According to u , what are the red flags to look out for before u start dating a guy/girl?

[Anonymous]

[Somoneelse]

1, Using drugs or smoke (also vapes)

2, Tattoo's & piercings

3, Rude/bad bahaviour against others/strangers

4, Lack of communication

5, Non-Exclusivity

6, No loyalty

7, Bad mindset

8, Lack of effort

9, Cheating (history as well)

10, Bad friends (this almost always shows a bad side of the person itself)

11, politics behaviour (I truly hate it when people are so excessive when it comes to politics or beliefs)

12, The way they talk about their friends or familly behind their back.

13, different sleep schedule (this was a thing with my ex, she slept during the day and was awake from 6PM till 5AM)

14, Social media addiction or basing the perfect life on tiktoks

15, no job or school

16. "moving on" after some days from breakup with another guy.

My ex was like this with 1, 4, 7, 10, 12, 13, 14 and 15. Smoked a lot, used drugs such as weed and (party-) pills, had no job and never finished school (she actually now goes back to school after we broke up), had bad friends who drank a lot and were stoned almost daily, communication was terrible and sometimes she let things bottle up till I got random message about it in the night (which even was one of the reasons we broke up), had a complete different sleepschedule than me so communication was always for only some hours before I slept and was always talking negatively about her parents and herself.

We broke up because she watched loads of romance/love tiktoks showing the “perfect life” and couldn't accept the fact that I was studying and worked in the weekends to earn money. Then that bottled up in her mind a lot, so yeah I couldn’t be the perfect boyfriend from those romance tiktoks and she broke up by a WhatsApp message because of that.

But yeah it feels more like a dick move to me to become so obsessed with romance-tiktoks that you want to break up with your boyfriend because he couldn't just throw away his study + work to be the "perfect" boyfriend like from those videos.

That's why social media and tiktoks are a massive red flag to me. including drugs/smoking and bad mindset.

I actually had this recently with a nice girl, but had to stop it because she was also tiktok obsessed. I'll never make that mistake twice by ignoring that red flag.

[Asker]

That's so true. Can't agree more.
Sorry to hear that , what happened with u. But ykw u deserve better , u deserve someone who actually care about u , supports u , trusts u and love u instead of comparing u with online person. Fr , your ex sounds crazy , sorry if u don't like that. Coz there is a difference between real life and reel life. Things are not always what they seem online. Not all information is real and good. Social media is designed to make u think that everything should be perfect but no there's no need to it. Everything is not perfect thats what makes reality unique. Wise people never sacrifice their real loving relationship for virtual ones. coz they know a healthy relationship requires each other presence , efforts and time, not like, commentts bullshit.
In real life there's no perfect relationship. it's how u accept the imperfections of your partner thats makes it perfect.
Hope u got it, what I want to say😊. I hope u find your right person soon , who loves u for who u are and believe in you , when everything falls apart , who cares about u and who supports u truly.💕

by the way thanks for the idea😊

[Altheavas]

So you asked, and here’s a list!



