour. I'm just pointong out that its just as useless to be critical of sexual attraction. Sexual attraction is genetically engrained, just like looks. People can't change what they are attracted to.

[TheSpaceGnome]

over their* pointing*

[TheSpaceGnome]

I hope i do as well, and hopefully you find what you are looking for.

[MsBell2018]

Thanks

[lightbulb27]

they do, some do.

why don't they... dunno.

[MsBell2018]

Everyone has what attracts them. Talking to someone & connecting on a mental level is way more intimate than on a physical level to me.

[lightbulb27]

agree. connection and compatibility are important.. enjoying being with my wife. physical needs to be at least in some reasonable zone of interest. like... I'm not attracted to toothpicks or obese.

[MsBell2018]

Right
I feel people put way too much emphasis on physical sex in a relationship
Make love to my MIND!
Some people like this. Some like thick
Some like obese. My thing is, if a person doesn't appeal, move on
Don't speak badly about them & tear them down. One man commented about "if a woman doesn't pass his 'bones test' she's not worth it". Another said he can't post pictures of a b@$%# nice personality and make other b@$%# jealous, so what's the point?" This is where we are now?🙄

[mobiusforniner]

The former takes time. The latter is immediate. Humans are like electrons….. take the path of least resistance.

[Heolurt]

Because since always, ugly has been associated with evil, curses, misfortune. No one wants to be ugly or be with ugly, especially those blessed with not being ugly.

[MsBell2018]

How is ugly defined though? What is ugly to you is beautiful to another.
Someone may look at you and say you're ugly to them & another look at you & be completely in love. That's just life.

[Heolurt]

Ugly
1. unpleasant or repulsive, especially in appearance.

The only things in life I view as ugly are certain personalities, life choices people make and myself, I also tend to see beauty everywhere else even where others wouldn't.
As someone who has only been seen as ugly by others, it's not possible for me to even think that there was ever a person who liked me but either stayed quiet or still treated me like trash. Not one person has ever shown me any form of love. No one has ever made me feel like I matter or that I am wanted, people only ever call me ugly or look at me and treat me like I'm some hideous monster and people who have never experienced life the way I have will never truly understand my comment. Those who are blessed with looks wether average or above will never know the meaning of ugly they'll just see it but never know anything about it no matter how much they try an learn about it because it's not their problem so why should they care,

[MsBell2018]

I am so sad & sorry to hear that. Yes, I know how it feels to be ugly & be called ugly. To be used for whatever sexual pleasures a man wanted & placed in a position so he doesn't have to look at me. "If you'd wear a bag over your head, that would be better." was said to me. Because I have such low self worth & self esteem, I accepted this because something was better than nothing. It breaks my heart another person knows that pain

[Heolurt]

No need to feel sad or sorry for me, it's just the way life is and I'm used to it. That of course doesn't meant it doesn't hurt when I am made fun of, but it doesn't matter.

[Anonymous]

Because I've been a fkboy. I hate it when girls that are really cute tilt their head over and look right into my face with a flirty face though. It makes it impossible to run game. on em. U can't when ur 😲😲😲with ur jaw dropped.

[Anonymous]

Because it's much harder to post your partner's inner beauty online and make other b****es jealous.😆 and if you can't make other b****es jealous what's the point of even dating him?😆

[MsBell2018]

If a person is superficial, then I guess thar point serves them.

[MsBell2018]

I'm referring to people who want a loving relationship

[Opinion Owner]

"People who want a loving relationship".😆 aww, that's cute.

[MsBell2018]

I'm sorry you don't maybe when you get older, that may appeal to you. Maybe not.

[Opinion Owner]

No it's not that I don't. I just no Santa isn't really no matter how much you wish for him to be. I'd rather live in the world of reality now.

[MsBell2018]

Well, when you get to reality, let me know.

[Opinion Owner]

Likewise hun.

[MsBell2018]

😀 hope you have a good tomorrow

[Opinion Owner]

You as well.🙂

[MsBell2018]

Thanks. I hope you find the person you're looking for if you don't have her already

[Opinion Owner]

Likewise.

[Anonymous]

that's just a movie / fictional thingy

Everyone, both men and women would evaluate a person's external attractiveness to a certain degree along with the internal

[MsBell2018]

I respectfully disagree. I know it's fact because I've lived it my entire life. I've been told directly that I wasn't "date able' on my looks alone because I'm a plus sized woman, multiple times. "You might be kind of cute if you lost weight" and doesn't even know me. Friends have tried to. set me up on dates & when he sees me he says I'm "not his type" off looks alone. Im not like 600 pounds overweight, but am around 30. I'm a curvy woman on the outside. My heart & personality makes up for what my body lacks.

[Opinion Owner]

I get your point Ms. Bell

[exitseven]

lets face it , even though people say it s not true but looks matter.

[MissBoogus]

I def do.. I like the kind people, I wasn’t even attracted to my boyfriend at first so, that came later

[Babygirl_S]

I look at both when looking for a partner and inner beauty when it comes to my friends.

[FenixG45]

If a woman isn't beautiful within, then she will NEVER be beautiful on the outside! I don't care how pretty she is!

[Anonymous]

I think some people are just too afraid to do that.

[MsBell2018]

Agreed. If they're that superficial, I don't want to know them

[Opinion Owner]

Exactly.

[MsBell2018]

Doesn't negate being looked past tho

[Opinion Owner]

I agree.

[DextroShade]

Men are visual, we don't want fat chicks.

[MsBell2018]

A woman that is seen as "fat" is a woman you could be missing our on. She would probably rock. your world! 🤣

[MsBell2018]

And a lot of nen want a woman they can hold onto. One that vends & won't break.

[DextroShade]

I have never worried about breaking a woman who is at a healthy weight, but I damn sure don't want to be crushed under the stinky jelly rolls of some fat bitch. If she doesn't pass the boner test nothing else about her matters, it's as simple as that!

[MsBell2018]

I understand & respect your opinion. Thank you for taking the time to give your opinion.

[MsBell2018]

What you may consider "healthy weight" others may see as fat. It's all perspective & personal choice. I have a female friend that is the kindest, most generous, loving, caring, selfless person I know. She's got beautiful crystal blue eyes, natural blonde curly waist length hair, gorgeous straight white teeth & an amazing smile & an infectious laugh. She's got 2 masters degrees & is working on a PhD. She's well read, cultured, classy, writes & publishes poetry, sings, plays flute, violin & piano, is a fantastic cook & baker & has traveled all over the world. She own her own home & car, has an 800 credit score & has a nice retirement nest egg. She loves children but cannot have any. She's looked over because of her weight. Not too many people ( not just men, but people in general) take the time to give her a chance. They're missing out on a 1 in a lifetime woman! I'm blessed she considers me her friend.

[DextroShade]

Guess what, men don't care about her degrees, poetry, singing, violin, piano, house, car, or credit score. If she can put all that effort into that stuff she could put it towards losing weight instead. In terms of desirability, a fat barren woman is equivalent to a guy living in a tent on the streets. Sure he might be kind, charming, and funny but he's still a homeless bum.

[MsBell2018]

I understand your point. Thing is, she's not grossly morbidly obese. She's 5'7" and around 220 pounds. She's buxom, smaller waisted & has hips-like a tube of toothpaste squeezed in the middle. Lol however, She's been told she's too fat. I just don't get it because women pay HUGE $$$ to get implants to have a shape like her natural one

[DextroShade]

5'7" and 220 is very obese. I am 6'1" and weigh near 200, so she weighs significantly more than a man, and men don't want women who outweigh them.

[MsBell2018]

I guess it just depends. My husband is your height but has 75 pounds on you-but he lifts weights.

[Anonymous]

People are lazy.

[MsBell2018]

Agreed

[jahaims]

Evolution

[MsBell2018]

Absolutely
Men initially look at women for breeding potential so he can best increase his tribe.

[dudeinohio]

I always do

[MsBell2018]

You're a rare one for sure
Thank you

[dudeinohio]

You are very welcome!

[boobliker]

too hard