1. Controlling Behavior: Excessive control or attempts to dominate.



2. Lack of Respect: Disregarding your boundaries or showing disrespect.


3. Poor Communication: Difficulty expressing emotions or avoiding open communication.


4. Excessive Jealousy: Unwarranted jealousy or possessiveness.


5. Anger Issues: Frequent anger outbursts or aggressive behavior.


6. Manipulative Behavior: Attempts to manipulate or deceive.


7. Lack of Empathy: Inability to understand or share your feelings.


8. Consistent Dishonesty: Repeated lying or deceitful behavior.


9. Isolation Attempts: Trying to isolate you from friends and family.


10. Unwillingness to Compromise: Difficulty finding common ground or compromising.



11. Inconsistent Behavior: Frequent mood swings or unpredictable actions.



12. Disregard for Your Feelings: Ignoring or dismissing your emotions and needs.


13. Financial Control: Attempting to control or manipulate financial aspects of your life.


14. Substance Abuse: Persistent issues with substance use or dependency.


15. Overly Critical: Constantly criticizing or belittling you.


16. History of Violence: Past incidents of violence or aggressive behavior.


17. Avoidance of Accountability: Unwillingness to take responsibility for their actions.


18. Extreme Possessiveness: Overly protective or possessive behavior.


19. Isolation from Support Systems: Discouraging or preventing connections with friends and family.


20. Pattern of Disrespectful Language: Consistently using disrespectful or offensive language.



21. Gaslighting: Manipulative tactics to make you doubt your own perceptions or reality.



22. Excessive Need for Control: Strong desire to control various aspects of your life.


23. Unwarranted Criticism of Appearance: Constantly commenting negatively on your looks.


24. Unreliable or Unpredictable Behavior: Difficulty in keeping commitments or inconsistent actions.


25. Dismissive of Your Goals: Lack of support or encouragement for your aspirations.


26. Defensiveness: Reacting defensively to constructive feedback or criticism.


27. Extreme Mood Swings: Rapid and intense shifts in mood without apparent cause.


28. Pressure for Intimacy: Pushing for physical or emotional intimacy before you're comfortable.


29. Boundary Violations: Disregarding your boundaries, whether emotional or physical.


30. Refusal to Seek Help: Denial or avoidance of addressing personal issues through professional help.



31. Secretive Behavior: Keeping significant aspects of their life hidden or being excessively secretive.



32. Lack of Personal Responsibility: Blaming others or external factors for their problems consistently.


33. Pattern of Broken Promises: Regularly failing to follow through on commitments or promises.


34. Lack of Empathy Towards Others: Demonstrating a lack of concern or understanding for others' feelings.


35. Rigid Gender Roles: Insisting on traditional gender roles without flexibility or compromise.


36. Overemphasis on Independence: Resisting collaboration or shared decision-making in the relationship.


37. Constant Need for Validation: Seeking excessive validation or approval from others.


38. Unhealthy Relationship History: Previous patterns of problematic or abusive behavior in past relationships.


39. Unrealistic Expectations: Having unrealistic expectations for the relationship or partner.


40. Negative Influence from Peer Groups: Associations with individuals who exhibit concerning behavior.



41. **Refusal to Communicate:** Avoidance or unwillingness to discuss important issues in the relationship.



42. Pattern of Gaslighting: Consistently manipulating facts or events to distort reality.


43. Unresolved Anger Issues: Difficulty managing and resolving anger in a healthy way.


44. Unilateral Decision-Making: Making significant decisions without considering your input or feelings.


45. Social Isolation: Encouraging or participating in behaviors that lead to social isolation.


46. Excessive Criticism of Others: Consistently expressing negative opinions or criticisms about others.


47. Compulsive or Addictive Behaviors: Struggling with compulsive behaviors or addictions.


48. Extreme Possessiveness: Insisting on complete control over your time, activities, or relationships.


49. Emotional Manipulation: Using emotional manipulation to control or influence your decisions.


50. Refusal to Seek Help:Resisting professional assistance or counseling when facing relationship challenges.



51. Lack of Accountability:Consistently avoiding responsibility for mistakes or negative behaviors.


52. Excessive Flattery or Charm: Using excessive charm or flattery to manipulate or gain favor.


53. Unexplained Mood Changes: Frequent and unexplained shifts in mood without apparent cause.


54. Isolating Communication: Restricting your communication with others or controlling who you talk to.


55. Refusal to Apologize: Consistently avoiding apologies even when actions may have been hurtful.


56. Unhealthy Competition: Constantly trying to one-up or compete with you instead of supporting each other.


57. Disregard for Consent: Ignoring or dismissing boundaries related to physical or emotional intimacy.


58. Pattern of Demeaning Jokes: Consistently making jokes or comments that belittle or demean.


59. Withholding Affection as Punishment: Using affection as a tool for control or punishment.


60. Extreme Dependence: Displaying an unhealthy level of dependence on the relationship for personal well-being.

[Crimsyjo]

Heyyy. I'm still learning this stuff myself. And you say before dating so when you are in the chatting online stage right? I'd say look out for a guy that tries turning the convo sexual or says "your sexy/hot" (player). A guy that doesn't ask many questions about you. If you ask and he answers all time. A guy that makes excuses not to meet up/snap/video whatever. A guy that is pretty vague in his answers. (Easier for him if he is chatting multiple girls or lies). Also fed flags in their pictures. Being with arm around a woman. Lots of group pics. Pics with mates larking about. No pics of themselves.

As an added piece of advice. Don't over invest in a guy until you have met up at least like 3 times! Don't chat and chat loads for weeks. Meet for a coffee or somewhere public. Keep online chat to what you both like to do, hobbies, ideas for dates. Save deep convos for in person. Don't go in saying "I want a long term relationship ". Better to say you "hope" for a relationship and want to date until you find the right man. Let's him know he's gotta put in some work if he likes and wants u!

[spartan55]

That depends on what your morals and values are, and how important each of those principles are to you. Example: I prefer someone who has dating experience, whereas someone would prefer someone who hasn't ever dated. The term red 🚩flag (s) is honestly lost its impact due to being overused, misused. To me there is a big difference between preferences and red 🚩flags (dealbreakers).

[Asker]

Yeah lmao nowadays every normal and decent behaviour is considered to be red flag

[spartan55]

So many terms get misused and overused that you become numb to them after a while. Some others:
-narcissist
-gaslighting
-on the spectrum
-I have anxiety
-on and on and on

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

1. Mind Games

2. Manipulation

3. Too controlling

4. Inability or unwillingness to communicate adequately

5. No effort

6. Dishonesty

7. Disregarding your feelings

[BCA6010]

The absolute worst personality trait a woman can have in a victim mentality, and it frankly doesn't matter if she legitimately feels that way or it's an act for attention. This, and a related entitlement mindset are huge red flags.

[Asker]

True for both genders tbh. Can't agree more👀👀✨

[NathanDavis]

selfishness...

being a selfish person is the rooth of a few things that are not nice at all...

[Asker]

Truee , but it's difficult to find out who is selfish and who is selfish not.
But ig everyone is selfish in some way? don't u think so?

[Asker]

I never dated someone, I don't know how to identify selfish person? like initially everyone act good but then later they show u their true colours? I observed this things many times

[NathanDavis]

well, yes a lot of this has to do with experience...

but also, when you give yourself and others some time, to get to know one another a bit better you can usually find out about these things...

I usually interact enough time before I start going out with someone, by the time I am going out with someone I already have a very good idea of how they are or they could be...

[RavVid]

Evidence that she doesn't have my must be's. She is not a happy girl, she is not cooperative, she doesn't seem family oriented plus others.

[Asker]

That's nice

[DryGermanGuy]

Negativity. There is a girl on this platform that has not one single good thing to say about other people, men and women alike.
Narcissism. Me me me me me… look at my pictures, look what great things I did, look at my sports winners medals…
Habitual lying. Oh, no, I could not call you because my phone exploded and I was not at work because an elephant fell on my car.

[billmunch]

I once dated a girl who had no friends. Quickly understood why.

[Asker]

Whyyy? I'm curious lol

[ArrowheadSW]

One thing for me that is a red flag, is how she treats people in public. I don't like it when they talk down to wait staff in restaurants, or cashiers in stores.

[Zestyassmf1997]

Spends a lot of time on social media. Has generic hobbies like, “music, TV, etc.” Insecure.

[Asker]

I agree with first statement. Absolutely true. But what's wrong with your second statement lmaoo some people are obsessed with movies , series and music then what's red flag in this. Is it not just a normal behaviour 😭✨lmfaoooo. Anyways hobbies can of any type isn't? lol

[Asker]

*hobbies can be of

[Zestyassmf1997]

Cause everyone watches TV and listens to music. It’s like me saying that breathing is a hobby for me.

[Asker]

Lol ic bro🤣

[laly520]

there r a lot
such as liars, cheaters
always tending to hide things
secret links here n there

[nawtee_me]

You can’t see the good in a person if all you are looking for is the bad…. People looking for red flags are a red flag….

[Asker]

Thanks grandpa but redflags are impo, u don't know whether a person is a cheater or what. I want a long term relationship not short term

[nawtee_me]

I want a long term relationship too but if all I am looking at is the things that will make it a short term then I only see what I don’t want.

[nawtee_me]

But then again, I trust everyone until I have a reason not to. That is the difference in our generations

[LiamJHayden]

Main thing is how she treats others.

[Asker]

True in both cases